ANSWERS: 97
  • Because they want their cake and eat it too. Infidelity is a fact of life these days, as people want more and will not settle for what they have.
  • That question is 100's of years old -- They feel like their not getting what they need at home -- Thier lonely -- They do it in hopes to get by with it (sneaky) and on and on
  • There are many different reasons people cheat. 1. They are not getting what they want out of a relationship, and try to find greener pastures while still having the safety net of a significant other. That way, they don't feel like they are going to lose anything. 2. Some people love the thrill of sneaking around behind someone's back and doing something without their knowledge. Some people try hard to get caught, and others try to make it last as long as possible. 3. They feel like their siginificant other does something wrong to them and then cheat to get revenge on the other person. 4. They no longer love the person their with but don't want to seem like a jerk for ending it so they give a legit excuse for the other person to break it off. 5. Some people like to have multiple love interests at once, it is sort of their kink. There are probably so many other reasons for people doing that. Doesn't mean it is right, but people do what they want to do.
  • Many reasons people cheat, bottom line they are very weak, and so are there partners if they keep them after finding out.
  • I recently cheated on my boyfriend. We live a little over an hour apart. I was and still am crazy about him. I am 23 years old and I started getting scared about how strong my feelings for him had become. I was thinking that I was too young to be having those thoughts and feelings. My parents seperated when I was 15 and divorced finally when I was in college. It has made me very wary of marriage. I guess it's just some of my baggage. I couldn't tell him how scared I was. I knew that if I told him I needed some time away from him it would never work. I would want to be with him too badly. I wasn't quite convinced that was what I really wanted anyway. I met another guy that I was extremely attracted to while I was mulling these thoughts over in my head. After 3 months of innocent flirting it suddenly became not so innocent. After the first time the other guy and I did anything together I wasn't going to tell my boyfriend. I knew I valued my relationship with my boyfriend so much and didn't want to hurt him. I thought it was a one time thing and I could pretend it never happend and go on with our wonderful relationship. I thought it was a burden that I would have to bare as punishment for my unfaithful act. I could spare him pain by taking it on myself. But I found that I was having the hardest time not telling him. It killed me. I couldn't look at him. I tell him everything, he is my best friend and I had no one to talk to about the situation. A few weeks later i cracked under the pressure I had put on myself.I couldn't sleep at night and I could feel the depression creeping up on me. I knew it wouldn't be long before it started affecting our relationship. I hated myself. I think because of my low self esteem at that point I was looking for something to either make me feel better, or make me forget about it. I cheated on him again with the same guy. I told my boyfriend the very next day and he broke up with me. I thought that by telling him everything and showing him how sorry I am we might be able to salvage the relationship. So, to answer the question more succinctly, for me it was immaturity, weakness, denial and a lack of self esteem. I was too immature to tell him that I was not ready to be in such a serious relationship at this point in my life. I was too weak to suggest that we spend some time apart so I could come to grips with my feelings for him. I was also in denial that this was what I needed. The second, more serious act of adultery was because of my low self esteem after the first transgression. This has been the most painful experience of my life. And I know it probably is for him too. All I can hope is that we both learn from it, that I will mature and be able to confront my feelings in the future, and that he may one day forgive me and we can each get our best friend back.
  • I have a similar problem, early in my relationship maybe like 3 months after i met the man of my dreams (my current boyfriend) i cheated with my best friend. since i was around 8 we have been friends and i always wanted him to be my BF but he had his relationships and i had mine the friend ship continued but the love grew on us. now that i realized that i we are not meant for each other and i have a serious relationship with intenstions of marrying this man. he wants a relationship with me, but i would never ever dream of cheating again, for the simple reason that i love this man and i could never hurt him, even though i know i was wrong in the begining i think to my self that it was too early in the relationship and i really didnt know or think that we would work out, now, i dont feel guilty, but when we fight or argue i feel as if i should call my best friend and talk to him and i know eventually it will lead to sex; so for that reason i dont even go around him anymore. and this is only with this guy, it has never been with any other person. no other guy interestes me but this one....mannnn...he does.
  • its called having you cake and eating it too
  • Maybe they get a thrill out of it because they think they will not get caught.
  • Because they never grew up..have no confidence and therefore always need to be reassured that they are desirable...it's the mark of stunted growth emotionally, spiritually and intellectually..an honorable person who likes him/herself would never do such a thing.
