ANSWERS: 100
  • You should tell him and also tell him you are sorry and you want to be honest with him but make sure you are alone with him and you let him down slowly. Tell him you were wrong to do what you did and ask him how you can make it up to him and if he gets mad and leaves, don't blame him. Show him that you care about him by giving him cards or writing letters or leaving messages on his answering machine and if he still doesn't do anything, wait for him to decide if he still wants to date you after you cheated on him. If so, don't screw the relationship up again but if not, the next time you find someone, take it slow and don't even bother to look at other guys.
  • There's an old saying that comes to mind with this question: "What they don't know can't hurt them." In this case, that proves right, but also wrong. First off, was there a reason for cheating on your boyfriend? Did you have a fight and almost end the relationship, or was there perhaps suspicion of him cheating on you? The reason for cheating should be addressed...if you cheated just to cheat, you're off to a bad start. One of two things can happen with this: Your boyfriend will either be hurt but will forgive you, or he will break up with you. If you feel the need to tell him then you must explain why you decided to cheat, and what made you go through with it in the first place. You should also explain what was going on in your relationship at the time, if there were any outstanding circumstances (i.e. big fight) that would've led to both of you going to someone else. If you can sit him down and explain to him why you cheated in a calm and controlled manner, and he sees that you really care about him and that by cheating on him, you are very hurt by it, then maybe he'll forgive you, and even try his best to improve the relationship with you. Then of course, he may break up with you on the spot. Cheating is the ultimate betrayel in a relationship, and that could harm the relationship rather than doing any good. If you think that your boyfriend will be understanding, then by all means tell him. But you must be prepared for either a fight or a break up. Personally, if a girl cheated on me, I'd break up with her on the spot, or take a few days to think about it. But in the end, I would definitely end the relationship. When the trust in a relationship is damaged by cheating, sometimes it just can't be repaired. But EVERY guy is different...even though I would break up with a girl immediately for having cheated on me, there are some guys who would take a while to think about it, or maybe there are others who would talk it out, or some may go out and cheat on you with someone as an act of revenge. Be prepared for any of that when you tell him. If you DON'T tell him, however, things can get even worse. These things do have ways of getting around, and even if you think nobody knows, trust me, it WILL get to your boyfriend somehow. If he finds out that you cheated from someone else, it would be worse than having found out from you. A friend that you have a fight with could get vengeful and tell him, the guy you cheated with could tell people that end up getting around to your bf, etc. If you are really concerned, it would be better off for you to tell him yourself. If you are feeling guilty, then its good...you really should. Cheating, as I mentioned earlier, is probably the ultimate destruction of trust in a relationship, but by feeling guilty and having a desire to tell your bf that you cheated, its a good start and shows that you really do care, but just be prepared for an end to your relationship. I think that if you do actually go through with this, it would make you a better person for being so honest and open. Good luck.
  • What would you want your boyfriend to do if he had cheated on you? "Do unto others" is not religious cliche, but a valuable rule for successful relationships in all spheres. If I could do this in all things all the time, all of my relationships would be ten-thousand times better, as well. You are scared that the truth will end the relationship, but do any of us really want to start off relationships with such secrets. Again, if it is fair for you to have such secrets, then it is also fair for him, isn't it? If you risk the truth, and he forgives, now you are now being totally honest — and your relationship is based on the reality of truly knowing one another instead of creating false realities where we hope the other person never actually "really" knows us. If you risk the truth, and he does not forgive, you suffer consequences for your mistake. Perhaps he leaves. Pain is no fun, but at least it is REAL. With a lesson learned, go into future relationships desiring to be as real as possible and as considerate of the other persons feelings and needs as possible. I believe this is the context of true love.
  • If it adds value, tell him. If it doesn't, don't. Then again if he ever finds out by someone other than yourself, it would be a VBS (very bad situation). If it bothers you a lot, it's better to tell him now instead of later. But he might have a lot of questions as to why you did it, so you should probably think of the genuine reasons why you did. He might also decide to leave you. In this case, think of what you would do if that were to be the case. Plan ahead what you will do if it's a good or bad outcome so that you are not left holding the bag after telling the truth. Also, are you just 'now' thinking of telling him or has this been on your mind ever since the event happened?
  • It depends..if your focus is keeping him, don't tell him, if your focus is honesty, tell him. you don't know how he will react, but i don't think relationships are strengthened on deceit or secrets. it all comes out in the wash. you need to decide if you want to be the one to tell him, or possibly someone else. now, also, why did you feel a need to cheat, this says something about you and how you handle problems. if you tend to act without thinking, then keeping it a secret keeps that behaviour alive. it would be a good thing to ask yourself, why you needed to solve your problems by ignoring them and going for instant gratification. i use to do this also. it is hard i know to stop long enough to feel what ever it is that is hurting you. but you sound like you want to start, so in the end you may loose him by telling him, you may not, but the bigger picture is you are helping yourself change. and that is more important in my opinion.
  • If you love your boyfriend, do not want to lose him, do not want to cheat ever again, and are truly regretful....do NOT tell him. Everyone else gave good advice, but honesty is not always the best policy. I am not in any way condoning the cheating...I abhor the thought of it, but you are only going to cause pain. For both of you. And it will probably destroy your relationship in the end. As for the "do unto others" question....no, I would not want to know if I have been cheated on. My relationship is currently stable and quite truthfully, blissful. Problems in the past are exactly that...in the past. I have worked through them and moved on. If there was ever a lapse in fidelity, I don not want to know at this ponit. Good luck in whatever you decide. All things happen for a reason. Just try to learn from every experience.
  • If you know you would never ever do it again (with anyone, not only that particular person), then no, you shouldn't. It might clear your conscience, but it's only going to hurt him, and cause problems in your relationship. However, if there are underlying problems in the relationship that led to the cheating, and you think you might do it again if the right guy came along, it's important to discuss those problems with him and solve them, if you can. In that case, you may want to tell him.
