• are you married yet or just engaged?
  • Yes, you betrayed her trust so all bets are off....
  • Normally, I'd say this is grounds for breaking-up, even if it were a complete stranger, but this is an ex. Someone that you've had feelings for and possibly been intimate with. That elevates the whole situation as it's not only a violation of trust, but it seems like you're having trouble letting go of your ex. I would deem this an obvious sign that you're not 100% willing to give yourself to your fiance.
  • i dont think so. i think you showed how much your fiance means to you by coming to your senses and ending the cybersex/not going over to your ex's house. everyone makes mistakes, so if you make a concentrated effort to show your fiance how much you love her and don't do it anymore, maybe she'll forgive you.
  • You bet it is. I would have been gone as soon as I found the archive. You broke your fiance's trust on the most basic level no matter how you try to sugar coat it. It doesn't matter that you stopped it before it turned into a meeting. What matters is it happened at all. Honestly, this shows me that you don't want to get married and are sabotaging the wedding instead of being a man and coming out and telling her that. You need to come clean to her that you're not ready and are having second thoughts.
  • Yep I definetly say break up is in order no different for phone sex.
  • I must say, this has happened to me. My boyfriend "talked dirty" with another girl. He works with her and goes to college with her and so he sees her quite often. I found out because I read a conversation between the two of them, much like your fiance did. It had happened two weeks before I read the message. He came over after I told him I found out and stayed for several hours. He told me that they never had sexual contact, just dirty talk. He apologized and tried to tell me how sorry he was and how much he loved me. I love him alot, and by the way it seemed, he loved me too, and he was truly sorry, so I forgave him. I don't necessarily think your conversation with your ex is grounds for breaking up. But you should understand that your fiance is probably in a terrible amount of pain. The day I read the message was certainly the worst day of my life so far. The sadest I have ever been. I'm sure your fiance is confused on how to feel. If she does break things off, my advice to you would be to not give up on her. I considered taking a break with my boyfriend, because I knew that if he truly loved me, he would try to get me back, and if he didn't, he would go back to that other girl. If she decides to take a break, remain faithful. Give her a couple of weeks, and then let her know that you still love her, and you are truly sorry. If she loves you, she will take you back.
  • Yeah because that's mean. You're enjoying while he's toiling!
  • Sure it is. If you consider having sex (cyber or otherwise) with someone else, you shouldn't be getting married. Staying single will save you a lot of money in the future because you won't have to pay for a divorce.
  • As far as I'm concerned that is cheating. Whether you feel guilty or not. Plus you hid it. Your fiance has every right to terminate the relationship. But, he may not. In that case, he really cares for you and you better prove that his caring is worth it.
  • You mentally cheated on your fiance even if you didnt actually physically do it. You knew it would hurt your fiance. Do your fiance a favor and call your wedding off, let someone who actually loves them and wont hurt them marry them instead. unforgivable in my view.
  • My personal opinion is "yes". You broke the trust your partner had in you. That is hard to earn back!
  • Yes..because it show how much you love and respect him, which i would say not much
  • This has happened to me. I just found out yesterday, while on my fiance's computer looking up music. He was talking to his ex (of 3 years), asking for pictures of her in her bra and undies. Throughout our relationship i have been faithful in every way possible. Even ending a relationship with a friend, because he thought i was too close to him. I am a uni student and i work a full time job in the hours of a part time person. He was msning her, while i was at work. I don't know how i can get over this. Everything about this hurts me so badly, to the core. I have done nothing wrong, and i don't know why he has done this at all. I know i am younger and prettier than she is. Doesn't he love me anymore. Should i break it up? I am normally a very strong person, and a good judge of character and very patient, however this time it is really hurting me deep down. What should i do? Any advise is welcome. Hurting @ core ~Christine~
  • Yes it is, and it'd probably be better for both of you. It'd save her the time having to deal with you, and you the money having to pay for the wedding and lose half your shit in a divorce.
  • Yes, seriously, you aren't even married yet and you are doing this?!
  • Yikes!
  • Thankyou to everyone who answered my comment. It was oo helpful. Even though i dont know any of you, i really appreciate your comments!!! thanks!! oHH BTW, i am still with him, ive given him another chance, and i have been checkin up in him for the past 3 months and he hasnt even talked to her, except i did see an email from his ex and it sounded like he talked to her about the situ and its all sorted out now. I have been keeping up my guard for now, until he can rebuild my trust. then we'll see about the other stuff. lotsa luv ~christine~ ...i mean da deppstar
  • whats cyber sex?
  • How did she fine out? And, well, its just a matter of whether or not she can trust you. Cyber sex? I mean, how can she feel good about that.
  • I would say so. unlike physical sex I would not flat out tell him to leave you, but I would tell him to strongly consider it.
  • just because you have not cheated in the way of anything physical, you have mentally. this behaviour is unacceptable and you only stopped when it was a possibility of becoming a reality and that comes with the dangers of being caught. do your partner a favour and let them go and find someone who loves them so much that they do not need cheap thrills by having cyber or any other form of sex. you will probably regret this mistake for the rest of your life and i hope you learn a great deal from it.
  • You cybersexing with your ex doesnt give your fiance a warm and fuzzy feeling that you are 100% committed to the relationship and marriage. I dont think that it's grounds for breaking up but it would place serious doubt in my mind as to what level of serious you are. In a committed relationship you have to have an open line of communication with the other person. If you told him about your cybersex session you could have dealt with the problem right then and there. But you choose to hide that and he got wind of what you did and only amplified the problem ten-fold. He probably feels like he cannot trust you because of issues like this. Maybe you were getting cold feet or perhaps you were looking for a way to sabotage the marriage but couldnt bear to tell your fiance. If you want out just tell him. Dabbling in the past with an ex is not a good idea. Out of curiosity, how did your ex find out?
  • i dont know i mean my boyfriend/fiance was complimenting a girl and i went mad. because i became paranoid and hurt. depends on if you can promise him you wont talk to him again. put his mind at risk. i mean you'd stop talking to an ex to avoid jeproadising what you have with your fiance wouldnt you!
  • Yes, it is. In fact you should break up. He should break with you, because you are not trustworthy. You should break with him because you are not ready for marriage.
  • If I were your fiance I would end the relationship immediately. I could never trust you again.
  • Consider postponing the wedding until you are both comfortable enough with each other NOT to do that.

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