  • I think it is because they want some novelty, something new and exciting. The fact that the person they are cheating with hasn't seen them with their hair in rollers or their face unshaved makes them more desirable than a long term partner. They don't leave because they know they have a decent partner at home that they really don't deserve.
  • Because people who cheat are immature and incapable of being realistic and honest with themselves and other people. Cheaters don't realize how much it hurts the other person to be cheated on, lied to, and basically told with actions that they aren't worth the effort to just be honest for 5 seconds. They don't leave because people are arrogant and narcisistic. They think that the would owes them everything and f*ck everyone else. They want the rush, and it doesn't matter if it hurts the other party or not, the just want what they want.
  • they are people who take no responsibility for their actions and give no thought to consequences.
  • they are immature losers who think the more power they have the better person they are but really they are just complicating peoples lives and ruining things for themselves.
  • its always better to have your cake and eat it too...not endorsin it, just sayin
  • Because people are STUPID!! The never know what they want, and grasp at anything that they think will make them happy, regardless of the consequences. If they get away with it once, they repeat until it BLOWS UP in their face...
  • That's wouldn't be much fun, they couldn't torment their partner with infidelity.
  • because they're spineless. ironically, as often as not they use the excuse "because I didn't want to hurt you". :|
  • Because most people who cheat(specifically men) are selfish, and they would rather have their cake and eat it too instead of ending one relationship before starting another. Usually these types are very selfish and don't care about hurting either the wife or the gf, who they don't have much respect for.
  • Because the want to meet the basic qualifications to be on the Jerry Springer show.
  • I can only answer for myself. I cheated once in college. I was immature. I was always looking for the BBD. And I also didn't have the heart to totally break it off with a guy. Bad mistake... bad situation. Sorry.
  • I saw a guy who has a girlfriend for 13 years try to get into the good graces of some gal who he thought was attractive. Perhaps his girlfriend is not a challenge to him and he just likes to work on his seduction skills. The gal was a bit taken back when he confessed that he had a girlfriend. Some guys are not happy unless they are lusted and desired by multiple women.
  • well cheating is like drugs once you cheat you will be the biggest cheater on earth only if you try to stop
  • Most people have no idea what it is like to finally have met the one that you want to be with but only to know they are not in a position to leave and neither are you so you pine pine pine. That is a LONELY place to be.
  • There are as many reasons for cheating as there are people who cheat. A pat answer like "they are selfish" may sound good, but isn't very realistic. Often times when couples have been thru hard times, perhaps decades of them, they just can't take reality anymore. Cheating is often some form of escape and a way to see oneself in a better light, as more of the person they would like to be. We are actually animals first and it's only the social constructs that we have sit up for ourselves that keep us monogamous. When those constructs break down for any certain couple, when their support fails them, they will often turn to someone else to fill the void. i'm sorry, but i have worked with couples for years and decent, loving people cheat. In a dating situation, breaking up is nothing but when you have children, property, homes and family to consider, when you aren't sure that what you have found is the "real thing" it's hard to throw it all away and start over. It's hurtful and confusing to all parties involved, but rarely is it purely evil and selfish. It truly depends upon the individual situation and the same answer won't cover every case.
  • i see that those getting the most points are those who pretty much bash the cheater. It's pretty popular to say "once a cheater...bla bla bla" and other such over generalized comments about relationships we are not a part of. They are easy to hate, i agree, but they are rarely the monsters and philanderers that are described. Relationships cannot be reduced to one small do or die comment or answer. When a couple has been married for 30 years, experienced the death of a child, the illness of a spouse, lost and won and fought and made up, things happen... they change. We often find that we have outgrown the person we married and an affiar is born, intentional or not. No one ever looks at the offended partner. No one ever asks if THEY had any hand in being cheated on, but what if i told you of a wife who begged her husband to go to counseling, to touch her, to have a conversation and if this same woman even told him she was vulnerable to other men and he did nothing... would you feel the same? Relationships are made by TWO and TWO are what it takes for them to break down. Rarely does a happy person just "up and cheat"... something leads up to it, something happens WAAAAY before they take that first step out the back door of their marriage. There is no simple answer to such a complicated issue. i have worked with couples for years and all i can say is that you must spend some time INSIDE another's relationship to understand it and that is something no one can do. Good, decent, loving people cheat. i'm sorry, but it happens and just leaving isn't always an option. Some marriages are healed, some aren't. Some are able to stop and to repair the damage and some aren't. Some cheat again and again but MANY DON'T. And there are all kinds of reasons to cheat, reasons not to tell, reasons they can't stop and i'm afraid they are all just people... good, bad, in between, but none of it is as simple as this question. It's a pretty complicated issue.