  • You know, I just went through this same scenario, except that I cheated on my boyfriend when we were in a strange state of 'limbo," meaning that we had decided to take a break and were in the process of evaluating whether our relationship would work out or not. So on a technicality it was not actually "cheating," since we were broken up, but in my heart I felt guilty because I still loved my boyfriend. In the end, I decided that I wanted him back. But I felt so guilty about the infidelity that I confessed it so we could start off with a clean slate. I thought it would be worse if I kept it a secret. Initially he was really, really angry. Beyond angry. He stayed that way for days. He felt betrayed and humiliated and the affair hurt his pride. The real problem was that he has never quite accepted the fact that the fling was meaningless to me. That it was a reckless act on a drunken night. So what ended up happening was that by confessing my infidelity, I placed this seed of doubt in his mind that spread over much more than his newfound distrust in me, but it affected the way he felt about himself. He became very insecure about my affections and honestly I don't think the relationship will ever recover to its former state. See, "hindsight is 20/20." Were I to be placed in the same position again, I would have kicked my conscience in the but and kept my mouth shut. Only you really know what your true feelings are and if your heart is in the right place, if you know it was a one time screw up and you resolve to never let it happen again - take my advice, keep it to yourself.
  • TELL HIM!!! Please tell your boyfriend, especially before you have sex with him again. I had a boyfriend who cheated on me (had sex) with another woman and then had sex with me again without telling me that he had cheated. I found out shortly after, from his friends little sister who happened to walk in on them, what had happened. When I realized that he had sex with me the next day, I was sooooo disgusted and I felt so disrespected. I did not know if I had contracted diseases from him because he cheated, I felt that I was not sexually satisfying enough for him, and it was just gross to me to know that his penis was in some one else just the day before, when he and "it" were supposed to be mine. Even though he apologised up and down when confronted, I still left him because he did not even respect me enough to tell me that he made a mistake. If he would have told me, I probably would have forgiven him because he was honest and because I loved him and wanted to be with him. Just imagine how your boyfriend would feel if he found out that you cheated from some one else. He would then be left with so many questions and fears, when you could have just had the guts to sit down and explain it to him yourself. You will probably have less of a chance of salvaging the relationship if he learns of your unfaithfulness from some one else, and thinking that he won't is just foolish, there is always possibility. He has the right to know that you betrayed him and he has the right to decide whether or not he wants to forgive you for it. You would be a coward if you did not tell him and I don't think that you would deserve to have him anymore if you don't tell him. Relationships are based on trust and respect. If you can't tell him that you betrayed him then you obviously don't have much respect for him, and you have already proved that you can't be trusted by going out and cheating. Come clean, don't deny him the right to forgive you or not forgive you. You will be a pretty sorry person if you do. Besides that, if he knows you well at all, he is going to be able to tell that something is bothering you. If he asks and you say everything is ok, when he knows that there is something underlying that you won't talk about, it is going to lead to bigger problems. He will wonder why you won't confide in him and though not telling him will keep him around for a while, the lack of communication will eventually lead to a bitter end. An end that will probably turn out worse then if you just tell him and he breaks up with you. Remember, this is coming from someone who was in his shoes in a similar situation. The old "what he don't know won't hurt him" is bull. It's just something that people who are too chicken to be honest like to say, and until you tell him you can consider yourself to be lieing to him every day. Feel guilty now? Then tell him!
  • I am wrestling with the same dilemma myself. I cheated recently on my girlfriend of three months with a person I just met one night and will never see again. Part of me wants to tell her, to get everything off my chest. But if I tell her, I will lose her for several reasons. First, we have talked extensively about how I cheated on my last girlfriend several times. I still hate myself for what I did to my ex and honestly can't believe I just did it again to someone I care about so much. If I had never told my current girlfriend about my past indiscrections, I think I could tell her and have a serious talk about why I did what I did. But not now. Maybe not ever. Not if I want to stay with this woman who makes me so happy and I could seriously see myself marrying. Second, you have to take into consideration someone's past. In the case of my girlfriend, her parents nearly got divorced because her father had an affair for over a year. An affair is different than a one-night-stand. But cheating is cheating. We talked about all this hypothetically recently, if she would ever want to know someone was cheating on her. She said no, she would never want to know if someone cheated on her. She would simply rather that her boyfriend or husband never did it again and kept it to himself. I disagreed with her answer at first. But I have to respect her feelings. But more than anything, I have been wondering why I keep doing something that makes me feel so aweful and I have come to several conclusions. I sought out someone else to make me feel special. I have a fragile ego and was looking for a quick boost. I judge myself based on how others judge me. Wrong way to go through life. I need to learn to love myself first before I can love someone else. I don't know if I'm making much sense. But let me just say the guilt of what I did is eating away at my soul. I told my last girlfriend I cheated on her and kept doing it. Maybe my new girlfriend is right. I have been thinking a lot lately that guilt is a strong motivator to not do something again. We are our own harshest judges. You can lie to everyone, but you can't lie to yourself.
  • "But I don't want to be dishonest." Why not? Once is enough?
  • I dont know what your purpose is in dating him, or how you old you are. I dont know if you have a conscience or not. These things are important because if you want to have a meaninful relationship, you should be able to be honest with your significant other. I often hear women speak of faithfulness and honesty and a lot only view dishonesty as sexual infedelity. The truth is that the real dishonesty is dishonesty of the heart, or putting your trust in someone else. And that is more hurtful than anything else a lot of times. So I would decide where I want this to go and how I want it to get there. I understand that things have a great chance of going bad for the relationship, but do you want someone that is gonna get that angry at you for a mistake no matter how big or small it is instead or offer you the support you need to get through it and get over it. Not telling you what to do, just giving you something to think about before you do whatever.
  • The key here is a while ago. Time has gone by and things are getting normal. The best you could do is make things worst by being brutally honest. So how do you know if you should be honest? Ask yourself if you will disturb the peace and for how long. Put yourself in there place and think about how you would react for a few days. Or pick some of yours friends (maybe ask them) for your subject if you not sure what you would do. When a lot of time goes by, it is really unlikely that a wrong can be corrected. To many good things have happened in the meantime that are tied to the past. For example if a women slept one night with her husbands best friend and got pregnant. She did not ask herself if it was his or her husbands. Twenty years later she finds out it is his. Now he has three kids and great marriage. She is not under pressure to reveal the info now or in the future. Should she still go and tell her husband and best-friend and his family when they are all happy besides her own guilt? Is it worth the risk of disrupting the children's lives? and it will no matter how anyone takes the news.
