Any suggestions to a man who is married w/ kids and isnt in love with his wife anymore but is with someone else. if he divorces wife he may lose everything he worked hard for and has no place to go? And no this has nothign to do with me.
by 
Sheepingly needs no handy men only hugs
ANSWERS: 28
-
my suggestion is get divorced. If you're cheating on your wife and you lose all that you've worked for then tough shit. Sucks. Thats life. Marriage is a contractual obligation to love and support your family (if thats what you decide) and if you just up and CHANGE your mind because some HONEY pays more attention to you you are breaking your contract. And then you pay the penalty which is alimony and child support
-
you think his wife is REALLY in love with him or just going through the motions knowing that the kids will be better off ... ? having had my wife just dump me to find her bliss, i'm inclined to also keep my response shallow and just say, "follow your bliss".
-
My suggestion is that he should go see a psychologist and find out why he is unable to control his impulses.
-
Divorce isn't punishment. It is a separation of two people. He wouldn't be punished unless he did something punishable. He shouldn't be cheating on his wife, that is illegal believe it or not and his wife could flat out nail the chick to the wall if she so choose to do so. He needs to cut the ties and deal with the consequences all at once rather then suffering through a stagnating relationship that can go nowhere with two different women.
-
Well, having never been through a divorce, I'll offer up my opinion. Here is what I would say to your friend: You were in love with this woman at one time in your life, right? At one time, you couldn't stand the thought of being separated from her, right? It will take some work and sacrifice, but for your kids' sake and the sake of your marriage vows, do the best you can to rekindle those same feelings. I know it's easy to say, but I like to think it is possible.
-
So he's going to lose everything that he's worked hard for......with the help of the wife. And what about the wife and those kids? Who's going to help her raise them? She will have to work and do it all herself and it's the kids who will undoubtably suffer. It takes 2 people to make a marriage work. People seem to spend more time on everything but "working" at their marriage. It's no wonder the divorce rate is so high. Sounds like he's already left the marriage, so counceling probably won't do any good. It's hard to work things out once there is someone else in the picture. He should realize that once he goes thru with it.........there's no going back- too much damage will have been done. He really needs to think ....a lot - and with NO influence from the "other" woman.
-
I believe in principal first, and that means to break off the other relationship until the marriage is reconciled or done away with. Triangles don't work toward a lasting happy solution. There is probably a root cause for the falling away of love in the marriage that should be called out for what it is, rather than putting a band aid on it and running the other way.
-
I believe in principal first, and that means to break off the other relationship until the marriage is reconciled or done away with. Triangles don't work toward a lasting happy solution. There is probably a root cause for the falling away of love in the marriage that should be called out for what it is, rather than putting a band aid on it and running the other way.
-
My suggestion.. He should Follow his heart AFTER the divorce. It may seem like he won't survive but he will. It is no fair staying for the children or staying for the money. This never works out in the long term. Better to raise a child in two happy homes than one miserable one.
-
The only suggestion I have is for you to think long and hard before committing to a decision. --- Weren't you once in love with your wife? What's to prevent you from falling in love with someone other than the woman you ruined your FIRST family for? How do you explain your decision to your children? A lot to think about.
-
I would do whatever it takes to make things work with your Wife! You can fall back in love and be with your children. You kid's should come first. Don't be selfish. That woman isn't worth giving up your family! And your kid's need their Dad! Put your kid's FIRST! Forget the flusie lol.. No way she's worth that. Good luck!
-
In other words he cheated on his wife and he hangs on because of financial reasons. What a guy! He is dishonoring his wife, his children and himself. And this "little gal on the side"..how honorable is she? He should stop fooling around, get a divorce, bite the financial bullet and try to recover some of his integrity. Of course, he may fall out of love with his current sweetie..he did it once, he can certainly do it again. The poor children..what a lousy example of what a husband/father should be. :(
-
Love is all he should bother about because in a relationship where love does not exist he will be unhappy with his wife.How will he be able to live after a few years with his wife whom he does not love? He can regain the money or wealth which he may forgo after he divorces her but who will love him! The two lovers can fend for themselves. It is also not healthy for his children and wife as it means cheating them so he should follow his heart only!
-
I don't condone what he is doing and i have never cheated on my wife BUT i can fully understand his situation. There are people out there in a loveless and/or abusive marriage. We don't know this man who are we to judge him. If he walks away does he lose the right to see his kids on a daily basis maybe he wants to be there for them. Its easy to sit on our high horses and judge people maybe a little compassion wouldn't go astray. I'm not a religiuos person but "let he who is without sin cast the first stone". Now I'll suffer the wrath for giving my opinion.
