ANSWERS: 52
  • I feel the same way. I don't think you're insecure. I think you're protective, and you don't like/want competition. In my experience, with my fiancee, I want her all to myself. Not so much that she doesn't have "herself" anymore, not to be controlling, but I know that I can treat her better than anyone else in the world. If you have those feeling for someone, and you're feeling uncomfortable about other men checking out your mate, I'd say there is nothing wrong with you, but it is an unfortunate quality to have.
  • No, you are not insecure.You have boundaries that you want respected in a relationship. If you spell out these boundaries to your significant other, and he will not respect them, it tells you how little respect he has for you. You deserve better.
  • Listen to me carefully. This is 100% honest. I'm thirty years old. I have never, ever cheated on a girlfriend. I only date one girl at a time, because I believe in being considerate. But I must admit that I look. I do. When people tell you that it's biological and all that stuff, try to believe them. Because no matter how hard I've tried to change, I can't. The only way I can't look is if I focus all attention on not looking. But it means nothing to me. It's a reaction, plain and simple. As involuntary as turning your head when you hear your name. Just remember that there is a huge difference between just looking and looking because you are shopping around. I've given up on trying to stop, because I've figured it out. At least for me. Beauty. Plain and simple. We all look at something beautiful. It's why all movies and TV shows are stocked full of beautiful people. And that's all it is, nothing more. When I'm in love with someone, I turn and look at a girl, think that she's beautiful, and think about the fact that she'll never be the woman my girlfriend is. She'll be more annoying, or high-maintenance, or spend too much money, or....... But it's like looking at a painting. Just beautiful. I have the painting I already want on my wall. But I can still admire the beauty in the gallery, I am just not shopping for a new one to hang on my wall. But I still appreciate them. That's all it is. Nothing more. For me at least. If you've got a guy who not only looks, but tries to make eye contact, then you've got another issue on your hands.
  • A MAN IS ALWAYS GONNA CHECK OUT WOMEN, THAT'S THERE NATURE. NOW WHEN IT BECOMES A PROBLEM IS WHEN HE CROSSES THE LINE OR BRINGS IT HOME AS I LIKE TO SAY. I THINK YOU MAY FEEL INSECURE BECAUSE HE HAS DONE SOMETHING TO CROSS YOUR ACCEPTANCE BOUNDARIES. U NOW HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF IF HE BEING DISRESPECTFUL AND CAN I DEAL WITH THIS OR NOT. IF U CAN DEAL PICK YOUR BATTLES, IF U CAN'T DEAL LET HIM KNOW HOW IT MAKES U FEEL.
  • no ur not insecure at all, actually ur in the majority. Hardly any girl likes there man lookin at other girls. it makes u not feel so good about urself. i remember one time i told my boyfriend well x boyfriend now, lol i told him off for staring at other girls butts and flirting with them and stuff. and not to mention it makes us really jealous cause were like oh so now u think she looks better than me. and i dont know about u but it makes me feel like oh so the next hot girl that walks bi ur jsut gonna dump me for. so u dont feel insecure, just no that he shouldnt do that if he really cares for ur feelings u should talk to him about it and he should stop but also remember its a guys naturall personality to look at other girls but they can prevent it. ^^^hope this helps^^^
  • Everyone checks out other people when they're in a relationship- its called human nature. Its just some of us are more discreet about it than others. You are insecure- of COURSE your insecure, who doesn't feel a bit put out if they catch their partner eyeing up another girl (or guy for that matter)? It's as normal to feel that way as it is for him to do it. My rule in relationships has always been that I accept and expect that a guy will find other women attractive and. I don't mind that. But that doesn't mean I necessarily want to hear about it. So whilst I think you can forgive a guy when you catch him taking a sneaky look at that leggy blonde, if he's talking to you about how the cashier at the local shop is "really pretty" or Madonna has "really great tits" then you've got to draw the line and tell him he's going too far. Also, maybe it would help to remember that whilst he likes the blondes legs and Madonna's boobs, its YOU that he's chosen to be with- which means you have a good few qualities he finds appealling enough to actually spend a good portion of his time with you (as opposed to 30 seconds of staring)- this makes you far superior to either. Relish that- and don't be scared to ask him to remind you from time to time what it is he finds beatiful about you- if he's any kind of man at all he'll only be pleased to tell you at length exactly why you're the most gorgeous woman in the universe.
  • No , not everyone looks , my husband and I only look at each other.