  • becuase maybe they still love them ya know if it is a consistant thing but if it was like a one time deal then well i dunno i recently got drunk (grad) and i did something wit another guy my boyfriend forgave but he doesnt trust now if someone is doing it constantly well its never ok i hope you can understand my answer
  • because they are cowards.
  • Easier to cheat I guess.
  • Because leaving isn't easy. It's easier to ignore a problem and pretend it doesn't exist than to address it and either fix it or go through the extra emotions of a breakup. It comes down to convenience. It is far more convenient to ignore your partner and the problems and find a new person to replace the emotions with while not 'hurting' the relationship with a breakup. There are many things that hold people together... vows, commitment, children, income, home, friends, abuse, etc. Some feel that they must remain in such situations and that leaving is not an option. So their solution to making the situation bearable is to have an escape. An affair, a place to get what they feel is missing in a relationship that has lost it's spark, or may never have had one. Either way, an affair is a deception. A ruse to trick yourself into thinking that you are being fulfilled by maintaining both relationships. A deception because the cheater thinks they are justified. A deception because the partner thinks things are ok or same as they ever were. Some people stay with their partner and cheat out of convenience, they do want both the stability of a long term relationship and the excitement of a new 'love'. But cheating is giving up. It's deciding that the existing relationship is not worth salvaging, not worth repairing so they start over, but not leave and existing one until the new one is established. Who moves out before they have a place to move into? Very few. A cheater is ready to move out of a relationship so has essentially already given up, and is simply biding his/her time to end it either when its convenient or when they get caught.
  • people cheat especially men because it is written in our dna, we are all animals and so our purpose in life is to reproduce, the best way to reproduce is to spread your seed among many different females this way there is more of a chance of more offspring surviving. non of this is neccisary in todays world, nowadays we have marriages, monogamy and a high survival rate of offspring and rarely are cheaters trying to spread their seed but it is still another basic animal instinct that we have, left ovr from a time when it was neccisary for survival of the human race. we werent made to be monogamous.
  • Familiar pain is less frightening than uncomfortable unknown.
  • Selfishness and weak moral cores.
  • And it may seem "unloving" of the other partner, but sometimes it is "loving" for oneself, and sometimes it is the only way they will experience love at all. Sometimes we all have to be selfish for ourselves as certainly no one else will be. It is also selfish, harmful and unloving to withhold affection from a spouse, but it IS a choice for that partner too and the result is sometimes infidelity.
  • Maybe it has to do with the thrill. Im just throwing that out there.
  • Because it would make sense. Besides, they want the "best" of both worlds.
  • same reason so many of them kill their spouses instead of divorcing them--sick stupidity and a sense of invincibility..will happen again and again and again
  • They wanna have their cake and eat it too.
  • i believe it is because of denial and not wanting to admit there are allot of reasons like money family being a big one and children women and men in a relation ship feel it is safer to keep the other relationship a secret as they believe it is a better way than admitting to it
  • Insecurity and selfishness.
  • I know many men who will give a very simple answer; They don't want to be raped in a divorce, which they know they will. When you have the chance to lose your house, kids, pets, car, and half your wages, you tend to not take that route ;). I'm not advocating cheating, but you asked.
  • Well, in my case, I felt it was because to her I was less than significant. Regardless of the fact she is and was my whole world. If only I could show the world how much she assured me she felt the same about ME, I might feel a bit less stark raving MAD. But now I have NO choice but to let go... EDIT: Frankly I liked the way the GODDAMN Question was phrased originally, so why in the HELL did it need to be F**KED with?
  • the age old question has been asked... the answer is no 1 can say honestly why and no 1 really knows..
  • Because it is so, so hard to always be happy in a relationship.....It takes a lot of work and effort and the unquestion commitment at any time. that's the key. And it's also, very, very tough thing to do. Running away from a break up and admitting is a sign of weakness in many forms.
  • 1)Fear- afraid of telling s/o that they want to move on. 2)Greediness- want to have more than woman at a time. 3)Adventure- they like the thrill of being with more than one one. 4)confusion- some men find them selves liking other people or have sex with other people and actually believe that they love their s/o and wont break up with them cause to them it is just sex.
