Why does my boyfriend turn things around on me when al I want to do is talk about something that is bothering me?
by 
blondefisher
ANSWERS: 8
-
I know what you mean. He won't take responsibility..he takes anything you try to tell him as personal criticism...as a personal attack...and so he gets defensive and then finds some way of blaming you....or trying to make you feel guilty or bad. Try the "I" message approach...it may work better for you... You say: "When you......I feel.....I need you to......" or some version of that. If your comment is about how you feel about something he does or says...it doesn't quite feel like an attack to him. If you want to give a specific example fo something you've said which he has then turned around...I may be able to give you a clearer example of an "I" message response.
-
When you face an argument with your boyfriend as hard as it may be take 20!...It's not worth it Never let an argument escalade because he is bound to point fingers.In the heat of an argument you cannot get your thoughts across straight...( I have this problem ) and they come out in a way that it is easy for him to point the finger back at you or say that you are acting like a victim or that you are making it seem like he has done something wrong and in the end I also give up .Sometimes a guy will refuse to accept when he has done something worng because in his eyes he may feel he hasn't ( my boyfriend used to have this problem) ... SPEAK and dont give up but dont shift blame to him instead as SUZYCUE beautifully worded....speak in "I" if there is one thing that cannot be disagreed with that is your opinion.And dont use him in the situation. "i" feel like SHE is approaching you as if she's flirting or hiding something...it makes ME FEEL BAD...because i feel like someone is whispering behind my back... Talking like this you shift no BLAME ON HIM ...and allow for him to react to how YOU FEEL and not how HE FEELS.
-
You are the issue, not him. He's talking to an unattractive old friend. What are you nagging him for? Give him a little space....in everything. He needs to breathe and you're choking him Posting Comment...
-
It's a defense mechanism. I think it's called projection.
-
i know this one b/c my bf does the exact same thing to me. he does this b/c by turning things around on you he doesn't look like the one @ fault or that he isn't doing anything wrong. also, this is a way of avoiding having to deal with the "issue" at hand. reason being.... he's hiding something or is guilty of doing something that you don't know about and he's scared that by "talking" about it, may end up in him accidently spilling the beans on whatever it is he doesn't want you to know about or you may catch him lying. how to solve it? when he turns it on you, turn it back on him. once he's backed in a corner, he has nowhere else to go..........good luck!
-
my boyfriend does the same thing. when we fight my mind goes blank and he turns everything around on me.i hate fighting with him, i guess i should be happy that we rarely ever fight (with words). i don't know how to slove this problem.
-
this is exact;y what my boyfriend does...sometimes i feel whether i should just let go of him because i dont want to live with someone that acts like this when i am voicing myself!
-
He is usually High off his gourd. You should try dressing up like a marijuana bud! Or better yet rub cannibis on your neck & arms so that he maintains eye contact. That should do it!
RELATED QUESTIONS
Copyright 2023, Wired Ivy, LLC