ANSWERS: 45
  • It's really hard to know, unless you know her personality and what she wants, expects. Is she big on diamonds? Does she know you are going to propose? If so, you can discuss this with her. If it is going to be a surprise, I would suggest talking to someone close to her, a sister, her mother, someone who knows her well, who knows what she would find especially romantic, and how she would feel about not getting a diamond ring, but another type of ring, or perhaps waiting. Good Luck!
  • Probably not, for two reasons:. 1.) While we see many fabricated examples (commercials, advertisements, etc) of Mr. Right proposing in a manly-yet sensitive-fashion to Ms. Soon-to-Be-Mrs.Right, this is always a risky venture. With many women, their engagement ring tends to be a very personal accessory. For this reason, there has been a big trend for the bride-to-be to select every aspect of their engagement ring, including the band material, gem characteristics, and number of gems. For a man to propose with a pre-selected ring could potentially come off as insensitive or arrogant. Not a good thing. 2. Most engaged or married women that I've discussed this topic with stated that they were either happy with just the proposal, or so amazed by their sweetie's method of proposal that the "diamond issue" never came into their thoughts. If your relationship is a strong and healthy one, the words "Will you marry me" will be more valuable than any hyper-compressed chunk of carbon. One of my best friends proposed to his fiancee with an onion ring: She giddily accepted, then ate his token of commitment. If you still feel the need to propose with a ring, get a costume jewelry ring: The symbolism is enough to get your point across. Once the climactic moment of proposal has passed, you can explain that the ring is a VERY temporary substitute until you two can shop for an appropriate engagement ring together. This shows that you want her to be happy with what will go on her ring finger, even if you pocketbook may end up screaming. The only exception to this would be if you were proposing with a family heirloom, such as your great-grandmother's enagement ring. The tradition behind this type of jewelry trumps anything new.
  • I would make two comments on this question. First of all, if you are having trouble coming up with the money for a diamond ring, then maybe you need to look at your financial situation. Do you have the money to support a family? I don't know just what your financial circumstances are, but it does take money to support a family. Are you at least in a position where you are on your way into a career that will allow you to do this? You need to be honest with yourself on this question. Finances are one of the biggest reasons for divorces. The second thing that I would write is that if both of you agree that you are in a financial position to get married, then, if she rejects you simply because you can't afford a diamond ring, I would say that she is a very shallow, self-centered person and/or not good a budgeting money. Either way, she would not strike me as a good candidate for marriage. If she accepts the limitations imposed by your budget, then she would be showing a level of maturity that would be conducive to a good marriage. Of course, not knowing either of you I can't be the one that judges whether you two are a match. Ultimately, that is something that each of you must decide. Will she be disappointed if you don't have a ring? Quite possibly. However, the better question is how she deals with the disappointment. *********** "Jennifer R: poor people can get married too... it's not necessary to be able to 'support' a family right off the bat!" I am not saying that poor people can't or shouldn't get married nor am I saying that they need to be able to support a family right off the bat. However, I am saying that they should be able to support themselves and be prepared to take care of children when and if they come along. Marriage is about more than just moving in together. It is about being taking responsibility for your own lives. It is about saying that you are ready for adult responsibilities. One of those responsibilities is supporting yourself. Additionally, babies have a tendency to come along when they are not expected even if the couple uses birth control. So, unless one or both of them is sterile, they should have a plan in place just incase she gets pregnant before they intended. Marriage is an important step. It is not something to be entered into on a whim. (I am not saying that this couple is). The things that I mentioned above are factors that every one should consider before they marry. ************** "Beverlyofhills: She proposed and now, we're getting married." Congratulations! I hope you two have a long and happy life together.
