ANSWERS: 100
  • You should not have to change for anyone. It seems that your husband is the one who needs to change.
  • He sounds like a bugger, sorry to be so blunt. He should be loving you for who you are and the love and care you take of him and your home. You should not have to change for him, or for anyone unless you are unhappy with yourself. He is the one who needs to change and see how his behaviour is upsetting you. Sometimes you can make yourself feel better about yourself if you make a few changes, but this should be prompted by you and not by him.
  • If you're in an abusive relationship, then the obvious answer is to GET OUT! Otherwise, you don't have to change for anyone! Don't take any crap from him.
  • Ask him if he would be happy if you just went ahead and changed everything and had a sex change operation. If he is really this unhappy the only thing you should change is your marital status. There is someone out there who would love you and appriciate you just the way you are and that is what you deserve.
  • Change him, as in ditch him and get a new model
  • your husband doesn't sound happy in general and sounds like he is taking out on you. thats dangerous, please stand up for yourself and demand the respect you deserve especially after all those years of marriage! don't change ask him to go to marriage counseling. sounds like you could both use some and best of luck.
  • Why would you want to change yourself? I can see compromising and making adjustments, but you are who you are. What is he willing to do to change himself? If you aren't seeing a willingness for him to do equal changes and give equal effort, kick him to the curb. Sorry, but this is mental and emotional abuse. It is controlling behavior.
  • sounds to me like you need to change husbands, and id would make that clear to him, he is a ahole and that is all there is to it . leave the jerk .
  • Never ever change yourself, especially for that rotten sounding man you call your husband. You are who you are. If he doesn't like it then maybe you should be thinking about leaving him for someone who appreciates you for who you are.
  • You shouldn't change yourself if he married you the way you are then you shouldn't have to change. I say maybe its time for a divorce so you can find someone who values you for who you are.
  • If you attempt to change for someone else..you are doomed to failure.. ;)
  • the best way for you to change is to get a new husband.
  • Leave him and find a man or woman who loves you no matter what you do.
  • Is he Mr. Wonderful and perfect in every way? If not, just ignore his ridiculous request and be yourself. If can't deal with you, he will leave you and you might be better off.
  • I have a feeling that no matter what you do he will find fault..so before you lose your self esteem totally get the hell out of there. Your worth it right?I'll go ahead and answer that..you ARE worth it.
  • Lets analyze your situation. first, how long have you been married? is this both of yours first marriage? why all of a sudden, does your husband want your looks to be changed? My wife and i have been married for 41 years. my wife is 60, 5 ft. 3 in. and weighs 126 lbs. she looks great. she takes care of herself. did i ask her to do this, no. she did it for herself and to make me proud of her and i am, very. If you are overweight, for good health, go on some kind of diet. do this for yourself. what wrong with your house? is it clean and orderly? does he do his part? Your husband married you for you. he knew, in the beginning and apparently love it, the way you did things and kept the house presentable. why the sudden change? there has to be a reason. If my wife suddenly asked me to change my personality, my general demeanor and so on, i would question her sudden requests. is he or she comparing me to someone else? You are you and any changes you make for yourself, should be accomplished for you. if you feel your husband is correct in some of his requests, then make the changes for both of you, not just him. You are who you are.
  • You don't need to change! He should love you just the way you are and accept it! After all, he married you "for better or worse, till death do you part"... I think that statement applies to all situations in a marriage! If he doesn't like it, TOUGH!!! He's stuck with you!
  • Why should you change unless you think you need to? Why not sit down with your husband and point out all of his faults and things you dont like and tell him you could maybe come to as compromise and decide on each others worse fault and promise to work on that.
  • You should not have to change yourself. If my husband did not like the way I did things, I would tell him to do it himself. I will make adjustments if something really bugs him...but I expect him to make some as well. It's called compromise. A person should not have to change everything about themselves on the whim of their partner and it sounds like he's the one who needs to make a few adjustments.
  • You don't need to remain in an abusive situation like this. Divorce him.
  • He sounds like a real horse's ass. You don't have to take that kind of crap. Tell him to go take a long walk down a short pier.
  • He sounds like a real horse's ass. You don't have to take that kind of crap. Tell him to go take a long walk down a short pier.