  • I think you should tell him because if he truely loves you, he will work it out with you. But you have to be honest with yourself as well... is this the guy you want to be with... if yes, why did you cheat on him in the first place? And could you see yourself doing it again... if yes, do him and you a favor and go your separate ways. My bf of 5 1/2 years cheated on me when we were in limbo and lied and tried to hide it from me but at the end I still found out through someone else. And till this day I only wish he would have told me himself... and yes I was willing to work things out and still working on it, it takes alot of time and effort to restore something like TRUST. But if he loves you he will work it out with you and if he doesn't then you will have to deal with the consequences of your own actions. GOODLUCK!
  • Just like somebody said below, cheating is the ultimate form of betrayal. Before I answer your question I have a question for you....do you truely love your boyfriend because if you do, you would've never cheated in the first place. When you cheat on someone, then the love is not there anymore...unless you have a good reason for the cheating such as alcohol influence or whatever. But I understand sometimes mistakes happen. What's sad about life is you never know what you have until you harm it. Yes, it will hurt your boyfriend if he knows you cheated. But honestly is always the best policy. He might get hurt now but if he loves you then he might be able to forgive you, rather than keeping him in the dark and one day he finds out and so that will be even more unforgivable. Furthermore, if you don't let him know, then you will always have to live with the feeling of guilt and that will harm the relationship. Once a cheating has been made, the relationship might never be the same, but it's up to you to prove to your boyfriend that you regret it and will change in the future, or continue to be a deceiving girlfriend. Don't cover up a mistake with another mistake. Come clean...even if he breaks up with you, it will make you feel much better. When a relationship is based on a lie, it won't last for long anyways so just be honest.
  • I think you should tell him. My boyfriend cheated on me and I suspected it and confronted him and he lied to my face about it. It finally came out when one of my friends told me the truth, and now the trust in our relationship is seriously damaged. He, like you, felt nothing for the other person and chose to lie to protect the relationship, but once it came out, the relationship was more damaged than if he had just come clean. If you make it clear that it was a simple lustful mistake without any meaning to you, your boyfriend will probably be angry, but will eventually forgive you. If you lie, however, there will be a serious trust problem that you will have to deal with. In my opinion, the lying is worse than the cheating in this instance: everyone makes mistakes, even the best of us. It's how you deal with these mistakes that reveal your character: if you add lying to cheating, that isn't saying great things. Coming clean is the harder choice, but ultimately better. You have to remember that you are in a relationship, which means you must consider how both people in your relationship feel; if you respect your boyfriend you will tell him the truth, even if that results in him breaking up with you, it is his decision to make, not yours. You do not have the right to decide what information is relevant to the relationship without consulting him. Hope this makes sense :)
  • Yes, you should tell him. If he finds out later he is going to be pissed.
  • If you don't tell him your just solidifying the fact that you are a dishonest, selfish person and do not deserve to be forgiven for what you've done. Good luck living with that on your conscience. He obviously needs to move on
  • Well that depends on wut type of guy is your b/f. Did u guys talked about cheating in the past, fi so, wut did he say about, wut were his views. If he's the type of guy that won't fogive it and u know in ur herat that u won't do it ever again, then don't tell. If on the other hand, he's the guy who''ll forgive u, then tell him. Ok so honesty is the best policy, but since this was a long while ago, it'll only caused disturbance and he distrusting you, always wondering who u r with or where're u going if ur not with him, u won't want to creat a doubt in him, so i suggest not tell. Though coming clean is better than getting caught or knowing it by someone else, it'll still create distrust and he'll still hurt him, so why bother. Now if u don't know why u cheated in the first place or will do it again, then do him a favor, leave him.
  • I would have to say to be careful. I also had the same situation. I've been with my boyfriend for four years now. I cheated on him the first time during our relationship and the second time while we were on a break. I felt awful about it. I worried constantly that he was going to find out from other people. So I told him. I told him about both guys. It cleared my mind. I know that you probably didnt want to hurt him deliberatley, and my boyfriend knows that I didnt want to hurt him. I think it all depends on how well you know that person. I felt that in order for me and my boyfriend to be completly happy we would have to be honest. But thats just me. Yes I do sometimes worry about him wanting to get even, but I try to have faith and trust in him. Its hard somtimes, cause I know he sometimes thinks about it. So do whatever you feel is the best for you. Just remember to make sure you know what your doing.
  • Yes. you made the carnial mistake and you must pay the price, whether the outcome is good or bad. at sometime in the future, somebody, somewhere will inform your boyfriend. hopefully, before you decide to get married. the shadows of the past will haunt you the rest of your life, making you miserable and your boyfried, if he discovers it. tell before its too late. if the roles were reversed, how would you feel? you are not married to your boyfriend, but the sacred trust you two once had, is sacred no more. guilt will not set you free!
  • The answer is always no, no, no, no, no. Believe me, if you have been cheated on you do not want to know, and if you have cheated, your spouse or significant other doesn't want to know either. I'm reasonably certain that the woman who found out her boyfriend was cheating and wanted him to come clean would have ended the relationship regardless of whether he told the truth. It was clear from the tenor of her reply that it although lie was injurous, the cheating was--in her mind--unforgiveable. From that moment forward he was a different person in her eyes and the relationship was forever damaged. Feigning honesty by coming clean would not have changed that. Sexual infidelity is the "ultimate betrayal" only if you decide that it is. Search your heart and ask yourself if you really love the guy. If the answer is yes, then tell him so and be done with it. You might also examine your relationship and take a careful inventory to understand why you did what you did. That will go along way in assisting you not to repeat your actions.
  • The answer is always no, no, no, no, no. Believe me, if you have been cheated on you do not want to know, and if you have cheated, your spouse or significant other doesn't want to know either. I'm reasonably certain that the woman who found out her boyfriend was cheating and wanted him to come clean would have ended the relationship regardless of whether he told the truth. It was clear from the tenor of her reply that it although lie was injurous, the cheating was--in her mind--unforgiveable. From that moment forward he was a different person in her eyes and the relationship was forever damaged. Feigning honesty by coming clean would not have changed that. Sexual infidelity is the "ultimate betrayal" only if you decide that it is. Search your heart and ask yourself if you really love the guy. If the answer is yes, then tell him so and be done with it. You might also examine your relationship and take a careful inventory to understand why you did what you did. That will go along way in assisting you not to repeat your actions.