-
Why would he necessarily lose everything? Divorce isn't about punishing people I thought. It's a dissolution of a marriage. Which involves two people. Deciding whose 'right' or whose 'wrong' changes nothing. And it often depends on who you're asking anyway!
-
Your question is just a reminder to me of how not to be, and why it's important to be careful who you marry. I personally think the guy is selfish. Very selfish. Then again, what do I expect out of people today? I have absolutely no sympathy for him at all. He doesn't care about his wife. He doesn't even care about the woman he's supposedly in "love" with. He cares about if he has a "place to go", if he gets to keep the things he "worked hard for", and his own personal "feelings". Basically, it sounds to me like the only person he cares about is himself. Yeah, sounds like a real catch to me.
-
He needs to get a divorce. The idea of staying together for the children is never a good one. Kids know when their parents do not love each other...it is better they live with two parents who are happy separately than two parents who are miserable together. He will not lose everything...he just has to do this rationally and camly and pursue what he wants because in the end it will be the right thing for everyone concerned. To stay with someone you are not in love with is an injustice to that person. His wife deserves to be with someone who truly loves her and he's not it.
-
I think your just using an excuse to stay.
-
Is this "man" a friend of yours or are you his lover. Just curious. If he is married and with kids you need to stay out of it and let him deal with it himself. He may tell you one things but acts the complete oppisite at home. If you are in fact his lover then truth of the matter is he will never leave his wife and his kids. Men and women alike are likly to tell you anything to get what they want. Dont believe everything someone tells you. it is none of your business and leave it alone. Was I right?
-
Get rid of the other woman. He has a commitment to that family. They should be his first priority, too bad that he isn't happy. He will lose almost everything and make a lot of people unhappy. He should stick it out until the children are 18 unless there is physical or emotional abuse. Too many people are too selfish these days.
-
A man who is married has no business sniffing around other women, let alone seeking love from other women. He doesn't value what he has, yet is afraid of losing everything he worked hard for? I'm afraid it's not a compelling argument, and one has to wonder whether his wife and kids would be better off without him. Advise would be to grow a set and live up to the commitments he's made.
-
I believe that happiness in life is not about money & business. Love is everything in life. If he can't stand the wife anymore, he should just as well pack and leave. If the other woman loves him, she would stay with him even if he loses money & has to start from scratch. On the other hand, if things between him and his wife are not so bad & there is still good communication between them, then they should discuss their problems calmly with a counselor and see what they can do to make things work for the sake of the kids. It is extremely hard to continue living a double life. At the end of the day, it is not fair for anyone in this situation. Wife is being cheated upon and friend is being used.
-
I think that if he is not happy then he should separate and try things on his own. If he stays he will just make his wife, kids and himself miserable. Is this man interested in having custody of his kids? You have to ask who is the better parent and why the relationship is falling apart. Just becuase he falls out of love doesn't mean he is necessary the jerk in this, the wife could be a psycho or miserable person. Life if short and we owe it to ourselves and the people around us to be as happy as possible.
-
The grass ALWAYS looks greener on the other side of the fence. But there are a lot of people, who regretted that they went there. And then it was too late to go back.
-
If he loves his kids, then how could he not love his wife?
-
Suck it up for the kids. He is being a self centered ASS.
-
its fine not to be in love with your wife anymore. if you divorce your wife and lose everything its kind of your fault because when you felt yourself falling out of love, you should have started making preperations for a future without your wife. if you have no place to go , whose fault would that be. I suggest that he be honest with his wife, move out and move on, continue to work hard and re-establish everything you lost, and prepare better for the next time you fall out of love with the one your with.
-
Another person doesn't make one happy . We can only create happiness from within . Our families are the only real things we have in this life . This man made a decision to take care of the family he created .How can he now say , oops I was only kidding . For a stranger ? The feelings he's having for this other woman are most likely infatuation and lust . It's nice to have these things within your marriage but everyday living gives a serious beating to romance .Marriage instead finds its way in companionship , partnership ,and honoring your commentment ,until you have the time and energy to try to rekindle . If the fire was never there , it was his choice to have that type of marriage .But if there was no fire how did she get pregnant ? He is simply making every excuse he can possibly come up with for not growing up and living in the real world . He needs to stop running away emotionally ,address the problems with his wife , then find working solutions .The other woman is just a fantasy and honey he ain't no spiderman .Time to say bye-bye to the mind games he's playing with himself .
RELATED QUESTIONS
Copyright 2023, Wired Ivy, LLC