My boyfriend is 21 and has no ambition to do anything with his life. I love him but I don't want to wait for him to get his act together. What should I do?
by 
Anonymous
ANSWERS: 36
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Is he working at all? If he is just content to work a normal job, I think that is o.k. If he wants to sit around and watch t.v. all day, while you support him, then you have a problem.
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Since you asked this under the "breaking up" category, I think you already know the answer. You need to take care of yourself first, before you can pick someone to accompany you on your journey.
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I agree with the others here: its probably not going to work out. To tack on one thought though, there's something "off" about a guy who's 21 and has no ambition or plans. Its normal for young men to want to do something with themselves, even if its something that seems wasteful to adults (like be a rock musician!) To be entirely free from any ambition suggests some deeper psychological or developmental problems that are unresolved. From this distance, one can't really say more -- maybe you already have an intuition about what they would be. But he may need some help. In any case, you shouldn't wait around for him.
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If he is 21, not in college or working, he has the makings of a very lazy or co-dependant person. if he is not making the effort, its up to you make it for him. Loving someone is one thing, but someone thats 21 years old and not producing, is a lazy person and will not amount to anything. Find a large blow torch and light it under his rear end. Its alternative time. either he gets his act together, or he gets the shaft from you. Staying with a person of this caliber, tells you what your future is going to be. Remember, you can love a college professor, just like a lazy person. the only difference is a will to be successful. your friend has no will.
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Folks, 21 is not old. If he was in his 30s, I'd say he's in trouble. At 21 there's just no telling. Many people tend to 'slack' during their early 20s, and it's not terribly abnormal - eventually they just wake up and start functioning. Do understand that it'll be a long wait, and you shouldn't support him. If he can sit around and do nothing, and he can do it on his own dime, hey, more power to him. And if you want a more ambitious man, then don't just sit there, go get one. If I were to predict the future for him, it'd be this: he'll sit around for several years before he says, "wait - it's been several years and I haven't done anything!" at which point he'll get off his butt and finish college or whatever. He'll do fine in life once he realizes that he needs to participate. By then, I presume, you'll be long gone.
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He may be suffering from depression. Suggest he seek counseling.
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He may have a different outlook on things then you do...not everyone even thinks it is necessary to "get their act together." You will wait your entire life waiting for him to change. You either need to be with him as he is, or you need to dump him and find someone who is a better fit for what you want and need.
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give him some time he is only 21, but do ask him to put some dreams down on the table if these arent goals that you want to share maybe you shouldnt be together
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Are you sure he has no ambition to do anything with HIS life or no ambition to do what YOU want him to do with his life? 21 is fairly young to have a career path up and running for many people. Perhaps you need someone who is more compatible with your dreams of your future.
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You might not want to here this but truly you answered your own question,I've been in a situation like your's and it only got worse - Lot's of luck to you
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Love him but don't spoil him. If you know he is comfortable with whatever he does now, then ask him if he'll be comfortable with that same job for the next 10 years. Does he see himself as someone doing better or doing worse than the bummer down around the corner from the free-way turn? Some of us, need a reality check from someone who cares. A little motivation and dedication never hurt anybody. Now, if he doesn't care, then move on.
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light a fire under his a$$ take some of the steps for him if you love him that much. find out what he might like to do with his life and make him do it. i hope you know what i mean. like if he's not gone past high school, take some initiative for him and enroll him in a course or at least get him some calendars from local schools and make him look through them with you. stuff like that. he'll either realize his folly and move his a$$ or he'll get pissed of because you are trying to run his life. which you have every right to do if he expects you to consider a life with him.
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Well the 21 year old grew into the 56 year old and I met him two years ago on a blind date. He still lives with his mother, never graduated from college, has 3 DWI's and refuses to go back to look for a job. He says he is "retired", has no male friends, no hobbies, no outside activities and has to call in a plumber to unclog a drain. He is lazy, obsessive compulsive and an alcoholic. His old lady is 79 years old and she put his name on the deed to the house. They go to the racetrack every night.....he has no male friends, and I dumped him once the picture started to come together. This is what happens when a parent allows her only child to become lazy and irresponsible. He takes ownership of nothing, takes no responsiblities for anything and now, because of the drinking, cant even sustain an erection. Im glad Im out of that one.
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Do not let him drag you down. Tell him that you love him and that you are leaving. Leave and make an awesome life for yourself. If he ever becomes motivated and proves it to your through his actions and words, then, if you still feel for him, consider him again. But make sure that he is not trying to become a better man just for you.
