ANSWERS: 22
  • because you still dont know them 100 percent
  • If we didn't have relationships that were bad we would never know what is and makes a good one. It's a lesson and a stepping stone for all of us and not just for those who have been divorced.
  • Not all divorce is caused by the other person being "bad for us". Many are mutually agreed upon because people grow apart, change etc. Many are because those two people shouldn't have been married to begin with. Falling in love puts blinders on us and many people are not prepared to deal with the person they chose to "spend the rest of their life with" when the blinders come off. But, don't forget, that if 50% of marriages end in divorce, that means that 50% succeed.
  • Because we enter relationships seeing in the other what we WANT to see. Once the novelty wears off, we start the dubious task of attempting to change the other or make that person fit our expectations. It never works. My relationships failed until I made a committment to accept potential partner for the person she IS, not who I want her to be. Once I made that committment, I met the woman who became my wife. Married 20 years and counting.
  • I think it has to do with the two people changing as they get older. They start wanting and liking different things.
  • I understand what your asking 100% The people we seek aren't bad for us it's just that their not compatible with us. We tend to look for people that best suit OUR wants and needs. When the truth of the matter is we have seek someone who best fits US - the BOTH not just 'me' or 'you'. EVERY relationship is GREAT in the beginning, each and everyone of us thought at one time early in a relationship "this is the one for me" just to find out weeks or less later we were blinded by the newness. Falling in love is so much MORE than butterflies in the stomach and great sex. It's giving and not expecting to get anything in return. It's wanting nothing but happiness for the other person. People need to start thinking about the future instead of today when they think about getting married.
  • I read a book once that said that we pick our partners based on some resemblance they bear to our parents; and that our relationships are an attempt to "relive" our childhoods and resolve the issues that never got solved when we were kids. Unfortunately, we learned all these unhealthy coping mechanisms for dealing with our parents' dysfunctions; and we keep applying those same broken methods when dealing with our SO's. I already went through my one divorce, so I figure my current marriage is now guaranteed...
  • Love is not about the attention we get, it is about the attention we give. If two people take that approach in a relationship, they will endure for a long time. It is about all the things that come into our lives as well, but without supporting one another and not expecting anything in return, someone will get tired of it.
  • where'd you get those stats? i've heard different ones that are slightly less pessimistic. but anyways i don't think they necessarily "turn out" to be bad. maybe it just "turns out" that we as people grow and change, and our partners don't always grow the same way that we do.
  • It has to do with unrealistic expectations and, honestly, laziness. Relationships take work on both sides and when one or the other gives up, the relationship dies. Especially in "modern" society where we want and want and want and need more and emotion is the end-all be-all of what is decided, it makes total sense that marriages will fail. Emotions change over time. Commitments shouldn't. Love is not an emotion, as an old saying goes. It is an action. We need to enter marriages understanding the other person and the commitment we're making. We also need to look for compliments, not just "wow is she amazing!"- although if that's there, too, all the better!
  • Possibly its us who turn out bad for them, something to think about.
  • I'm sure whole books have been written on this subject. There are a myriad of factors involved. One is that young people mistake desire and passion for love, jumping into marriage without really knowing their partner adequately enough to create a life together. The highest risk of divorce belongs to 20-24 year olds, and the second highest to those under 20. Marriage takes work. It's been said that a couple takes on average five years to settle into their marriage. Many have divorced and moved on by then. In an age when we want everything right now and perfect, many aren't willing to put the effort into a lasting union. You can see that even here on this site in answers to questions of infidelity or lying or even not keeping a job. "Leave him." "Move on." "You'r better off without him." "Kick her to the curb." A marriage is a living, breathing thing. It flows and ebbs, it evolves, and it has to - like us individually - be challenged from time to time. A mistake isn't necessarily a reason to dissolve a union. Mistakes can be fixed. Issues can be resolved, but it might take a great deal of work. The numbers indicate that the longer a couple is married or the older they are when they marry, the more successful the union. But it takes time, dedication and a lot of self-examination. And that's before the ceremony as well as after. http://www.divorcerate.org/
  • Relationships of any kind, including marriages, require ABSOLUTELY NO WORK. Living in a delusional self-identity, which is projected onto seeming others (like a spouse), however, requires a tremendous amount of effort. This is what fails. The relationship continues, it just changes form. The key then is NOT to adequately know someone else but rather to know yourself. When this knowing is established, each moment of life becomes a gift. One also understands that everyone is an equal part of you. By natural extension then, the concept of someone being more special than someone else appears completely ridiculous to you. In this recognition, you do only one thing - have full appreciation of everyone, every thing, and every circumstance.