  • The answer is always no, no, no, no, no. Believe me, if you have been cheated on you do not want to know, and if you have cheated, your spouse or significant other doesn't want to know either. I'm reasonably certain that the woman who found out her boyfriend was cheating and wanted him to come clean would have ended the relationship regardless of whether he told the truth. It was clear from the tenor of her reply that it although lie was injurous, the cheating was--in her mind--unforgiveable. From that moment forward he was a different person in her eyes and the relationship was forever damaged. Feigning honesty by coming clean would not have changed that. Sexual infidelity is the "ultimate betrayal" only if you decide that it is. Search your heart and ask yourself if you really love the guy. If the answer is yes, then tell him so and be done with it. You might also examine your relationship and take a careful inventory to understand why you did what you did. That will go along way in assisting you not to repeat your actions.
  • The answer is always no, no, no, no, no. Believe me, if you have been cheated on you do not want to know, and if you have cheated, your spouse or significant other doesn't want to know either. I'm reasonably certain that the woman who found out her boyfriend was cheating and wanted him to come clean would have ended the relationship regardless of whether he told the truth. It was clear from the tenor of her reply that it although lie was injurous, the cheating was--in her mind--unforgiveable. From that moment forward he was a different person in her eyes and the relationship was forever damaged. Feigning honesty by coming clean would not have changed that. Sexual infidelity is the "ultimate betrayal" only if you decide that it is. Search your heart and ask yourself if you really love the guy. If the answer is yes, then tell him so and be done with it. You might also examine your relationship and take a careful inventory to understand why you did what you did. That will go along way in assisting you not to repeat your actions.
  • The answer is always no, no, no, no, no. Believe me, if you have been cheated on you do not want to know, and if you have cheated, your spouse or significant other doesn't want to know either. I'm reasonably certain that the woman who found out her boyfriend was cheating and wanted him to come clean would have ended the relationship regardless of whether he told the truth. It was clear from the tenor of her reply that it although lie was injurous, the cheating was--in her mind--unforgiveable. From that moment forward he was a different person in her eyes and the relationship was forever damaged. Feigning honesty by coming clean would not have changed that. Sexual infidelity is the "ultimate betrayal" only if you decide that it is. Search your heart and ask yourself if you really love the guy. If the answer is yes, then tell him so and be done with it. You might also examine your relationship and take a careful inventory to understand why you did what you did. That will go along way in assisting you not to repeat your actions.
  • There is no standard answer for each case. So you'd need first try to find an answer to the question: "why you would need to tell him?" If to feel relieved, then you are doing the second wrong thing by hurting him. If you already feel guilty and promised to yourself not to do it again, then you don't have to damage a relationship by telling him. If you think exposing this to him is a matter of trust in your relationship, I hope he will have the same thinking like you and will forgive you for your betrayal. If he is not that saint, then expect to see your relationship gets damaged and the trust is not that easy to gain back. If you enjoyed making love with somebody while you take care of the feelings of your boyfriend, then either accept yourself as a polygamist and find a soulmate who is like you, or consider seeing a psychologist to change.
  • I think it's OK to make a mistake. We're all just human. The important thing is not the mistake, but what we resolve afterwards. If a person makes a mistake like this, and says: 'OK, I made a mistake, there's no use torturing myself over it, or letting it damage my relationship, and I won't make the same mistake again' then I don't think it's necessary, or even useful, to drag the partner into the issue. The problem is resolved and it won't happen again, that should be enough for anyone.
  • why not?...
  • do not tell him i had the same problem..my boyfriend "forgave" me. he still wated to be together but then he started acting weird and i found out he went clubbing with my "friends" he went to mexico without telling me he went to havasu with girls that talk about me....his response to all of it was " you cheated on me and im not so u cant get mad" i advise you not to tell...just dont do it again
  • well seriously lol i done it on my boyfriend and im 14 and the persopn i slept with was 20 and my ex boyfried and i told my boy and he acepted it because he knew i didnt mean to and that i would never do it again which i wont and if u boy truley loved u he would forgive you buh watch out as he might try and get you back and use the excuse that u done it lol xxx
  • Would you rather he hear it from someone else?
  • This is very tricky but this really did help me. Try to remember the scenarios building up to the actual act of infidelity. Remember the emotional rollercoaster you were able to balance as or before the actual event occurred. This time period could have been as short as a pickup line at a bar and then to a hotel room or as long as months of pursuit, conversations, manipulations and visits with the other person. Now with all of that said, think of the deception toward your mate. Think of the things you had to do to make sure he or she didnt find out about what you were doing, did, or about to do. Now weigh those feelings! What do you think about your behavior building up to the actual act of betrayal? Were you a good person? Were you doing it for excitement and sheer lust for another person? Did you think at least one time about the person that you were cheating on? IF you DIDNT think of that partner during the chase, you should definately tell him. He deserves to know that he or she is not important to him/her. IF you DID think of that partner during the chase, you should definately tell him as well. The mere fact that you thought about them but was still able to cheat on them, lets us know that something is wrong with your permanent relationship whereas you felt comfortable enough to continue into the act of infidelity but did have "the mustard seed" of faith to think of your partner with some remorse. The only way you should not tell this person, is if you dont care about them or yourself enough to be honest to the relationship, and GOD if you actually if fact believe in him. From this point in you life, Lies have to be supported, the truth is always good enough.
  • No. If you tell him then you are doing it to make yourself feel better at a cost of him feeling worse. All that will happen is that you will feel just as guilty and your relationship will suffer serious and possible fatal damage. You say you don't want to be dishonest but you already have been and cannot change that now. What's done is done and in the past. Forget it and move on.
  • You will always know. You'll never be on an even playing field if you keep it to yourself.
