ANSWERS: 55
  • Well if i was a parent in the same situation i would first of all tell the boys parents. secondly i would talk to my daughter and explain to her what drinking and smoking pot can do to children of that age. I would also access the internet and get videos which show the affects of taking these substances. This should clearly show the child how it is wrong to do these things. If the child still wants to do these things then i would take it into hands of specialists.
  • You let her know that drugs are illegal and drinking under age is also.She can really get herself into alot of trouble raped by one person or a whole gang,and you can go to jail for her actions.
  • If your daughter treats you in the way you say she does, then you obviously have a great relationship with her and must be doing a lot of things right as a parent... therefore I wouldn't presume to tell you what you should do in this situation, because I'm sure that you will deal with this better than myself or 99% of the people who post on Answerbag would. Just trust in your instincts, they don't seem to have let you down so far.
  • Time to stop being a "buddy" and start being a parent for this one. Tell her the way it is and should be, lay down the rules she will thank you for it later.
  • You are very lucky that your daughter can talk to you like she does! If you want her to continue to feel like she can talk to you about those things, then don't get mad at her about this, but definutely don't make her think you're okay with it either. Tell her that she did the right thing in telling you about this and explain to her all of the risks and consequences of drinking, smoking and what can happen when you hang out with people who do.
  • i would say be a parent not a buddy but im afriad that my 13 year old self would come to the present and killme. at 13 i told my mom somthing kinda like that she waz supportive. told me that it was a bad idea that is could get me in trouble, told me the efect my actions would have and what would happen to me from her. and let me make my own choice, hope this helps
  • at 15 he or his parents could be charged with criminal offences so i would go to the police and then keep up the good relationship with your daughter
  • This is when you need to be a parent. Your job in life is not to be her "buddy". I'm sure you enjoy the fact that your child talks to you and you get along so well, but if you don't step in and act like a parent, then you've lost all authority.
  • Good job on the relationship! I have a open line of communication with my 15 yr old as well. We are able to work things through without to much rebellion. I think as a Mom and a "friend" you can express your concern and let her know your views on it. I believe your word would carry more weight than a new kid. She wants to please you as she will not want this to come in the way of your relationship. She will make the right choice with your support...keep talking and listening!
  • You are fortunate that your daughter confides in you and shares her most innermost feelings. What you can do as her parent is inform her that teenage drinking and drug use have some pretty unsavory consequences. If you come down on her and try to lay the law down on this one, you can just kiss the open dialog goodbye. I think it would be a good idea to do all you can to encourage her to associate with females of her own age who either attend her school, temple or church so she can avoid the 15 year old tempter next door. The fact that she expressed to you that she would like to experiment with pot and alcohol is just evidence of the severe peer pressure she is under. You can't hold her hand through her entire life but you can educate her and do your best to give her helpful people to associate with instead of harmful.
  • well as a mom i will tell you what i would do, i would put my shoes on march over to that young mans house and have a talk with his parents and that young man, And then i would go home hug my little girl for trusting me enough to be her best friend. what a wonderful relationship you have i would be so proud of her. i would never want to let that go only you can hope that she will always confide in you that way. that great!
  • IT IS WONDERFUL THAT YOU HAVE AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR DAUGHTER. JUST TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL AND KNOW SHE WILL MAKE THE RIGHT DESICION. YOU CAN'T STOP HER FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH THESE KINDS OF THINGS UNFORTUNMATLY. BUT YOU CAN HELP HER IN KNOWING WHAT IS RIGHT. GOOD LUCK.
  • I'm glad you have an open relationship with your daughter. But now comes the part about being a hard ass parent. First thing, tell her the boy next door is off limits, period. And explain to her why. There's only one reason a boy this age wants to get a girl her age drunk and high. And that's to rape her. Second, sit her down and explain to her that these things are not only illegal, but unexceptable behaviours in your house. Reinterate that it is your house and any deviance from your rules will result in sever punishment. Third, show her what happens to girls her age who get into this kind of stuff. And last, go over to that little deliquents house and read him and his parents the riot in front of her. And if that doesn't work call the cops and report him for deliquency of a minor, drug and paraphanalia possesion, and distributing an illegal substance to a minor. She might get mad at you, but you have to be the parent and not the friend right now. Good luck, you're going to need it.