  • That's a good question. First it's the cheaters that make news. Also there's a variety of characters & motives out there. 1) Just because they want to cheat doesn't mean they want to break up 2) Path of least resistance 3) Most cheating is temporary 4) financial loss 5) cheating because of discontment or anger 6) rotten character
  • Because it may not work out with the person they cheat with - and it is the path of least resistance
  • Seems like you can get some good answers here. http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/170619
  • I have never cheated on anyone, but I think I have a pretty good understanding of how/why it happens. I have been cheated on in nearly every relationship I have been in. The thing to be aware of is that, yes, people make mistakes, and it's usually not a black and white issue. I'm pretty sure most people don't start out with a plan of "how can I cheat on my wife", it's more often just an initial attraction that leads to more and more risks. Eventually, the cheater sees how he/she can satisfy their lust and (hopefully) get away with it. Understand that I'm not defending the actions of a cheater, just trying to address it on a human level rather than demonizing the cheaters. Cheating situations are never the same, really. Sometimes it ends up with the ultimate happiness of the cheater if they leave their s/o for someone else. Other times it's a drunken mistake that will never be repeated. Usually it's somewhere in between. If you've been cheated on, find out if it's an isolated incident or an affair. This is probably the best place to start when deciding if you can ever trust the person again. That part is entirely up to you and how well you know the cheater. Good luck, and if this is about you, I'm very sorry you have to go through it.
  • I cheated because...I thought the one I cheated with was the one...he is my son's father nowadays, I did pay for what I did...Karma is a Biatch!!
  • Some want their cake, and eat it to until they get busted then its a different story.
  • sometimes the person loves the person they are with but they get scarred and confused. they are unwantingly attracted to someone else and sometimes it is an accident that they gravely regret. of course this is just my guess because i have never cheated. but i have experienced the strong feeling i described above.
  • My Girlfriend is Cheating on me. She said she kissed a guy, but was not intentional, but I know she is still seeing the guy. She says she isn't and she says she Loves me sooo much and is sooo sorry; she does not want to lose me because, she Loves me. To me I do not know why people cheat, she said I am distant, but I show here a lot of attention. She says she does not want to leave me because she Loves me.
  • I personally think that they still like their partner, but they are too afraid to leave them... they have stability with that person, and they will lose that.
  • i think they do it because they want a sense of security they get from their partners, that they can't get from the other person. they may not take the other person seriously. perhaps they are looking for some excitment that they feel their partner is lacking but they are used to them and so they don't leave.
  • Their is a Power feeling associated with cheating .and the Naughty factor plays a big part. It helps if you have no moral fiber.
  • People don't like change. But they get bored now the whoel issues of leaving them is a long long process. So they think that cheating is s new option. They can sneak around feel powerfull, they now rule to relationships. It is soo sad, my dad cheated on my mom, my mom was a wreck she dies in a car crash that year. It ruins people lifes,the other person the person who cheats has no idea what it does and if they have any idea it is no where close to what it actually feels like!
  • Because they are cowards. They want to have their cake and eat it too.
  • complicated question. sometimes they really can't decide what to do about the mess they got themselves into. it's cowardly, but each case is individual. -i see it as my dad had the balls to leave at least instead of stick around and make my mother's life miserable but -i also see it as my uncle stayed around and had the balls to fix what he screwed up but that's because years later both situations turned out for the better
  • Because people don't WANT to cheat necessarily, they just want to have sex with whoever they want and still have a central partner in their lives. It's pretty much that simple. They don't want to end the relationship for whatever reason but they don't want to be limited to just them sexually. They cheat because they don't see having sex with someone else, which will only last for a matter of hours, as reason enough to dissolve a relationship that has become convenient for them. Having sex with someone else doesn't drastically change the lives they have become accustomed to, ending a relationship does. Not saying it's not selfish, just explaining the mentality.
  • Because they are devious and they're cowards. They want their cake and eat it too. They have no respect for their partner. One thing I really do despise in life are cheaters. I can't stand them. I couldn't stand them when I was too young for relationships, and I DEFINITELY can't stand them after being cheated on a few times. I would never cheat, and really feel like cheating is one of the sleaziest things a person can do, EVER.
  • Cheaters are selfish inconsiderate asses that only think about themselves and their own selfish needs. They do not stop to think how their actions will affect the person they are supposed to love and care for when they are caught. Most of the time cheaters just want the best of both worlds. They want the good dutiful mate at home who will love them and be there for them through thick and thin while at the same time desiring someone else to fulfil the sexual needs they have and nothing more.