  • I am always focused on the girl I am with. But if on my own I will fill my time by browsing. Sometimes its just people watching. I'll try to figure out what I can about a person just by looks and wear and a few actions - how they hold themselves. Problem is - most men are, really are very boing and similiar. The question is - is he bing rude to you while doing it. If it bothers you then probably yes. What do you think he is looking at? I have been with girls who like watching for other pretty girls also. That can make for fun conversation. Its intersting when women will see beauty in other women differently then men do.
  • What I would add on (because so many of these answers are great..) is to realize that half the time guys don't even realize they're doing it. :) But flip the scenario...girls look at good-looking guys too, talk about them with girlsfriends, etc. But do we ever think that we want to ditch our boyfriend and go for the random hot guy that we probably may never see again? No...not often. :) But I think if anything really truely bothers you, talk to them about it, and realize that guys and girls are two competely different types of people. :)
  • Personally I think it,s ok to window shop as long as they don,t test-drive.
  • I think it's okay and healthy for people to "look" even if they are in a relationship. I think most people will admire beauty. The clencher is how do you go about admiring that beauty when you're actually in the presence of the person that you're in this relationship with. For example, I don't mind if my b/f looks at someone else, just don't gawk and make it obvious and get distracted when we're spending time together. I've told him that "We can look at the menu, but we can't order off the menu." To me, it's human nature to look and it doesn't me that I want to leave him or he wants to leave to be with that other person. Talking about these issues when in a relationship is very important. Open lines of communication can help build a happy relationship and keep it that way.
  • Human males are very visual creatures, and can't help but to admire the beauty of women, it is quite harmless to look, as long as he's not gawking or making advances, or lewd comments around you. Let him look and fantasize, this is what guys do, even when your man is making love to you, you can bet a dollar to a donut that he is fantisizing about another women while making love to you, this is perfectly normal and harmless, and no it does not mean he does not love you at all. This is just the way men in general fantasize about things, when your man is full of fantastic referance images of other women, sex is going to be a little more exciting because he is acting out his sexual fantasy on you... and is that not what you want to be in the first place?
  • Most men will look at other women because most women, at some point, will dress to be noticed.
  • Honestly, if you ask most women (and they aren't talking through their ass), they 'll admit to wanting to have sex with attractive males as well. Just human nature to want to have sex with someone beautiful. It isn't just a male thing.
  • Its just looking and usually no harm is meant. If it bothers you though, you have the right to say it makes you uncomfortable.
  • Just a glance at an attractive woman is nothing to get ruffled about. If he is obviously staring and drooling or making comments about the other hot woman, then I could see you being upset. My wife has turned this into a little game. When a woman with big breasts walks by she'll ask me, " did you see her breast?" If I say yes, she'll ask me, what color were her shoes? or something more obvious that she had on and if I say the wrong thing, she will just laugh or make a little comment in jest. It isn't usually a serious thing unless your man is getting obnoxious with it. Men are men, they will look at hot women.
  • Do you not glance at attractive men?
  • well my gf just told me that she saw me glance at a her, it seriulsy ended are 1 year relationship... It really kills me cuz I know I didn't, i look at all people women, men, animals... buildings everything that's just something I do. I can't appoligize for something I know I didn't do, I don't undress girls with my eyes, that's just not me. I think guys who stop and turn around and start starring at a girl that just passed by time pretty sad and pathetic. But there's nothing to do now, I don't know how things will go with her. I think I've been pretty amazing to her and she's as too, but lately things like this keep poping up every few months. We don't ever call eachother names or have huge fights, I think it's amazing relationship that we have, but now all this stuff is killing it, it really bothers me.
  • well my gf just told me that she saw me glance at a her, it seriulsy ended are 1 year relationship... It really kills me cuz I know I didn't, i look at all people women, men, animals... buildings everything that's just something I do. I can't appoligize for something I know I didn't do, I don't undress girls with my eyes, that's just not me. I think guys who stop and turn around and start starring at a girl that just passed by time pretty sad and pathetic. But there's nothing to do now, I don't know how things will go with her. I think I've been pretty amazing to her and she's as too, but lately things like this keep poping up every few months. We don't ever call eachother names or have huge fights, I think it's amazing relationship that we have, but now all this stuff is killing it, it really bothers me.
  • The thing is...there is nothing you can do about it. Except you could find a guy you don't find to be attractive...like someone with a beer guy or bald or whatever you dislike ( I mean, I'm sure some girls like beer bellies for sure.) and then it won't matter to you if they look because most of the girls probably won't want them.
