ANSWERS: 56
  • It may be selfishness to some, who knows? But I hope, at least, the ones that feel they have no maternal or paternal instincts choose not to.
  • I don't think it's not selfishness, but the memories and traditions that the parents enjoyed. Without the children, it won't be the same with them.
  • Some people do not want the responsibility of raising children.It takes up to 18 years of ones life.Maybe they want the freedom to do things in life,like constant travel,and might be unfair and difficult with children.I would not say that it is selfish,just a choice that is made.
  • Maybe some people feel they aren't responsible enough to handle a child or they have other goals within their lives that they would like to meet and child would hinder them. I don't think its selfish if you don't have children because they will be neglected or they are not a part of your life plans.
  • The lack of a couple having children may appear selfish to others but unless you know the reasons behind the fact it is better not to judge. The lack of children makes some couples very unhappy even tears some apart. Those that conceive easily or have never lost a child have no right to judge unless they know the facts. Even then it is personal choice The world is overpopulated.
  • If you can't afford them. That's a good reason. Maybe you are mentally capible of handling the stresses of kids. Maybe someone who stays single their whole life doesn't want to raise the child alone. Maybe there is more than you know to what you ask.
  • My sister decided early on not to have kids and she was honest about why.....she said she was being selfish in that she wanted to always be able to pick and go whenever and wherever she wanted. She said that because of all her nieces and nephews she can give all her love to them and believe me they give it right back to her. She doesn't regret it and I am happy she did it for the right reasons.
  • There are some people that should NEVER be parents. I truly appreciate the ones that know this and choose not to. Lots of people have kids because it's just the natural progression, but they are not ready. Who suffers when this happens? The poor children. I used to always think that people without kids just didn't know what they were missing. But, with all the horrors that have happened to children (at the hands of their parents), I now am ecstatic when people decide not to. I'm sure they have very good reasons.
  • I think some people simply don't know what they are missing. Until you've actually experienced it, you don't truly know what it's like. At least that's the way it was for me. I never wanted children. Other people would tell me I would be missing one of the most beautiful and fulfilling experiences of my life. I just couldn't grasp on to this idea. I had been around lots of children through my parents business and thought most of them were just spoiled little brats who suck the life out of you. Of course now I know this couldn't be further from the truth. And if I had it to over and started at a younger age, I would have had at least 4, and maybe more.
  • Different strokes.....
  • I can honestly say I have never felt the slightest inclination towards having children. Don't get me wrong - I don't dislike children - I feel the same towards children as I do adults - some I like, some I don't - and I do recognise that it's a good thing for them to exist - it's just that I've never felt any particular maternal instinct myself. It's the same as I could become a doctor and save lots of lives - but like the majority of people, I don't feel any inclination towards being a doctor - but as long as there are people in the world who DO want to be doctors, my decision not to be doesn't really hurt anyone. I don't particularly see that as selfish - seeing as it is unlikely that everyone else in the world will stop having children, there's hardly a population shortage. And seeing as I don't have any inclination to be maternal, am not particularly interested in looking after children, or spending time with children it's probably better that I don't have them, because I wouldn't be a very good mother as a result. Surely if someone doesn't have maternal instincts it's a better thing to NOT have kids? I would rather leave the childbearing to those who are passionate about children who love being around kids and will therefore give them the care that they need. Me, I'll carry on with my little contributions to society in other ways.
  • As my grandmother was fond of saying, "If you've got none to laugh over, you've got none to cry over."
  • Your life can change so much when you have children. It's a huge responsibility and some people may never feel ready for it. I don't think that's selfish, just sensible.
  • I don't want them. I want to spend all my time and money and energy ON ME!..I'm selfish, with no patience, and don't feel I need them to complete myself. I chose to ride and own custom motorcycles, instead of having kids, and putting money into that.I don't want to be responsible for anyone, or entertain them either-this is also why I stay single.
  • Becoming a parent is a huge responsibility that not everyone is physically financially or emotionally prepared to deal with. With all the horror stories I read every single day about children being abused neglected and so forth I thank those who kknow they aren't capable of being a good parent for making that decision. I am a parent myself and if I had to do it over again I would. I love my son even though he thinks he knows it all at almost 20 and doesn't listen to a thing I say. People choose not to have kids for various reasons. It all boils down to some people just feel they wouldn't be a good parent and it is better they don't have kids than to have then and neglect or abuse them.
