ANSWERS: 39
  • Dump him! Why remain with your boyfriend when he clearly doesn't respect you? Bottom line: If you don't respect yourself, then who will?
  • I guess no one's ever called this guy overly sensitive, and probably nothing along the lines of thoughtful and supportive, either. What you should do, since you ask, is realize that while you're with a guy who compares you and his ex-girlfriend sexually, and even furnishes details on why his ex comes out ahead, you're not going to feel special, loved, or, as Answers101 says, respected. Is there one good, useful reason a man would say this to a woman he loves? I asked two guys for their impressions. One said he makes it a point to keep the past out of the present, and then talked about his old girlfriends all afternoon. The second guy frowned and walked off. A thumbs-down on foot, no doubt. This whole episode - telling you she's better, reinforcing with examples, and finally, showing little remorse over the pain he caused, reveals a lot about this guy's true nature. If you stay with him, you're, in effect, saying, "It's acceptable for you to treat me badly." After that, it's "the behavior you tolerate is the behavior you'll get." You aren't happy with what you're getting now. Unless he changes, it's what you'll continue getting. Answers101 is right about respect. I'll just add that it's bound to hurt when anyone you're close to, much less a bf/gf, shows little or no respect. Its absence in a relationship leads to all kinds of ugly complications. Respect is as important as trust, or close to it, anyway. What do you think? Do you trust him? What if he's around his ex? Among other things, verbalizing the comparison between you and his ex indicates a notable lack of good judgment. He's probably a lousy judge on other issues, too. In other words, he's an idiot - or shows great potential, anyway. His estimation of your skill level at anything, including sex, probably isn't worth taking seriously. Besides, and this is only a guess, you don't actually know that she's "better". Maybe she's "worse". You can hardly verify his examples, either, which means he could have embellished certain details and omitted unfavorable ones. Give me - no, give yourself - a break! Your only source of info on the entire matter is a guy without the brains to grasp the importance of simply keeping his mouth shut about it in the first place. You write: "I'm just not as confident and will never match up to her." Well, then -- don't. DON'T try to match up to her. What in the world makes this chick so great that you'd prefer her qualities and characteristics over your own? I'm thinking that the only aspect of her entire existence you should emulate is the "ex" that resides between "his" and "girlfriend". Anything else could whack your already-lowered confidence, which by the way, is sure to rise when Mr. Wonderful's not around to limit the supply. "What should I do?" Stop thinking about yourself in terms of someone else. That book has "failure" written somewhere on every page. We all have many different talents and skills, and you - yes, you - have several that could dance rings around Romeo and his ex-girlfriend, and a few million more people. But comparison's not the point. This guy's not worth trying to please. You should always know you take first place in your man's eyes and heart. Good luck!
  • I can imagine how you must feel after something like that being said to you. If your boyfriend had any respect for your feelings he would have never told you something like that. He could have found a way to tell you what he would like for you to do without putting you down to communicate to you. What it has actually done I would guess is cause you to have even less confidence about what you can do for him. Be good to yourself and don't allow anyone to disrespect you like that. If he doesn't care about how you feel and isn't interested in working to make things better then you have to decide what you want to put up with. No you will never match up to his ex - why would you want to? Expect to her to never match up to you.
  • Frankly I would have turned around and told him , "Well, I would be a whole lot better but, well, you just aren't doing it for me, do you think maybe a sex manual would help improve your technique? I mean my last boyfriend had a much bigger penis but I really didn't think that would matter"
  • honestly, he's an ass for saying that to you .. but i wouldn't let it get you down .. i dont think that anyone could ever really be good at sex, i mean, we all like it a little different ..
  • anyone who intentionally hurts your feelings is not the one for you. that was a cruel a mean thing to say. you need to rethink about staying in a relationship with someone who doesnt respect you or your feelings
  • well i think he wants you to do something more crazy in the sack, maybe more advanced or freaky and he is bringing up his ex to try and get you to feel challenged to be better in bed than his ex and maybe up your game a little and maybe try something that he wants to do with you but he is too much of a tool to tell you upfront. tell him to grow a pair and tell you what he wants when you guys are having sex, thats if u guys ever have sex again after a comment like that!!!! in all honesty he is not worth your hurt feelings
  • YOU SHOULD SERIOUSLY GET A NEW BOYFRIEND. I'M SURE YOU HAVE WONDERFUL QUALITIES AND YOU CAN DO BETTER. DON'T SETTLE FOR THIS LOSER! I BET THE NEXT GUY THAT COMES ALONG WILL THINK THAT YOU'RE THE TIGHTEST LAY EVER! JUST HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF, AND KNOW THAT YOUR BF'S FULL OF CRAP.
  • OMFG, I JUST WENT through the same bullshit with MY now ex boyfriend over his (again) girlfriend mostly because she was more sexually pleasing to him. Just like you, he bragged about how not only was she multiorgasmic, but could get off no matter what position he put her in. That she was more padded inside and out than I am, and that she's more "animated" while I'm boring because I "lay there and play dead". Whatever. He's gone now but the hurt ego still remains that I'm useless.
  • No offence, but he sounds like an ass! For one thing, its hard enough hearing your boyfriend talk about his ex, let alone comparing the two and telling you. Its understandable that you lack confidnece with him saying things like that, its so unfair on you. You shouldn't listen to him, there are far better ways he could have gone about it, like simply talking about what he likes instead of just shooting you down like that. My EX used to said my personality was really boring and how his ex girlfriend was always hyper and fun, and it drove me insane. I say find someone who will value you as you are and not totally insult you and make you feel insecure and inadequit like that.
  • Deprive him of the nookie and i promise u, he will either leave like the jackass i think he is or he will say u are better than a pornstar. As a woman u have many advantages so i suggest u take them into consideration :):)ALSO...yell, argue, tell him he can go back to his ex and u wouldn't give a damn...it will tell u how much he can endure ...also how much he really cares about ur feelings. If he is going to have the nuts to say something so hurtful...u should deff make him suffer...
  • Sounds like a creep. Dump his behind!
  • my case is kinda different..i actually ASKED my boyfriend if he had better sex with his ex (bcos she wasnt a virgin but he is my first)..and he said he can't remember what it was like with her. i take this as a ''yes''. now i feel sucky. is it wrong of me to compare??
  • Find some1 that thinks ur tops.
  • your bf sounds like he needs to work on his social skills. He doesnt sound that bright to begin with. Who would say something like that? He would have to be a complete moron and a total narcicist to not realize that what he is saying is hurtful. What you do is tell him that your prior bf had a bigger johnson and how your BF cant satisfy you the way he did. That will mess with his head quite a bit.
  • Dump him and find someone who won't compare and loves you enough to know you're the best around.
  • ROTFL. You need to kick him to the kerb matey. Who the hell does he think he is that he can speak to you like that? If sex was SO great with his ex, why isn't he still with her??????
  • This guy is taking the WRONG ATTITUDE! If he wants sex to be better with you, HE needs to do things that turn YOU on! That's what makes sex light on fire, baby! Blaming you for HIS sex not being as good as with his ex is ass-backwards. It's not all technique, trust me. Something's not quite right with this guy.
  • I love the first answer. The I would find someone who is more deserving of me.
  • are you blind? sorry to be so rude, but you need to dump the jerk. why you even want to be with him is unbelievable
  • I am going to drop you and find someone who likes having sex with me. You are not confident because he isn't right for you. He probably abuses you in other ways. When someone likes you, they have a way of making you feel comfortable by appreciating you. Matter of fact, be inconsiderate, drop him and let him wonder why...hec he probably will not care if you break up without telling him. If he does, just say well, had to move on cause you were bumming me out.
  • leave him, he honestly doesnt care that the remark he told you hurt your feelings...i mean at least he was being honest, but boys are afriad to breakup with girls...theyre extremelt terrified. so hell pull off all these dick moves to make you break up with him...hes scared of hurting peoples feelings.
  • Leave him! he is an AHOLE! Tell him to go back to her cuz thats what he likes...jerk!
  • I don't understand why anyone in a relationship that's worth keeping, would bring ANYTHING sexual from the past in. If you asked the question, you deserved the answer. If he just told you that out of the blue, he's a jack-ass who doesn't seem to give a damn about your feelings. In that case, it's not going to get any better and "you should git, while the gittin's good!"
  • as a guy, it is probably not a good idea to compare sexual notes with a gal that i am with, and vice versa....why would you wanna do that??????? take care....Brian.....
  • You should tell him that he can just go back to her, and not to let the screen door hit him where the good Lord split him. LOL. Well, you don't have to use those words, but you shouldn't be with someone who tears you down. Whether he's trying to make you sexually compliant or build himself up by making you feel inferior, he is being very selfish, and he doesn't deserve you.
  • If you honestly need to ask, it's because you have no self-respect. This guy just told you that you suck in bed but is not owning up to the fact that he's half of the problem. The simple truth may be that you're just not compatible sexually. Instead of being a big cry-baby about being hurt, just dump this guy. Lack of confidence is one of the most unattractive characteristics a person can possess. If you believe you will never match up to her, then don't bother trying. Sucks to be you.
  • i would tell him that if he doenst like it then you wont give it. then see how long it takes him to crawl back to you on his hands and knees. then deny him again and tell him goodbye.(its kinda evil i know) but that is what he deserves.
  • He's an ASS! Wow! And he thinks by telling you that it will help things? If he was half the man you sound like you deserve he would be trying everything to make you feel more confident in the bedroom. I'm sorry. At the end of the day though it is called SELF ESTEEM! Its yours, find it, keep it, and when you do, remember that know one can take it unless you let them.
  • Break up with him and tell him hes an asshole. I don't judge women on sex... because sex is sex. Some is good and some is great, but it's all good.. lol. If he is trying to make you feel guilty to get something then just tell him he can't have it. If he was a man he would say your the best, no matter what.
  • SOUNDS LIKE A FKN JERK... LEAVE HIM. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF. YOU SHOULD TELL HIM THE LAST TIME YOU DO IT WITH HIM THAT YOU WOULD BE MORE INTO IT IF HIS DICK WAS BIGGER AND KNEW HOW TO USE IT JUST LIKE YOUR OTHER X's. this will hurt him
  • He's either an insensitive dimwit, or he's bullying you. In both cases you deserve better.
  • You have two choices,let it all hang out in the rack or move on to another man. I say take number two.
  • I would tell him that there is always going to be someone who is better at everything, including sex, and if he wants the old girlfriend, he should just go back with her, or he could have a fun little endless journey looking for better and better sex partners, but never ending up with a real, lasting relationship. If he doesn't seem to accept that, then you shouldn't be with him, because he obviously holds sex higher than loving you for you. When you're old and too crippled to have sex, that's all you'll be left with, your personalities, anyway.
  • Either do one of two things: Throw it back in his face (aka. tell him that sex was better with someone that YOU previously dated - treat him how he is treating you so that you are on an equal playing field. Taking the "higher ground" isn't really applicable here.) But - honestly girl, if that was my man saying that (and he would NEVER) he'd be out on his ass in like 2 seconds flat. He sounds manipulative and disrespectful. Is this really the type of person you want to be with? Good luck.
  • ok. firstly, he's a dick. Now then, for an off-topic statement. Sorry. Why does AnswerBag's "similar questions" say that this is the closest to my question of: "Better than Windows Media Player but not as annoying or obtrusive as iTunes?" Seriously? I've seen some weird & wild claims from AB but this one is my top. sorry about being off-topic, please don't negative me too much for it.
  • 3-18-2017 Comparing you with any other lover he has had is a deal breaker. Don't be home when he calls. No goodbye, nothing. Just no answer.
  • First why was it better with his ex? Secondly what have you talked to him about? It is very human and natural to feel jealousy for someone who we deem "better" than us at whatever. But best to just admire them and learn from them if we can. And is important we understand that whatever we do there will always be somebody "better" than us. But we have to be ourselves and do what is right for us. Sounds like he was telling you those things because he wants you to do things that she did. Which you might be OK doing but again might not feel comfortable or right about doing them. You have to decide that for yourself. If things are going well otherwise and you like being with him and sex with him (what you think is important!) then you might make some changes. But if you don't feel appreciated for yourself then he is not for you. Get over the hurt - on some level or other we are always no matter who we are being compared to others. But we can't be others, although we can learn from them. We have to be ourselves.
  • he means to say you are not for him.

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