  • some people feel bad about leaving there wife that has 6 children living in the house. She doesn't have a steady job and your paying all the bills. so if you leave, their out in the streets. all you need is sex and she doesn't give you any at all and if she does there's no intimacy. Us men need sex on a regular basis, when ever they need it you got to give it and the way they want it. Women you just don't get it. If would wear your man out in bed he would have no reason to shop around.
  • People cheat on thier partner because gcnfg4eva's answer.
  • i believe you are thinking of this in the wrong way.. they are not doing it to get at you or hurt you in most cases they just see or need something from someone they are not getting at home.. i realize that if you are on the wrong end of this it can hurt alot, but if you love her try to find out what she needs and work on that, if you can't call it quits and make yourself happy....
  • i will try to explain this to you in the most clear and basic way.. from the standpoint of a woman... man... he is distant, angry, aggravated, miserable because of shit that happened in his chlldhood and now more shit that is going on in his life.. he hates his job, he feels trapped... he is so absorbed in his own unhappiness that he doesn't have the same emotional and intellectual intercourse with his partner...customarily he will throw himself into his job, start drinking too much to drown his sorrows.. do some drugs or indulge in a favorite hobby. somehow, she stumbles upon a man who listens to her, shows her affection, tells her she is fascinating, pretty, how this guy of hers is so lucky to have her... and they begin to open up to each other and get very connected emotionally and share all sorts of deep things with each other. eventually, this guy will want to get a little "touchy, feely" with this woman, starts out quite innocent at first and then before you know it, he starts telling her about all the sexual things he would like to do to her.... the emphasis is always on "her"... depending on the moral convictions of this woman she will either start to freak out over this or she will just give in to this guy because she feels deep down that either she owes this to him or that perhaps they are falling in lowe with each other. if you ever hear that Uncle Cracker song.. "Follow Me".. it kind of is the short version of what I just wrote.
  • I can say from personal experiance that I was bored With my boyfriend he was perfect on paper good job, treated me amazing and made me feel safe but there was no spark no passion With this other guy it was all passion but I stayed with my boyfriend because I frlt safe and he was so good to me and I knew breaking up with him would hurt him
  • Because.. you still love them and you still want to be with them but you get caught up in the moment with someone else.. and (especially when you were used to dating around before dating the person your seripous w/ now) you find it easier to be with the person your having an affaire with than to be with the person you love. course theres also alsways the feeling of fear some people get when they feel like they are trapped in a monogomous relationship
  • Cause they all a bunch of hoes who cant stick with 1 dick.They think they can always find better and maybe in ways you can but no one is perfect. If you card about someone and loved them then you should not do such a thing.I dont care if you had someone lined up during a break up or not .Its still cheating and my x did that shit to me.Its mostly fear of being alone and if it doesnt work out then you are last resort till it happens again.Fuck it..I am staying single for along time cause of bad experiences liek that,
  • As I've said before: Because they have no honor. Male or female, it's the same answer.
  • Because they have no honor. They have freely given their word to place no other person above their own spouse and to stand by them no matter what may happen until one or the other of them dies. If a person will not stand by their own word, then they have no honor and their word is worthless. See my profile for more on this subject, if you want: http://www.answerbag.com/profile/?id=391040
  • Usually it's because of the woman's low self esteem. If they stray once, they're always strayers. To save you long term grief, get rid of her. Don't tell me YOU LOVE HER. If that's the case she has you by the balls, she will never let go - you are her meal ticket! Piss her off PRONTO sport.
  • Comfort level. I'm unhappy but not enough to leave, so I'll just get the sex elsewhere. At least that's what I think, seeing as how I've never cheated.
  • To see if they could find better without losing the one they do have.
  • I know its wrong, but the only reason i do it is because i can't bear to see her cry when i break up with her... So i have multiple to switch back and forth with. When I'm bored with one, i go to the other.
  • Cheating has nothing to do with your spouse in most cases...it has everything to do with what is lacking inside youself. It's often about feeling inadequate unless you are getting 'outside' signals that you are OK, sexy, attractive, fascinating, interesting etc. which makes you vulnerable to flattery..... Sometimes it is about you not having a strong sense of personal integrity, good value system basic honesty. Sometimes it is like 'notches in your gun'....what image you want to project to your inner circle (excluding your spouse) Sometimes it is due to a sexual addiction. In my experience, there is absolutely no dissatisfaction with a spouse a home, therefore no motivation to leave.
  • When someone is married for many years with kids and a house together etc., You can't just "leave". Only if you are not married is it easy to leave, and even then there is complications, for instance if a couple lives together and one loses a job so 1 person is paying the bills, you cant just leave 1 person hanging can you? Every situation is different.