  • For me, I think the answer is at least partly "yes". When I was at the age where it would have been appropriate, I wasn't ready -- I didn't really like kids enough or want them enough, my own goals were more important to me. However, part of that was conditioning -- my own childhood was full of family problems including an early divorce and abusive father: being a father didn't look like such a good idea. Then I helped my current wife raise her two girls, and that was OK, but I could have been a much better stepfather. So now I'm 49, those opportunities are gone, and guess what? I envy all the fathers and mothers raising their young kids. I compensate somewhat by latching on to kids who come into my life, but basically this is a regret that won't go away -- I could have had children and didn't. Good question.
  • Yes, I am selfish, I admit it. I saw firsthand all the misery that my brother brought to my parents and continues to do for the past 37 years and I didn't want to run the risk of having one like him.
  • I'm not going to mark you down... nothing wrong with genuine curiosity. I have a lot of reasons. I don't want to contribute to overpopulation (and as someone who works in an animal shelter, I have overpopulation issues drawn to my attention daily). Let someone who REALLY wants a big family have my ration of childbearing joy. hahaha. Also, I am very devoted to animal rescue and am starting to have some success in the music industry, and while of course a child would be more important to me if I were to have one and I would never resent him for hurting my career, at the same time I don't want anything in my life that WOULD be more important than my career. I want to keep animal rescue in a very important position in my life because I'm good at it and think it does a bit of good in the world. kids are awesome though! sometimes I get a bit of maternal longing despite myself. :)
  • I accidentally posted this twice - actually, it was a software glitch. It gives me a chance to say that I agree that some people probably should not raise children - at least until they have been "healed" of some of their own past experiences and have un learned some of their past programming.
  • I love kids. I helped many people raise their's for many years. There came a point in our lives when my wife and I felt that we had something to give to some children in our home and we adopted two brothers - 4 and 5 years old and loved them and raised them the same as if they had been born to us. Now we are enjoying a whole new level of child appreciation with grandchildren. We had missed the baby part and are getting that with the youngest. We have the two little boys half of the week. People have different interests, callings, places in life, and abilities. I think it is OK to choose to wait or even to bypass that part of life. There are some wonderful uncles and aunts out there who have never had children, but still add value to the lives of young people. That is just our story.
  • Part of responsible parenting is knowing when your not able to emotionally / financially support children. In that situation, it's better not to have them. Don't worry, I ain't a'gonna mark you down!
  • Selfish? I HOPE I have no phantom children angry at me for not bringing them into this world. I don't like kids, AND I'm gay. I do love my nephew & neices, but seeing them once a week is enough for me. Maybe in a few generations time evolution will mean that EVERYONE likes kids and wants to have them such that their parents did when given the choice. I also am not marking you down.
  • it could be a lot of matters. I, myself, consider it a time and financial issue.
  • I'm personally torn between wanting kids and not. On one hand, I've always wanted to be a mother. I've always loved kids and wanted them in my life. On the other hand, 1, I AM kindof selfish- I like being able to do "as I please" (for the most part), and spend money on other things. I'm also very worried at my parenting skills and would feel HORRIBLE if I ever did something that screwed up my kid's life. I wouldn't want to make one or any of the many mistakes that some parents make. I also worry that I'm just not emotionally stable for kids. I'm not bi-polar but I do have "mood swings" and that is a factor as well. Basically where I'm coming from, is I don't want to have an environment that could be harmful or not quite as nurturing as they deserve. I'm not saying I'd be abusive, but having someone unstable in your life isn't always so easy- especially as a child. So if I were to decide not to have kids, those would be some of my reasons. I also would factor in genetic "disabilities"- alcoholism runs in the family (addictive personalities) as well as bi-polar disorder, many people have diabetes, and sadly it's been rumored but never confirmed that my birth mother is schizophrenic. I would definitely NOT want to pass any of those things onto a defenseless child. So there you have it- my reasons for possibly not wanting children. Edit- But I have to add that if I did get pregnant now, or in the future I would welcome that child and try my damnedest at it. And no DR here- I understand the curiosity even if it does come across as a *little* biased and possibly judgmental. :)
  • If we don't have a zero population growth generation, everything will be ruined.
  • I have always wanted a red headed little boy.. I get urges sometimes while driving, where I want to look in my mirror and look back into the sweet face of my child. I have decided not to have children and not because of any selfishness. I am not offended that you ask. I can understand why you ask but I do have a problem with anyone who has less respect for women who choose not to. Not saying YOU do. This is for those who do. Save the lack of respect for the ones who have them to keep the baby's daddy.. or to get a check coming in or simply because the mother has no self respect and the babies are unwanted and they feel it. My fiance' was diagnosed with prostate cancer a few months ago and is undergoing treatment. The likelihood of our being able to have a child together naturally is slim to none they tell us. I am choosing not to do any alternative method. The world is faster.. more stressful.. so many women are working and the streets or others are raising their children.. life has gotten harder. I think we made it that way but what is done is done.. things change and less women having children may be a very good thing.. FOR the children. I have three beautiful god-daughters who keep me on my toes and my fiance' has a 20 yr old daughter. I am blessed in life no matter what happens. What will be, will be.