  • to me its ok..they are only human.im married and i look and go home and tell him and he does the same..you are the one they come home to so dont worry ..worry when they dont come home
  • I think there is a difference between 'checking out' someone and noticing an attractive person. If someone is checking them out, I feel like they are not paying attention to our relationship and they are still shopping around. It makes me feel like taking a step back from the relationship to see where it's going, if it's not leading to permanency. If it's just noticing I guess that's alright, but if it's perceived by the attraction, then it might look like a flirting glance and returned and that would hurt me, too.
  • Sorry you might not like my answer, but thats why god gave us eyes to look with and to see so use your eyes the way he use his eyes.
  • Whether it is OK or not is a subjective matter. That they will do it is a hard fact. I don't know what exactly you mean by "check out", but men will always notice attractive women, whether they are in a relationship or not. And yes, you are insecure - but so are probably 50% of women. But men have the matching effect - they feel insecure when other men, especially rich and handsome men, check out their women. This is one of the nasty side effects of biology. It is no pleasanter, and no more avoidable, than (say) menstruation. Life is like that - try to work around it, not fight against it.
  • How about when your man is driving and spots a pretty woman then as we drive past her he has to make it a point to turn his head and glance at her again with you right there. Not once or twice but several times in one single outing. How about when you sit at a restaurant and you are talking to him but he is too busy glancing at some chic he spotted that is pretty and if you tell him he blows up saying I am accusing him of doing something he did not do. Yet you know he did because he does it often. Also he says he is a people watcher but why it is that its always the pretty ladys he turns his head for 90% of the time and about 10% for other people...go figure
  • I think its thier nature to check out girls no matter what. The thing is, they shouldn't do it in front of you and if they do, it shouldn't be obvious.
  • Darlin' ... I'm 65 years old. I'm married to a woman I love very deeply. I still "check out" other women. My wife knows that I don't stray and that I'm simply admiring. Other women may find me attractive, but at the end of the day, it's my wife I hold and make love to. : ))
  • Ladies... It will never change. It is 'man'. Not your fault either. If it does bother you enough, just ask that he not do it in front of you. If he is a reasonable man, he will adjust.
  • Meh, men look, it's what we do. Sometimes I catch myself doing it without even thinking about it. Just know that it's not something that he's doing to aggrivate you. It's just something that happens sometimes.
  • Well, I think that it is natural for a man to do this, but I also think that he should make an effort not to if he is in a serious relationship out of respect to his partner. If he only looks and stays faithful to you, then I wouldn't worry about it too much. Try not to let it bother you.
  • I believe in window shopping- you don't always have to touch or buy the merchandise. Looking is good, as long as they aren't touching. I think that if someone is that uncomfortable with someone even LOOKING at another person, then yes, I would consider that insecure.
  • After reading the other answers , I agree that it's in mans nature to look , even if you tell him that it makes you uncomfortable, he's still gonna look ,(though he should be a bit more subtle about it) he has very little choice in the matter. This in no way reflects on his feelings towards you in any way.
  • It should bother you if he didn't. A continued interest in beautiful, sexy females after the start of a relationship is a sign of properly functioning testosterone levels. You do want your b/f to be a healthy, all-together male don't you? Only if he's rude will he check out other girls openly in your presence; "tact" is the key word here boys.
  • I don't think that makes you insecure. As for your second question, I think it depends on their intention.
  • As far as I know, it's nature. I do this, (try not to around my wife out of respect,) but that doesn't make me a bad husband. We just love women. As long as I'm not thinking about cheating, or actually doing so, then I believe this should be a non issue. Women do the same thing with men too, just more discretely, so... it happens. It's in our nature to reproduce, and marriage and monogamy were not thought of throughout the majority of our evolution, so, it's only natural for us to check someone out, BUT, be happy they're not cheating, or thinking about it. It's okay to think someone else looks good..... as long as they know that you are their only slice of cake.
  • As a guy........... I find it extremely rude to check other girls out in the presence of another......Unless my girl wants to check em out and then discuss... I do have a hidden talent though.........I check the girls out without moving my head or being obvious about it.
