ANSWERS: 85
  • No, but it is a breach of trust and all hell's going to break lose when she finds out.
  • Maybe in his mind, cause if he didn't feel something he wouldn't be too ashamed to tell her. He may just have too many morals to cheat or love his wife too much too. But if two people love each other enough they should be open w/their emotions.
  • This has happened to me. Although I didn't consider it cheating. I did feel betrayed. Either way you should always be open with your partner. Trust is what holds a relationship together. Not lies.
  • no no no its not cheating by any stretch of the imagination...they are talking ...so what no big deal and before you toe the line about secrets ...b.s. who and I mean who in the real world tells there partner/wife/boyfriend the name and history of everyone they talk to even ones who you talk to everyday at work .... like foe example work mates , male or female do you tell your other half of every conversation you have with them ... no ! or is it because this happens to be a female he chats to ...female = cheating ....come on.. because thats what it sounds like ...if it were a male he was chatting to there would be no problem but because its a woman there is ?
  • It depends on what's being communicated and what the parameters of the relationship are. Honesty and openness are important in a relationship and secret communications could rightfully cause jealousy and feelings of betrayal. Once you break trust, it's difficult to regain. If you're saying/typing something that you wouldn't say in front of your wife, you probably shouldn't be saying it.
  • Well aslong as you're not having sexual conversations and aren't telling that person you love them ad things of that nature, nope, technically it is NOT cheating, but it IS risky.
  • Not cheating officially yet, but the activity warrants suspicion for sure. The idea of telling my wife or not is usually the benchmark I gauge whether or not the action is appropriate. If I tell my wife I am going out for beers with the guys, and she is okay with it, then all is okay. If I feel I can't tll her something, then there is a reason for it, and then take a deeper look at it. Sneaking around is no way to live, especially if you have any goal at all about living an honest life.
  • If you mean without his wife knowing anything about it then it sounds highly suspicious to me. However, if you mean his wife knows that they communicate and doesn't object, but doesn't know about a specific occasion I can't see anything wrong with it. Platonic relationships between men and women are quite common and limiting contact with the opposite sex solely to one's partner seems rather unhealthy.
  • Cheating doesn't start with sex,it ends with sex.You are on that road way before you have sex.The are alot of rules you have to break to get there. So if your lying your ass off to your wife ,and doing backflips to cover up what you don't want her to find out. and if she did it would break her heart. Yeah it's cheating in my book.If you have nothing to hide and she is a mutual friend with you and your wife.If you would not say anything differently if your wife was standing next to you. than no it's not. Deception is a big part of it.You know in your heart if what your doing is right.
  • surely it would depend on what he was communicating with her? if he was like, working with her in an office or something, than probably not, but if he was meeting up with her AFTER the office work, going for meals etc, then he could bbe on the way to cheating.
  • To me this is very wrong.Why do you feel the need to hide the fact you are communicating from your wife? Have you give her reason to mistrust you around other women? Is she insecure for just reasons. Dude how can you live with yourself keeping a secret like that? I did something similar with an ex g/f because she had been cheated on constantly in her marriage by her husband and carried over that distrust into our relationship. I had a very good friend from HS I kept in regular contact with and she didn't like it. She felt I shouldn't need any other females in my life outside of my family but her. After arguing with her but so many times I finally started to sneak behind her back because of her psycho behavior when I would do it in front of her in an effort to show here there was nothing going on.I felt like shit though for having to do this. That was part of the reason she became my ex. If there are trust issues you need to try your damndest to work on them. If that can't be done then just leave. Sooner or later you will begin to feel like shit over hiding the communication from your wife. That's if you are a decent guy with any kind of a conscience.
  • I know how the wife would/will feel when/if she finds out. After 36 years of marriage I found my husbands emails to another women. No they didn't have sex, but let me tell you it changed our whole marriage. So, yes it is wrong and hurtfull.
  • Yes it can be. You can have an emotional affair. If you are sharing things and experiences with this woman and not your wife you are walking a fine line my friend. Take a step back and look at the whole picture and where this could lead to physical cheating. If you truly Love your wife consider this.
