ANSWERS: 21
  • Well, since you have a child together then I would say it realy doesn't matter whether he's "in love" with you or not. Tell him to suck it up, think of his child, live up to his responsibility and stop acting like a 2 year old.
  • And the question is...????
  • Sorry! here is the rest of my question My husband told me two days ago he loves me, but is not in love with me anymore. We've been married for 5 years, we dated for 3 years before getting married, we have a 20 month old son. When my son was born, both my husband and I changed our work schedule to take care of him, my husband works 5am to 1:30pm and I work a part time 3pm to 8pm. For the last couple of months, my husband has been complaining of how tired he is of getting up so early and not getting enough sleep, however, we have agreed that is the best of our son and we'll keep these schedules until he's at least 2 years old, we will then look for a daycare, I'll go back to work full time and he can work 9am to 6pm. Recently, my husband started seeing his friends every other Friday night, last Friday he got home really late. I confronted him and he confesed he doesn't love me the way he used to, he said he is not cheating on me, he just needs his space, he said I'm everything he ever hoped for, I'm his best friend, he's atracted to me, but does not love me anymore, he said he wants to be honest with me as he realizes he's been pushing me away. That same night, he moved out from our bedroom into our son's room, he's basically giving me two options: Stay together, like roommates. Or, split up. What should I do? I can't afford to move out (financially), I have no choice but to stay for right now. We rent an apartment and our lease is up in 6 months. Should I continue to be a housewife for him (cooking. laundry, making him lunch for work, etc...)? I do love him, he is a great dad and I would like to save my relationship, but I don't see any hope in him ...
  • dont be his housewife. if he wants to live together like roomates, then he can do his own cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. it will be hard, but you dont want him to start taking advantage of you because you still care about him.
  • Wow!I really feel it for you.This is a deep situation.Now i see what they mean when they say people can fall out of love just as quickly and easily as they fall into love.If something like this happened to me i honestly wouldn't be able to cope i can barely even take a break up when im the one breaking up so i definitely cant take a guy whose suppose to be my husband telling me that he is no longer in love with me.My point is i just think that he is being a big baby right now.What happen is that he probably thought that when he got married everything would be all perfect and dandy no burdens or work for him but the you guys had a kid and he just simply refuses to take care of his responsibility he is acting as if its a burden on him.I mean think about it,when did all of this complaining start.(when the baby came along)He probably was not emotionally prepared for children yet.That's all it is and now he's running from it and wants out.He just doesn't understand that with a child comes a package you wont be able to have all the free space you always had before because now there's a reason to stay home and someone to look after.But no he wants a baby and still wants to do his own things.He has to realize that things cant be the same anymore.
  • I would take the break and see what happened... Its a tough tough situation, but I think it will be more beneficial in the end if you walk away now and see if things dont fall into place
  • Sounds like he may have gotten involved with someone else while you were pregnant or caring for your new child. This happens a lot. I would suggest you both go for some counseling with a professional to see if the marriage can be salvaged.
  • Firstly, if you're working off-shifts to stay with your son because that's best for him... STOP. It's splitting up his parents, and that is MUCH worse for him than putting him in daycare would be. You're destroying your marriage to "help" your child. Secondly, being in love is a feeling that comes and goes over the years. Sometimes you get chemicals that tell you your spouse is the best thing since sliced bread. Sometimes not so much. Specially if you're not getting enough sleep and/or don't see them. Ask your husband to go to marriage counseling with you. And definitely don't move out - that just makes things worse. He's over-reacting to his own feelings of tiredness and having gotten used to you being around. And he's being selfish in response.
  • This is a very sad situation you have found yourself in. I am afraid it sounds like your husband is a very immature man. Many people confuse lust with love. The lust part of a relationship does not last forever. It is when the lust stops that you find out if you really love someone. It is then that you find out if you are also friends – you really must be friends if the relationship is to last hardships and the heartbreaks. Even though he says he is not having an affair or cheating on you, especially if you feel that he is pushing you away, it certainly sounds as if he is. When a man moves out of his wife’s bed, he most likely has found another one somewhere else. I agree with ‘somewhat_anonymous’, don’t become his housewife, he will only continue to lose respect for you. And ‘Patience’ hit it on the mark, he apparently had no idea what it meant to have a child and how it would totally change his life. You are probably much stronger than you think and can cope with what you must for the sake of your child. He may just be waiting for you to make the first move so that he can look back and place the break-up on your shoulders and not his own. He does sound like that sort of selfish individual. Good luck!!