  • I would say the only change you need to make is who your spouse is. Sounds like he may be getting the wondering eye for someone else. Anytime I had a bf complain like that it was usually because they were cheating or trying to talk themselves into it by cutting me down or give themselves a reason for leaving or cheating.
  • If he doesnt like the way you do the house tell him to do it. And never change for anyone If you feel there could be adjustments then do so...No ones perfect im sure theres things about him that you dont like
  • Jesus Christ. Stop playing the victim violins and wake up. You gonna spend ur entire life trying to be something some1 else wants u to be or u just gonna be urself? make urself happy first, then everything else falls into place on its own. Your husband needs to be greatful for wat he has and remember why he was attracted to u in the first place. You have taken eachother for granted. poor you
  • Jesus Christ. Stop playing the victim violins and wake up. You gonna spend ur entire life trying to be something some1 else wants u to be or u just gonna be urself? make urself happy first, then everything else falls into place on its own. Your husband needs to be greatful for wat he has and remember why he was attracted to u in the first place. You have taken eachother for granted. poor you
  • He should love you the way you are, there is meeting each other halfway but the way it sounds to me is that he is taking things out on you, why should you put up with that? Don't change yourself for him, if you feel like you need a change do it for yourself.
  • You should not have to change yourself for some jerk. What you are describing is a man who is about to be come an abuser or a cheater and you need to get out now before he hurts you.
  • If he doesn't like you, why did he marry you? Try to remind him of THOSE things he likes. My husband wishes I kept the house cleaner, but then, I wish he kept the grass shorter. It's a give and take thing. And it's a compromise. I try to pick up the floor (kid toys) before he gets home from work, and if he gets annoyed, he just cleans things himself. Sit down with him, and talk about it. If you can't, get him to go to a councilor with you and talk about it. If you're unhappy, it'll make him unhappy, and him being unhappy is clearly making you unhappy. Starting little will start the cycle the other way.
  • How can you change yourSELF? Try changing your husband! Seriously, don't let him get to dictate how you feel about YOU. He's obviously got issues. Let his issues stay HIS. Don't be codependent.
  • by getting a divorce:P
  • The only thing you need to change is your husband!
  • Why would he want to change the person he married, the one he said "I love You" to. Somewhere along the way your husband became disinterested, or unhappy, so the problem is not you...it is him. Do not let him demean you. If he admits he's unhappy then mention marriage counseling. Changing who you are will not fix this problem. He will find something else he doesn't like. Or maybe...just maybe he doesn't want to be the bad guy in the marriage, he doesn't want to be known as the one who ended the marriage. Have more love for yourself...don't change
  • My wife and I have been married for over 25 years. One thing I learned long time ago is that if we try and incorporate each others differences into our own lives the more we become one. For one spouse to attempt to change the other into some sort of ideal is to court disaster that can only lead to unhappiness for both. Time to rethink whether or not you need to stay with him. The prospect may be terrifying but has to be faced. Look to your family for support.
  • My dear the only thing you have to change is your husband! Get rid of the unappreciative mean natured bastard. You marry/stay in a relationship with someone for who they are not who you can change them into. Walk away from him and if you want to change yourself then so be it but for YOUR reasons and desires not for anyone else's ever. Get rid of that sorry piece of humanity and find yourself a good one who appreciates YOU for yourself.
  • You need to change his attitude. If you have been doing adequate service to him and the household, take a break and go someplace so to render yourself unavailable for rendering services but open for communication. IF he responds with the right stuff after a while, open up occasional dating with him again and drive him crazy. Let him know you're not sleeping around, but don't satisfy him either. He should break down either of several ways: 1) misses you and promises to quit bitching and to do more for you, 2) comes at you with a club to bring you back home, 3) initiates separation or divorce proceedings for abandonment. For the above items, 1) problem solved, 2) consider leaving permanently or enjoy his enthusiasm, depending on whether his aggression is friendly or abusive, 3) let it ride - problem solved. Whatever, don't let the situation persist, especially if he is abusing you physically.
  • I dont know what is wrong with men these days they seem to not appriciate us when we are stay at home moms or homemakers all I can offer is this let it go in one ear and out the other and make sure you let him know all of his faults as well just to prove that he is not perfect but do it in a nice way !! good luck
  • Possums, there's one thing you need to change and thats your husband!
