There are NO sharp lines drawn or rigid rules in any relationship. It is ever changing, as does our level of commitment. This is not an unfortunate thing but a necessary thing if growth is allowed to occur. And without growth, a relationship becomes stale and dies, even if both parties have upheld the "rules" of the relationship. If both parties are honest in regards to their changing feelings, there is always hope for the relationship. In fact, your situation may very well improve the relationship although at the moment it may be difficult to see. What is more important in a relationship is that both parties feel the same level of feelings for each other. Problems occur when one party does not reciprocate the others feelings. Each party has the right to act any way they would like at all times. The question is, are you concerned with not having "control" over your mates behaviour, or perhaps you feel that her "violation" of the set "rules" must be punished by terminating the relationship. Are there no circumstances which would allow you to exhibit the same behavior? If not, then perhaps both of you do not have a "balanced" set of feelings, and one does not care for the other in the same manner. Everybody makes mistakes, and if it was truly a mistake, I see no reason why you must feel that this was a personal affront toward you. Furthermore you are NO LESS of an individual because this happened. If you truly love her with all your heart, you will examine HER feelings, and determine what caused this to happen. Ultimatems are never fair and are more closely tied to control than anything else. By showing understanding and openness you will no doubt very quickly determine her true feelings regarding this matter. If her feelings for you have not changed, I see no reason why yours should for her. Remember, successful relationships occur among the most conservative as well as the most liberal of us all. Again the key is that each have the SAME feelings as the other, no matter what those feelings involve.The only way to attain and maintain this "balance" is through understanding, patience, and love for each other. Only through this can growth occur. Only in this way is there any harmony.

I am going through the exact same situation with my GF of 1 year at this very moment. I don't have an answer per se, but I would caution you as well not to rush to judgment either in favor of breaking up or staying together. The part of this situation that hurts the most is my questioning of her decision... to me, being drunk is no excuse for unacceptable behavior. Being drunk removes inhibitions, but in my vast experience with drinking, it does not cause you to do something that is against your nature... in fact, quite the opposite. I agree with the previous poster that you need to take a good look at your relationship. You need to decide if it is possible to regain trust between you and your GF. It will not help to be vindictive, bitter, or abusive in the situation. You need to decide if it is worth it for you to try to be understanding and forgiving, instead of spiteful and resentful. I am trying to do all of this myself, and finding it rather difficult, but I only found out about 3 days ago, so I believe I will take some time alone away from my girlfriend to get a better perspective on things. Hope this helped.

i did the same thing as your girlfriend and me and my boyfriend have been together for a year also. i like to hear about good men talking about forgivness and coming out on top, because i believe this to be true as to the possibility of it happening. As for your question, it is possible for her to really have made a big mistake and things happen to girls who drink and are around a guy. sure she let it happen but that is just carelessness due to the alcohol. i would have never ever cheated had it not been for the alcohol. and as for it bringing out your true nature this is possible, but id say that that "nature" could be one of many things such as a giving nature, which is mine. i beleive that i was too nice and giving and lacked respect for myself, not my boyfriend. i love him to death and we talked about our lives together in the future and having a family, and this is somethign that i do want in time, but maybe right now is not the time for that maybe we need to see other people and start to see them as not for us and see us for each other. maybe thats what you guys need too. but really think about how she feels and stuff and i hope this all helps you. i am sorry for what happened to her and you both.

I have always believed in 2nd chances, especially since she came to you and told you. The main thing to go by here is your statement "I love her with all my heart". Since she DID fess up, and you do love her so much, I believe you should give her another chance. But, do realize, that you will not forget this for some time. And, you cannot throw it back in her face every time y'all have an argument. I believe from your question and statements that you are not that kind of guy anyway. Work on the relationship together and try to get past this mistake. If it happens again, THEN it may be time to move on. Good luck to you both!

I believe in second chances, but no thirds. This has changed your relationship irrevocably and will take a lot of work on her part, and a lot of forgiveness and hurt swallowing on yours for it to succeed. I repeat what I just said on another post :Wake up to yourselves, people out there. If you have a good person, honour them and appreciate them. Relationships will not last if you don't put some effort into them.

how many times do i get to say this? "shit happens at partys". i know. im a party girl. now if she waz "devastated" then she waz most likly drunk, incapable of her usual though prosses and got caught up in the moment. not saying its rite but it waz a party. but thats just my thoughs

I'm a pretty secure guy when it comes to the women i date or have exclusive relationships with, i have no problems with them going out by themselves or even dancing with other guys at clubs, parties or whatever, but if she were to betray my trust and have sex with another person because she was drunk, even if she was to just make out with some random person, SHE WOULD MOST DEFINATELY HAVE TO COME GET HER STUFF...i have a ZERO tollerane for that stuff, it kinda hurts your pride as a guy to know some other man was with ur girl...sorry guy i dont second the notion of second chances, once she cheats the relationship will be over cuz u wont be able to trust her anymore

No one here can tell you what you need to do in this situation. Only you know how your relationship with this girl is, and if you can eventually trust her again. I wish you all the best in whatever you decide.