  • Who knows what they may be thinking. There are just some people who just don't want children
  • No one answer will fit everyone. I have a friend that likes her life very organized, and another that doesn't want to pass down a terrible illness. I have joked with my kids that, if I knew how much I was going to love them that I never would have had them (meaning that this can be a cruel world). Truth is, they make my life full.
  • Highlander. There are many who are very conscientious about bringing a child (a human being) into the world. It is not that they would not love to be parents. It is simply that they do not feel they could be adequate parents at the point they are in their lives,...even many pair-bonded, who would be wonderful parents, are not at that point economically. Sad, really, when you see the numerous "others" who have no compunction about producing "kids" for no reason at all. Young teenage twits who want "a baby" for a toy or some sense of "accomplishment", which becomes a ward of the state for at least its entire childhood and youth. Probably becoming a totally alienated "non-person" in society. Don't criticize the childless. They are not selfish. Look around you. "Where do the children play"? (smile) Yeah, I remember him when he was Cat Stevens. He is still OK in my book.
  • Double post. Sorry. I am sure it was my bad.
  • Divorce. Would have loved to have kids. I wouldn't say it was willingly but over 17 years never got around to it(perhaps one of the reasons we divorced) Job issues(advancing careers) and birth control were the reasons and before we knew it, the spark was gone and there were no kids(fortunately I guess, considering the divorce issue). Now I'm dating a woman my age, and kids probably aren't in the equation unless we want to deal with fertility and health issues. Frankly, I would be more concerned about my girlfiend's(and who knows, perhaps future wife's) health and the health of any child given our ages. I'm not going to go after a younger woman just to have kids.
  • Hi, Highlander..as you know I have a son whom I adore and a "second" son whom I also adore..so this is just my guess..I think there are two kinds of people/reasons..one, those who simply want to focus on themselves in life and don't want to take on anything that would be an obstacle to doing what they want when they want..the other reason is maybe fear..it is an awesome, important and forever responsibility to have a child..maybe the parents they had did a lousy job and these people feel they don't want to screw up another human being and just avoid it altogether. One cannot ever "go to school" for parenting, there is no training for it really, you just rely on yourself and do the best you can and seek help along the way..my opinion only, of course. Fortunately, I'll never know why for sure. :)
  • For some people it wouldn't be a joy. If their own childhood was miserable and painful, they may have too much baggage and bringing up children would only make them relive those miseries.
  • I don't think everyone finds joy in the same things. Although, it is hard to know if you enjoy parenting without having children, because interacting with others' children and your own are two entirely different things. I only hope that everyone who wishes to have children are able to do so. :)
  • Some people simply do not want to have children. It has nothing to do with being selfish. I applaud their decision, if that is what they want, and do not go ahead and have them to conform to what others may think. There are far too many kids with parents who should never have become parents.
  • I think there is some selfishness involved in not having children. I've also known people who have had children for very selfish reasons. The reality is that raising kids is a big commitment and a hell of a lot of work. Had I chose to have children, I would have raised them out of duty and obligation. I don't consider that to be a healthy environment.
  • I'm 53 and never had kids ...never wanted them and yes I am selfish ...why? because I knew that I could never ever be a good parent .... simple as that
  • No, I don't think its selfishness. I think some people just honestly don't want to have kids. Maybe some don't like children and some do, but don't want any of their own. I think its all about personal choice. Me, I love kids, have one and another on the way. But I have a friend who never ever wants to have kids, and she loves them, but doesn't want any of her own. I don't think it's a bad thing or a good thing. It's just their choice.
  • Mmm, to have kids or not to have kids... I love kids to bits (sometimes I think I get along better with kids than grown ups). I don't have any of my own yet. Some people seem to think that to have kids is selfish, and I tend to agree with this notion. Question is why do people have kids? The answer will nearly always be a selfish one. Maybe one day I will be selfish enough to have a little bundle of joy.