  • I can only answer based on my personal feelings and opinion. Although it is always drilled into our heads that a man will get down on one knee and hold up a diamond ring and propose to us, it is not necessarily the best, or the only, way to propose to a loved one. I think that the act of the proposal is the important part. You can make it special without having a ring. Even if she is momentarily disappointed that she doesn't have a diamond ring to show off immediately, she will definitely understand. If this were my boyfriend, and I knew he couldn't afford a diamond, I would be happy that he didn't go out and put himself into significant debt to buy a diamond. If you know you want to marry her, propose. With, or without, a diamond ring. After she says yes, you can express your feelings about wishing you had a diamond ring for her to wear, but that you couldn't afford one. Tell her that you want to go with her to help pick out that special ring, and that you are saving up so that you can buy her the ring she always wanted, but that at this moment the ring was way out of your financial capabilities. She will understand. Or, at least, she should... she might be a little disappointed... but it shouldn't be anything serious. Also, if she throws a fit about it, maybe you should think about whether you want her to be wearing your ring at all.
  • First off, CONGRATULATIONS:) Honestly you should know best if she would be disappointed or not. If you don't know then maybe you don't know her well enough to be getting married/engaged at this time. Equally she should know you well enough to know that for whatever reason you can not afford a diamond at this time and if she is truly in love with you then diamond, no diamond, ring or no ring shouldn't matter, it's not the ring she is to marry. If you don't mind I would like to tell you my story, which fits this question, and hope it helps you. My B/F and I had been discussing getting married but he was still in college at the time and could not afford an "engagement" ring. He had given me a small opal ring for my previous birthday so I told him that I would switch the ring to my other hand and use that for my engagement ring. I loved him so much I just wanted to get married, I didn't care about any ring but he was the one who kept pushing the whole diamond ring issue. What we did was went to the mall together, now I did not have money to speak of either, we went in and out of dept. stores and jewelry stores, finally we ended up at J.C. Penny Jewelry counter. We found a small, .025ct (basically a chip) that was set in Silver on a 14KT gold ring. Being set in silver, or any white metal, makes the stone appear bigger. The ring cost a little over $300.00 (yes three hundred dollars). My B/F only had a little over $100.00 and I paid the rest. He then kept the ring and then surprised me when he popped the question. As of March 30th we have been married for 21 years. Not bad in this day and age huh? In my case it wasn't the ring that mattered to me, since it mattered to him we compromised and worked together, as you need to do in a marriage. I hope this helped you in some way, Good Luck and let me know how it turns out. :)
  • First of all, I have to concur with the others members who say that if you don't know her well enough to know this about her, you might not know her well enough to be getting married. But, then, the engagement is not the marriage and, in the olden days, the engagement was just a more intense period of getting to know each other well enough to know if you were suited to marrying each other. These days, with folks having sex so early, sometimes on the first date even, it's hard to know what each stage of the realtionship is supposed to accomplish. But I digress. It sounds like the proposal will be a one-sided affair, maybe a even surprise. Personally I would advise against this. I recall a co-worker of mine telling me about how his wife received a marriage proposal from her then-boyfriend - he did it in the crowded lobby of the place where she worked - down on one knee, bouquet of flowers and ring in hand ; she was flabbergasted and very embarassed - she turned him down, for many reasons including the fact that she just didn't feel about him the way he obviously felt about her. When my co-worker proposed, he did in quietly and in private; she obviously accepted his proposal and him. An engagement these days is not a one way street of the man proposing marriage and the woman accepting. Women can propose to men, but more often it is a mutual decision, after knowing each other for a good long while. Will she be disappointed without a ring? Perhaps, but she might be relieved at not having to tell you that she doesn't really like the ring you chose; most gals I know are very particular about jewelry styles and might not 'just love that ring because my darling chose it.' Of course, you could always have an arrangement with the jeweller that if she doesn't like the ring, the two of you can exchange it for another one that suits the both of you. Without a ring, but with an accepted proposal, the two of you can decide together if a ring is important enough to spend the money on; you might even decide to share the cost since it represents a mutual agreement to evolve your relationship to the next stage. You never know until you ask. I must say that I take issue with some comments from others that if you can't afford a ring, you should re-consider whether you can