  • Though there's been no physical contact, it is "emotional cheating" and is going down the wrong path. If you're doing something you feel the need to hide from your spouse, then you are doing something wrong....full stop. If you can't tell your spouse about it, cannot have conversations with that person in front of your spouse and feel comfortable in doing so, then your communication with this other person is inappropriate. And there is no room in any relationship for a 3rd person.
  • I communicate with other men without my boyfriend knowing. They're called co-workers and my customers at work :P In all seriousness, you need to expand your question to include what sorts of women or in what sorts of situations. Are you talking about sexy talk, expressing love, or what?
  • It depends entirely about what they are communicating about. Hockey scores? No problems. My wife just doesn't understand me? Big problems. If you are not comfortable telling your wife about this communication, I suspect you feel that it's wrong on some level.
  • What, a guy can't call his mother? It sounds like you would exclude this communication as well. You have made a very general statement. All communications are not sexual in nature. If a man communicates SEXUALLY to another woman, then you have something to complain about. What exactly is the nature of these conversations? Why is the man limited to only having male friends? Is the level of trust - or self-esteem - that perilously low? Certainly I would not consider non-sexual communication to be "cheating" in any way.
  • Asking someones opinion or whatsoever as long as your not showing any affection or flirting perhaps isnt considered cheating, why would you hide such? it's no biggy.
  • I think the fact you are keeping it a secret from your wife, is the issue. To me, the issue is not cheating, but to look at where this could lead. If you become emotionally involved with someone, it can be more dangerous than an "affair." You can become attracted to the other person, and this could develop into a more intimate relationship. Even if the relationship starts off as strictly platonic, it can develop into something more meaningful at any time. I say that you could potentially be playing with fire.
    • officegirl
      All male-female interactions have that element but we can't just exclude them but we need to learn to handle them. The more we try to exclude the more susceptible in fact we become to them.
  • Yes. It's called emotional cheating. Your spouse should be your confidante, friend, supporter, the first person you want to talk to about news, and your sounding board. If you are using other (opposite sex) people for that (who are not paid therapists or counselors) then you need to have a direct, honest conversation with your spouse about your marriage.
    • officegirl
      That seems quite impractical really. My husband is my friend and supporter but I know there are some things he is not interested in and does not want to hear about so I respect that. That is discretion. Just spilling my guts would be selfish and not respecting his boundaries and comfort. Plus you place too much faith in "paid therapists or counselors" as well as quite guaranteeing them a living. Without seeing that something could start with one of them as well. And how many can afford such costly confiding?
  • I would not call that cheating. I would call that very unwise.
  • It depends on what they're communicating about. If they merely share some common interest (stamp collecting, or maybe just platonic friends from high school, or whatever), then it's not cheating. But if the content is more personal and emotional in nature (he's talking to her about problems in his marriage, or flirting heavily, and things like that), then you're getting much closer to what I'd consider infidelity.
  • Sounds like it to me as he is doing something that he obviously isn't willing to share with his wife, holding back a part of himself and instead giving it to someone else. If he is doing something that he wouldn't openly do in front of his spouse, something that the spouse wouldn't like or have suspicions of, it's cheating. He is breaking the bonds of intimacy by having this kind of secret
  • its not cheating. its being dishonest
  • i don't care if you ar having no sex with this woman, you should let yur wife no, or it is just as bad as cheating.
  • It depends on the situation. You said “without knowing” not that he is hiding it. I am communicating with you by posting this answer. I did not go tell my wife I was communicating with you. I am not hiding the communication I just didn’t tell her. The real issue is his intent. Is he hiding it because he feels guilty or is there another reason? If he is starting an emotional relationship then yes it is cheating. If he is talking to her about things as a friend, maybe not. Most men are crappy listeners and some subjects they just don’t handle well. When you tell a problem to most men they automatically try to come up with a solution. Most women are good listeners and will let the person vent their problem without trying to fix it and just listen. Maybe the subject is something you will not discuss with him or has to do with you. If the situation takes away from your marriage and you are becoming emotionally abandoned then it is cheating. Try talking to him first without attacking or accusing. See if you can find out why he needs this other communication and what he doesn’t share it with you.