You will need to be honestw ith how you feel, and decide what is right for you now this has happened, and communicate truthfully with her. You may need some time and space to process what has happened, so then you will know where to go from here. Unfortunately loving someone with all your heart will not on its own fix the problem. You will need also to try and be objective about the situation as well, so as not to risk further heartache later on.

do you trust her now?

Get checked out for STD's...and know that everytime you kiss her, his cock was there ...everytime you go down on her..that was where he shot his load...that everytime you enter her, he went deeper, in everyhole!...and she compares you..take solace from the fact she did things with and too him that she has never done with you.....and try to forgive her...

This is difficult because love messes up our thinking. :( But you have to consider a couple of things. Is this "getting drunk and doing stupid things" a habit? Is this something that is likely to happen again? Has it happened in the past? You need answers to those questions which would be an indicator of her character and level of commitment to you. The second thing to consider is why she was at the party without you. What was that about? Another thing to consider is if she knew this guy before and wanted to have sex with him, and is just using the "oh well I was drunk" excuse so you won't be mad at her. Plus, did she have safe sex? I'd be asking a lot of questions if I were you. Only when you have answers will you be able to make a decision in your own best interest. Always love yourself more than you EVER love anyone else. You'll make better decisions that way. Ms. HeartBeat http://www.askheartbeat.com

She committed sex while she was unconscious!If You love her deeply and she too ,then forgive her and strengthen your love and commitment for each other!!

I think you should give her another chance, but maybe set some ground rules about her going out drinking without you. If that is not ok with her, you may need to move on. When I was younger, I would have sex every time I got drunk. Actually, I could not have sex while sober- alcohol can make you lose your inhibitions and do things that are really stupid and sometimes dangerous. I hope things work out for you.

Ask her to do it again so you can film it. That way you will have a good fantasy film to get off on together. Maybe at your age you don't need fantasies. But you will.

In this case, I would grant clemency because she seems genuinely remorseful. She might've been so intoxicated that she didn't have the wherewithal to say no. But she still needs to regain your trust by promising not to get drunk at parties anymore, especially if you're not there with her. In fact, for the time being, perhaps you should accompany her to parties until you feel comfortable trusting her to party without you (of course, this doesn't mean being glued to her hip 24/7).

Was she taken advantage of? Or was she a willing participant. Alot of people use "OHHH!! I was drunk! I did'nt know what i was doing!" as an excuse. i callll BULLSHIIITT. All liquer does is make you loose your inhibitions. If she wanted it, she wanted it. Booze can't MAKE you do ANYTHING. If she concented she wanted the sex.

if it were me id kill him wit my bare hands and slap her as hard as i could. then leave and she never see me again

Now it is very important for you to advice her not to get drunk anymore, which is the main problem here. If she gets drunk again, there is no guarantee that she wont sleep with another man. Hence, it is imperative for her to quit this habit or else you should dump her and look for options. However worth giving her another chance as you say you love her.

This is not the 1st time she did that. Trust me.

Avoid her from gets drunk again is not the solution. All is about her own personality. How long r u going to watch over her? Are you going to keep on worry when every time she's hang out next time? Ask yourself, how bad a girl is if she can have SEX with others and never appreciate her loves one. What the hell on her mind? Did she thinking of you when having sex with tat guy? Did she even care about yr feelings? NO...even YES, tell me how much she really loves you in her heart.... Love youself, you deserve much better than this....

She must have done before this. i mean this must not be the first time. Trust me. just leave her. there are so many fishes in the sea. get another one.

No big deal. she's only your girlfriend, not your wife.

Ahhhhhh....the ol' "I was drunk" excuse. Works every time on those saps who believe that bullshit. Then again, I guess it's better than the, "I slipped and fell on his dick" excuse. You may love her with all your heart, but apparently she doesn't feel the same way about you.

i wouldnt stay with someone like that, she can give you an std

Offspring "Self Esteem" (1994)