  • You do not need to change. You both need counseling, and if he does not agree to it, you need to start thinking about leaving him. sounds like that is what he wants and is too cowardly to do it, so he is going to drive you crazy,
  • The best way to change yourself would be to get a new man.
  • I agree with misshel, ask him to go to counseling. If he doesn't agree you have two choices, Stay and be mentally abused or break the chain. don't take ANY excuses for him not wanting to go.
  • Never change yourself. He is making you not like yourself. Get rid of him!
  • Whatever you do DON'T try to change unless you don't like the person you are. Couples often become lazy in their relationship. You both should try to make time for one another, do something that you both enjoy. Light a candle, put on some quiet musuc, pour a glass of wine and talk about how you feel...
  • I know this answer will go against the norm, but here goes. You didn't give a lot of history, but isn't it true that people are naturally attracted to someone that takes pride in themselves and their surroundings? If you are making an effort to provide a clean home and you wear make-up and don't sit around in sloppy sweats or pj's all day and you can honestly say that you hold up your end of the bargain, then yeah...he's kind of a jerkwad. If not, take pride in yourself and your environment and not only will he respect you more, you'll respect yourself more.
  • DO NOT TRY! Be who you are. You know if you have let yourself slip or if his expectations are unreasonable. Change your actions accordingly, but do not change the person you are. You may not be the problem, he may be...
  • You should change for someone. Really. because if they dont like you for who you are, you really dont need them. Dont change for anyone but yourself. He doesnt deserve you if he thinks you should change.
  • Divorce the jerk.
  • its not you that needs to change ..its the selfish rude thing thats suppoesed to be a man ...he's the one not you, I would pull him up real quick and tell him point blank ...he had better start to wake up to him self or your gone ....you deserve much much more than he is giving you and you deserve to be happy so stand up for your self and tell him to blow it out his ass or you will walk and take half of everything ...I bet that will make the fool sit up and take notice
  • Do you like the way you look? My councellor tells me that we teach people how to treat us. Don't tell him your downfalls like (just an example) "I've gained weight" or "I never got that bathroom cleaned". Tell him what you do like or did accomplish. Like, "I like this color with my eyes" or "I spent all day on that 1 closet. But doesn't it look great".
  • I got the perfect way for you to change it's called DUMP THAT LOSER AND FAST!!!!! He sounds like a total ahole You deserve someone who can love you and accept you just as you are. you shouldn't have to make changes because all of a sudden he has a problem. I hope you make the right decision
  • It suonds like he is the one with the problem, not you. As long as you are doing your best with the house and not being lazy and as long as you like the way you look, tell him he can kiss it. I'm sure there are some things that you would like him to change about himself but dont even say anything about it. Just stay who you are and let God handle the rest.
  • You are a beautiful person just as you are you are the same person he married don't let him do you like that I know it is hard but you can stop him let him know how you feel and how he makes you feel you have to hold your head up high don't let him wear you down be proud of you he can only hurt you if you let him stay strong I hope nothing but the best for you.
  • Tell him if he does not like you - see if he can find better, let him do the 'homemaking' - ie the cooking washing and cleaning for a month - while you spend more than is reasonable at Starbucks enjoying yourself and gaining appreciative looks from teh Gentlemen. THAT is how I feel about this situation! This oaf is lucky he is not MY Brother-in-law!!!
  • Obviously you turned fat to loose your husbands respect, he is comparing you to sombody else in his life.
  • why are u even thinking of changing for someone who doesn't love u for who you are? you should ask yourself that question i just asked you and not to change because he wants u to. "we come to love not to find the perfect one, but to see an imperfect person perfectly.." no one is perfect, so people should accept each others' disadvantages.. if he doesn't get that and complains about u over n over again then that's not love, is it? plus, if u really do change for him... will u be truly happy?
  • tell him to get off his ass and change.
  • obviously doesn't apprieciate you, he may think the grass is greener on the other side, kick him out for a couple of weeks then he will see how much he need you
  • Dont change yourself!!! Tell him to piss off and find yourself a real man!!
  • Ouch! When did all this start? It really sounds like you both need to meet with a marriage counselor... (there is no shame in having a mediator, especially with something as disturbing as this), that is, if you want to stay in that kind of marriage.
  • I really don't think you can. You are you. Has your husband just now been wanting you to change? Or has it been like this since marriage? Why now is he not liking the way you are? I would definately talk to him and ask him why he is acting like this.