  • Knock, knock, knock. This is you knocking on your new next door neighbors front door. you are going to address this problem head on and in a hurry. If you receive no satisfaction, call the juvenile authorities and state the situation. These new neighbors could be trouble now and in the future for you and your daughter. Let the police investigate these people. you never know where child molesters live.
  • If you have any similar memories of you doing the same when you were younger share them with her (if you don't have any use a friend's bad experience).Its a good thing. You might think that they will just give her a reason to do it but you will be wrong in thinking so.Let her know what happened to you and let her know that that is the reason why you don't want her to do so.You can't force her to not drink or smoke pot because she could get it faster than you think she can and do it anywhere.If your real-life examples don't work she will probably do it herself.If you have raised her with an open relationship and taught her that such things are wrong then she will try and overcome the peer pressure.If she doesn't, real life experiences are sometimes the best.But if you taught her what was good and moral she should have no problem saying no to her peer pressure.
  • Be glad she told you before hand and go on from there. She told you because she's not sure she should. Make her believe she shouldn't.
  • You let her know that drugs and alcohol are unexceptible without adult supervision and prevent the boy from giving her anything.
  • You are the parent, and you have to do what is right, and you have to tell his parents. your daughter will not like it at all and dont expect to have a close friendship with your daughter anymore she wont trust you as much.
  • The fact that you have such a great relationship with your daughter speaks volumes for the exchanges you've had with her in the past. If you don't want that open exchange to stop, continue in that thread, build on it, and use those years of influence to help persuade her that this boy does not have her best interests at heart. Friendship aside, you should make your parental expectation of her behavior clear to her. Explain the reasons for your position (illegality, dangers, consequences, etc.) but remember, ultimately she must make choices about her actions. Keep your eyes open, parent your daughter and keep your communication ongoing.
  • GIVE HER A FIRM NO!!! you sould NOT let her do any of that. It is very bad and both are addicting. even if hse hates you, tell her no.
  • well if you ask me its better to get all your wild and stuped thinks when she is yong then it is when she is older but i woldn't trust the 15 year old take it from one the only reson he is ofering her that stuf is becouse he wonts sex and thats it. i say give her a condom and hope for the best.
  • She thinks of you as a friend. Every parent in the world would love that kind of relationship with their kids, so don't ruin it. Talk to her like she is you're friend. Tell her to think first of what she is doing. She can get seriiously hurt. If that boy wants a 13 years old girl to smoke and drink with him then he has no respect at all for her.
  • well i have to say don't let her go near him but she might get closer to him then it a diffecutly thing so try and talk to her about it that all you can do
  • Im a more ... (dont know how to explain it) ... type of parent, im strongly against long lectures and the such, and my 2 kids (14 and 7) have benefited from it i think. in this case, i would simply tell my child that i was PROUD of him/her for not succumbing to peer presure and the such, then, i would go kick the ass of that kid next door
  • Whatever you do, don't overreact. This can totally break the bond between you and your daughter, because she is trusting you with this information. First of all, make sure that she is aware that this is illegal, and let her know what the consequences of her actions are. It may not seem right, but u might actually want to let her have a try at this, so she has the experience of what its like to have a hangover and or sickness. I'm sorry, but I'm only thirteen and I'm only trying to see this as I would see it.
  • you should let her get it out of her system. at least you know where she would be and who with. so if anything went wrong you could go and get her and know who to kill aswell....lol....but seriously, she's just going to do it behind your back, if you dissapprove. i was fine and dandy with my mom just like you and your daughter and when the invitation came she forbod me and i rebelled and snuck out. and ended up in a bad situation a couple of times. so be there when she comes home drunk and hold her hair why she pukes......you love her and after she wakes up the next morning.....yell at her than
  • You are her Mother. You don't know what to do because you are more of a buddy than a Mother right now. Re-define yourself as a loving understanding Mother she needs that security, it will help her learn to make the right decisions.
  • guess she's not going over there like EVER!