  • It really depends on what they communicate about. If the guy has been open about his relationship with the woman, then that indicated just friendship. However, if the man is being very secretive about his relationship and gets anal if you get close to his phone or something then there's something going on. Believe me I've been through it and got rid of the guy. If that's your situation then you should do the same...
  • The big question is, is he hiding it from you or is it such a minor deal to him that he didnt think to tell you? Yes talking with another woman can be cheating, there are things called emotional affairs or romatic friendships. My gf, now ex-gf had a guy friend that she was friends with her whole life, the where nothing more then platonic friends, now if he had started to take riority over me then I would have considered it if not cheating borderline inappropriate
  • Oh yes. Sometimes emotional affairs are the most detrimental to your relationship.
  • If he does not have sex,how about kissing and all that?If they wre cls friends then it okay but if no,then of course it is unacceptable! But,the wife should also check the history of calls and stuff.
  • Yep. Its the worst kind.
  • lies of omission basically. IF you wouldn't do it in the presence of your wife it is probably wrong
  • Well I dunno if it's cheating, but regardless, the guy should be completely honest with his wife and shouldn't hide things, ESPECIALLY when they involve another woman or another close female friend. When a guy has a close female friend aside from his wife, it's important that he keeps himself accountable because any man can be tempted to be unfaithful. And also: why do you ask? It's not a good idea to see how far you can push it before it's considered being unfaithful... not that I'm saying this to you directly, but one shouldn't push limits.
  • if its no sex then It really depends on what they are discussing when they are together or on the phone. For all you know he may not feel a need to tell you about every person he talks to. It could be just a business associate with whom is working out some kind of agreement or deal. So there is nothing to tell, but nothing to hide. If he starts acting weird when your around and tries to end a conversation quickly when you enter the room. then you can start raising the caution flags. Maybe hide a little tape recorder or if you have cordless or another phone, quietly pick up on the line and see if you can catch the nature of their convos.
  • its called intercourse without the sexual part. why should we married people be restricted from having friends of both sexes?
  • Well...Is there any flirting involved and why does your wife not know.
  • I dont think it is cheating, I would be concerned as to why he was hiding it from me. We are allowed to have friends of the opposite sex. My S/O talks to females that I dont know, but I am aware that he is talking to them. I trust him. As he trust me. We both are flirts, but not with the intention, of being with anyone.
  • Tell the wife all your communication. If she is offended by something, it's either you shouldn't be communicating in that way with another woman, or your wife is handling it the wrong way or is getting jealous over something stupid. More often than no its the first.
  • if emotions are involved then i think it's still dishonest
  • if that talks includes flirting or if they talk as if they like each other then it is considered as cheating because anything done without your wife's knowledge is cheating
  • Cheating is about the lie, not necessarily the lust.. I would consider it cheating because he is hiding it. If you can't be honest in your relationship, what is the point of being in the relationship?
  • NO! It's not cheating. LYING is not cheating... It's LYING. Men communicate with women every day... Cashiers, co-workers, friends... Are you saying he cannot have a female friend? or that he cannot communicate with said female friend without your permission? How many MALE friends do you have? How many do YOU communicate with? Are you cheating when you do? Have you ever really ASKED if he's communicating with someone? If not, then he's not even lying. Not telling you everythinng in his life is NOT lying, even by omission. It's part of being HUMAN. Do you tell HIM EVERY person you talk to in a day? Are you lying when you DON'T? No... It's NOT cheating, and unless he told you he doesn't talk to someone, or you asked and he said no, then he's not even lying about it.
  • no it's not cheating but it can become cheating if you are not able to control yourself.
  • I don't feel it is cheating unless he's spending too much time with the other woman or confiding too much in the other woman more than his wife. Wives are there for a reason and should fill all of her mans needs how can she fully do that if he constantly turns to another woman? The "regularly" part I have a problem with..."occasionally" wouldn't bother me as long as he remembers where home is and she remembers he already has a home to go to.
