Additional info: I was/am attracted to my wifes friend, and they both knew that. But nothing ever came of it. I was in the house sleeping in another room, and was not told for over 2 months, and only after I did something wrong and made her upset. Wife has apologized, but her friend has not. Her friend knew our family situation, and (i feel) put the marriage of my kids parents in trouble.

I don't know what to suggest except to consult a marriage counselor. Good luck.

More Additional Info: There was no "intercourse" per se, but there was penetration (friends hand to wifes vagina)..... Man this hurts..

If your wife is straight, I strongly suspect this was not about 'cheating' per se because she probably does not feel at all sexually attracted to her friend. It sounds like it was more about display and making a point when she was drunk. It is possible that your wife is very resentful of you for your lack of a sex drive. For several years, my partner was impotent and I found it incredibly frustrating. However, he was always - several times a week - happy to please me in other ways to make up for it. I appreciated that. Even so, I still had an illogical shadow of resentment that I was stuck in a situation where I wasn't completely sexually satisfied. Before the incident, have you still been keeping your wife happy sexually in other ways, as often as you would once have done, or have you been avoiding contact with her? Regardless of your lack of sex drive, if you are not making up for it in other ways, your wife likely feels angry, rejected and frustrated. Even if you have tried to keep her happy by providing other regular forms of sex, she probably feels resentful and frustrated. In answer, no, I wouldn't call this sex. I would call this something she did when drunk when her barriers were down, in order to get YOUR attention and show how angry and frustrated she was over your sex life. It doesn't matter if you knew about it at the start or not - see it as a bit like a teenage girl cutting herself as a cry for help who conceals the fact that she has cut. She told YOUR friends she was sexually frustrated, she did it with a girl she knew you found attractive. It wasn't about the girl, it was about YOU. She was trying to show you something and make a protest about her feelings about YOUR sex life by performing a sexual act with this woman. I am pretty sure it was intended as a wake up call to you about your marital situation, rather than 'cheating' occuring through sexual desire for the other party. And if you have taken it as cheating and treated it that way, well she will be angry because you have made the situation about YOU when it was supposed to demonstrate her feelings about your lack of sex in the marriage. I'd say you need to really talk. Think carefully about the way your sex life was before the incident at the party. Were you satisfying your wife in other ways, or feeling depressed and insecure about your lack of sex drive and turning away from her. Sex is about more than just sexual desire - if you weren't feeling like sexual contact, your wife wouldn't just feel frustrated, she would possibly feel a huge sense of emotional rejection as well, as for many woman sex is a bonding act. My boyfriend suffers from depression - which affects his sex drive, as do the drugs he takes for it - and he takes statins after a heart attack. When he is unable to give me sex, he hugs me and strokes me, gives me massages, tickles me, pleases me in other ways and tells me how much he still fancies me and how he wishes he could have sex with me. He gives me the things sex normally provides - that sense of intimacy and of being desirable. Can you honestly say you have continued doing this for your wife, all the time you have been ill? I will tell you another story. My sister's husband, like you, has crohn's disease. When it was very bad about 8 years ago, he had to have a bag. Sometimes it leaked. He found it humiliating, he didn't feel like a man, he got depressed. He stopped going near my sister. He stopped all physical contact because he felt unhappy. He didn't communicate with my sister about how he felt. She, in her turn, felt totally rejected by him, and even though they had kids questioned the relationship - not because they weren't having sex, she would have got through that, but because of the distance his depression created and the huge sense of rejection his refusal to touch her created. One night, my birthday party, she got incredibly drunk and told us all how frustrated she was. The barriers just came down. She flirted with a young guy that was at the party, and when she was so drunk she could hardly stand, she announced she was going to bed with him (where she promptly passed out). My point is, she adores her husband, she cares for him when his crohns is severe, manages his diet, brings his kids up, but regardless of how he was feeling at the time when he was very unhappy, he made her feel rejected, unwanted, undesirable, sexually frustrated and like he no longer wanted to confide in her. For her, what she did when hse was drunk was a cry for help. Fortunately, he never found out, and he had the bag removed and his crohns got a lot better so their sex life improved. Now they are really happy and have had two more children. Just don't feel that your lack of sex drive and depression is all about you. Think about the effect it might have had on your partner and think about whether you have been meeting all her needs - physical and emotional.

It could have just been the drink. But best sit down and have a serious chat with her over this.

maybe you shouldnt be with her if shes having sex with other people