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  • If you’re not ready to be graphic yet, relax. Detail trumps explicit language every time. After all, sex isn’t just about the parts down there. The key is to be as descriptive as you can. “I’m brushing my lips across the back of your neck…you can feel my warm breath right between your shoulder blades, as I start lightly kissing down your spine…” Think specifics. You know your lover’s body, so use that knowledge to make him feel like you’re there with him. No generic dirty phrase will ever compare with.
  • Say, "Hey baby, what do you think of Donald Trump's plan to drop the tax rate to less than zero, for rich people?" And then say, "Did you take the garbage out?" And then..."ooh baby, BABY!! Ooh! I cut my finger opening a can of peanuts. Owie!" And then get his credit card #
  • Anything that will get him off.
  • You want some real advice? Let him tell you what he's doing to himself and what he wants to do to you. And then just go "ooh baby! Oh!! OH!! (like youre doing yourself too, and find what he's doing hotter than a girl can stand Oooooooh!! Baby! Yea, put it in there. Yea!! Ooh! Yea!! ooooohh....and like that. Em, not that Mr Pants would know anything about these matters. But I know about being a guy. Let him tell you about his schwang and your T & A and he'll be done quicker than superman. (All you really need to do is take your cues from what he says. He likes using peanut butter? Tell him you're opening a jar even now. He wants to be spanked.Tell him he's a naughty naughty boy, and needs a good spankin' and you're pulling down his pants and putting him over your knee - and ooh! you naughty naughty boy. I can feel your donk between my thighs. Naughty! SPANK Naughty! SPANK Naughty! SPANK (and clap your hands for a sound effect) ...and like that.)
    • we are dough 68
      Oh, boy. You made me come eight times in five minutes. You are a little too good at this for a first timer. (contacts vice squad informer for criminal info on Mr. Pants). (reaches for more tissues to clean carpet).

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