  • Show her a lot of literature concerning the consequences of drugs and alcohol and the damaged to the brain caused by drugs and alcohol. You should talk to the boy too by giving him a strong warning.
  • She is too young to be around the 15 year old boy. He's trouble in more ways than one. You need to have a talk to his parents (or whoever is supposed to be in charge of him) and let them know what is going on. You also need to draw some very firm boundaries with your daughter. There is OBVIOUSLY something wrong if she wants to start doing pot and get drunk at age 13. You need to be less of a buddy and more of a parent. She already has friends....she needs parenting. That means that sometimes she is going to be mad at you. Deal with it and do right by her.
  • well be thankful that your kid is thee only kid in the world that has such a great bond with you. Your daughter is thee only kid in thee entire world that thinks "parents understand" well take advantage of that. remember she's young, growing towards sexual emotions. it's not like you can tell her to roll over or sit and snap your finger and watch it happen. that doesn't work. be supportive and understanding, tell her something she doesn't already know and haven't already heard. Well if it was me, I would tell the boy's parent. but what would my kid think of me? haha. She's going through that certain phase kids go through... i have an idea. give her the worst experience ever... buy the nastiest beer, drink it with her, and let her have the experience she'll never forget, hopefully she'll hate it and realize theres nothing cool about it, as far as smoking pot, show her pictures of people "before" and "after" the effect drugs take on teens. damn plan C... move away to a island all by yourselves. good luck i hoped i helped
  • If it was me I would sit down with her and have a toke and a beer. The thing about teenagers is if you forbid them from doing something they will want to do it even more. I think it is good that you have a relationship where she feels like she can be honest with you, therefore you should be honest with her. Explain that Pot and Beer aren't that big of a deal (unless you really think they are) but when you hang out with people that smoke and drink there tend to be other things and people in that atmosphere that could be very bad for her. Also explain to her that there is a time and place for everything and she needs to know the difference. If you punish her or make her think that she is wrong for wanting to, then she won't tell you anything anymore and who knows what she'll be doing then. Good Luck!
  • I think I would have a talk with that 15 year old.
  • Tell her lovingly what you expect of her and what the consequences will be if she does either. She MUST know that you will NOT protect her from the consequences of her choices. Which means, if mom smells it, sees it or if the kid comes home drunk or hi, MOM calls the police. (IF MOM doesn't call the police she is consenting to the illegal behaviors.) Then tell her you know she will make the choice that is right for her. Children must learn that if they don't have the resources (money for fines or a lawyer or for bail) to deal with the consequences, they may not want to commit the crime.
  • Its really nice that your daughter open up her thoughts and feelings. Just tell her what you really feel too, tell her whats right and wrong, the way friends do.
  • will am a teen my selfso i dont know if u want 2 listen 2 me or not but I rely want 2 help,c as a teen I like adult 2 listen to me and lit me do wat i want,so i tink u should't be hard on hear just lit her do wat she wan't but till hear how u fell if she rely love you she wil't do it,but if u dont rely trust hear just make it cler 4 her thet u dont want her to do thet cus its rong and keep watching hear (but thet is not the best option).my be get her a nice boyfriend thet u trust. I hop thet was helpfull I rely do :)
  • escalate the matter to the 15 year old s parents build a rapport with them ..and ask them to have an eye on him while you do it with ur daughter as well....do all this in a neat fashion after explaining to ur daughter the pro s and cons of druggin and alocohol try ur best to convince her ...ensure she keeps coming back to you with all secrets all the time ! lest u screw up and this one does things in discreet goin forward !
  • u r one lucky mother, i never talk to my mom like that, im 17 by the way, but i say have a long talk to her about what pot and alcohol can do to a developing teens body then let her decide if she wants to or not, ur daughter needs to explore things to see if she likes them, and if things get way out of hand u can intervene and totally cut ur daughter off from the boi.