  • I find it ridiculous that everyone keeps saying "he needs to grow up"....its not about growing up. You should be so lucky to have a spouse spell it out for you. So many are left just wondering "what's going on" Conversation between you two does not seem finished. Is a divorce pending?....will that process take place after the lease is up?...if he's moved out of the bedroom, is ok with taking care of himself in way of cooking, etc. My advice....start preparing for the worse outcome.
  • I was watching Oprah, she interviewed this guy M.Gary Neaman, he wrote the book The Truth about Cheating... he said: "My book is about one thing. It's really about empowering women. If I can give you knowledge that says that I could have proof that if you do certain things, you can lead your relationship to a better place, that will be much better for you as well because it's not just about stopping tragedy. It's about building a much more mutually beneficial relationship." p.s. I think you should read it, I watch the show and I thought it was great, I am going to buy this book on Friday, its about impowering women, giving us the tell-tell signs of someone who is thinking about cheating and someone who is cheating.... even though in relationship people do grow out of love its something that can be grown into again....if not marriage counseling wouldn't exist and it wouldn't work for millions of people and it wouldn't be one of the needed and seek after professions. Good luck and I am sure that this is something that can be fixed if you both want to. If that doesn't work tell him what I tell my husband, Counseling sessions is wayyyyyyy cheaper than allimony and child support...lol (just a little joke)
  • OMG- I can't believe he said you can either live like roomates or split up. My husband told me on the night of Valentine's Day that he loves me but is not in love with me anymore. We have 3 kids together (4 year old girl, 3 year old boy and 9 1/2 month old girl) and we own a house together. These are the reasons why I am still with him. Along with the fact that I still love him with all my heart. Even though he annoys me and is messy, which drives me insane. Sometimes I feel like he is a kid that needs to grow up. Nothing makes him happier than playing his video games, rather than spending quality time with me. We also work opposite shifts, so I only see him at night on his days off. I don't know what to do but if he ever gave me that ultimatum, I would tell him to hit the road. I still clean around the house because I can't bare to live in a dirty house, but I don't cook anymore. I do what I need to in order to take care of my kids and my house. I decided to let things play out and take better care of myself. I let myself go since I was so tired taking care of the kids and working full time, as well as taking care of his needs. Now, I decided to take care of the kids, the house and myself. If he leaves, it will be because he has decided to.....but I plan on trying to keep my family together. I feel that the woman has to be the rock and we have to endure more pain than men. But that is what makes us stronger than men. It's worth given it a try and see what happens as long as he is willing to try. But if he is out of the bedroom and living like roomates, it seems to me like he is not even willing to try to make it work and if that is the case, I would just let him go. Collect your child support, take care of your child and try to make yourself happy.
  • Don't just accept his terms, give him some of your own. Let him know you do love him and want to be married, not just roommates. Either he is willing to work on the marriage by going to counseling or you will have to work toward a separation, with him paying through the nose to help you and your son keep a roof over your heads. Help him to see the value of being together as a family, especially for your son. If he continues to pay the bills, you should continue taking care of the things you agreed to do. Remember, you are trying to win him over.
  • What a douchebag. Sorry but he is. He's giving you the classic line so that he can be with someone else. That line is such BS because it makes no sense at all. Either you love someone or you don't. The only thing that makes it a different "kind" of love is the addition of sex. Don't allow him to ruin your view of yourself. He's a pig but at least he's telling you up front. Do you think he's trying to break up?
  • Situations like that suck. But also look at maybe how you've changed. It does take two.
  • I’m sorry to hear about your predicament. I find comfort in the Scriptures when I experience challenges in life. The entire chapter of Proverbs 31 is dedicated to describing a capable woman. It is the words of a mother to her son, her son is the King Lemuel. All of the qualities mentioned in this chapter describes how a woman can build up her household and how God views a women with these qualities. Maybe this can help you decide how to manage your situation.
  • You might want to consider getting a separate bank account and finding a way to protect your credit cards and assets. This may include filing for taxes separately as well. When he finally decides to leave, you do not want to be left with any debts he may have accrued in your name. Protect your identity and finances.
  • Marriage counseling. You both owe it to your son and this might be the result of too much to drink with his friends and he will come to his senses.
  • Do you think marriage counseling would be helpful that is somehow your husband would be for it too? IMO you need to ask is this marriage worth saving. Only you can know that. I imagine it really hurts that he said he wasn't in love with you anymore. You need to ask if saving your marriage is worth it.
  • Test him with some 100% abstinence - no love making!
  • i probably wouldnt stay married to someone if they said that to me

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