• In the words of Nancy Reagan, "just say no". Okay, so she meant to using drugs and this is about family. I personally believe it is never a good idea to loan money to friends or family. Just click to Judge Judy for the why. Unfortunately, sometimes family feel less obligated to repay loans in a timely manner or at all. And because the loan was made to a family member, formalities such as an IOU in writing are often skipped. After all, what are you going to do send a collection agency after them? And people are reluctant to press the issue with family members over money that is owed to them because they would hate to ruin their good family relations. If such a situation occurs it is awkward at best. If one must refuse such a request, be sure to do it gently. You are under no obligation to explain why you must say no. If the relative has borrowed money before and has not repaid it, you might gently remind them that they still owe "x" amount from "x date" and that it has not been repaid, that should keep them from pressing the issue. If they are brazen enough to demand an explanation, then remember that, that is far more an egregious breach of civility than saying "no" is. Stick to your guns. Why throw good money after bad? Hope this helps.
  • It is not possible to change anyone else, regardless of reason or righteousness. People must come to responsibility, appropriate consequence, and value on their own. We all potentially may have unpredictable needs = For most innocent and humanly unpredictable behavior, I believe it is important • to remain clear about your own rules of conduct and follow them • to role model good behavior, regardless of your history with a person. • to never give mixed messages • to not use their immature irresponsibility or misbehavior as an excuse to misbehave [to them] yourself • to never loan money to anyone without FIRST considering whether it is a good idea in the first place and whether they have an irresponsible history with themselves, others or you. No one "suddenly" has changes or employs adult consciousness just because it is "you" they are dealing with! Even if you are a member of your own family! • Possibly exchange something of theirs as "payment" collateral • Not to loan money without a clear payment plan in writing, with a low interest rate! My following answer here only applies to money you have already loaned to them and may be "a good way out!" of possible future requests for "help." Tell the [abusive?] friend, relative or associate: "Thank you for sharing your needs with me. I am grateful that you trust me. I will weigh what you need from me very carefully. However, I will be able to take this [new] request more seriously when you repay [X = number of dollars] that was previously provided to you."
  • i am sorry, i don't have, not until i get the other money back that i've already loaned you...or what do you think i am stupid?
  • You simply say "Sure! But only if you come up with at least half of what I've paid you already! That way you've not said "no," asked them for your loan back and made them realise you're not being mean as you're willing to give again.

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