  • To some women it's ok, to others it isn't. I'm very jealous and don't like my fiancee to check out girls, to look at porn, to even think about women. However, you are not insecure. Can I ask you this question? Have you ever thought about why it bothers you so much for your guy to look at other girls? Were you abandoned by your father at any point in your life? If so, some woman get upset about their men looking because they are afraid that their guy will do the same thing to them as their dad did to their mom, LEAVE! Ever been cheated on? That may cause you to think all men are the same and cheating starts when a guy sees a good looking girl. There is nothing wrong with you, it's just how some girls are wired. It's all about fear if you really get down to it. My personal fear is that he will cheat, or find another woman more attractive than me. He says he doesn't look. I suppose that can be true. I don't look at other men. There is the exception to the rule. Just try to figure out why this bothers you so much. Good luck.
  • i don't accept it when people say, "it's nature, it's a man thing." it's really about discipline and how much the guy loves his significant other. i have dozens of guy friends and they're so respectful to their girlfriends and wives. some of them can't even stand looking at a nude scene in a movie because they feel like its immoral and disrespectful to their girlfriends.. my friends feel its unnecessary to look at other girls because they already have a girl.. and as one of my friends said, "if i wanted to act like i'm single, then i'd be single."
  • it bothers me as well, but i accept the fact that he's allowed to look, as long as he doesn't try to go over and talk to her or anything beyond a glance...now if he's constantly staring and stops paying attention to me, then we've got a problem...it's natural for them to look at other girls, as it is for girls to look at other guys...as long as the line isn't crossed...
  • No and No. A look longer than a short glance is too long. It is rude and disrespectful. Let him know you are not comfortable with his behavior. Not all men are like this. But we have a society full of disrespectful men lacking spirituality and morals. Why do men continue to willfully and openly hurt their partners? Because women haven't had the voice to stand up to them and say it is UNACCEPTABLE.
  • People--man or woman--shouldn't do that which they wouldn't like to be done onto them. No, is not OK. I'm not a [moralist] nor I am applying for Sainthood, but I found that to be very disrespectful; particularly when is done right in your face so blatantly. You're not insecure, you've just been annoyed by someone alse's Bulls#%&.
  • I understand it bothering you. It is incredibly rude for one and yes, it is demeaning. Men with bad manners turn me off.
  • They key is to only look when she's not paying attention. Ignorance is bliss.
  • Yes your insecure because ALL MEN check out other girls. If they tell you they aren't they are either lying or gay. It's one thing to look. It's another to touch. So relax. Everything will be ok
  • Like Capy J said,yes your insecurities are showing. All guys WILL check other women out,I always have,and until I am dead,I always will. Don't tell me you don't look at other males!!! It's not like we are going to ask them out,or ask for their phone number,,,chances are we'll never see them again,,a look is all we get to take with us.If they are good looking to us,why spurn them,look at them and compare yourself to them,see what we are looking at,maybe you can do something to acquire what they have(clothes,hair,make-up,etc..)
  • I don't care. I am staring at them too.
  • its not just you that this bothers, it bothers me too, I actually just told my husband last night that if he sexually looks at other women as if he would *do* them we are going to just divorce, In my view, I dont do that, I dont look at all, I dont care about other men, and to me is if i can do that as in only want my man, why cant he do the same for me. After all he keeps saying he loves me blah blah... then whats the big deal in not sexually look at other women. why all guys always say is not possible... all guys seem to be looking for what i refer as another excuse.. everything seems to be perfectly normal to them but isnt so normal for women... guys can be such a jerks sometimes...
  • Can we put the shoe on the foot or will that fish not swim?
  • Of course!!! they've got eyes just like us! don't you look at men in the street! I mean, if we can't at least have a look at beautiful things/humans, what's left to us on this planet? It seems that everything has to be ruled, even in relationships, when it's obviously in this matter that we should feel the most comfortable and free...
  • I think you are a little insecure, but I feel the exact same way with my boyfriend. He and I have gotten into really bad, deep arguments about this subject, ultimately leading into the whole "is porn okay" thing. I think it is sort of wrong to check somebody out when you are in a SERIOUS relationship. I haven't needed to force myself to stop checking other guys out; I automatically stopped doing it. There is no need to check out people out when you are with the one you want. Most people would think I'm way too conservative, but that's their problem to deal with. I don't care if my ideas are old fashioned, I think that guys need to stop this whole "biological" bull and step up; if it really is hard to stop, then MAKE yourself stop. If you really can't, then you aren't with the right girl.
  • I like the way, everyone says, it's 'okay' because it's natural to look at 'beauty' ie women showing their, tits, legs off as opposed to being more modest. This is the whole point - is the woman they're with not 'beautiful'?
  • we are all insecure about that shit, it's normal, but i still hate it...stupid human nature!

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