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I'd say to do whatever you need to do to better yourself and achieve what you want to achieve. Don't wait for him to start trying to do something. If you can get your goals done without him hindering you, then whatever. You could let him stay around. But if he slows you down even for a second, drop him. That's it.
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Talk it out with him.
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AuntieEm hit this one on the head. True love grows out of mutual respect, admiration, and adoration and attraction. While you may enjoy some of these attributes in your relationship, it sounds like there may be a lack of respect on both sides of the coin. You can't respect someone who has little to no motivation, and he doesn't respect you enough to get off his a$$ and do something with his life. How long do you want to wait: 1 year, 5 years, 10 years?
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omggg I was in your same situation.I hope you broke up with him. TRUST ME. you will suffer from depression n love sickness especially if you were with him fora while. but honestly ur life only gets better. i had a bf who was 19 and wasnt in school. he dropped out a be4. so i had to push him to get his ged. and so he did. then he supposedly went to community college. but then his frnd told me he wasnt going nemore. thenn..he told me he was taking driving classes to pass his road test. butt do u think he ever took his road test? nope! he told me he went but he didnt eastch the 5 hr driving movie n i kept asking him wen he was going to go take the test n he said..:"i will i will" .. i realized that I could do soo much better. n after being with him for 4 years.. when he was 21 and i was 18 i finally decided to move on with my life asmuch as i love him we jst werent at the same level. n he never had a job! n he stil lives wit him mom. honestly im not planning to pushing him around his whole lifee! I wanted to be his gf not his damn mom. so my advice to u? MOVE ON. his loss, not yours. trusttt me. :)
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Go out and have a nice romantic dinner (on him of course) them come home and tie him to the bed. Put a metal cock ring on his member, get him hard as a brick. Then as soon as you're done, before he cums, jump up, say it's over looser and get dressed and leave. Leaving him high and dry in more ways than one. This should be a good quality break-up that he'll remember for a long time. Really stomp on his feeling, make him feel lower than a dirty diaper! If you really want to freak him out without actually hurting him rub icy/hot on his balls and butt hole before you leave. If you do this make sure you gag him or he'll wake the neighbors.
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let him go and maybe he will find himself and become someone... if it's meant to be you will find eachother again. If not, well maybe Mr Right will be coming your way in someone else whom shares your views and is up to your standards?
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You already know what to do. I only wish I would have listened to my father when he told me, "You can't live on love." You can't have enough ambition for the both of you. Love will turn sour in a big way when you are getting up at the crack of dawn to go to work or school each day in order to provide the things you need, and to improve your life, and meanwhile he is lying on the couch eating Doritos and watching ESPN all day. (Or, in my case, he was watching reality TV and the Food channel.)
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If someone doesn't know or want to do anything in their life, then they really aren't ready for a relationship either. You can't be everything in this relationship, it's time for you to find someone that wants to make you their priority and forge a strong family.
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I would let him know that if he wants to be a couch potato he can do it on his own time , you've got better things to do.
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Dump him. Losers are a dime-a-dozen.
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He could be suffering from depression. If you leave him, it would certainly aggravate that.
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This happened to me with my ex he did not have no goals in life to give me and my kids a better future so it was best that he left me for another dumb ass
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Help him, didn't you say you love him?
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I would leave. Maybe then he will realize what an idiot he is to think he can sit on his ass all day and play games. Get up get a job, otherwise you will be living with mommy and daddy for the rest of your life. Not exactly something that us girls find attractive. He is going to suck the life right out of you. Dont give him any money, because you are only enabling him. Dont settle for anything less then what you want and need.
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That depends on whether you want a partner and husband or a really big baby. As long as you take care of him, he doesn't have to.
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Drop this looser like a bad habit. At age 21, if he had anything he'd be a college graduate, or in the military, or have a trade/job.
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leave him and find someone who you like
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If he cannot sort out his needs for life he is too immature for a committed relationship. You would be better to end it now and find somebody that is more adult and has the same or similar ideas for a future.
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I had the same problem with mine i told him get a job or get out when he didn't i left and he came running back and now things are going good try that it might work for you to
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You can't. He is the only one that can decide that for himself.
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maybe you need a different boyfriend
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Don't marry a man who won't work. His job is to provide, not mooch off the woman.
jtolb65 
pearllederman 
Lover of the Steel Guitar RELATED QUESTIONS
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