ANSWERS: 11
  • I suppose a good way of thinking about it is how you see yourself in the future. Imagine yourself in a years time 5 years 10 years perhaps. Is this person in your plans? If you future plans without being too obsessive feature the other person strongly then I would think that you at least believe you are in a serious relationship. If the other person feels the same way then I would think you have the makings of a serious relationship.
  • When in a relationship, you should take a moment to reflect on the person you're with. Can you see yourself still being with this person in the future? And very important...are you sure of your feelings for the person? Sometimes we get into relationships, and we think that we have something good, despite feelings of doubt that may be lingering. You might be with somebody that you have tons in common with, but as a relationship, despite how much you want it to work, it isn't really going through. You will know that the relationship is serious when you think about your partner and it makes you smile, and you can't wait to be with that person, and most importantly, you know that the person feels the same way...if you are ever unsure of the way your partner feels about you, then it is an issue you should address. If you end up talking about getting married, what your kids might look like, where you would want to live when you get married...then chances are that your relationship is very serious. You should take into account what you guys do together...if you don't need to go out all the time, but instead feel great just being together at home, watching a movie together, going out every now and then with groups of friends, or to see a movie together, and you are still happy together, then you are in a strong, solid relationship. And if you can look each other in the eyes and say 'I love you' and actually mean it, then you have somethign special right there.
  • When I read the heartfelt questions here at Answerbag.com, I have the sense that many people do not take the time to consider what they have to offer in a relationship nor what they actually want in one. I use to walk in these shoes. A few years after a divorce, a friend suggested I do the “assignment” which follows here. Probably, like most people, I was dating somewhat haphazardly, never really understanding that there were considerations that might help me get focused. Actually, at that time, I didn’t think I needed to be focused: I thought, “If it’s meant to be ... it will [magically] just happen!’ What follows are the instructions for a written “assignment” for those of you who are wondering, “What do I have to do to be in a good relationship?” With encouragement, humbly I say, “Just try it.” While there are never any certainties in life, I pass on this self awareness technique and will tell you what it genuinely did for me later: Before you begin, always remember that this, your written document, is for your eyes only! It is meant to clarify your own personal thinking and is not meant to literally share with anyone else. Purchase a blank, lined yellow legal pad. At the top of the first page, write: “MY FANTASY MAN [or Woman]” Write down the following subtext just beneath the title; this is the focus of what you will write: “I DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS TO ANYONE ELSE! I ONLY KNOW THAT WHICH MAKES ME HAPPY AND CONTENT MORE TIME THAN NOT. AS I UNDERSTAND THIS ABOUT MYSELF, I ONLY WRITE WHAT I HAVE TO HAVE TO BRING THIS REALITY INTO MY LIFE.” Without any judgment from your own inner “voices,” (remember this is “fantasy,” right?) start listing everything you can think of that resonates with the title and subtitle, referring to them frequently, lest you get sidetracked by your own self doubting or self-critical thinking. Then, you begin to make a list of these “have-to-have’s” clearly remembering to focus on only those traits, behaviors, characteristics, actions and qualities that have importance to you! This written exercise is like a form of stream-of-consciousness. What you are looking for and how you write about it will be quite different than anyone else. This is as it should be; everyone has different wants. There is only one you, unique and special in your very own way. The rest of the written assignment goes like this: • Continue to make your list, one item per line • This is done in one sitting only! Trust the process. • Afterward, take your “wants” pad and put it away in a desk or drawer ... • The "rule" given to me was Let it BE [put away] for three days, without looking it over again or adding anything more. Trust yourself and do not second guess: most likely your want is in there, in one form of a sentence or another. • On the fourth day, review each and every want, then ... With a colored highlighter pen, CIRCLE ONLY those qualities that you have to have and that fulfill the subtext of the exercise. No compromises. ---- For me personally, what happened as a consequence of doing this exercise: • I got completely and utterly clear about who I was: what I was wanting was not a fantasy. Most wants were fairly rational. • I understood what I wanted from a relationship. • I had to hold myself responsible to meet these standards too! • I got to understand that the things that weren't highlighted in the assignment were negotiable. • It settled for me that even the most intellectually and/or emotionally availableman was not necessarily "datable" just because I wanted “company.” And, that maybe I was dating sometimes to avoid developing myself. • I realized that I could honor each individual person. There were no “wrong” men ... just ones not “right for me.” • I could honor my own choices and be free from comparison. • I could be honest about my intentions right from the beginning and they with me without worry. • This could serve and save both of us unproductive time, choosing not to “waste” their precious time or mine. • The word "potential" is bullshit. • It is not my job or my right to change anyone else. I could be completely aware of what I was getting into • No more ... "Let's wait and see!!!!" Trust this exercise. Personally, for me it was truly profound. Truth is, none of us really “need” to be in a relationship. We can function without one. However, if you are “looking” ... decide that you (like I) must be clear in thought, word and deed, with no mixed messages or surprises later. Life has a way of delivering challenges anyway. Hopefully, this exercise will give you your own clarity about who you are and who you choose to date or spend a life with. --- After doing this exercise, I returned to my own professional work and creativity with much renewed vigor! I continued to develop my own talents. And, I wanted to answer YES to the question, “Are you the person you want to marry?” After all, it was only fair! I met my beloved Eric four months later! We will be celebrating our 25th anniversary in a year. More importantly, we still on our honeymoon ... no kidding! Recently, while at lunch with a bunch of friends, everyone was talking about the “one thing they would change in their mate.” When I was asked, I said, “I would not change one thing about him. I would never want him to be someone else.” This was true in the beginning and it is still true now. I have never felt so independent or privileged.
  • When you become engaged, then you know you're in a serious relationship.
  • You know you are in a serious relationship when the beauty and magnitude of it touches your whole life and calls or suggests upon you to make significant changes or a commitment to nurture the deepening relationship. Sexual intimacy in itself is not a symbol of a serious relationship, rather the degree of emotional connection, feeling and investment is the real marker. Serious relationship suggests commitment, either in time devoted, or emotional investment. Serious relationship maybe is a point where one has gone beyond dating, and where both parties feel that the other is a significant part of their life and will continue to be so for a significant amount of time. If you know that to part would cause extreme heartache for a long time you know you are in a serious relationship.
  • When you receive a marriage proposal.
  • Someone tells me i desire to have serious relationship with you...what does he mean by that? and how shall i react to this? sure i like it but how serious and what is he going to do about it? btw, I'm in a LDR so will it work? pl advise..
  • I have always dream to have a meaningful lasting and loving relationship before and even after married. The marriage was a serious relationship but there were no deep commitment from his part. So we split amicably and now divorced I am in search for better level of relationship = meaningful and lasting relationship.. I have never looked back and still searching ...
  • Because you will be included in all activities and this person will spend endless quality time with you. This person tells you about there day or what is going on with them.
    • Percussion
      Sounds like heaven.
  • I don't know, but, when I do, I hope someone warns me or at least puts me out of that misery.
  • When they are the only person you are interested in.

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