  • I recently found out I was cheated on by my boyfriend that I live with, in my bed, while I was out of town one weekend (apparently a friend of ours that drove him and our roommate home after a night at the bar took advantage of my absence). I don't know what you should do, but here's what happened to me: He resolved not to tell me ever because he knew I'd leave. He didn't use a condom or get STD tested, and we had sex when I came home two days later. He acted weird a lot and I chalked it up to the changes going on around here but for the most part things proceed as usual for a whole month and then...I found out from someone else. It was so awful having to hear it from a third party. And then finding out that a couple people knew and no one told me, and the worst part, that the physical symptoms I was experiencing were an STD, not just a yeast infection, and that someone else could be pregnant by the man that was going to marry me, and while my life, health, and trust had all been breached that no one told me until they did. He was sorry...sure. He apologized after I confronted him, but what can you do? You are really screwed, but you probably know that already. If you don't tell him and he finds out, it adds insult to injury because you didn't come clean about it. Even if you do, he won't accept you with open arms and things won't be the same because he can't trust your word anymore, and now every little thing you do is going to make him wonder if you're doing it again. It really depends on him, you, and the situation. If you have told anyone else, even your best of friends, you better tell him because he'll find out eventually, and it's better for him to hear this from you. If not and it was with some stranger...get tested, shut up, and get busy becoming a less crappy significant other and treat him better because you don't deserve him.
  • While I tend to agree that what they dont' know won't hurt them, i would encourage you to look at your situation seriously. There is obviously a REASON you cheated. Also you should get yourself tested ASAP and if anything is irregular you have an OBLIGATION to tell both partners. If this was an isolated incedent, then no harm, no foul, unless of course the person you cheated with is a friend, or somehow closely involved with either you or your partner in which case you will eventually have to come clean, so best to do it before the nasty rumors start.
  • NO- What would that accomplish? Because you feel guilty about your behavoir and betrayl, you feel as if he should share this guilt with you? Why damge the relationship any more? The appropriate action, if you're intent on keeping him, is to swallow your pain, learn from it, and LOVE him. Despite what is believed to be the conventional remedy, 'always being honest', it really serves no positive purpose. Sometimes honesty, in its pure form, can be destructive. That's why we developed 'little white lies' - to save another person uneeded pain. In your case, you are NOT lying - you are just not revealing information that serves no positive purpose. At first glance, I realize that some readers here may find this offensive. But take a breath and think about it. You haven't yet hurt your boyfriend. You hurt yourself. If you tell him, to assuage your guilt, then you are hurting him. You have to bear this cross by yourself.
  • Im glad you asked this. You cant just forget about what you have done. And You answered your own question... If you dont want to be dishonest, tell him. If the relationship isnt strong enough it will end. But the truth is, You need to use this as a learning experience.... You cheated, You broke the trust. Think about it, if he cheated would you want to know? Even if he swears never to do it again... There are too many diseases out there not to know.
  • you shouldn'ttell your bf about you cheating on him. It will hurt his pride and self esteem an without trust, a relationship will be hard to sustain. The only time you shoud come clean is if he confronts you about it... if he suspects you from rumors etc. If this happens then come totally clean. Dont try to deny it. tell itn how it was and hopefully you can work it out. otherwise... dont tel lhim
  • hes gonna find out one way or another, and its probably best that you tell him. but do u love this boyfriend? are you serious about thim? ask those questions first,
  • I am in a similar position. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and cheated on him with my ex boyfriend whom I have NO feelings for at all! Keep in mind I was very drunk when this incident happened. I am so in love with my boyfriend and would do anything for him but DO NOT want to loose him so i have decided to live with the mistake to spare the relationship I care about so much. I do feel guilt at times and it hurts me to know what I did but I have come to the conclusion that I made a mistake and I cannot change it, I know that when i had sex with my ex there were NO feelings what so ever and it did not mean anything so that eases the pain a bit. MY ADVICE: DO NOT TELL, if you stay together it will cause trust issues
  • Ok. You cannot just Forget . If you love this Guy you should be Suicidal i hope you Are.you'd let some other cocky little shit walk around knowing he's had you While you walk down the street with your Boyfriend hand in hand him being oblivious., For you to give another guy that power while your in a relationship with the One guy you should put above all others, is disgraceful. Im going through the same shit right now only My Slut is unaware i know whats goin on. For the longest time i thought i was so crazy i thought i was paranoid and Dangerous. The Bitch actually let me Go to the doctors and get put on fucken anti psychotics to stop my so called paranoia. WHEN one day. after we hadn't been together for a few. I turn up unexpected. Being paranoid and having no consideration for her privacy at the time. i looked in her mobile. Sure enough. i love you . i miss you. i cant wait until next weekend. those messages wernt to me. She picked up the fone said im going to the toilet. She gets back. Still thinking i was crazy i laughingly asked"did you message him and tell him i was here". She started screaming denials saying how could you think that your crazy why wont you trust me. i curled up thinking i was so shit for even thinking it. later we argue about the messages on her Fone. she ends up Cracking the little girly shits and throws her fone at me, i looked at her sent messages. SURE ENOUGH. "dont message me im with robert" i was Like What the holy Fucken Shit WHAT!!!, like the Suspiscions i had were so far fetched and paranoid. then to turn around and see that everything is true i then Realised i was never crazy And to think For the sake of her Enjoying the relationship regardless i become medicated and she knows its her fault. For YOU ., To not tell Your Boyfriend. You are scum. How Could you honestly just let some other guy like Have whats meant to be your partners and his alone. The only way. I could be your friend was if you Murdered the guy you cheated with. at least then its only you Whos Making a Fucking Retard out of your boyfriend. TELL HIM . . PEace :D
  • Ok. You cannot just Forget . If you love this Guy you should be Suicidal i hope you Are.you'd let some other cocky little shit walk around knowing he's had you While you walk down the street with your Boyfriend hand in hand him being oblivious., For you to give another guy that power while your in a relationship with the One guy you should put above all others, is disgraceful. Im going through the same shit right now only My Slut is unaware i know whats goin on. For the longest time i thought i was so crazy i thought i was paranoid and Dangerous. The Bitch actually let me Go to the doctors and get put on fucken anti psychotics to stop my so called paranoia. WHEN one day. after we hadn't been together for a few. I turn up unexpected. Being paranoid and having no consideration for her privacy at the time. i looked in her mobile. Sure enough. i love you . i miss you. i cant wait until next weekend. those messages wernt to me. She picked up the fone said im going to the toilet. She gets back. Still thinking i was crazy i laughingly asked"did you message him and tell him i was here". She started screaming denials saying how could you think that your crazy why wont you trust me. i curled up thinking i was so shit for even thinking it. later we argue about the messages on her Fone. she ends up Cracking the little girly shits and throws her fone at me, i looked at her sent messages. SURE ENOUGH. "dont message me im with robert" i was Like What the holy Fucken Shit WHAT!!!, like the Suspiscions i had were so far fetched and paranoid. then to turn around and see that everything is true i then Realised i was never crazy And to think For the sake of her Enjoying the relationship regardless i become medicated and she knows its her fault. For YOU ., To not tell Your Boyfriend. You are scum. How Could you honestly just let some other guy like Have whats meant to be your partners and his alone. The only way. I could be your friend was if you Murdered the guy you cheated with. at least then its only you Whos Making a Fucking Retard out of your boyfriend. TELL HIM . . PEace :D
  • well....just take maters lightly,,f the other gu and ur boy are bound to cross ways one way or the other just spill the beans and tell ur boy evrything..its better you be the one to confess than a third party informer....and if the wo guys have no common frns and will never cross their ways in any time ..its better ou keep quite and save the relationship you want to enjoy so much.. rather say , act selfishly....act wat suits you best..if i was in your shoes i would do so... cheers:)
  • You owe him the truth. You've already lied to him once. What if you end up with an STD and give it to him? If you were my girlfriend and did that to me and I got sick because of it, you might be sorrier. He deserves to know. Here is a piece of advice DON"T CHEAT. How do you feel now? WAS IT WORTH IT? Better yet do the descent thing and let him know and pack up your things and leave.
