I think if it's something that bothered my partner to the extent that he didn't want to marry me, I'd rethink my behavior and try to make some changes.

I think if the odd drink bothers him so much he's basing a massive life decision on it, question how much you want to stay with him. Could just be the tip of a deeply religious iceberg of trouble and control...

Sounds like a BS reason for not wanting to get married. Move on.

how much is he worth it the alchohol or the bf that and how much are each of you willing to compromise - because marriage involves some of that too

If it is the problem to prevent your formal relationship with your bf, maybe you should make some changes on your behavior although it is difficult but it is also good for you. All your efforts will be lead you to happy life. Hope you happy.

It is possible he had a alcholic family memeber and is over sensitive on the subject. If he is the one for you I would quit for a month and see if he is willing to get married then. If he isn't you can always go back to being an occasional drinker. Like others have said it depends on how important he is to you. BTW if he isn't that important maybe he is doing you a favor by not marrying you.

I think you just meet the wrong guy for you..i agree BS if you can not even have a couple drinks. Need to meet someeone who excepts you for you.

I wonder - why does he think having a few drinks at the weekend a problem if you're married, but not if you're dating? Seems to me that if it was a show-stopper, it'd be for any involved relationship, not just marriage.

If he does marry you, you'd end up living with a control freak, and he'll find another fault of yours. .. .Reminded me of a movie "When a Man Loves a Woman" with Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia. Even though she was an alcoholic, he was fighting for her. Because he truely LOVED her. And your guy seems to have a heart full of rules and terms. There is no place for love there.

Having been married to a drinker (ended in her sleeping with someone because she was drunk) then dating women who also enjoyed a "few" drinks on the weekend (which also ended disastrously), I've found I cannot depend on or have peace of mind with someone who enjoys drinking to the point of says things that she normally wouldn't say when she's drunk, that gets loud, that doesn't remember and can't hold conversations, and that winds up passed out. Marriage is serious sh** and I wouldn't want someone who I'd have to babysit on the weekends along with my child. Life is short and hard enough as it is, why complicate it by not being able to control yourself. Just set limits and keep them, so you can still be depended upon in the event of an emergency with your child, husband, etc...As much as ppl like to say you can still think clearly after a few drinks,...you don't...you're always a little fuzzier...besides I agree with a previous writer..you'll be healthier for it..alcohol is simply a toxin that ppl love.

numbing out is a way to escape your responsibiities.

It's hard to tell. I don't know if he is simply prudish about alcohol consumption, or if you're understating what "a few drinks" means.

I wouldnt marry him. He should love you for who you are, not if you have a few drinks on the weekend. Sounds to me, like he is very controlling, why is going to do if you start drinking after you get married, divorce you?

Honestly, if the girl I liked drank a few over the weekend, that would be a deal breaker. I have seen what Alcohol does, in my family and others, and I will not have it in my house. If the girl values the alcohol over my boundaries, then she is not worth my time.

I'd want to know *why* he thinks that. Maybe his parents or uncles or whatever had problems- someone in the comments already said it destroyed all their relationships. Then I'd want to know, okay, is there going to be a compromise on this? I'm not asking *you* to drink, I'm asking you to not freak out on me if I have a wine cooler after work-- or am I going to have to give that up? Story: Love works for a transport service, and for a while he did the specific branch that catered to drunk people on the weekends. There were usually a fair amount of stoned people mixed in. Love grew up in a fairly alcohol-tolerant family, his parents are wine drinkers-- so even dealing with the obnoxious gd drunks all the time didn't change his opinion on that-- but he didn't have experience with stoners, and lumped them into the obnoxious category, and was very against pot. Sometime after we started dating, we discovered this difference of opinion, and we had to have A Talk about it. He explained his reasons, and I said, okay, well, I have smoked pot, I'd like to think I was not obnoxious. I enjoy the result, and I'd like to continue doing it as infrequently as I do-- but I'm completely willing to not do it often, not tell you, not ever do it with your roommate, not come here smelling, etc. I try to be responsible with it, and I want my occasional pot usage to be as much of a non-issue as possible. We handled it like mature adults, I thought. 4 years later, we've not had any problems. In fact, he now doesn't care. His roommate made special brownies and he told me about them, even-- on the condition that I took them home, didn't eat them there. Point: Talk it out. If Love had been all "rawr well I refuse to date someone who smokes pot ever because you're all smelly and dumb and irresponsible," or if my answer had been in the same vein, we probably never would have dated. Also: How long have you two been dating, that this has only now come up? Edit: Since you mentioned not drinking at all and "really boring life" in the same sentence, I'm now obliged to ask what you mean when you say "a few drinks" and also, don't you have some other hobbies? Honestly, I'd rather date a teetotaler than someone who drank at my level but thought you couldn't have fun without alcohol.

I dunno. Anyone that rigid gotta have an 'issue' or two, imho.