  • i don't think so. cheating refers to getting some action elsewhere, not talking. it can of course lead to cheating, though
  • Depends on why he is keeping the information from her. Truthfully I feel a husband and wife should be able to tell one another ANYTHING. I have many friends who are men and my husband knows this. I just happen to get along better with men than I do with most women.
  • I call it friendship plain and simple. Unless the S/O gave reason to think otherwise IMO there is nothing wrong with it. Although if the man makes a concerted effort to keep it private then perhaps there maybe a reason to be suspicious.
  • Hell yea it's cheating!! If you're only talking to her when your wife is not around, on purpose!!
  • Cheating is when you have sex outside your relationship without the consent of your partner.
  • it depends on if its romantic or not if the guy is romanticlly interested or infatuated with the girl and is intentionally keeping it from his s/o then yes, its definitly cheating
  • Some women probably wouldn't care, but I would. If a man has some thing to communicate, its only me that he does it with..Doesn't need anyone else to talk to of the opposite sex, yup, to me its cheating and betrayel.
  • its cheating. if hes hiding it, then its cheating b/c its a form of omission which is a form of lying. get out while you still can! dont let someone walk all over you like that and disrespect you, sooner or later itll lead to sex.
  • Without his wife knowing sounds very concerning for me. How do you know there is NO SEX????
  • HINT: If he doesn't want his wife to know, something is not kosher!
  • That depends upon the nature of the relationship. Psychologists studying infidelity have a category for emotional infidelity, or emotional affairs. In this case, yes, he is.
  • this all depends on if you make him feel like its a sin to talk to the opposite sex, or like you would wage war on him. then i think it would make it ok.just because you are in a relationship/marriage doesnt mean you cant talk to people. but if you are fine with him talking to the opposite sex and dont make him feel like crap doing it, and then it could be a possibility of cheating. also comes the factor have you asked him, if he lies its a good possibility, but if you dont care that he talks to the opposite then you need to make that clear and then see if he lies about it. definately bad thoughts are going through his head.
  • YES. IF IT WEREN'T YOUR WIFE WOULD KNOW ABOUT HER!
  • Not in my book...its considered you communicating with another woman regularly without your wife knowing...I guess from there it depends on your motives.
  • Anything you hide from your wife is considered cheating in my book.
  • Well, it depends on what they are "communicating" about really?
  • i am going through the same thing.. my husband has been talking to this girl named courtney from online.. and he has given her my house address and phone number and he has sent her flowers.. at lest this is what my bank statement has said and he denies it!!! he told me he would stop talking to her but i know they r still talking the girl has even wrighting to me telling me they r a couple and that she will be the mother to my children.. what should i do?? i have tried to be a good wife!! i work all day well he sits ta home on the computer sapposte to be watching my kids
  • Boxing the disrespectful acts committed in marriages in a word like "cheating" is too limiting. I personally wouldn't label it "cheating," but it's disrespectful and dangerous.
  • If he is calling other women secretly only when his wife and kids leave the house & he is asking to spend time with them---that is definately cheating even if he gets caught before he does the act. He was planning on it---just waiting for a women to invite him over or say yes to spending a day with him. Oh---and if he says that when she showed him her bush it made him "crazy" ---what do you call that?! Or if he asks her if he can buy her "something special" Or plans on how he can go pick her up & take her kids to preschool and then he'll wait for her outside.Another time he was asking her to hang out on Wednesday (during day of course so the wife would think it's just another day at work). After he gets caught--of course he denies that he was ever going to do anything with her---it was all "a phone game"! He wanted her to just say yes and then he was not going. But it wasn't just one, he called a few more asking if he could go over. What do you think about this? Is this cheating?
  • It all depends on the setting in which they communicate. If they work together and speak only at work than I wouldnt consider that cheating. However, if its phone calls between two people who are not really bonded together in any other way than they like to speak to each other than.. yeepppers!
  • Men would say no, women would say yeah... Single 'liberal' women would say no too... but if it happened with them, in the back of their mind they would be thinking otherwise. Call me Nostradamus but I got this prediction down.