  • Oh I just bet you would love to forget about the whole thing. You can't dodge guilt though. Guilt will let you go when it wants to let you go. However, what might make that happen sooner rather than later is getting it off your chest and telling your boyfriend.
  • I think your a bunch of day dreamers and idealists to think the answer is to tell. There is NO positive outcome to you telling him - your only trying to relieve yourself of the burdon of guilt you face. Telling him IS selfish. Your only telling him to make yourself feel better - Not to help him in any way. if you feel guilty you will learn from this, but trying to free yourself from guilt is not a solution. It's selfish. He doesn't want to know and it will do nothing positve to your relationship. So you made a mistake, it doesnt mean you love him any less. Telling him is selfish, don't do it.
  • remember you reap what you sow, u'll "suffer" consequences either way. if u don't tell him what makes u think someone won't do the same? it's in your best interest not to tell him...but u already comitted a selfish act in cheating on him, you should do yourself and him a favor and tell him what happened. this could be a cue that ur not interested in him anymore or don't want to be in a relationship. plus, u might not know what secrets he has for you. tell him or u'll live with this lie with eternal hurt and shame...unless of course u could care less of others people trust and respect. u made a mistake, tell him, ask for forgiveness and see if the both of u can move on either in seperate ways or together. i am sorry you are going through this and i hope you you won't do it again if u want a meaningful, loving and trusting relationship in the future.
  • Wow, I am amazed that in this day people still live by the Philosophy of what others don't know won't hurt them. Condoms don't prevent all. There is still fluid contact. When you are single and taking the risk its O.K. because everyone involved in the risk is aware and fine with it. Not to mention those involved are getting something out of it. When you cheat you put them at risk WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT! For your pleasure only. Not that I don't advocate condoms I am just aware as most adults are that nothing is 100 percent. If my wife cheated and I found out after she cheated and sleep with me after, I would have a harder time (if I could at all) forgiving her.
  • well if you love your man at first point you shouldm't do that at first so my advice us not to let him know now cause he going to take to whole new thing so what you need to do is dont do it no more.....and if you choose to let him know he going to think that he not enough for you you just go get it from someone else cause his not pleasuring you so he might leave you......GOOD LUCK!!!!!.......
  • I am in the same situation. My boyfriend lives really far away from me - I am in Wales and he is in New Zealand. Not that this is an excuse, but a factor of the relationship. Anyway I ended up sleeping with a close friend of mine whilst very very drunk. I don't have much recollection of it happening and I have NO idea why it happened. I remember saying 'No' to the guy (who also has a girlfriend) but I was obviously not firm enough. I am totally in love with my boyfriend and have literally been crying for days. I am so filled with remorse and regret and feel like the biggest bitch. I have spoken to my girlfriends about it. And the advice they have given me is not to tell him. They said everyone makes mistakes and all I can do is regret what I did, forgive myself and learn from the mistake ie never EVER do it again. The only reason I would tell him would be because I feel so terrible about it. But I couldn't hurt him like that. And if all it takes is a month of me feeling like crap until I can forgive myself for doing it to save our relationship and not hurt him I would totally do it. So, if you know you are never ever going to do it again, and you have no contact with the guy you cheated on your boyfriend with AND you know there is no way your boyfriend will ever find out, then do not tell him. It's really not worth it. You, instead need to tell yourself that you can learn from what happened and try and forget about it and focus on your relationship.
  • dont tell him. he will just lie and say he already knew it. plus it would give him the opportunity to share his cheating adventures whether they are true or not...they are meant to hurt you. this question is four years old. are you still together?
  • OMG, it's four years later. Did you tell him?
  • no what ever you do do not tll him he will try to get something out of you saying he knows but he really dosnt so my advice from my own mistake do not tell him hell leave you
  • yes you should tell him think about it, how would you feel, what if he finds out from someone else. but it is up to you, if you think it will do more harm than good then dont tell him, but like i say how would you feel if it was the other way round
  • I think tell him definetly.....you deserve whatever u get.I cheated on my boyfriend last night...an tho its no excuse the guy was tryn it on for two hours and i kept sayin no, eventually i gave in because he wudnt quit. the experience was horrible an i regretted it straight away and stopped half way through. he begged me not to tell my boyfriend, and my friends all say the same, but i want him to know because i want him to know how sorry i am, and how much its him i want to be with. Im telling him tonight, and im fully aware he might leave me, but im ready to beg for his forgiveness and do anythin to show how sorry i am an how disgusting and stupid i feel. i am going through a bad time...my mum has recently developed a tumor...and its been really hard for me. we have recently fell out because i told him he wasnt doing anythin to comfort me, maybe this could be wat it stems from, or maybe its just my own stupidity. either way, this is the first an last time i will ever do this to anyone, its made me realise how precious my relationship is.
