ANSWERS: 43
  • I think thats very controlling :) Since i am a guy.. I don't want my gf to keep calling me or keep asking me to call her. I will when i feel like it :P
  • No, but his answer is a "cop out". He just doesn't want to tell you that he doesn't enjoy talking to you. I never called any lady every night, until I met the lady who I ultimately asked to marry me. I did phone her on nights we were not together, if only to talk for five minutes. However, she did not need to "ask" me...I did it and didn't know why I changed my "policy". Hey guys...call me a "wuss" if you want, but when I finally met the girl of my dreams, all the rules changed! Been married over a decade and lovin' every day of it...
  • As evidenced by the previous answers to this question, the "truth" about this is different for every person and every relationship. No one can say for sure, definitively, and in every case that an expectation of a daily call _is_ controlling. What we do know for sure is that your boyfriend feels controlled by it. Some men like to keep tension and expectation in a relationship by calling a little less often, giving the woman the gift of missing him. That's a positive way of looking at things and may be motivated by a sincere desire to give to you and to keep the relationship strong. On the other extreme, some men may feel "controlled" by things in a relationship when what they really want is freedom from the relationship. And there's lots of ground in between. The only way to know where your boyfriend is on that continuum is to talk it out. Keep an open mind to both of the above possibilities... and keep an eye on your own motives as well. Remember, the best relationships are the ones where both partners have power.
  • Screw your boyfriend if he thinks that's control...wait nevermind....that isn't control that's asking too much do you really want to hear from your boyfriend every night. Or anyone for that matter. If you do, that just means you love him (that's not so bad) but what your boyfriend may be trying to say is that he doesn't he doesn't love you, like most men out here. No No I am joking. Sorry disregard my sarcasm...honey, consider time. If he has the time to call every night let him, if not understand. If you wish, you can call him too. Or don't even push the subject at all, eventually he'll get it in his mind that he is missing out on deep and meaningful conversations with his lovely girlfriend and he'll call. If that doesn't work use will power, or voodoo which ever one works best. Basically, what I'm trying to say sweetie is that all is well. Calls every night are wonderful but not the end of your world. I usually get a call every three weeks! Don't worry, now if he starts calling your black sheep cousin every night....be worried.
  • I disagree. My girlfriend wants the same thing, and I understand. It's one thing to ask him to call, but another to ask what he's doing every second of the day. There's nothing wrong with talking to your boyfriend/girlfriend once a day if for no other reason to see how their day was. I don't particularly enjoy talking to my girlfriend on the phone all the time, but I understand that she wants to talk to me at least once a day. Expecting to talk for an hour at least once a day is probably too much for most guys, but it just depends on the relationship. There's nothing wrong with talking once a day for a few minutes. Girls, if you want your guy to call you everyday, don't force him to stay on the phone longer than he wants to, and he won't be as worried about getting stuck in a lengthy conversation when he doesn't have time.
  • This is only controlling if you demand that he call you every night...if you can go without him calling you for a night or two then tell him that. Communication is very important in relationships, and beleive me, not being in contact with your significant other can lead to alot of paranoia. My ex-girlfriend wasn't one for conversation, but I always knew she was there since she was always online. The point is, if you're looking to have long, deep and involved conversations every night with him, then it will consume alot of time for both of you. Maybe he has things to do when he isn't with you, and he definitely could phone you for 5 or so minutes for the usual 'how was your day' 'ok, I love you, talk to you tomorrow' type deals, but if he doesn't have the time or desire to phone you every night and talk for a long time, its understandable. Sometimes, its better for you to be apart for a day or two, because when you see each other again, it will be much better. If you trust him, and you aren't worried about what he might be doing when he's not with you, then you shouldn't have to have him call you every night, other than what I mentioned earlier. Take it from me: A lack of communication utterly ruins relationships. If you don't have communication between the two of you it will lead to worrying and depression and all sorts of bad things. Also, if your boyfriend told you right to your face that having to call you every night is controlling, well then depending on the tone he used, how far you are into the relationship, how serious the relationship is, and what he's doing in that time, then he may not be worth your trouble. If a girl told me she wants me to call her every night, I'd probably do it for a while before telling her that i'm too busy to do that. Maybe you should re-assess your relationship with him.
