ANSWERS: 13
  • Jealousy is merely a sign of love in my book. You're jealous of the time that others are spending with your girl, and maybe the only distrust you are feeling is for those around her, not necessarily herself. There is no need to change the fact that you get jealous, merely how you present it. Try expressing to her that you love her and enjoy being with her, and that when she is away without you or spending time with other men, you desire that time to be with you. Tell her she does deserve her own space, and that you will work on trying not to be so overreactive. My s/o gets the same way when I leave just to go to the store, but he expresses it in a way that shows me that he's just so madly in love with me, that each second without me is agony, and it only makes me love him more for it. Now, if he was pissy about it, I'd tell him to go sit on something. See the difference? I hope that things work out, it seems that you really do care for her.
  • You might trust her, but, constant temptations destroy any relationship.
  • If she is your girlfriend, then how come you are not with her at the clubs?
  • There's nothing wrong with being jealous and suspicious. You ask how you can change. You don't need to change. If you're suspicious, check it out. If your girlfriend has a problem with it be straight with her. "I'm suspicious." If she's your girl, why does she need to be close to any other guy?
  • I remember giving you an answer to this a long time ago. Has anything happend since then? Being jealous is normal, its your actions when your jealous is what counts. You're going to have to deal with her having close friends. You can't chose her friends, nor have them not be close. As for jealousy and trust coming together. Um, depends on how you look at it. She says im going to the club, and you think to yourself. Who is she going with? What is she going to do? Then you think bad stuff, and it gets your jealous. Then you wonder, whats shes doing that whole night and that would proabbly be called, not trusting her. Or else you would have nothing to worry about.
  • I feel the same way man,I`m sort of in the same situation you are in.I love my girlfriend so much,we have been together for 6 months,its really hard being so far away.She lives in Cali,Colombia,and we are finally gonna meet in September.Its not that I don`t trust my girl either,its just that I get jealous,because I love so much.She has many guy friends too,and that really doesnt help me either,some of which are very close,and that kind of bothers me,but I do trust her so much,and I know she loves me too,but I really hope when we are together,she finally leaves them guys behind,and concentrates on our relationship and future together.
  • I dont think u need to change...but i think ur girl friend sud change herslf...i mean if shez ur grl tn y sud she need othr guys.n i realy think u sud b strait wd her n ask her dont b her dog...n if she cnt chnge herslf tn its btr u change her...trust me man tis way it nvr gives u ne mental peace neitr ne happy ending..i had bin wd a gal 4r 2yrs...in d beginin she usd2b jealous if i wud tak 2ne gal 1day she askd me nt2 tak2 ne gal..n since i lovd her so much i realy left that i stopd talkin 2 al d gals she usd2 gt distrbd if ne friend of mine(guys) wud cal me at nite so i evn stopd pikin up my frnz cal...n in return i also askd her 2do d same things lyk nt tak2 ne guy coz i felt jealous n beliv me thts coz i loved her madly i made so many plans i completely changd myslf bt it ws of no use in d end...she cud nvr stop takin2guys n wd tym i got more close 2her n more obsessed wd her lies n makin frnshp wd guys...so wat she did she strtd2lie 2me she strtd2 hide things lyk lock n key wd d key alwys bein wd her...n wen i strtd2 hack my way thru her lies...wat did she do she just dumpd me...its so ironic coz she usd2say she cd leave nethn 4r me n she wud die widout me...yet she left me 4r evrythn els...n its nt me but her friends widout whom she wud die...anyway man sory gues i lost bt wat im sayin plz dnt let her make u her pet...b a man n push back n make ur way thru n dnt let urslf b in d dark...
  • I don't think you should change. To me, it shows me that you actually care about her. People who say this isn't temptation are in DENIAL. That's temptation RIGHT UP in your face...and it can cause even the most well-intending person to cheat, even if they have no intentions on doing so. It sounds like your girlfriend needs to stop living in denial. I mean, my parents don't even let me go to clubs or be that close with my guy friends. Why? 'Cause they KNOW that temptation is there. It has nothing to do with not trusting me. It has to do with CARING about me. As for my boyfriend, I sure hope he would have a problem with me being that close to temptation...if he didn't, I'd suspect he doesn't care about me at all...
  • No you have every right to be jealous. If she understands how you feel about it then she needs to tone it down. Why aren't you going to the club with her? or do you know all her male friends, Time for a serious heart to heart and if she truly loves you then you have to find middle ground.
  • By understanding, believing, and accepting that NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO OR SAY. . . . .is EVER going to keep someone faithful to you if they don't WANT to be. You can't BEAT THEM. You can't THREATEN THEM. You can't SHAME THEM! You can't do ONE DAMN THING to make them stay with you! Nothing! So . . . .be YOURSELF! Have confidence in YOURSELF! Like YOURSELF and that's the GREATEST advantage you have in keeping them. If that's NOT good enough. . . . .and they leave anyway. . . . . .then HELP THEM PACK THEIR THINGS AND SHOW THEM TO THE DOOR! Life's too short. . . .and YOU'RE too good for them! Their loss! Your gain! Believe that! If you believe NOTHING else!