  • Keep it a secret and try to forget about it.As far as you know it never hapend.
  • this is from 2004! DID YOU TELL HIM!?
  • I am also going through this dilemma and am concidering telling my boyfriend. About 6 months ago i was at a friends party and found myself with someone after drinking too much, but it was not sex. I told him and he reluctantly forgave me, but it did cause problems and he admitted that he could not trust me. He said that if it happened again then he would finish it straight away in which i replied it never would. Since that he would be paranoid of who i was with and who i'd been talking to which caused further problems. Eventually he began to trust me again and let go of the past and we started again on a clean slate. But recently this has repeated itself, but i had not been under the influence and i did have sex with someone that i had known for less than a week. At this point me and my boyfriend had just started going out although we had complications but i felt awful. My first instinct was to tell him, but the more i thought about it the more i realised the hardship that it would put us both through. I know i want to be with him and that the last thing i would want is to hurt him, cheating will never be worthy of excuses and i have always thought it as wrong, which makes me wonder why i did this to him. I think honestly does help heal concience, but if you want to keep the relationship then you need to sort it through in your own head and work out what needs to be done. I have concidered breaking up with him but i know that is just a way of trying to forget, and does not solve any problem. In some way, i think everyone appreciates honestly, although when you tell someone you have cheated obviously they will not be grateful to you just because you chose to tel them, it will take time for them to see things and it will be upto you to make them see how far your willing to go to try and make things better. With this issue i have now answer. Maybe following your intuition will lead you to where you want to be.
  • Here is an idea for you, stop being selfish and be honest for a change. You SHOULD tell him. He deserves to make the decisions now, and you are the one who needs to listen and respect them. Chances are he will dump you, and rightfully so. Seriously anyone who says its better off not to be said, is probably very naive and unfaithful themselves. Honestly, you do not deserve a faithful partner, until you can get over your own problems. People like you have no self control, no respect for themselves, or respect for the person they claim to love. It's so sad to see people give into FAKE temptations... it truly shows how weak minded some people really are. Relationships should NEVER under any circumstances be built on lies.
  • Fuck you, you are a whore. You do not deserve to have a faithful partner, and i hope that someone has and or will cheat on you in the future so you can truly feel the pain that your partner will feel when he finds out. Trust me your guilt will not compare to his pain of felling spit and shat on. Get over yourself, and realize only whores and people with no self control cheat on their partner.
  • If you truly feel bad about cheating on him take that as a lesson learned and never do it again. Keep your indescredtion to yourself. You might feel better if you tell him but he certainly won't feel good afterward. Why hurt him to ease your concience?
  • yes you should tell him and the truth about how you feel about it.
  • If you want him to break up with you then yes, tell him. IF, on the other hand you know it was a mistake and you'll probably never do it again than telling him will only cause problems. If it's gonna eat away at your conscience than tell him and deal with the consequences. We all make mistakes so good luck to you.
  • i cheated on my bf too...i didnt really cheat....it was huggung another guy and like puting my head on his shoulder....and just like being close but we didnt make out or anything and he tried to kiss me but i regreted it alot and i was really really drunk...but i did regret it and i chose not to tell my bf because i think if you change then thats good but if you keep doing the same thing then you should be feeling guilty....i think you should just change thats what makes a difference
  • I very recently had a drunken night with someone other then my boyfriend. I just wanted to forget about it, pretend it never happened. But someone found out and told him, and I lied to him, out of fear and selfishness. Everything was perfect with him, I'm madly in love with him. I find out the guy I cheated with was going to tell him and i couldnt ignore it anymore. I tried to admit to him that something did happen and I lied to him, but I saw the hurt on his face and couldnt tell him the whole truth. He went looking for answers himself and he found out how far it really did go. He told me he would ahve forgiven me if I had told him the truth in the first place, because we all make mistakes. I say from experience you should tell him, and hold on to the hope that he will forgive you and if he wont, then your not meant to be.
  • People should understand that although the idea of coming clean and being honest is a noble thing, telling your partner such a horrible thing will undoubtedly change the scope of your relationship forever. If you have a need to experiment or see other people then you should move on and live your life and not waste his time.
  • You don't want to be dishonest??? What do you think cheating is?? Yes you need to tell him. If he is able to forgive you, consider yourself lucky. I would never trust a person that cheated on me!!!!
  • I did the same. I don't think you should tell him because telling him will only hurt you both in the end. From one perspective it's the "right" thing to do and you have to pay the price for your actions, but from another, you're risking so much when you tell him. He won't care and will most definitely not want to hear about the situation, or how much it really meant to you, and he will only comprehend the fact that you are now seemingly completely untrustworthy and will want to end the whole thing right there. I haven't told him yet, and although I've seriously considered doing so (the guilt, I know, claws at your insides), I'm happy I haven't. Things are going really great now. We trust each other and I haven't even considered looking at another guy since then. I really love him, but cheating is an unforgivable thing. Everyone makes mistakes, and sometimes you just have to let the guilt go and swear to yourself that you will never let anything like that happen again.
  • I've always been one for open and honest communication. Anything held back will come out eventually and he needs to know how you feel as what you did may affect you deeper than you realize. Share what you did, not too many details unless he really needs to know. Be sincere when you tell him how sorry you are and how you plan on changing. You can't really love him like before if you have this guilt between the two of you.
  • Is there a chance he will find out on his own if you don't tell him? If so, then you need to tell him yourself ASAP and hope he forgives you. However, if you don't think he will find out on his own and you are TRULY committed to making up for your mistake, then I think you shouldn't tell him and save him the heartache. Try to identify why you cheated in the first place. There are usually pretty deep emotional reasons for women who cheat.
  • there are bigger dishonesties that could be kept from a SO... I killed JFK, I used to be a man. telling your SO will risk him saying goodbye... not telling him makes you a lying cheater instead of just a cheater and trust me, you will kill the relationship by keeping this secret. better to play relationship russian roulet then spend your life with your relationship on lifesupport because of the lie.