  • People change, People grow apart, People think that someone else is a better match. Theres no committment nowadays. If its not working out quit, thats the way of our people.
  • Failed first time : lessons to learn Failed second time : still more lessons to learn We fall in love without need for a reason. Do we need reasons why we fall out of love? Its basically a need for company in life that we seek each other out. Whether it lasts forever or end up a failure, depends on the 2 persons working on it. It is only bad for us when we did not learn the failings that broke the marriage. Not a bad thing to realise that its not working and time to move on. Just like reading a book...you were attracted by the cover and first couple of chapters. Then it got boring... Are you going to be stuck with the book when its painful even to flip the page over. Who we fall in love with now, but fail later is only life's one big lesson. Its to make us progressively wiser in life, not to handicap us. Good luck.
  • We are people, we commit mistakes.
  • We are constantly growing and evolving. Unfortunately, sometimes that means growing out of love.
  • 50% succeed, why don't we celebrate that?
  • Quite simply..we grow up and away
  • Because honestly I don't think those people ever were truly inlove.We like to believe we were inlove with our mate but the truth is if we truly were inlove with that person we would have done all in our power to hold the marriage together. There is a big difference between being inlove with your partner and just being infatuated with them. When you are inlove that feeling never ends and only becomes deeper the longer you are together. When you are inlove you accept your partner flaws and all and do all in your power to help hold the relationship together at all costs. Being inlove means your partners needs become at least equally important if not more important than your own and their needs almost always come first. Being inlove is about being unselfish. Being infatuated on the other hand is temporary. The feelings of euphoria don't last for long and eventually when you wake up you realize you made a mistake with your selection of a life partner. You begin to see them for all their imperfections and that is when you try to change them into your idea of the perfect partner only ir almost never works. When you're infatuated with someone and that euphoria wears off you become selfish and think more about and put your needs and your wants and desires ahead of those of your partner. The love you thought you once had for your partner eventually turns into resent and eventuallywhen they won't change to conform to your idea of the perfect mate you find it easier to just throw in the towel rather than to try to fix what's broken and make the relationship work. The bottom line here I think why so many marriages fail is because the majorty of those people don't take enough time to truly fall inlove with their mate before rushing into marriage and they mistake infatuation which is a very similar feeling in many ways to truly being inlove with their partner.
  • My fiance told me once that if we don't give it a chance, we'll never know if it will work. So we give it a shot! But she also told me that if it didn't work, that she would be grateful that she got the amount of time she got to spend with me. Which shows me that she really loves me! And I love her so much I'm willing to take that chance as well. I always tell her, "Our love can be a fairy tale, but our relationship cannot" so like darthson says, you have to keep the expectations realistic. And that is so true.
  • This is my far fetched answer though...here it goes: I think a lot of people are still a bit immature and have a bit of an ego. I think we are all growing and sometimes in the process of that growing we loose people we care about. I know that happened to me...twice. The first one I care about. However, the second...I will love forever and no one can change that. Not if he gets married, nothing. I love his soul and even if we fought a lot I don't want ego to destroy that. I don't want my pride to win. How precious are those moments that people do share that express real love which is priceless. It is the essence of this life. Please to everyone: Let us treat others with infinite kindness, no matter how they may treat us. Always value others. I prefer to love him and all the kind things he did for me. And the things were extremely kind. Most kind.

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