  • Of course i have a gf :) I am very open minded but i do think that a guy would call his gf when he feels like it. GF shouldn't have to ask for the nightly call. Heck i call my gf all the time not because she wants me to, its because i want to. And same goes for Girls. I don't know why: "obviously not very open-minded about relationships...needs to learn a few lessons before he starts answering this" relates to my answer. The question was: do "you" agree/disagree. I have my own opinions. I haven't had any complains from my gf or my x's. I don't tell my gf to call me every night. Its something you do it if you want to.
  • What you need to ask yourself is why do you want him to call you every night. Is it because you are lonely? Paranoid? Or do you just like talking to him? Does he want to call you? This can turn into a control issue if you nag about it consistently. If he goes a day without calling for one reason or another and you jump down this throat about it, then you are being controlling. But watch out. He may call you every night because it is what you want him to do, but he might get bitter about it. You shouldn't make him do anything. Explain your reasoning for wanting him to call you, and listen openly to his response.
  • Some people just don't like talking on the phone, no matter how much they like you.
  • From a personal perspective, a girl asking me to call every night isn't that big of a deal. In fact, I call my girlfriend every day because I love her so much. It's my way of letting her know she is appreciated. To more accurately answer your question, I'd have to know more about you, which I don't. If you are just asking for a quick phone call to say "hi, how'd your day go? I miss you." Isn't controlling. If it's a bit of a mania that your partner MUST call you EVERY SINGLE NIGHT at a certain time no matter what then that would be a bit controlling and would turn me off. I'd give this guy a bit more time. I consider a phone call a day good common sense and if I really liked my partner I'd have no problem doing it. But if this is a supposedly serious relationship and he can't summon up the energy for a quick nightly phone call, you may want to consider someone else that better suits what you need.
  • I would say try to be supportive, and see if there's any sports that interest you, then you can say "but I watch your sports games" when you want to do something together with him
  • I have always thought a relationship was a two way street where there should be understanding going both ways.This said, what prevents you from picking up the phone and calling yourself? Should it be only up to your boyfriend to be making the calls to keep the communication going? To tell you the truth, if my girlfriend didn't want to make the effort to pick up a phone once in a while and call me I'd start to wonder just how devoted to the relationship she was. While I hate the phone (I keep conversations under 3 minutes if I can help it) there is nothing wrong with calling my girlfriend most nights, BUT, there are nights when I'm not really near a phone, I.E. the other night I was helping a friend till almost 11 pm fixing he car. Would it have been reasonable to expect me to walk around and look for a pay phone to call her? Or expect me to check in for permission to work on the car before I went to help my friend? This is one of those subjects that need to be talked about and worked out in a relationship. Several times I've called my girlfriend only to be told she was just on the way out somewhere. Should I give her the 5th degree about where she's going and with who? Not likely. I trust her as I hope she trusts me. Demanding a nightly checkin seems to me to be a sign of distrust. I'd rather get together with her nightly even if its just for 10-15 minutes just to see her smiling face, but, I know that would appear needy, smothering and maybe a little like I don't trust her so I give her space. Usually me and my girlfriend see and/or talk to each other every 2-3 days. Again its something you need to work out for yourself. What works for one couple doesn't always work for the next.
  • From someone who has been there on the end of being the one expected to call every day, absence truly does make the heart grow fonder. It can feel suffocating to feel that you have to communicate with your boyfriend/girlfriend every single day. There are some days when there just isn't anything to talk about, nothing exciting is going on, and life is just so-so. And that is when it can be frustrating and the argument of "well if you didn't want to talk to me why did you bother to call" comes in. Give him some space. Talk to him every two or three days and you will find your communications will be much more meaningful and probably more enjoyable as well.