  • You don't need to change! He needs to accept you as you are or it's hit the road, jack!
  • please please please do not change yourself for this overbearing, domineering control freak of a 'man'. he is the insecure one and he is taking these out on you, you shouldnt stand for this as he is stripping you of your confidence and selfworth, he either accepts you as you are or you tell him to sod right off.
  • okay im going to be a bitch so youve been warned. why change? you are who you are and why would you want to be just like some one else when you can be your own person. just a quote that i live by "you were born an origainal why die a copy?"
  • Don't change yourself. Just do the best job you know you can, as you see fit. If he doesn't like it, that's him being critical, not you being inadequate. Remind him that you don't tell him how to do his job, please don't tell you how to do yours.
  • best thing would be to find someone who appeciates you for who you are.
  • you sounded so down i had to say my bit and i am not going to hold back ok?? I dont think any man or woman has the right to demand their partner should change everything about themselves that is so cruel and uncaring and stupid too after all once he loved you for being you didnt he. Be proud and if anything needs changing it is him not you who needs to worry. Would he do what he is asking of you? i very much doubt it. you decide who you want to be dont let him dictate to you . be peoud to be who you are.
  • Baby girl, you dont need to change, he needs to go to counceling,usally people belittle others,cuz they have low self esteem,seek a counsler,if he dosent want to go, go for yourself, then if its not working, you can change....your address!!
  • he had issues.. love youself.. do things that make you happy.. take a trip to be with you... loving you make people love you.. along as your happy with you its all good
  • If anything he's saying actually has merit, so be it, but it sounds like he's just an unhappy grumpy guy and he's gonna complain no matter what. I'm sorry to hear you're in that situation.
  • I agree with most of the answers and comments posted, but was wondering in terms of "Change"; how much have things changed since you got married? You should not have to change yourself for anyone, love is unconditional. having said that there are many motivaters as to why he could be acting this way. If you are significantly different from the girl he married, ie if you have let yourself go, or you are at home and have lost your own identity and sparkle? Revive yourself for yourself, and make him realise that he will miss the water when the well runs dry!
  • sounds like his putting it all on you, why should you change what you are for him its a to way street
  • There's no need to change you but it sounds like you need to change your husband! I'd tell him if he's so unhappy with his life with, he can go and find someone else. He'll probably find any other woman wouldn't live up to his standards either.
  • Change yourself into a single woman...
  • Sounds like you need to change your husband a bit.
  • You are who you are... he married you for the person that you are! Sometimes people take the stress the have from other things (work, children,money), out on the ones that are closest to them. NEVER change who you are, not for anyone!
  • If somebody cannot accept you the way you are, even if you change, that's trouble and it stops being worth. You should take care of yourself and do your best for the relationship though. But if that isn't enough, if you do all that and he still isn't happy, wait. You'll get sick of him anyway, and then you will leave. I wish you all the best. Be brave.
  • Ya know when people say there are no stupid questions? Well that was a stupid question BECAUSE you should not want to change yourself. I think it's your husband that needs to change. I'm sorry for what you are going through my dear, good luck!
  • a good start would be dropping your husband.
  • im married and ive had my share of problems with my wife (which were my fault and ill admit it, shes perfect and i cheated)... but you should never have to change yourself. anyone that actually takes care of a home and that actually cares what her husband thinks of her is a special woman and you should be proud of yourself. never change for someone else, even if it is someone you deeply love.
  • maybe you should find out why he wants you to change. Is there something more to the statement. Maybe he feels overwelmed by being the bread winner, or maybe he wants something more but can not figure what. If you love him go to counseling work things out. there is always a reason behind the words. If he is important to you find out.
  • This is an abusive man, and you will not change him. But you are right that you can change yourself. You can change by not taking any more of his abuse. You can start by loving yourself first, because it sounds like you've lost all your self-esteem. Once you have your self-esteem back, you'll be more confident in yourself. In fact, you'll wonder why you've put up with his **** for so long. You deserve better! Contact a battered women's shelter or group and get some outside help - without your husband knowing, of course. Get yourself into a position to leave him. You need to leave him so you can have a life - otherwise, you never will have the life you deserve!
  • your husband should accept you for who you are and never expect you to change. Maybe he's the one that needs to do some changing.
