Read the terms of the divorce decree. If it expicitly states that the children shall be given the option to choose which parent with which they shall live, then you have no choice. If it doesn't, she has no recourse. I suspect she is trying to set up a situation where she can go to the court and say that the kids want to choose another residence by putting it into their heads that the can choose when they turn 13. Your husband messed up big time by allowing the decree to be entered by default and not getting a lawyer to fight for his interests.

Wait. Did you say that your current husband never signed the divorce papers from his last marriage? Doesn't that mean he is still legally married to her?

YOU ARE NOT LEGALLY MARRIED IF YOUR HUSBAND NEVER SIGNED THE DIVORCE PAPERS SEPARARTING HIM FROM HIS EX. And I think bigamy is a federal crime. The rest of your question I can't answer based on the fact that you're not even legally married.

What he signed is not in question. Has a judge signed this document? If not, it's not a court order. She can take him to court for custody and is more likely to win IF she is willing to relocate to where the children live now since he had agreed to this at one time. However, if there is no custody order in place at this time, neither of them has legal custody. She can take them and run. It would not be parental kidnapping. If a judge never signed on the divorce itself, they are legally married still. He really should check with an attorney!

I'm hopefully assuming the divorce is legal for one. Your husband made a big mistake by not following through with the paperwork. However it's all in black and white. Even with joint custody, you and your husband have primary custody (physical) and there is no reason you can't sue for back child support. She is probably doing this because she knows SHE can get money from YOU. The divorce papers should be very specific on this. Unless he gave up his rights of child support, I'd go after her. Just because "they can choose" to live with her doesn't mean she is the better parent. Every state has laws on what age the children have to be, so you need to check on your state's laws. Plus you have to go to court for this. I hope she has a lot of money for attorney and court fees. It's not that simple to just come and take the children. The children have an established home, school, and friends. It's a stable environment. The court will take this into consideration, plus her history of "parenting". It's a good idea to start documenting what is happening, including her attempt to bribe and brainwash the kids.Don't worry too much about the kids. Theyre old enough to know what's happening and you even stated they they don't really care to see her that much. They have their own lives and they know "mommy" isn't much of a mom. Get those papers and see if you can get some child support. You would even be entitled to BACK support. Even if she doesn't pay it stays on her "account". Any income she gets can be garnished, and she can even lose her license.