My full question. What if you found out about your husband, calling another woman almost everyday (at least 5-6 days a week, every week), on the way to work, and then on the way home, for about 20 minutes each call. And this was kept from you for a year and a half. He works with this woman every day, on top of that, every third week he works alone with her from 5-9pm or later. He also texts her a bunch every month, sneaked out to the car (where he always kept his phone when he was home, for "privacy") to text her or call her when he's out picking up take-out. Frequently when he is stuck at work, he would call me for 2 minutes and let me know, then call her for 40+ minutes until he was able to leave. He'd call her 11pm and later, her fiance drives a truck, so he's not home a lot. We have been trying to pay off some debt the past two years, and yet he has been buying her lunch all the time. You don't do that when you're in debt, and friends don't let one person buy the lunch all the time, they share the cost. This has gone on for a year and a half when you suddenly find out about it, at the same intensity, constant calling etc. He swears that they are just friends, that it started up when he was upset one day at work, over a fight we had once, then they turned into really good friends. He admits to having told her a lot of personal stuff about our relationship. I could almost understand if he slipped up and talked to her about our private problems, and then they turned into friends who occasionally talked to help each other out. As much as that hurts. What I cannot believe or accept, is that this was just a friendship, when he called her so much. He would call her for 20 minutes or so during his drive to work, be at work all day with her, call me for 2 minutes or so when he got out of work, then her for almost the entire drive home. I'd start making dinner for us after he called, and the whole time he was talking to her. He would do this the next day, then the next then the next etc. When I went through the bills during this period, I was praying just to find a day or two where he did not call her. Is this the behavior or just friends? do they need to call each other so obsessively. I can't make sense of that. My instinct tells me it must have meant more to him. I could never do that to someone I love, and if I could, the person I was doing it for would have to mean an awful lot to me. It does not make sense to me, I can't understand why, if they were just friends, that they needed to call each other to the extent that they did, why did he need to buy her lunch all the time and hide it from me. He says he did not tell me because he knew it would upset me. When I ask why he called her so much, why he bought her lunch all the time, he does not have an answer, he says it did not feel excessive at the time, but that he understands that it does not make sense to me. On top of what he's done, I will never get any sort of real explanation. My choices are to either accept what he says, though that's not even a real possibility now that all trust it entirely gone, or I believe what, in my mind, fits the behavior. Which is that she meant a lot more to him than just a friend, whether they had a physical relationship or not. But he never stopped, he slept next to me every night and lied to me every day. And he never felt bad enough to stop, never considered that what he had done and was continuing to do had broken any trust our relationship had. He knew it would break my heart, none of that was enough for him to tell me the truth or at least stop. Instead of the honest and frank person I thought him to be, he was a selfish and thoughtless jerk. I can't believe I'm even posting this, It's been a month and I keep hoping I'll wake up and this will all be a bad dream, that the person I've been in love with for 7 years is not the stranger that I now live with. I just need to hear some other peoples thoughts and feelings, am I alone in feeling like this?

A husband and wife should have no secrets! Ditch him now and let the other women find out what a bastard he really is.

It seems like alot more than a friendship..if she were just a friend..there would be no real reason to keep it from you..Just my opinion, I could be wrong..though that rarely if ever happens. ;):)

Realisticaly You already know the answer.He's having sex with her.If you need proof buy a voice activated mini tape recorder put it in the car before he goes to work,he makes a call to her ,you hear the results.

Its possible that they are just friends, but i wouldnt count on it,in your heart you know whats going on, I,m sorry ...good luck

First off, it *could* be a friend. I like the tape recorder idea. But people hide things and lie for a reason. Are you easily upset or angry about things? Either way it goes *HE* is in the wrong for lying all this time and you need to put your game face on because the fact of the matter is that he is *most likely* cheating. Either way you need to stand up for yourself NOW. Not tomorrow, not someday. There are plenty of places and even shows you can call and get a polygraph done, so you either get some closure or relief from your doubt. Like I said, sounds all bad but you need to wake up, this isn't going to get better. He has been lying, cheating, or both for a very long time and the least you deserve is some answers. best of luck to you

you already know the answer. im so sorry!