  • I would consider it a form of cheating but not as bad as kissing/have sex with the other woman. Being in a relationship is all about trust and if he is secretly talking to another woman without his wife knowing then it is wrong. Why does he have to keep his relationship with that woman secret from his wife and what is he trying to hide?
  • Ithink so, If he is only talking to her when the wife not around, then it seems like he is looking for something more
  • yes, because if it was nothing why wouldn't he be able to tell his wife?
  • Wow! This is exactly what is going on in my life and has been for 5+ years! My husband has a "friend" he talks to EVERY DAY & when I have asked him to stop, he won't. I realize it is not sex (she is 3 states away), but to talk to her every day I think is a bit much. Any ideas for me on how to deal with this?
  • No, being married doesn't mean you can't still be an independent adult. If you start making plans to meet at a hotel, that's a different story.
  • depends on the calibur of the relationship.
  • It entirely depends on the nature of the contact. If its just casual chit-chat or work related then it doesn't matter. If however he's getting something emotionally out of it then it could be seen as an 'emotional affair' which many people see as being as bad as a physical one.
  • yes it is cheating.his wife will do it too sure.
  • that depends....I talk to female coworkers all the time. I would say that 5 days a week I talk to some females in a non-sex relationship and I wouldn't cheat on mine if my life depended on it. It can certainly be done. I think that it is smart to tell you s/o about things like that. For instance, if a woman called me at home and I talked to her for a while and she was just a friend, I would tell my wife so that down the road, she wouldn't think I was hiding something.
  • Not at all. If his wife is insecure she might think so but that's just pathetic. In fact, jealousy can drive a harmless platonic 'relationship' underground... where the danger of things getting out of hand is higher. Trust pays dividends.
  • That depends, are you giving that other woman something that rightfully belongs to your wife? I talk to married men routinely, on here, in church, in my neighborhood. I never give them the affection or intimacy that rightfully belongs to my husband.
  • Only if the talk is of a personal, intimate, romantic nature. Say, you talk about work and politics, things like that, but never truly personal things, then there's nothing objectionable going on. . Not to say there couldn't be a trap, because one party might start to develop feelings, just based on admiration of the other. Or, worse, it could be mutual.
  • I FEEL IT IS CHEATING WHEN YOU TALK TO OTHER WOMEN IN SECRET.... MY HUSBAND FLIRTS WITH HIS EX GIRLFRIEND... HE HAS HER ON HIS EMAIL LIST. HE COMMENTS HER ON FACEBOOK... LIKE WHO IS THAT HOTIE. I JUST FOUND ANOTHER FEMALE HE HAS ON FACEBOOK HER FACE BOOK NAME HAS HER NAME AND HIS IN IT..... I AM SO SICK OVER THIS IM NOT SURE IF I CAN STAY MARRIED... I CANT GET THE THOUGHTS OF ALL THIS OUT OF MY MIND... I LOVE MY HUSBAND SO MUCH AND DONT WANT IT TO END, BUT THE TRUST IS GONE... IM NOT SURE HOW TO TRUST HIM AGAIN...
  • no its not cheating
  • sorry for texting your husband, has that freckle on his penis always been there ;)
  • yes. If there's nothing unhanded going on then why doesn't the wife know and why would he be communicating with this woman reglarly without his wife knowing? The married man is keeping it a secret because he knows his wife would not approve of his communication with the other woman, he is cheating, this is but stepping stones that lead to the physcial part called sex.
    • officegirl
      Yes is always a possibility it can lead to that but if we are so openly insecure and protective that we would not approve of any opposite sex communication then we make his life hell and facilitate his cheating.
  • what do you think about a husband that even though his wife disapproves of him communicating with the other woman and he's offended/mad at his wifes feelings and refuses to stop talking with the other woman. He knows how it makes his wife feel but still he is determined to do it anyway, knowing if it was his wife talking to another man he would object.
    • officegirl
      Double standard.
  • Not to me but I know that he must sometimes think of being with her and I know it could happen.

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