  • People get diff things from lovers than they get from spouses. Fills a diff desire.
  • The reasons can vary significantly from person to person. For instance, a person may be unhappy in their marriage (or relationship) but they still care deeply for the other person. That person may be the parent of their child(ren). But, they could also be verbally abusive or simply neglectful or unappreciative. When someone comes along and gives the first person positive attention, they latch on to that because it has been lacking. Sometimes a person may be concerned about what a spouse may do if they leave, i.e. commit suicide, become violent, use and manipulate children for revenge, clean them out financially. In my own case, I had no idea how profoundly unhappy I was until I crossed that line. I had been in love with a co-worker for more than a year and suppressing it. The dam broke when I thought I wasn't going to see him again. We had a very brief affair and then he moved away. It really made me think about why I had done something that went directly against my own morals. The more I analyzed, the more I realized that my marriage was very unhealthy for everyone, including my kids. It's a pretty bad sign when you regularly fantasize about how great life would be if your spouse died or you secretly wish you would catch him cheating so you would have a reason to leave that would make you blameless. Not long after, I asked for a divorce. I did it because it needed to be done as the relationship could not be salvaged. I was completely honest about it. After the split, I found out that he had been having a relationship with a mutual "friend". In the end, leaving was the best thing for everyone, but it took me doing something very wrong for me to realize that was what needed to happen. There are, of course, other reasons that people have mentioned. Sexual addiction, refusal to commit, self-exteen issues that have nothing to do with their spouse/partner. It really is a case by case sort of thing.
  • I asked my boyfriend this question over and over every time I caught him cheating and took him back. I even told him that we can have an open relationship and I would be ok with it as long as we were on the same page. He always swore that he would not do it again and he did not want an open relationship. After 5 years the last straw was when I caught him leaving his apt. with another woman on Thanksgiving morning at 7am. I am a kind and gentle person and I don’t even hit my children but when I saw him with her (I never physically caught him before) I completely “blacked out” and started beating his ass. As I was doing this the other woman looked at me and said, “This is between you and him!” and she ran for her life while her boy toy was getting his ass whooped! I could not believe that I allowed this man to make me act out of character. Needless to say, that was THE END. Now to get to your answer…….On 1hand, I believe that there are people that feel like you are a great “wifey” or “hubby” and do not want anyone else to experience what a great person you are. On the second hand, they don’t REALLY want to be with you so they see other people…… Its one of those, “I don’t really want you but I don’t want anyone else to have you…….
  • Just a nibble here and there and don't want to hurt their partner in the process.
  • Laziness.
  • Attachments, low self-esteem, conceit, wanting to have your cake and eat it too, fear of being alone, co-dependency, having a sure thing versus having a good thing, falling into routine, fear of change, fear of stagnation, hormones, stupidity. Those are just some of the reasons!
  • Here's a good one... figure me out and please help: I met my hubby at Wal Mart, I wanted 1 night of fun. We moved in a week after meeting. He was 'separated' and she kicked him out when she found out about me. (go figure that one, huh?) We swapped with his brother twice (each with different girl). We stopped, had a kid (5 now between us). I feel stuck. I have left 3 times and keep coming back but I don't cheat... I leave. I am afraid to be on my own. I feel like I was never IN love with him, he doesn't turn me on at all (I can just think of others and get turned on but he tries and can't), I have been in school without working, and I just don't know what to do. Sometimes I want to cheat... but with people I have previously been with. Like it's because I know what to expect already and I am particularly giddy and in love with someone who I have know my whole life. We are never single at the same time... and it has been 8 years now that I have been with my husband-who I don't want to be with. I think I am afraid of change, and my bipolar disorder and medication probably plays a large part. Plus, he tells me if I leave him he will kill me. While he has never been violent, I don't know if he's serious. And he always accuses me of cheating because we swapped before and I left 3 times. At least I left instead of cheating, right? And my entire family and all my friends say he talks down to me, so sometimes I wonder if could get away from him by claiming mental and emotional abuse. But, after his ex had him thrown in jail practically every time he spit, I don't want it to be legal... I just want to leave and not have to deal with him calling me crying his heart out all day every day.
  • Because they do not truly love the person they are with. They might love them but not in the way that is meant for a couple to love each other.
  • I just don't know why it happens... Been with someone 6 years and he cheated on me for 8 months...!!!
