ANSWERS: 16
  • I answered a similar question here: http://www.answerbag.com/q_view.php/7418 The excerpt from the answer that applies here: 2. Discuss it with her and let her know that you would like to either spend more time with her or at least have a few conversations that last longer than 5 minutes. Make sure she understands that you respect her focus on her studies and do not wish to hinder her doing so. See if she is willing to make a litte extra time for you so that both of you feel like you are getting what you want/need out of the relationship.
  • HER STUDIES. Not her friends, shopping, her dog, or hobbies. Cut her some slack. How many women have put their lives on hold while a man became a Dr or lawyer, worked so he could get through school? She is only using her own time- not yours, not your $... SUPPORT her, unless she is only a girlfriend and you really don't have any future plans w/ her. Spending time w/ her is important to you, but you have 50 yrs for that. She needs to do this now. Show her you care. Bring her food [better yet, make it while she studies in the other room], quietly watch TV and ALLOW her to study. She will love you more, and MAKE time for you. Being selfish now will cause you to lose her- and if you force her to choose, she'll resent you for it- no matter which way it turns out.
  • Talk with her.
  • her studies are obviously important to her, so they should be important to you too. i understand how you may be feeling, the best you can do is talk to her about it and see if she feels she can put her studies aside for one day a week that she spends with you, explain to her it can be her day off from studying. if she doesnt want that however you cannot force her to cos at the end of the day she probably thinks the exact same as i did wheni was at college and just got with my bf and that is her results will stay with her for life guaranteed, where as your relationship might not. i always tried to compromise with my bf with my studying and it did work for me having one day to myself where i spent it with him, but towards the end of my course i had to explain to him that i cannot just put my studies on hold to see him as the two years of hard work would be a waste of time money and effort. so cut her some slack, and i suggest doing so until shes finished her studies, cos if she slacks off to spend time with you to stop you moaning about it (Not saying you do moan) and she ends up with the results she didnt want, then she will resent you for making her fail. try to be tactful in how you tell her.
  • Just talk to her and tell her that you want to spend time with her and you know that her studies are important but ask even if its 2 hours out of the day she can spend time with her or if she wants you can help her so you may not be doing what you want to be doing but your still together. my boyfriend and i are the same way im gone to school during the day and 2 nights a week i have night school hes gone to work during the day and works the midnight shift and by the time im done school hes sleeping and going to be getting ready for work and i work on the weekends late and i dont get home intill early in the morning and the rest of the week im on on call so we have the same problem but just talk to her and see what she says
  • Are you kidding? You are jealous of your girlfriends school work? What about your plans for the future or don't you have any? Either jump on the band wagon and be her biggest supporter or leave her alone and let her get on with her life. This girl obviously has a dream and you had better not get in her way or you will regret it for the rest of your life.
  • Man I have been there and can tell you right now she does not have that much to study. You don't have to confront her. I would just tell her it's over she should have talked to you a little more and then I would wait and see what happens. She might change. Even though you two are together it sounds like the relationship is gone anyway.
  • Talk to her about it, but I wouldn't expect much to change. She's working hard to make something of her life, you either have to go with the flow and support her or find someone else that has more time for you.
  • I would just support her for her decision to study. She knows what she's doing and wants to do the best, she'll spend more time with you when she finished her schooling.
  • Be supportive and helpful otherwise she will resent you for attempting to pull her away from her studies! She has her head on straight, she knows how to prioritize! Do you plan on paying her bills for life? Probably not!
  • Honestly, her studies are more important than you, in the long term. If she doesn't study now, and you're not there for her later, then she wasted her chance at improving her life. You should support her decision to study. School doesn't last forever, let her do well with it while the chance is there.
  • This question was asked on July 30, 2004, but your profile indicates you became a member in January of this year. How can that happen? Can anyone clear this up?
  • Why would you confront her about her studies being a priority? That is her choice. You have a choice too. Put up, or get out....
  • The best way to approach this is to say: I am very proud of you and all the dedication you are putting into your studies. I do not want to add any pressure to you but I need some of your time and a break would so you and I some good. See if this helps her react. Maybe she is too head deep in her studies that she has not realized she is not giving you quality time! Good luck!!!
  • Honestly, I'm gonna side with everyone else and say that you need to support her. My girlfriend is in grad school, and she has a hard enough time juggling her school work, job, me, and her friends to be worrying about your unneccesary jealousy on top of that. If we were in the same state, let alone the same area, I'd be making her food and running her a bubble bath so that when she is done with her work, she can rest easy knowing that her boyfriend is on board with helping her anyway he can to fulfill her dream. I know that's a little cheesy, but you have to understand that she's not going to take it well if you confront her about it. In my opinion, you should be figuring out ways to help her. If she sees that you're making an effort to be supportive, she'll be that much more appreciative of you in the future and she'll be more likely to support your dreams, as well. Stop thinking about the now.
    • officegirl
      Which all is very good and I agree completely. And good to see men are still noble. But realistically I have talked on here to so many young men who waited patiently, were supportive, but nothing happened or she took up with somebody else and they were very hurt and even embittered. I know there are no guarantees in life but seems to me if people really enjoy being together they make time to be together whatever. My husband is a workaholic and sometimes days pass we hardly talk because his mind is on something else. But weekends we share which is just great. And I know many young girls enjoy the self-esteem benefits of a "boyfriend" but possibly not so much beyond that. You can't "make" anyone want to be with you. Plus I see many ambitious young ladies drive themselves so much they stop being able to relax and enjoy life. So though I agree with your answer I feel I have to point out those other possibilities as well.
  • You don't give many details so I will answer generally. Please don't think in terms of "confronting" her. You need to do what is best for her. Perhaps if you addressed yourself more to what she is studying then you could help her study and spend more time with her that way. What are you accustomed to doing together that you both enjoy? She has a life of her own which is important and she may need a lot of studying to keep up. But some women get to feeling like nothing they do is ever good enough so they push themselves needlessly. Or they are trying to prove something to someone like parents. These are her issues but you might think about whether they have any validity. If she is just ambitious there is nothing you can do because she is after success of some kind which of course you cannot give her. On the other hand there needs to be a reason for a couple to be together. And if she is not enjoying you and would rather not be with you then the only reason she is still with you is because she just wants the structural support of having a boyfriend. This is a difficult one. I would say support her for now and wait until her class is over or the end of the term and she if she then has more time for you. That would be the kind thing to do. But - is possible that she's just not that into you in which case you would end up feeling hurt that you wasted your consideration on her and she did not appreciate it. But I would wait and see. If you are always pressuring her to be together that will drive her away more. People should want to be together - to spend time together and if she doesn't seem to want to or is not enjoying the time you do spend together might well be time to call it quits. But I would stay and support her long enough so you can really determine whether that is true or not.

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