  • I don't know what you should do.Sometimes when people fess up it relieves their guilt but puts a burden on the other person.
  • If he isn't crazy about you, just tell him and be prepared to get dumped. I'm guessing you don't care though, seeing as you cheated on him in the first place. Yes, tell him. If he finds out by himself it would make things a lot worse.
  • If you were my girlfriend. You tell me everything that you cheated on me. I will crazy and bark at you. I will break up from you. I am going to look for next beautiful woman than you.
  • I found out that my wife was having an Effair. rather than jump the gun I decided to give her more rope with which to hang herself so I stalled. if she had not come clean before I revealed that I knew there would have been no saving our marriage and I was not even sure that that would have been enough at the time.
  • depend does your boyfriend know the guy ?????? could he find out if so better to tell him and hope he will give you a chance
  • you cannot make anything more worse than you have already made it it would do no good in you not telling your boyfriend if you dont be honest with him you will have to live with the guilt you will have to tell him face to face better it comming out from you then some one else good luck
  • He will find out eventually, the truth always comes up sooner or later. If he finds out on his own, confronts and forgives you, it's possible that he will also cheat on you for revange and he won't feel obligated to tell you. And maybe the same thing will happen even if you come clean. I think your relationship is doomed... you learned something from it, keep your pants on next time.
  • You need to tell him. I have been in this situation, and i told and i felt so much better. He didnt break up with me and since then i have been faithful. Once you tell him you will feel so at peace about it.
  • Well- I am in a relationship and I feel that my partner is cheating on me all the time. He denys it. He has no emotion. If you are a normal person and have a heart for your boyfriend. You need to tell him for your own peace of mind.
  • I wanted to let you know that I, myself, have cheated on my boyfriend. I know that some people don't understand how you can cheat when you really and truely love the person, but it is possible. I really regret it, and the amount of pain it caused me was so incredibly terrible (plus the thought of being unfaithful to him) that I would never ever in a million years or for any amount of money be able to do it again. I know he is the one I want to marry, and we have a very strong relationship of 2 years. I had a moment of weakness that I won't let bring pain to him. I can't bear the thought of losing him (and i know some will say that i shouldnt have cheated then to begin with), and even more so the thought of hurting him. I think that it will do no good to tell him. I do worry about him finding out somehow, but I carry the guilt and want to take the responsibility and burden myself. If you are SURE that you dont have an STD and SURE you wont do it again then just take this secret to the grave.
  • No don't tell him. You will be punished enough throughout your life time for this. Trust me. I wasn't completely in love with my man when I cheated on him but I stuck with him and now I am in love with him. I apologized for my sin many times. I will not tell him bc nothing good will come of it. You will only hurt him and hurt yourself more than you already are.
  • I was in this same situation a few years ago. I didn't tell him everything. I felt so horrible and after the whole ordeal was over I knew that it was a mistake and it would never happen again. He is the love of my life and I knew that telling him would get it off my chest and ease some guilt but it would crush him, so I live with it everyday and that is my punishment.
  • No way! You need to be honest with you first. If it doesn't matter anymore, let's roll and do what you intend to. Think: you "probally" was dishonest when you cheated, but what really was your feelings this moment? Don't worry" Be happy!
  • Yes you should tell your boyfriend that you cheated on him! He deserves to hear the truth. The truth will eventually come out anyway because what is done in darkness always comes out in the light. God doesn't like cheaters, killers, deceivers, liars, and stealers so you should bed a good woman and repent to God and your boyfriend for your sin and ask for forgiveness from your boyfriend and God. God won't forgive you until you ask your boyfriend for forgiveness. Accept your boyfriend's wish if he wants to break up with you for having cheated on him. The person you cheated with is no better than you for having been with a woman who is going out with some guy. He needs to repent to God and ask God for His forgiveness!
  • you should tell him. he'll be a lot more hurt when/if he finds out from other channels.
  • yes, you should tell him. if he cheated on you i'm sure you would want to know. i don't understand how some people can just 'forget' about doing something like that!
  • If there's no chance it will come out, don't tell him. No reason to cause unnecessary pain.
  • I agree that, if he had done it, you'd want to know. He deserves the same.
  • You should tell him. If not because you love him, then because you wanna safeguard yourself from him finding it out other places.
  • he or she might not be the right one for u sorry
  • i tell u sholud tell him how u feel
  • hi wats up
  • tell him so he can leave your sorry ass, once a cheat always a cheat.
  • No. Do not tell him. Honesty will only hurt in this instance.
  • I am 20 and have been with my bf for six months. From the beggining it was pretty rocky. He strung me along and i suppose he was testing me to see if i was worthy. I had trouble trusting and looked for reasons to support my theory that he didnt really care about me and surprise found a few. There were dodgy texts and comments from people i didnt know warning me about him. I didnt say anything because i was weak and didnt want to loose him i was crazy about him. This messed with my head and one night i got horrendously drunk. Everything built up, the hurt and resentment and i cheated. There is absloutely no excuse. I did it because i couldnt face what was going on, i was weak. I truly believed he was going to break up with me anyway. I have never cheated. It meant nothing to me and the whole time i thought of him. All it did was make me love him more. I realised that i was going to have to stop being insecure and grow up. I decided that if he said he was with me he must be and i was going to put all my trust into him (something i have never done) and spend the rest of however long it lasts putting my all into the relationship. Strangely now much later things are perfect between us. I decided not to tell him because i know how much it will hurt him. He is unforgiving. Everyday I feel overwhelmed with guilt and disgust at what i did. I figure its good though becuase it reminds me how much i love him and how much i deeply regret my actions. If anyone should feel like shit and suffer its me not him it was my action. The guilt will never go away. I am completely loyal to him in everyway now. I always felt this way but jelousy and an immature way of handling things made me act the opposite. I have learnt alot about myself and relationships. I have changed alot. But sadly it has stemmed from a wretched act. I dont know if ive made the right decision by not telling but our past of playing games and hurting each other is over and i just want us to go further and to work. Its never easy not telling and it shouldnt be. If it is you shouldnt be with that person.

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