afford a family. This would be getting too far ahead of yourself. An engagement is not a house, a car and a yardful of children. Most folks can't afford that when they become engaged and they take it one step at a time. Most folks' income rises after the age at which they usually get engaged; they are usually just at the beginning of their career. Also, most households are supported by two adults working and providing financial support; it sounds like you are trying to do the ring thing all on your own and that's why you are not sure you can afford it. Please don't lose any sleep over it, though, especially if you have bought into that '3 months salary' drivel; any girl mature enough to be a good wife will not care how much the ring costs. The first time I got engaged, I made it clear that I didn't want a diamond ring and he agreed. My fiancé finally persuaded me, under much emotional duress, that I would be insulting him and his family if I didn't agree to have a ring set made by the same friend of the family who had designed and made his mother's rings, diamond and sapphires and all. The marriage didn't last; in retrospect, I should have clued into the fact that he was real good at agreeing to many things that I wanted (giving me a false sense of harmony between us) and even better at passively-aggressively resisting actually acting on what I thought we had agreed on. The second time I got married, I again made it clear that I didn't want a diamond ring and guess what? This time, I don't have one and am very relieved that I don't have to worry about losing it or having it stolen. I don't need a piece of mineral and metal to remind me that my husband loves me, I just have to look into his eyes and listen to his words every day when he tells me that he does. That is more precious that anything in a jeweller's case. Anyway, I have rambled on enough. I will just close with something that I read once in an advice column - can't remember if it was Ann Landers or Dear Abby. You can probably guess what the answer was but the question was - 'How can I get my boyfriend to help pay for my birth-control pills? I can't afford them by myself, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.'
  • One thing you can do is to check the local pawn shops (and newspaper classifieds). You can get a good deal and even pay for it on layaway at most pawnshops. I might keep this bit of info to myself though, she might not like the idea of getting a second hand ring. But, if she is not the materialistic type it might not be a problem. I would not want to go into a marriage with a huge debt myself, there are too many other practical things that need to be bought when contemplating marriage. Plus, you could get a larger diamond at a pawn shop than if purchased new. I would rather contemplate the size of her eyes as she gazes into the shine of that larger stone. No one has to know where it was purchased and I for one wouldn't tell them. It ain't none of their business. Where there is a will, there is a way. It all boils down to how you or she feels about it. Logic should win out. Have you ever thought about giving her a handed down ring from your mom or grandmom? It could always be resized if it didn't fit. In the long run, it is far better to be happy than worried over a silly ring. It is only a symbol of your love for each other. If the love is there the ring won't matter. Many a man has proposed with nothing more than a paper cigar ring, opting to get a real ring when the money was available. I know of one couple who related their romantic story of the paper cigar ring that was slipped onto her finger while he was on bended knee whileat their favorite restaurant. She laughed so hard she peed her pants, which cause another bevey of laughter when they attempted to leave the restaraunt without anyone noticing the dark wet patch. They were together till their deaths, some fifty two years later. Love is the most important ingredient in any relationship. I wish you both the best. May you love each other till forever.
  • No selfrespecting rabbit would propose without a diamond ring. Sure she will be disappointed.Especially when all the other bunnies get diamonds.
  • Love isn't measured in diamonds, rubies, and sapphires nor gold. If your girlfriend loves you, then she'll be pleased with whatever ring you can afford to buy her. After all, it's not the size of the ring nor the type of stone that counts, but the size of your heart. Good luck!
  • Yes. she may not say it, she may not show it, but inside it makes a big difference. proposing to your girlfriend, should be a once in a lifetime event. a big event. this is a time that you both want to remember, for the rest of your life. asking the question, without a diamond engagement ring, is like window-shopping, with empty pockets. girls want to tell the world of their engagement. without an engagement ring, to showoff, is just not the same. you may love each other dearly, but lets face it, an engagement ring is a love symbol and women love to tell and show the world of their new engagement. Here are some tips......today, rings are not that expensive. the pawn shops are loaded with beautiful diamond rings. the prices vary greatly, depending on the gold karat and quality of diamond(s). Look at this way. buy a not- so- expensive engagement ring, from a pawn shop. sometime down the road, when your finances are better, go all out and buy your honey a big rock. she will understand. mine did!