  • Id first go and have it out with the parants and if you get no joy doing that then i guess its then upto your child to just say no and stick to it! in this day and age i dont think theres anything you can do untill an act has been commited! if you rang the police they wouldent do anything! maybe also have a word with the boy in question and tell him to stop trying to get your daughter to take pot and drink! its a hard world at times but your best off having a good talk with your daughter and like you say she tells you everything so a good talk and explain everything what would happen if she started doing them things with the boy! Theres alot fo websites online that give you a breakdown on what to look out for incase your daughter has already started smoking pot! i sympathise with you because i know how hard it can be, and i also theres isent alot you can do apart from hope your daughter is strong minded and can stick to saying NO! Hopefully someone else might be able to shed some more light on this!
  • Dont talk with the pairents..lol your daughter trust you like her friend and you dont want to lose that. tell her what you think and how you feel calmly and maybe some bad experiences and things to be careful about. this boy lives in walking distance so there isnt much you can do anyways. just give her good advise and pray for the best.
  • Congratulations on being a parent with open communication lines! Severe consequences occur with drugs and alcohol. Is there anyone in your family that you can use as an example of what drugs and alcohol will do to a person? Tangible examples work well with kids.
  • Do not let her. Shes to young. She should not smoke weed at all, that will just might start something you will not be able to stop. Let her drink with you when shes at least 16, hold her off until then. A lot of things can happen to a young girl doing drugs... Addiction, police involvement, rape... No weed, wait until shes older to drink. Good luck
  • We only have the instincts we were brought up with. How would YOUR parents have dealt with this if it was you,instead of your child,in this situation? My advice for mine would be,"Is this what you really want to do? Do you know what it is like to be drunk/high...etc?I would wonder how you(child) would be and worry about what would happen when the boy wants to ....make advances....be closer..etc" I as an adult,need to help my child see the right and wrongs in life,and if this is wrong,I need to let them know and WHY I think it is wrong. Clear and concise parenting is way more effective verses just saying"I said NO, and that's final!"
  • Talking to air, this poster hasn't been on in the two years since she put up this Q. Wonder what's happening now?
  • here are true things you can tell her: - cigarettes contain gas chamber powder, which is used in a specific type of death sentence execution - lung disease leads to a shorter and harder life - quitting the smoking addition will be the hardest thing she'll ever have to do in her life - getting drunk kills brain cells, which will make any human get stupid - teenage car accidents are the number one cause of teenage deaths, nearly all of which deal with driving drunk - those who drink and smoke rarely live happy long lives scare you yet? you should also go to that guy's parents and tell them what he's telling your daughter. PS. you're one lucky parent. i wish i was that open. *is also teen*
  • Sorry, but it is not a good thing that your daughter considers you a buddy. You need to be her parent. Set strict limits. Forbid alcohol and drug use, and punish her severely for violating those rules. Don't be her friend. Be her parent. She wants limits. Set them without apology or negotiation. Step up! Be a parent! Don't be a friend!
  • You can't be buddies with your daughter. I mean, if you tell her no she can't do it, and, she wants to, she won't be talking to you like a buddy anymore, anyway. She will close up. If it's not this thing that does it something else will. You're just confusing her. But, if you want to continue to be both friend and parent, the only thing you can do is to tell her that you don't think she should do it, but, that you trust her judgement in the matter.
  • This question is 2 years old, and the lady who posted it never logged in anymore since Oct 5, 2006. It's good for another parent who experience the same situation.
  • well one thing go to the drug store and get a home drug test and see if she is telling the truth and that will tell you if she is or not she is young they do that kind of stuff all the time
  • STOP being her "buddy" and START counseling her like a PARENT!
  • Tell her why its a bad idea, not just don't do it but outline logically why its self destructive and why this 15 year old is a bad influence (he will try and take advantage of her). Also maybe inform the boy's parents (if they even care that is - sound likes they may have raised him poorly).
  • When I was six, I was shown a video of a man who saw monsters (people in Halloween masks) when he was high. I accredit that and sitting next to a really bad smelling drug addict on the subway that same year with not having touched drugs my whole life. You should have started early.
  • Make sure your daughter knows you have some authority, you have to be her mother, not her friend. Tell her exactly what you think as her mother about the situation.
  • tell her she cant see him or you will ground her
  • just tell her she cant see him if hes going to do that

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