  • To me, if someone is TRULY in love with another person...they WANT to talk to them every day. Even if it's for 5 minutes. I mean, how do married people stay married if they can't talk to each other every day? I mean...they have to be in each other's faces living in the same house. If you aren't going to spend every day together, you can at least talk on the phone to say..."Hey, I was thinking about you...wanted to know how your day went." That shows you truly care. It's obvious to me if you're having to TELL your boyfriend that YOU want to talk to him and he's bucking and saying he doesn't want to talk to you every day...then maybe you need to be finding another boyfriend. Someone who DOES want to hear about your day every day. I had this same problem with a boyfriend of mine for 3.5 years and he complained that I said I wanted to talk to him every day...that he had nothing to say. Well, after I broke up with him, I have now found someone who voluntarily calls me about 3 times a day, just to say hi. He does it without any prodding from me. So I say...go find yourself someone on the same relationship maturity level.
  • I do actually. Insisting that someone call you according to any pattern set by you, whether its daily or monthly, is controlling. Although I'm female, I've had boyfriends who have gotten uptight when I missed calling them one night and I felt hopelessly stifled because I felt like they didn't trust me. Its not that he doesn't want to speak to you, its just that he doesn't want some rigid pattern that will potentially lead to suspicion and mistrust if he dares to stray from it. The truth is sometimes not much happens in a day and all those conversations where you have nothing interesting to say apart from "I love you", "I love you too" can get a bit grating after a while- give him some time to collect stuff to talk about and you'll have much better conversations anyway. I also don't get "I would like him to call me" - if you want to talk to him that bad why don't you call him? Chill out, don't be so needy, let him decide when to call you, if you really have something you want to talk about- call him! He will appreciate you respecting his personal space and value you more- isn't this more important than some tim,etabled nightly phonecall with nothing in particular to say? With a more laid back, less rigid attitude you stand a lot more chance of cultivating a healthy and interesting long lasting relationship.
  • I read all the answers because I was looking for answers on that matter myself. One thing that feels reassuring is that I'm not the only one wanting to be called everyday. But I still don't klnow if it's controlling or not. Maybe it is. Maybe it's just what I idealized about a relationship. I have a wonderful relationship right now, my BF is great, it's just that he's not a big caller. Can I change him? No. Can I try to loosen up a bit? Probably.
  • I read all the answers because I was looking for answers on that matter myself. One thing that feels reassuring is that I'm not the only one wanting to be called everyday. But I still don't klnow if it's controlling or not. Maybe it is. Maybe it's just what I idealized about a relationship. I have a wonderful relationship right now, my BF is great, it's just that he's not a big caller. Can I change him? No. Can I try to loosen up a bit? Probably.
  • I'm the same way I like to hear from my boyfriend on a nightly basis too, not because I think he's untrustworthy but because I like to know how his day went or maybe I had a bad day and just wanted to hear his voice and feel a little better sometimes it's that breath of fresh air at the end of a bad day that can make ya feel better =)however if he didn't call for a night I can let it go and not freakout but if it's days in a row then be worried. goodluck.
  • Are you saying if a man doesnt call his wife every night he is a way he doesnt love her?
  • I was married to my wonderful wife for 14 years before she died, and I was a long-haul trucker for many years after a career in the Navy, gone two or three weeks at a time, home two days and gone again. I called her about three to four times while I was out. Each person and relationship is different. That was enough for her and enough for me. Dont push him about it. Just let it ride. Does he treat you with respect? Is he respectful of your wants and wishes otherwise? He may feel like you are checking up on him like you dont trust him. That can be very annoying. I live 100 miles from my current girl friend, we get along great, we call each other at least every other day or so, and get together about every two weeks for a couple of days. We have been going together for about two years. It works for us.
  • Wow, I'm a guy having problems with my girl not e-mailing/calling me. I'd like it if she called me every day. I'd call her, but she's in LA at present and I don't have a number for her. It's extremely frustrating, especially since she expects me to wait several months to a year for her. Frankly, i don't think I can deal with it...it's driving me crazy, because we were great when we were together.
  • If you have a need to talk to your boyfriend every night, take the initiative and tell him what time you will can and if thats ok with him. That way you get to talk to him but on terms that you both agreed on.
  • I think if you're in a relationship you should probably be talking to your significant other at least once a day. If you have to make this kind of a request (and its getting denied)then I don't think your boyfriend is very caring or interested. Sorry!!! My intention isn't to hurt your feelings but I'm just being honest. Hope it works out for you guys! =)
  • I dont think there is anything at all wrong with wanting to talk to your bf everynight. If thats what you want out of a bf(closeness, communication) then you should be able to have it! really, is that so much to ask? I dont think so...but, maybe from his point of view it is...so...dont take it personal and communicate with him!
  • I can kind of agree, but then again why would he not want to talk to everyday. I guess it really depends on if you see him everyday or not. If you don't and they live away from you then hell no it is not controlling. Communication is a key element to any relationship!!!! You should just tell him to quit being an ass! lol!
  • Honestly, and I'm only speaking for myself, I find it a little controlling. My feeling is that you need to ask yourself why you want him to call you every night. Do you feel insecure if he doesn't?
  • it really depend on how far into your relationship you are and what your level of commitment is. If you are not engaged, it might be a bit much - not to do it, but to insist on it.
  • Yes it is, Asking him to do this is treating him as you would a child and it is pointless. If he is going to have an affair (however brief) he will do it whether he phones you or not and if he is going to lie about it, then lie he will. Would you make the same request of a girlfriend or family member? You should only want your boyfriend to call you if he actually wants to, not because you have nagged him into it or laid down the law. And, him calling every night won't make you feel any more secure about things that you do now, as soon as you put the phone down, it will be as if you never spoke.
  • It seems a little controlling. You could make some effort and call him though. Don't make it all his "responsibility"
  • i do think it is a little bit... but i see where you want him to want to call you... and he doesn't see why it matters if he calls you all the time. i agree with him
  • I'm having the same problem with my boyfriend of 3 months, except he will not call at all. Any dates are scheduled online. He told me that he doesn't like to talk on the phone unless it is business related. And, no, he is not married. I just wish I knew how to ask him (without sounding "needy") to call me at least every 3 days since I don't get to see him for a least a week, sometimes two because of his work schedule.
  • I dont think a request in itself that is free of emotional pressure / overtones is controlling. However insisting he does may be so. Maybe nightly is too often for him, and he would like some space to do other things too.
  • I don't know if it's controlling, exactly- but it is taking all the fun out of it. If you HAVE to talk every night, then you start to dread it, instead of looking forward to it. But what if his family is in town and they want him to take them out, or he's out with the guys, or something like that? Does he have to stop what he's doing to call you for an hour? That does seem a little rediculous. Maybe just call him and if you don't talk for an hour that night, that's okay. I think instead of controlling, so much, I would say it seems needy. Just let things happen, and don't force it. Otherwise it WILL be strained, and not as much fun, if at all.
  • I stopped here as well because I'm having the same problem. I'm in a long distance relationship and early on of course we called each other a dozen times a day and talked for hours. That slowed down to 2 or 3 hours together online at night and a call twice a day. Until one day he didn't call on his way to work 5 months into and I flipped out. LOL. I was convinced that our relationship was over or that something had happened to him and he was dead on the side of the road somewhere. Turns out he was just late for work and didn't take the time to call in his rush. I knew it irked him and he was right to be annoyed, I was way over reacting. I apologized, he said he loved me and things were until a few weeks later he didn't call on his way home. When I called him I got his voicemail and flipped out again (yeah yeah, chill out woman). Turns out he was tired on his way home and when he got home he fell asleep. Things were fine and of course he was irked, I apologized AGAIN for being paranoid and things were fine until last night. LOL. I was at a seminar for work and suddenly realized it was 2:30 and I hadn't heard from him. He's 2 hours ahead of me in time zone and I knew he was home. OMG, he hadn't called on his way to work, during his lunch hour, or during his ride home. The relationship was over, he hated me, he was dead, hit by a truck. LOL. Yeah, I majorly flipped out. Online last night I didnt' wait for an explanation I jumped on him for not answering my texts or voicemails. Soooooooooooo, how do you suppose he reacted to that. LOL. Not a fun night. (Btw, we were online until midnight his time and he worked at 5am the next morning. He came home and took a long nap.) I knew he had a thing set up wiht one of his buddies for last night, he told me about it last week. He left for it without saying goodbye or calling on his way to or from there. Of course by then I was crying buckets thinking I'd screwed up a relationship with the best guy I ever met. Called my dad who said to shut up and calm down and leave the boy alone. That he (my dad) KNEW my bf was in love with me, he could tell and to just chill and if I didn't give him some space and time to himself I was going to lose him. Golden advice from pop once again :) He DID log back on when he got home. I was still chatting with my dad online. Bf made no mention of my melt down. We talked as if it never happend and when I apologized for flaking out he simply said he loved me. LOL. NOW .. how spastic do you think I actually am whether or not he's going to call me on his way to work in an hour? VERY . .but I refuse to call him and bug him. I sent him a good morning text message and that's it. I'll leave him be. My point . . CHILL OUT. I can totaly relate to how great it makes you feel when you talk to him at night. Just the sound of my man's voice calms me and makes me sleep great every night but I want him to call because he wants too, not because I"m forcing him too. It's NOT going to be easy but just find a way to deal with it. My way? Writing WAYYYY tooo long posts to bug other people instead of picking up the phone. Talk to someone OTHER than him on the phone. A girlfriend, mom, dad, brother . . anyone. Good luck and it will work out, just have some faith and trust in your guys love.
  • ok how about this...even though i think i already know the answer... what if it bothers me that he doesnt call me after he gets home from a night out with his boys? lol
  • I agree it is controlling and man don't like having controlling women. Let him call when he wants to.
  • There is a difference between saying you'd like something and making it a requirement. My boyfriend knows that I love when he gets on daily, so he does when he can. On the flip side, however, he also knows that this is something HE is doing to make ME happy, it's not something I require for the relationship to work. If he is not able to get on that day, I understand. (We do the online talking more than phone) Often, I ask of him, if he knows he won't be on a day, to let me know in advance and it doesn't bother me. If you are so keen on talking to him daily, maybe you could ask him about if YOU calling him some of the times would make him feel better. If not, you need to respect he does need his time. And if you let him know this, it'll help him want to make YOU happier more, and MAYBE even get him to call you more often. Good luck.
  • Are you that insecure that he has to call you every night? If it is just about hearing his voice on the other end of the line before you go to sleep then why in the hell can't you call him. Sounds like you might be insecure about his feelings for you and you think by him calling every night it is somehow going to make you feel more secure about his love for you. Think about it for a minute. Lets say he did call you every night and told you he loved you. Wh is to say that he really means it3 There is a saying that it takes jusst seconds to say I love you but a lifetime to prove it. That is so true. It also goes along with the one that says actions speak louder than words. If this guy has done everything in his power to go out of his way to prove to you he loves you then he shouldn't have to call you every single night just to reinforce that.
  • I agree. He should call you because he wants to and not because he feels like it is a chore. Do not be surprised if you push/drive him away.
  • I agree. You shouldnt have to ask him to call you everyday, he should do that on his own. I'd say fine dont call me, and I wouldnt call him either and see if he starts calling to find out whats going on. lol
  • You sound more like a parole officer than a girlfriend. Why not just spring for the GPS tracker?
  • I think he should want to check in and make sure you're okay. If you're trying to be controlling by making him call every night that's the wrong thing to do. If you need to hear from him on a nightly basis just to make sure he's okay then I don't think it's too much to ask him to do that. If he feels that's controlling then he's not the right one for you. The right guy for you will want to meet your needs.
  • he has a point cause youre telling him how often to call

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