  • I feel that if she really loved u, and I know that if u are talking marrige, than she should already know what u are like and can and cant do..I nean u have been together long enough that u both know what your limits are, so I would say she wouldnt mind, its the thought that counts, the excitement of being asked is also over whelming. There fore Im sure she would understand,even when u say y u didnt have it at that time. lets say...u said...I wanted the best for u, but I couldnt get it right now, but I I had to tell u what I feel for u from my heart,I couldnt wait another minute.
  • long, and short, answers. first the short answer: probably then, the long answer: probably, but this would just reflect her being trapped/brainwashed by capitalism and patriarchy. diamonds have nothing to do with engagement, marriage, or love. there is no "tradition" of giving diamond rings for an engagement, because the practice came into the public consciousness only in the 1920s when DeBeers launched a hugely successful advertising campaign for diamong engagement rings, after coming into control of the world supply. i cannot accept "traditions" about marriage that are the result of less than one century of hyped up advertising. prior to that, people gave rings, but often just bands, and if they had a precious stone, they had a variety of stones like rubies, emeralds, etc. at that time, the diamond market was presumably more of a free market. Diamonds are the biggest waste of money the average person in the US engages in in their lifetime. Diamonds have extremely poor resale value. This translates into: you are being played for an idiot when you buy them. Debeers has gotten an excellent advertising campaign going about how the diamond ring is part of marriage, and about how it should never be sold. This is a great strategy because it keeps diamonds off the market and allows them to continue to sell at ridiculous prices, despite the fact that throughout 10,000 years of human history, it has never been commonly felt that diamonds were related in any way to getting married until the last 80 years or so, until a successful advertising campaign by debeers combined with a monopoly on diamonds enabled them to play everyone for an idiot. I notice a few people ahve copied and pasted blurbs advertising diamonds, from the web pages of firms that engage in selling them. Diamonds are forever, girls' best friend, etc., Anyway, now that the brainwashing and advertising are over, how about a dose of some more reality? To understand why people are idiots for buying diamonds, it is important to discuss the difference between "valuable" and "expensive". Many women wear very expensive diamond rings, the wearing of which causes them to feel all beautiful and stuff, and cause their friends to ooh and aah. However, it should be borne in mind that diamonds are not "valuable". They are just expensive. That is, the distribution mechanisms are not a free market, there are a variety of cartels, certification authorities, and strong cultural barriers to a free market (created by a confluence of successful advertising with the demands of patriarchy), such that diamonds sell through these channels at much higher prices than they can be resold for. if you have connections and can get diamonds at genuinely market prices, it could be fine to get one as an investment. Otherwise, you will never sell a diamond for the same or more than you paid for it. Therefore, diamonds are *expensive* but they are not "valuable". Therefore, it means that you are playing the chump for Debeers and getting ripped off when you buy one. Would you buy $100 of foreign currency for $1000 and put it in a frame on the wall to show everyone what expensive things you buy? The whole diamond business is retarted, especially the way it continues despite its obvious idiocy because of women embarrassed to not be playing the game that they are commanded to by advertising, and men embarrassed to report that the emperor has no clothes.
  • In Australia, the proposal generally happens, and then the couple, together, go and choose a ring. My husband and I got engaged while we were still studying. The ring we chose together was not an expensive one. It had a sapphire and two cubic zirconia in it. I loved it then and I love it now. It represents the depth of affection we have for each other, but, if it were whisked away in a storm, though I might cry a little, I would rather have my man than it. I think your girl will feel the same. Propose, and talk about buying a less expensive ring, together.
  • not really if she loves diamonds consider it yes!!
  • Well my boyfriend proposed to me about 2 weeks ago and we don't have much moey at the moment as we just moved in to new apartment. When he proposed he said this ring is temporary. He gave me a silver coated £5 ring from a local market. It's a pink (my favourite colour)rose (my favourite flower). In a way this was more special to me. It means despite the fact that we have financial problems he just wants me to know that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I know that I will get my real ring one day and that'll be special, like a second proposal :) I love this ring as it has sentimental value. And I know when he gets me a more expensive ring. I know I will still treasure this cheap one. It's definitely not worth fretting over. If she's anything like me, your girlfriend will want the marriage one day, not the ring.
  • Okay, since I know you're already engaged I will tell you instead of two great love stories over rings. My great grandparents were married for over 70 years. They were the happiest and most loving couple I have ever known. And guess what? She never got a wedding or engagement ring. The closest was an anniversary band for the 50th wedding anniversary. She never wore that ring. I have it now. It still sits in it's box, never worn. To them the ring did not matter. It was their love that did. And now on to me. My fiancee never gave me a ring, never got a chance to say those words to me before he died, but I do know that he loved me more then life itself and that he wanted to marry me. How? Because he told me so, he was just waiting till he could afford it. In his mind I should have the big diamond and all of that. None of which I wanted and had told him so. I didn't know it was going to be this year till his brother called me his fiancee as we were planning his funeral. His family calls me Jay's once and future wife. And it breaks my heart. So my advice is don't cheat yourselves over some worthless rock. But do wait till you can afford it to get married. Or go the routes my great grandparents did and I wanted and elope. In the end it's the love not the jewlrey that matters.
  • If she loves you then a diamond won't matter. I got a sapphire ring for my first engagement ring. It looked like Princess Di's ring. But, I must say that if you cannot afford to buy a ring can you afford to get married? It's something to think about. Financial problems are the root cause and direct cause of most divorces.
  • If she's planning to spend the rest of her life with you, I think she won't mind. But I suggest buying an inexpensive ring, because there is something wonderful about wearing something that declares "I'm taken!". Personally my wedding ring cost a little under 300 and I couldn't be happier, it's lovely and daintly and even has diamonds. You can buy expensive rings later. Congratulations!
  • You really should be more prepared in this situation, but if she is head over heels crazy in love with you, my answer is no, she will not be disappointed; however, if she's like me, crazy head over heels in love with myself mostly, my answer is yes, she will be highly disappointed. One more thing to remember, "Diamonds are a girls best friend" Ooopoopeedo!
  • wow!!! this question sure did bring out the long answers! I think its all been said. I agree with the idea of costume jewlery if money is an issue. I would be perfectly happy if my bf gave me a 'fake' diamond ring that costs $10. in fact there are other very inexpensive rings like a 'genuine 1/4 Carat Diamond Cluster Ring' for $39.99 I found on the internet.
  • i think everyone should do this. if she is dissapointed and yells at you than dump her cause she's probably just in it for the money. if shes just happy that u purposed and doesn't care about a ring than shes a good egg.
  • alot of women are very selfish in that they only would want a huge diamond ring, but the real diamonds in the coal(see what i did there) will only care how you do it. make it romantic.
  • If she really loves you it will be the thought that counts. It took my husband a year after he proposed to get our rings. Pull the economy is bad card :)~ j/k
  • ok go to walmart! there should be a big ring display on a little turn thing, and they cost like 5 dollars,and they totally pass for real diamonds. u can tell her that it's not real, and tell her that u will get her real ring, just when u can afford it :) but come on u can't propose without a ring she would be disapointed if she didn't get the whole fantasy proposal that we all dream about!! so go somehwere and just get a look alike ring now!! lol
  • if your dateing this seriously then she should know and accept your financial status as she dose you. instead give her a "promise" ring. with a fake stone and the promise that you will eventually replace it with a diamound. she should appreciate that even if she is a bit dissapointed.
  • Sorry, I'm old school. If you can't afford a decent ring, then save up until you can. If she's the one for you, she'll wait.