  • Hmmm...looks like all he needs is a big kick in the _ss OUT THE DOOR! In the meantime, spend his money making yourself gorgeous. Work-out, buy nice clothes, eat healthy, and when he is hungry and asking to be taken back just toss your gorgeous hair, roll your eyes, and tell him to take a number and get in line.
  • Why change? Making him happy is important, but not at the expense of dignity. It is more important that he accept you for who you are and not who he feels you could be. I know this one from experience. You may not be perfect, but I'm sure he has his flaws too. People in glass houses...
  • I suggest losing some weight, and before you think im flaming let me say the weight is your husband then you will be perfect :)
  • Don't - it seems to be him that has changed.
  • You could change him, exchanged for another man who appreciates you for who you are.
  • as a married woman and also a homemaker this angers me. he should take a look at himself , is he perfect? i don't think so , no one is, especially someone who is putting some one else down.i went through this with my husband, him saying he didn't like that i never wore make up, i'm sorry, i have been cleaning and cooking all day..he got over it. if he doesn't like the way you clean tell him to do it. i mean really do it. let him get on his knees and scrub the tiolet, see how he likes that. it sounds like he is really insecure and unhappy with himself, don't let his insecurities bring you down.
  • Change YOURSELF!??? OMG, I first read this post about 12-hours ago and was so angry that I couldn't reply. First, you sacrificed a career to stay home and (raise children?) care for your family. That's a 24/7 job, equivalent to working 4 full time jobs!!! Secondly, he doesn't like the way you look? Take the charge cards and go pamper yourself--heck, go to a spa for a couple of weeks! You'll feel much better and I am sure he will appreciate the "new you"! Third, tell him he had better change his attitude, or he'll be looking for a second job! Because NOW you are getting used to your "new look" and it's pretty costly. Lastly, why are you letting him treat you this way? He has a low self-esteem, so he feels the need to degrade you as a way to pick himself up. INSIST he get some therapy! Make your own list of things you do not like about him! God Bless You.
  • change husbands....... lifes too short to be unhappy... be yourself, be true to yourself, and most of all... beeeeee happy.. you obviously aren't.
  • Your husband whats change? hunny u should change tht relationship. That is not right, you shouldnt have to change for any man and vice versa no man has to change for a lady, Your perfect the way you are sweetthang. Keep it real
  • Tell him to change the way he thinks of you. That isn't right, he should love you the way you are and accept you for the way you do things, etc. If he wants to change tell him to bug off and get a reality check. Unfortunately the world doesn't revolve around him! Sorry but that's how I feel. I've been changing who I am for people all my life and I'm tired of doing it and also seeing other people do it. Good luck with everything!
  • Wow, you really do need to change...change your husband that is. You deserve somebody who loves you and appreciates everything you do. Anything less than that is just unacceptable!
  • This is crazy!!! He does NOT love you, if he did he wouldnt want to make you different- he loves what he wants you to be! You need to tell him to find the "perfect" home-maker he's looking for and get rid of him!
  • DO NOT CHANGE AT ALL!!!!!!!!!! He asked you to marry him, not to change for him He knew who you are and he wanted THE REAL YOU to be his wife! PLEASE, I DONT KNOW YOU - BUT PLEASE DO NOT LET ANY PERSON MANIPULATE YOU IN THAT WAY that you feel that you should change.
  • Very simply - don't change yourself change your husband. There are plenty of men who will appreciate a woman for who she IS not who he thinks she should be.
  • If all that's the case, why the hell did he marry you? DO NOT change yourself. If you are unhappy, you won't WANT to do anything differently, and shouldn't have to. HE obviously needs an attitude adjustment. I'd suggest you get out. YOU are not happy, and apparently, neither is he. If there are kids, your staying will teach them that 1) the boys can treat women this way... without respect; 2) the girls do everything they can to "please their man" without reguard to their own feelings. Change marriages. Get a man who respects you, what you do, and loves you no matter what.
  • why did he marry you in the first place?? if he is trying to change you then he does not love you get rid of the jerk and find someone who loves you for what and who you are!!!!
  • You shouldn't feel the need to change yourself. If you do, then your relationship is what needs changing. Your husband should make you feel happy, like you don't need to change a single thing.
  • Tell him if he doesn't go into counseling to learn how to stop being emotionally abusive you will leave and then if he doesn't stop leave.

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