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  • to be honest i dont really disagree, i work full time and so does my partner,so we both help out around the house, if he was sitting at home all day while i was working i would not expect to come home and tidy up and the same visa versa
  • Well since a marriage is a partnership and the Hubby has a job it is not unrealistic for the wife to handle all the domestic jobs. However, I do have a problem if he is telling her he shouldn't have to help because he has a job. I take it there are children? It wouldn't hurt this man to quit sounding like a dictator and share some of the jobs with his partner if he loves her. She is not his slave. Team work in a relationship is one of the keyes to a long Happy One!
  • I believe that she should have the house completely clean and dinner ready for him when he gets home. But after he gets home, it wouldn't hurt for him to help a little. Even if it's just taking his dish to the sink and taking out the trash. Most people don't think about the fact that being a stay-at-home-mom is a full time job as well. It's not like you're sitting on the couch, watching soaps, and eating bon-bons all day. You have to constantly be after the children, making meals, and cleaning up. So sometimes it's nice to have that little break. I mean when you go to your regular job, you usually get a couple breaks as well as a lunch hour to do with as you please. There aren't breaks for a stay-at-home-mom unless you can get all of the children to lay down for a nap.
  • Theoretically, I agree with the husband. However, in a partnership there's always some give and take. She's the stay at home mom, but that means she takes care of child care, cooking, cleaning, planning, shopping and more. That's a lot of little jobs. And though the husband works all day as well, he is part of the household enjoys the benefits of all she does. There's no reason he can't show his appreciation by offering to do the dishes once in a while. This is a timeless argument and probably won't be solved any time soon. But a partnership is a partnership, and it means a little give and take.
  • Well I have to generally agree that since he works outside the home, her job should be to take care of the home. Of course this doesn't mean he can't do a few basic things like making sure his dirty laundry makes it to the hamper and helping to discipline the kids. She needs to understand that he has been at work all day and when he comes home he isn't going to want to deal with housework, and he needs to understand that her job is being at home all day and in the evenings she needs a break. Perhaps when he gets home she can let him relax and wind down for an hour or two and then he can take over (get the kids ready for bed and tuck them in or something like that) and give her a break.
  • I think he should spend a full couple of days taking care of the kids so that he can get a better idea of the demands that they make. So that he can see how things will get left undone because the kids needs take priority. I think from the moment he walks in the door he should take care of the kids since he is 1/2 parent and it wouldn't be fair for her to "hog" them all to herself. I bet if he takes over the dinner, bath and bedtime routines she will have plenty of time to do the dishes. If none of this appeals to him, she, the woman can go back to work and they as a couple can hire a babysitter, housekeeper, chef, maid, nurse practitioner, chauffeur, delivery boy, etc to take care of the stay-at-home wife's jobs. Should only run in the $70,000.00 a year range to hire all that out (if they aren't too picky about who they hire).
  • NO one in the family has an absolute job. A home is a shared possession of both. It's care is a responsibility of both, physically as well as emotionally. If helping out with work in the house would benefit her emotionally, then it's HIS job to do whatever. If not, then she can just tell him how much dinner and dishwashing just cost him. Hand him the bill so it's clear this is her work:-)
  • I think if hes at work all day being the sole financial provider she should be happy to do her part at home. Of course, his approach leaves a bit to be desired, of course...if she doesnt think its fair...she could go out and earn the income and let him stay home!
  • I think he is right. If he goes to work all day making the $$$ to provide for the family, she should do her share during the day and take care of the house duties since she is home all day to do so. If she worked all day as well, totally different story. Only fair that the chores, dinner, etc should be evenly split.
  • If it is a problem, they should work it out in a counseling session . What does she think?
  • I would say nothing to her about her situation, I would simply relate how it works at my home. Their relationship needs to go its own course. If she feels she shouldn't have to wash them, she can express her concerns and the reasons to her husband. If the reasons aren't her own, how can she truly defend them? Personally, it should be a shared job. If they need to be done, and you are there and available, do them... why does it have to be someones job? Ultimately someone has to be responsible for them. If she is a stay at home mom, then it isn't unreasonable for him to expect her to maintain a clean house which includes the dishes. If he never chips in even spontaneously because "it's not his job" then I'd have a problem with it.
  • I am a stay at home Mom. I start work when the kids get up and I end work when my husband comes home & we sit down for dinner. At that point I consider myself off work and, my husband and I clear up together, after all, we have both worked the same length of day! When I first started to stay at home I resented the fact that I was doing everything in the house, but then one day I decided that I would treat it as my "job," with definite hours (7am - 7pm). Anything outside those hours is shared stuff. My husband is out all day at his job and I am home all day with mine. Sure sometimes it gets monotonous and you feel unappreciated, but if you think of it as your job it's easier. And, as a stay at home Mom you get all the perks of setting your own schedule, meeting with friends during the day, going to the gym, taking a walk, watching some TV etc.
  • I think as a stay and home mom it's her "job" so to speak to take care of the housework, cleaning etc. With that being said she is not a slave and he should be expected to help out around the house as well.
    • Mr PantsFellDown
  • I think he could help a bit, after all she cooked. And from what I read in the comment threads, it sounds like she works as well, so where does he come up with SAHM?? Is she working from home?? Doesn't that count as a job??
    • Mr PantsFellDown
      YOU LAZY TWATS! NO WONDER I HAVE A DOG INSTEAD OF A WIFE. You don't want to cook or clean which is a woman's FUNCTION. You don't like sex. -But you DO want to gripe at us, as if that's okay. And you want to spend all OUR money. You're USELESS !!!!!
  • I don't know. In my house, the cook never has to clean, that's everybody else's' job. Perhaps you could have her encourage her husband to take her out to eat more often.
  • I think that if he is out there working all day and she's at home and is the "stay at home wife" then it should be HER responsibilty...I mean who wants to go home after working all day and clean?! I know I don't like to...
  • She has 3 little children that's she's providing full-time care for? Ages 1, 3, & 4? If this is correct, that woman is TIRED. Taking care of one child is hard enough, but three at those ages can overwhelm and exhaust anyone. She has a job, too, and make no mistake about that. She probably has a much harder job than he does. So, let me ask you, while she is doing the dishes, is he doing anything with or for those children? Does he help with their needs at all? Does he play with them, help give them baths, get them ready for bed, read them bedtime stories, etc? I think he's clueless and he should definitely help around the house and help with his children. You indicate all he does is sit and watch television. Well, he has it pretty much made, doesn't he? Personally, I would NEVER expect my wife to carry the full household load and also care for 3 little children. I think it's very selfish of him. If they had no children, then that would be another story altogether, but that is not the case, here. You can tell her there is one man here that fully appreciates how tired and overworked she is.
  • Me and my wife both work so this isn't the arrangement. However, we have discussed the "what if". And we both agreed that the one not working should and would take care of all the home choirs. I have always helped out with things she was doing and she has always helped me out in the things I was doing (give and take). This must be why it works for us. Selfishness and inconsideration has no place in the home. Much less anywhere else. she should do the dishes, he should help with a smile on his face that says "I love you"
  • I think it's ridiculous that so many people seem to think a stay at home mom includes working (or rather, being idle) 24/7, and includes running around after the father too. Your job is to be at home and take care of the children, grown men are not children. Being a stay at home mother is a full time, tiring job in itself. If you have young children who are at home most of the time, then you're working. It's not like the children entertain themselves constantly. It's tiring, there isn't a break. If you have a job with an outside employer (e.g. in an office), then you get breaks, a lunch hour where you can do your own thing. You get time off and at the end of the day you can go home and leave your job behind. There's no escaping your job at the end of the day when you're a stay at home parent, there are no lunch hours where your children conveniently disappear. My rule of thumb is this: if I'm ever a stay at home mother, I work the same hours my partner works. If he works 7 hours a day (not including his lunch break), then so do I. When he gets home, the workload is to be shared 50/50. ''SAHM'' is not synonymous with ''slave''.
    • Mr PantsFellDown
      Oh this is such crap. Jesus Christ you women have gotten lazy. F*** this!

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