  • I spent $110 to have a ring of my own design made for her. silver band (made by melting down my ring I had worn for years) with a gold infinity symbol (sideways figure 8, not the car company) had I let them make it from scratch it would have been $50. after 6 years she ran away I intend tungsten rings for my next marriage. I would not marry a girl who expected a diamond... I would have a hard time if she even wanted a diamond. diamonds represent vanity, slavery, monopolistic tyrany, and are no more rare than quartz. I dispise debeers and will never give them a single penny. now we can even grow diamonds more pure and flawless than museum quality. soon they will be computer chips.
  • Not if she loves you.....It won't matter
  • Unless the both of you don't care about materialistic things I would strongly urge you to do this right. I think having your financial affairs in order is important before heading into marriage unless living on each others love is ok with the both of you......
  • if she truely loves you it could be a rubber band in your hand
  • Only if you propose naked, otherwise she'll be fine with a ring pull if she feels your the right man for her.
  • I would just buy a nice, small band ring. Not expensive, but still something that she will love. Congratulations, by the way. ~+~
  • Could we get an update on what happened since this question was asked three years ago? If a woman would be disappointed because of that, you would want to rethink your plans.
  • If she loves you the ring should not matter at all. If you want to get her one later on then that's fine, but for me I would totally understand if my boyfriend wanted to propose to me and could not afford a ring. I think women who go after that and complain afterwards are greedy cows :).
  • The purpose of the diamond ring is to demonstrate you have the wherewithal to give her a decent life. Her appreciation or disappointment is beside the point. The actual value of the diamond is beside the point. If you think a starter home would be more appropriate, do that instead.
  • I personally think buying expensive rings has absolutely nothing to do with actual marriage. I also think since you know her best you should know if she'd be disappointed or not, but in my opinion I think a 'diamond ring' shouldn't matter to her. But for what it's worth, I know of couples who didn't spend much on their rings until later on when they could afford to replace them with a ring of their choice.
  • If she's not, say "just kidding. I wanted to see what you would say." Don't marry a gold digger.
  • Hell No! Its about you two, not the %#&*#$@ ring!! Five or ten years from now, look at the nice present you can give her. It will recharge your marriage. Do exchanges simple but nice gold bands. Good Luck!!!
  • If your girlfriend is worth having she will understand. I think I would say it like this: I love you with all heart and soul and I want you to be my wife forever and always. Tell her the truth that if you could afford it...you would buy her the hope diamond because she's worth it. I'm not sure if you realize that you can buy a ring on a payment plan. You could also check that out. But the fact that you love someone enough to want to marry them is the ultimate. Really. Good Luck. I have a very romantic idea: I think you can have a star named after her. It would always be hers. And cheaper than a diamond. If you took her out on a night when you could see the stars clearly and tell her you named a star after her and then proposed to her...I think she would be so happy. And also explained you can't afford the diamond just yet...I think she would be okay with that.
  • You probably already know the answer to that if you think about it. You know her much better than we do. I see your concern though. Good Luck!
  • Congratualtions :) I believe it is the thought that counts and there are many ways to be romantic without spending too much money. Organize something special for her that she will love and as long as the proposal is heartfelt and memorable the ring wont matter cos she will know how special she is to you. All the best to you both :)
  • If I loved him and wanted to spend my life with him, i wouldnt care if he proposed with a ring from the quarter machine. ;) I'm sure she'll love it if she loves you! good luck! ;)
  • She might. After all, our culture inculcates in women the fantasy that the guy will go down on one knee and propose with a ring. But you don't have to follow the common way and spend $10,000 on a ring from Jared's. You can check pawn shops, ebay, and overstock.com for a nice discounted or pre-owned ring. You can also think outside of the box and give her a ring set with a nice (semi)precious gemstone. If you still can't afford to do that, then there's no harm in waiting until you are more financially stable.
  • What about a gemstone?
  • just tell her you'll get her one later when you can afford it

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