  • Please understand that jealousy is natural. But what we do with it is a function of how we hold it and handle it. We see our well-being might be threatened by another person or persons and we instinctively react to that. It is very much tied to our fears, apprehensions, feelings of self-doubt, and lack of confidence in our abilities to overcome those possible threats. Your girlfriend loves you but like you she is human and does feel attraction to other men for different reasons. She values her relationship with you and especially the security for her in it. But she is also susceptible to the positive strokes and attention she receives from others so she can either feel conflicted sometimes or may just react to a certain situation by doing something she knows she should not do. Please understand that we learn that relating to others sexually can be and is a possible and sometimes valuable option for us so sometimes we might yield to the temptation out of confusion, out of possibility, out of sympathy and caring for others, or just relating to others. You know your girlfriend is attractive to others and susceptible to their influence even if you do trust her. Which is why it is unsettling to you and causes those feelings of jealousy. Also you are thinking in terms of how what she might be doing will reflect on you and your standing and reputation in your community. So you see your well-being as a person might be threatened. Now some people handle those feelings in socially unacceptable ways like murder and abuse and trying to confine others, and hating others. The reason such ways of handling are socially unacceptable is because by doing them we are making ourselves the center of the universe - and it all revolves around us, us , us. Which is selfish. If we recognize that others besides ourselves are entitled to happiness of their own then we have to look at things differently. Similarly we don't "own" anybody, even our girlfriend or boyfriend so we have to realize that they are free agents in searching for their own happiness in this world whether it includes us or not. If we love them don't we want them to be happy in their life even if it means not being with us? If we do then we have to let them go if they want to go. We put effort into our relationships and when our s/o sees others then we think oh she doesn't appreciate me or what I have put into this so we feel rejected. Please understand that whatever we do there is always a possibility of this happening. So all we can really do is appreciate them for who they are while they are with us. Because once they are gone that is no longer effectively possible in a way that will strengthen a relationship. So if we let our jealousy get out of control and try to question or confine them or threaten them or control them then it not only drives them away but sabotages the good we enjoy with them. What I have learned to do is think (and this is from a woman's point of view) Ok I want the person I love to be happy and I know he cannot get all he needs to be happy or wants from just me so naturally he would seek them from others. If we are enjoying each other and our time together then I know whatever happens I will always be first with him. Which is good enough for me. But I know if he becomes more interested in someone else and more under her spell so that what we have together is diminished for both of us then I am ready to break up (even if I am not ready!) because the hurt becomes greater than the enjoyment. Because I want to feel valued enough that someone of his own free will chooses to spend most of his time with me and devote his responsibilities to me. So if that is no longer present then I feel there is no longer any basis for a good relationship. When I think of my husband I naturally think OK she is better than me - is prettier, smarter, more sexy, has better boobs, nicer hair, is more fun to be with etc. - this is my own insecurities taking over. But when I think about it I understand that it is not a matter of being the "best" or having the "best" because no one will ever be the "best" because there is always someone "better" at this or that. And because I want what is good for my husband I realize he may need to seek those things from someone else so I have to let him go whether temporarily or , if I feel I am no long number one with him, permanently.
  • No, actually, you really don't trust her. Trust is as trust does. If yoy are getting jealous, then you don't trust her sufficiently to NOT be jealous. That's the point. It is also perfectly natural. You need to look at three things. One is do you love her? If you don't. If this is just a dating relationship, then you really have no business being jealous of what she does or putting any obligations on her. You are, in effect, good friends who are romantically inclined. The time you spend together is special - but when that time is over, you go on with your day to day routine. If for her that means partying with friends, then you should accept that. If you cannot - time to move on. Two, does she love you? If she does, she'll tend to respect your wishes. She may think you are being silly or needlessly mistrustful - and YOU need to understand how much that will hurt her - but she will make the sacrifice. There, do YOU love her. If we are talking love, you have a right to ask that - UP TO A POINT. That point is not written in stone, but it is that blurry line where you realize that her happiness is your top priority. Then YOU have to discipline yourself. You have to bite your tongue, no matter how much it hurts, because the MORE you trust and love her, the more you show her that trust, the more she will love you and will sense your feelings and act accordingly. It is not easy. The psychology of men, generally, is that when they are attracted to a woman that they want that woman to think of them as the only person that they want to be with. That, though, is a combination of your natural - call them primal if you will - instincts and your vanity. If you love someone, the first thing you want to be is a better person and get that under control. Only you can answer those questions, though. At a minimum, you and the gf seem to need to talk to see how she feels about you - and for to tell her how you feel about her.
  • 1-21-2017 Jealousy is good. It is called "monogamous relationship". As for trust, we are talking about a female, and most men know that if they talk to a female long enough she will take her pants off. Trust has nothing to do with it; she should not be hanging around in places that are known to foster compromising positions. If she wants a one on one relationship, "forsaking all others" is just part of the deal.

Copyright 2016, Wired Ivy, LLC

Answerbag | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy