• Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.' The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. 'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry. The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass. At the Connor Pass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place.' He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!' THERE'S MORE... Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass. He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other. 'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says. He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free. He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body. Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!' IT IS NOT OVER YET... Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken. Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine. Once more Paddy shakes his head. 'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting... And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!'
  • this one lolz Talking Centipede A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, which came in a little white box to use for its house. He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to Church with him. He asked the centipede in the box, “Would you like to go to Church with me today? We'll have a good time.” But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, so he waited a few minutes and then asked again, “How about going to Church with me and receive blessings?” But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. Getting depressed, he decided to invite the centipede one last time. This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted, “Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Church with me and learn about God?” “I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes!”
  • A guy stops by to visit his sick friend. They visit for awhile and the friend ask the visitor to go upstairs and to get his slippers for him. When he gets upstairs , the guest sees his buddy's two daughtrs in their room. being the "DOG" that he is; he quickly thinks and says to the girls , "Hi girls, your daddy sent me up here to have sex with you." They stare at him and reply; "That just can't be!" The perve yells downstairs to the sick friend and says," Both of Them ?" "YES" Both of them !" .... +5
  • A VERY ugly man walks into the bar with a big grin on his face, and orders a whole jug of draft beer. 'What are you so happy about?', asks the Bartender. 'Well, I'll tell you,' replies the ugly man. 'As you know, I live by the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home from the bar last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, just like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything! Me on top, Sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!' 'Fantastic, you lucky bastard!', exclaimed the Bartender. 'Was she pretty?' 'Dunno...Never found the head'.
  • How do you make holy water??? Boil the hell out of it

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