ANSWERS: 17
  • a fist upside the head on the first date might be a clue
  • he always thinks he is right, and he always wants his way. a bully. surely you know what a bully is?
  • i have had two abusive relationships and didnt see any signs at the beginning both times the abuse started about a year into it.
  • Controlling behavior (wanting to know what you did with who, how you should spend your time, what you can say or not say, etc.). Isolating you from your friends and family by using excuses like they make trouble for him and/or you. Hurting animals or children both physically and/or psychologically. Calling you names and falsely labeling you and generally making you feel worthless at any time. Making you feel like he can't live without you (threatening suicide if you leave) or that you'll never get anyone better than him (threatening anyone that comes close to you). These are some of the signs...
  • Anger. How he treats other women, especially mom and sisters. Signs of controlling people OR animals. Possessiveness. Drinking. Telling you how to dress or wear your makeup.
  • Irrational jealousy..he wants you all to himself. He will try to alienate you from your family and friends. He will make you choose him over anyone else. He will make you pay for being friendly with anyone, especially any male! :(
  • Controlling behavior,intense jealousy,possessiveness,unjustified anger,alienation of friends and family,abuse towards animals,domineering,drugs and or alcohol abuse and constantly saying me or I{bragging/lying}.
  • Anger , unreasonably getting upset , logging off on me , hanging up the phone on me ,thinking selfishly about his own emotions :-) !
  • Watch for being separated from family and friends. Many abusers will not allow the abusee from seeing their family or friends. There may be excuses all the time for not visiting or having people over, there may be a demand that they don't. THEY are allowed to have friends, but YOU aren't. THEY can have secrets. YOU can't. Watch for other controlling behavior - Controlling the household money - ONLY giving enough to buy groceries, and expecting you back home, usually sooner than is physically possible. Absolute control over the phone(s), computer(s), mail, etc. - Not allowing contact with "the outside world" - They don't want you to be able to tell anyone. If rough sex is involved and the norm (and you're not into it at all), THAT COULD be a clue. Any bruises you get will be where they will not normally show. If you get hurt by the abuser in any way, especially more than once, they'll probably apologize, and say they love you sooooo much, they couldn't live without you. Constantly being told you're worthless, you can't do anything right, or ANYTHING that will lower your self-esteem/confidence or KEEP it down. They want you to believe that THEY are the answer, and nothing/no one else, and that YOU can't make it on your own. Calling you names constantly - not the lovey-dovey names, but slut, whore, bitch, c-nt, etc., Yelling, complaining about EVERYTHING you do, etc. are all clues. While this MAY be the extent of their abuse, it could also be escalated to physical abuse, later. Threats that if you leave they'll KILL themselves - Making you feel guilty for the thoughts. It's a way of control. PLEASE NOTE: If children are living in the household, they will 1) figure out how whatever's happening at home is their own fault, and/or 2) learn how to treat others or BE treated, sexes usually associated with the abuser/abusee. They could ALSO be abused, themsselves by the abuser. Children, in and of itself, is a major reason to leave and take them with you. BE VERY CAREFUL. Some abusers will go to ALL lengths to keep control, including murder or murder/suicide. If you feel you're being abused, and are ready to leave, it might be safer to call a local woman's shelter, or one near you. THEY have expertise in dealing with getting away from an abuser. If there's no shelter in your area, call a crisis line/center. If even THAT is lacking, call the police. If THEY don't help, call the STATE police. (It helps if you can document abuse - pictures of bruises/injuries, a private journal, etc.)
  • I am not an abuser ... or am I an expert ... Yet I have seen guys lose it often. During the smallest arguement >>> look into his eyes ... the rage inside will be seen here before it arrives at his hands >>> tone >>> body launguage >>> finally >>> Abuse.
  • After about a year into the relationship, he suddenly doesn't want you wearing makeup or jewelry. His reason is you are more beautiful naturally. He busts all of your makeup in the trash. You weigh 90 pounds and he tells you that you need to excercise because judging by your legs, you have the "potential" to get fat. He talks to girls like crazy, flirts, and has 50 million female friends. He even has movie tickets from dates he went on 6 years ago. He defends himself when you ask him to throw those things away. Yet, a male friend makes you a CD and he makes you throw it away. He goes out twice a week and stays out till 3 in the morning playing video games. You're not suppose to complain yet when you go out, he wants to know details and call you every minute and don't dare go clubbing with the girls because you'll cheat supposedly. (Yet you're never allowed to go with him to play "videogames".)It better just be a movie. He ignores you, acts like your feelings don't count, makes you feel like everything you say is stupid, covers your mouth when you complain and says he's just joking and yet somehow you feel like it's your fault. He has completely taken away your self esteem. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!!!!!
  • The key word is "manipulation". If he is manipulating in the relationship, warning flags should be going up
  • they keep you from your friends and family, need to know when and where you are at all times, don't let you wear make-up or the clothes YOU want to wear, these are just a few.
  • I am not sure if i am being abused. He always makes me feel terrible about my past and everything i do makes him mad. And sometimes he will grab my hand in attempt to take my cell phone and he always uses my past against me and one time he cornered me in a club and yelled at me saying i fucked him over real good. and he is so angry but then he is like ooo im so sorry i love you and then i begin to become confused because i dont feel like he is a bad person. and i know i spark alot of anger in him but i dont mean to. Its ok for him to do it and not me but that doesnt seem fair. Is it just newlywed syndrome? please email me NLStirling1720 at aol com.
  • Trying to find one. Need assistance.. meekerangel@yahoo.com the name is angel
  • He's a teabagger.
  • there are many ways. obviously if the guy gets physical when he is angry and has issues that anyone can clearly see, thats a big warning sigh. but its a little tricky to tell for some guys. for example... sometimes you hear stories about a man being abussive after getting married but he was a total gentleman when he was trying to win the girl. a good way to avoid getting involved in something like that would be to get to know his family & friends and look for any red flags (if you get to that part) and listen to your gut feelings.

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