  • Some people cheat instead of leaving their partners because they truly love their partners and don't want to hurt their feelings or break their hearts. Maybe they have a long history and don't want to just give it up or MAYBE just MAYBE, the partner isn't fulfilling the others' needs sexually so they look for it elsewhere....doesn't mean they don't love the other person. Yeah, it's complicated.
  • Because they want their cake and eat it too. It's nice to have momma to run home to when yer done foolin' 'round! Sigh.
  • 1) "Experts say that the reasons fall into two main categories. The first has to do with the relationship -- there's either an emotional disconnect or the couple's sex life isn't satisfying to one partner. The second reason has nothing to do with the couple. Rather, one partner simply wants the excitement of an affair, needs an ego boost, or just feels entitled to have more than one sexual partner. "Sometimes, you find someone who has a good sexual relationship with his or her partner and yet has an affair because sex is so important to them that they look for it wherever they can," says Mira Kirshenbaum, PhD, author of Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay (Plume, 1997) and The Emotional Energy Factor (Delacorte, 2003)." "In general, men are more likely to cheat for more superficial reasons, like the need for excitement, while women are more likely to stray if there is serious trouble in the marriage. But those lines are blurring, says Nancy Glass, PhD, author of Not "Just Friends": Protect Your Relationship From Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal (Free Press, 2002). "In the past, there were significant gender differences," says Glass. "The traditional male affair that was primarily sexual is changing because more men are having more emotional affairs (meaning their feelings for the "other woman" go beyond just sexual) with coworkers. Meanwhile, women are having more sexual affairs," says Glass. One reason: Women now feel more entitled to enjoy their sexuality, so if sex with their husband isn't satisfying they are more likely to look elsewhere than their mothers and grandmothers would have been. Another trend: With more men and women working together side-by-side, as peers, there's an opportunity for deep emotional connections that didn't exist in previous generations. "You always had the boss who ran off with his secretary, but now I see many men who are in good marriages and are not traditional philanderers who form these deep friendships," she says. "They cross these lines and become more emotionally intimate than they are in their marriage. If there's some sexual attraction and chemistry, that's all you need for an affair."" "A one-night stand or a fling is significantly different from a long-term affair, says Kirshenbaum. "Many flings are essentially experimental. Someone finds something missing in their relationship and checks out what it's like to be with someone else. It turns out to be not-so-great, and they end it. Surprisingly, if no one finds out, often no harm is done. A long-time affair is a sign of a deeper rift -- it's more likely to be found out, and it's more likely to cause more damage to the relationship when it is found out." " Source and further information: http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/cheating.html 2) "Too much negativity- Often relationships start on a highly positive note but with time they just tend to go downhill and negativity increases like anything. This is the time when the partners start having a hard time dealing with each other and the friction only tends to increase with time. You see this is the time when one of the partners feels that the only way out would be cheating therefore they end up cheating on their partner. Lack of appreciation- This is one of the major reasons why a lot of people out there end up cheating on their partners. It is one of the most basic human needs and almost everyone out there has a desire to feel needed and appreciated. But sometimes one of the partners is not able to get it from the other partner due to which he/she ends up cheating. The relationship just doesn't click anymore- Sometimes the relationship only gets boring with time when there is nothing new left to know about your partner. You see this is another time when one of the partner's starts seeking someone new because he/she just wants to try something new since the relationship is only getting boring with time. This leads them to seek a new adventure due to which they end up cheating often thinking that they might never get caught." Source and further information: http://ezinearticles.com/?Why-Do-People-Cheat?-Here-is-Something-No-One-Will-Ever-Share-With-You&id=1552606 3) ""The emotional attachment we have with others is modeled on the type of parenting received during childhood," she said. Psychologists believe people with avoidant attachment styles are individuals uncomfortable with intimacy and are therefore more likely to multiply sexual encounters and cheat. However, this has never been proved scientifically. Now, Beaulieu-Pelletier has attempted to prove it in a series of four studies. " "Infidelity could be a regulatory emotional strategy used by people with an avoidant attachment style. The act of cheating helps them avoid commitment phobia, distances them from their partner, and helps them keep their space and freedom" "studies revealed no differences between men and women. Just as many men and women had an avoidant attachment style and the correlation with infidelity is just as strong on both sides." Source and further information: http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/3463957.cms
  • People get bored with the same partner for a long period of time... People think the grass is greener on the other side.... You need to keep spicing things up in a relationship and doing things together to keep the flame going between the 2 of you...especially if you have children as lots of time is spent on them... If not long been together and they cheat obviously they don't really love you or don't want to settle down.