We all know the answer to that and so do you. Here i''ll tell you a little story real similar to yours and you tell me what you think of it after that. I was going out with this guy a few years back i was with him for 2 years. my family knew him and i knew his, our relationship was serious because we were engaged and everything(i did'nt had the ring yet but everyone knew about our plans). Anyways, there was this girl in his neighborhood that started talking to him and when i found out about her i told him that i did'nt like him talking to her and well he said it was just a friend. weeks later there was a letter to him from her she said how she felt about about him that she liked him and everything. so then that's when i said to him "you know what this has to stop". after that me and him started having problems she would call him. But i would answer his phone and i would tell her to stop calling because i did'nt want her talking to him anymore and she would say "we're just friends there's no reason for you to get mad." he even got her a job where he worked. so one day she called again and i was so mad i answer the phone and cuzed her ass out and told her to finally stop calling that i did'nt like her and my boyfriend talking she said she was calling for a c.d and (other times she said it was about work) so i told her that she was gonna have to find somebody else to burn c.ds for her and whenever she had questions about her job to call her manager,supervisor or whatever but not my boyfriend. That's when i got tired of all that and i told him that he had to stop talking to her unles she was more important than me. We had an aggreement he said he was gonna stop because he did'nt want any problems with us. So he did or at least i thgough he did for a while, because i would go through his cell phone whenever i was with him and 1 day i guess he 4got to erase the # i saw it. I started going off on him and i was so mad i threw his cell phone to the road and a car ran over it he went over and picked it up. it still worked because after he took me home i called her from his cell and i cuzed her out again. after that i told him he had to choose between me and her if he wanted to be with her then to go ahead but if he wanted to be with me then he had to stop any communication with her. While all this was going on he was also always making up excuse about how he could'nt come over to see me or go out. he would see me less and called me less, basically we were having problems all around. that same year on my birthday he didn't even call to say happy birthday or brought me anything so i told him the next day i had to really talk to him personally and he came over. we talked and the last thing he said to me that day was that he wanted to finally get marry sooner and he could'nt wait anymore so i knew we had went through a lot the past few months and said ok i agree. guess what happened the week after that? ................he told me that he was sorry but that he had slept with someone and she was pregnant by him. He made up this big story about how he got drunk at one of his friends party and did'nt know what the hell he was doing and ended up sleeping with some girl he did'nt even know. of course i did'nt believe him but i did break up with him because even though i loved him so much and really wanted to marry him i could'nt forgive him for what he did. i did ask who was she and all he could say was you don't know her. a month later i found out who it was because i saw them together and to my surprise it was the same exact girl that he had been talking to all this time, the one that he said was only his friend, the one that started our problems. yup the one that he talked to, the one that WORKED with him, the one that that was ONLY HIS FRIEND. and well today he is still with her actually they are married. you know what the funny thing is? this same exact thing happened to him a few years b-4 he was with me with another girl he was suppose to marry except he was in my place, so i don't know why he did that to me knowing exactly how much it would hurt. another funny thing is a year ago he came back to me asking me to fogive him, that his relationship with that girl was having problems right now. i told him that that was years ago and i could'nt. i did though saw him a few times and for a while he was going to my house everyday basically the story change around and she was calling me to see if he was over at my house because he was'nt home that's when i got a little revenge and said "how does it feel to call me the girl the he left for you asking me if he's here with me, that he came back" and i also told her "don't worry we're just friends you have nothing to worry about" and i laugh so hard i think she got mad.so what do you think about my story? it's real it really happened and it still hurts a little but not as much. maybe that's why i hate men they are all the same. i mean i have a boyfriend but i don't trust men anymore. I hope this can help you at least a little. because now everyone in here knows a little more about me and know how i feel about men. i use to own a shirt that said "I HATE MEN"

Anything your husband has to keep a secret from you is probably cheating,sorry.

so much more

I have a story very similar to that, and it turned out that he was cheating. this breaks my heart, knowing you have to go through this. its making me cry. look, im sorry, but i think that he is cheating on you as wrongful as it may be. i want you to know that the bible says that if your partner has sexual relations with one who is not his, it is not a sin for you to have a divorce. I pray for you, and hope that god will heal your aking heart, and either fix, or distroy the relationship that you are suffering in. Im truly sorry, Jaclyn

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work collegue

Oh, my it is like you are living a day of my life. VERY similar situations. Mine would talk almost every day for 2-3-4 hours a day. Same as you....confronted, but says "she's like my best friend". I think in our hearts we know....women do have an intuition. It's whether or not we choose to deny it or not.

If it was kept from you, they're more than friends. Sorry. :(

I'd say more. =( Sounds just like my story with my ex.

I wouldn't trust it If it wasn't anything he wouldn't hide it But what good is a 20 minute call?