  • Well, at the moment, I know my mess-and-noise tolerance is not compatible with children. I also plan on going into a field (newspaper production) where my work hours will probably be 3pm to midnight, 5 days per week. I don't have to make plans. I can go to a concert or a rally or an extra shift at work with about 20 minutes notice. No sitters, no making sure the young'un knows where to reach me. And if I do make plans, they can't be ruined by chickenpox or a forgetful sitter. And if they're expensive plans-- a cruise, seeing my family in Germany, what have you-- well, that's fine, we're not saving a college fund or anything. The love and I don't have to cook for anyone but ourselves- so we can have ramen and pizza for a week when things are rushed, or we can work in the kitchen on raspberry-lemon pastries and blackened chicken and green beans amandine without having to share or listen to complaints. And as to actually having them... There are enough children. If I were god-of-the-world, there'd be a hiatus on births until all children in all foster homes or orphanages were adopted(this is a gentle description of my feelings on this matter). If I decide I do want a child, I'll adopt.
  • That's a very good question Highlander. One that I honestly cant answer. I'd love to have kids someday. +++
  • Because they honestly don't know what they're missing. I didn't until I had my own. Now I wish I'd had them sooner! Pts from me for a great question.
  • some good comments here. I wonder how many people are that honest about there feelings to there partners. Some of them are probably like myself they are more likely to do what the other person wants if it makes there partner happy even if they are not necessarily going to be happy themselves. Is that being selfish? Selfish to oneself.
  • At 25 years old I have made the choice to not have children. Now, I will never say never, but I will also say that I've just plain never had the desire to raise kids. I am an aunt to 4 nephews (one who was just born yesterday) and I actually wonder why people WANT to have kids. I love my nephews but I would hate the responsibility. Am I selfish? Some people would classify me as such. But I just dont want them, the desire is just not there. People tell me that I will change my mind, that I don't know what I'm missing, that I will regret it, etc. Do not assume that just because someone chooses not to have kids, that they don't know what they're missing. I see the joy my sisters' kids bring them. I dont think I would ever get joy from that because I think that the responsibility would outweigh the joy. I dont want the life sucked out of me. And as for the regret part, I would rather regret NOT doing something than regret DOING something just to see what it was like and see "what [I] am missing". I know myself and I know that right now I don't want kids. I think people have kids all too often for very selfish reasons that have been mentioned here. But not everyone that doesn't want kids is selfish for not wanting them.
  • I think that it's because they look at their children as more of a burden then a godsend. They may have to move their schedule around and stop watching some tv shows that they'd grown fond of. I don't understand it though, i think that kids are the source of life's greatest joys
  • No, I don't think that it is selfish at all, not even remotely. To them it might not be a joy. I have days and night where I wished I thought of that :)
  • I don't think it's selfishness at all. As a matter of fact, I believe some people aren't cut out to be parents and they recognize that. I have a sister-in-law who didn't realize that she wasn't mother material until after she had two children. She ended up leaving the kids with their dad and sending for each of them (at separate times) to visit her for a week each year.
  • Why would people willingly miss the joy of Not Having Children? That's the real question here.
  • Having children should not be your primary goal in life. Life is lots more than giving birth and raising children. Plenty of people don't have children because they are perfectly happy without the burden of raising a life that in the whole scheme of things doesn't need to be created to begin with. Also who gives you the "right" to create a life? Does the life created get even a 1% vote in the process. No he/she sure doesn't. That's not fair.
  • Some people are unable to have children. Some people feel that they can contribute more to the world if they are able to focus on their careers or other interests. Some people feel that there is no need to bring a new life into a terrifying, overpopulated, and largely miserable world. From what I've seen, many cases of people having children when they are completely unprepared or not mature enough for the responsibility seems to demonstrate a much higher degree of selfishness than someone who chooses to overcome the biological urge to reproduce just because they can.
  • Perfect question. My husband and I chose not to have children. Let me tell you, we have been shunned for 18 years for not having any. It is a personal choice, one I made back when I was 18. It is not selfishness at all, it is, like I said, a PERSONAL choice. Not everyone is cut out for the coo coo, poopy diapers, screaming, crying, $$$$$ it takes to raise a child. I know there are plenty in my place reproducing. The world is not short changed because of my descision. I always wondered why people feel so inclined to reproduce? Society? Pressure?
  • Some women want to be MARRIED before they have children, and if they never met the man of their dreams... or did not meet him until much later in life, it may not be advisable from a health standpoint or financial one.
  • Maybe they don't understand the joy of parenting and they think it's too much work?
  • i just never got married and i cant make them by myself
  • JOY? JOY? egads to me having kids would be a nightmare beyond belief............it's just like everything else in this 'ol world.........everyone has something they value that others do not........for me, kids would be a PAIN IN THE ASS........period!!!!!! SOO enjoy yours and raise them to be compassionate, caring, and not into themselves all the time!!!!!! good luck......... oh by the way, 'joy' is relative!!!!!!!!!!! lol :-D
  • i love kids but guys will never ask me out on dates, let alone marry me so i cant make them by myself and im out of work so i cant just go adopt one

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