  • I dont know why. but i know his it is not about beauty or looks, i know people that cheat their beautiful girlfriends with ugly ones...i guess people tend to get bored.also when you are with someone you usually act like a retired person so your partner might get bored with it...
  • Well for one their thoughts are not always to cheat but looking for something that is missing in their current relantionship... the problem is that they either have tried to address it with their mates and they have not given it much thought or blow it off and that is one reason why a person might cheat, the other reason is that maybe they didnt bring up the problem with their mate and they just wanted something that they dont have in their current relantionship but not what it all the time...so that brings up the question why dont they just leave will it might be just a one time thing or if not then they ready and feel that it might just be a dream or a goodie box that they cant bring back into their world or current relantionship so they keep away like a snack in between the real meal, but whatever it is they are just not ready for the move...
  • I won't leave my boyfriend because he is amazing, caring and i know i would miss him terribly....The problem is....i can't help but be attracted to other men than just him. I can usually switch off to it, but on a couple of occasions i have met somebody else and there has been total chemistery, exchanged phone numbers....they phoned me....and i couldnt help but go and have a drink with them...just to find out! (satisfy a curiosity) but doesnt mean i slept with them. It is still cheating and many ask me..."but if you loved him then surely you wouldnt do this?"....i do love him to bits...but i just can't help it. I don't actually believe that you can only truly love ONE man or woman, because i feel totally in love with three men! I don't quite understand how or why myself, and i don't necessarily like myself for it...but i truly am in love with more than one guy...this is why i dont leave him...because although i do see one of the other men stil.....i do love him. P.S: Don't hate me too much for this reply....just thought i would take a shot at contributing an answer, as honest as possible.
  • Are you kidding me?! I just typed out a huge long answer to this and it booted me out! LOL. Anyway, here's my answer. Because they don't view it as something that's wrong. They don't want to change their home life. They're happy with their partner and their home life. They love their partner. Their life at home is fine. So why would they leave? If my husband had have said to me a month ago "I've been sleeping with someone else" I'd have kicked him out. No questions asked. But there are so many factors to take into consideration. Was he cheating on me with one person or multiple people. (one person would be the more acceptable scneario for me). Did we have less sex, did I feel less close to him, did he feel less like being with me during that time? (Probably not... and if nothing had changed at home - and it was really good - then what's the big deal?) If he was just friends with someone. it wasn't taking away from my time with him. My intimacy with him. And my relationship in general with him. Then Why would it bother me if they had sex? As long as it's not with random people. And it's not just because he can. And it's not because of something I did or didn't do. There are so many elements to the whole "Cheating" debate. I'm a jealous person by nature, so my nature tells me that I should be jealous if he's sleeping with someone else. But If I thought about it. And I realized that he didn't want to leave me. He didn't watn to be with her. She never jeopardized my time or my home life. What's the big deal? And the same goes for me. If I want to have sex with a good friend of mine, and not have it make a difference, why should i feel guilty?
  • The answer in the popular press and people is that there is something wrong with the person who was cheated on. This is so wrong. The problem is always with the cheater. The more I read and the more I learn, I think the basic problem is that the cheater is depressed or fearful. Instead of dealing with whatever problems they have in front of them, they go for distraction or whatever. It has nothing to do with whom they are cheating on, in fact more then likely they know they are loved and feel safe around that person. It is backwards, but I think cheaters are in a deep depression and are not thinking clearly. The end result, they cause pain for their loved ones, but eventually they cause more pain for themselves. Most cheating relationships will not last, they got started by cheating. The cheater will have that depression to deal with, the sadness of losing a good partner, and they still have to deal with their originaly depression. It is no win situation for anyone. But for the person who got cheated on with good people in their lives they can become stronger and more empathic. I did.
  • AMEN TO THAT!!!!! +5
  • my friend!! had an affair for over 13 yrs. with the same guy.. he was married w/kids (got married after they started dating) she still continued to sleep with him. to this day.. I ask her this question many many times and she can't answer it!
  • Well I rather think we were made that way. We are able to enjoy more than just one person and sometimes we do it. By your reasoning then we would be sentenced to not having any close relationships as long as we "cheat". Doesn't work like that. Even in a good relationship we can want more - even if we know it will be harmful. I don't think I could honestly say to anyone that I would "never" "cheat" on them. Even if I felt I would never. I know - its weird the way things are.

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