ANSWERS: 31
  • No...stay out...get a divorce and start a new life...there are plenty of men in the sea...just think twice before you go and marry the next one...you dont deserve to be abused in anyway...respect yourself and stay out.
  • Why would you want to forgive a man like that,that cant even see he has done wrong,and to blame you for the abuse because he didnt love you ...what is wrong with this picture get agrip and get rid of this man.
  • The question is, how do you feel about this situation. Certainly you aren't sure what to do so you cant be happy with things how they are currently. I can't tell you what's right or wrong, but my opinion? Drop him like a hot potato and find someone who'll treat you better.
  • Why would you forgive him? Sounds like you'll just get abused again.
  • PLEASE DO NOT RETURN TO HIM. YOU DID NOT CAUSE THE ABUSE. FORGIVENESS NEVER WORKS. SOMETIMES IF HE GETS COUNSELING WITH ANGER MANAGEMENT, it works. But, if he has said that he didn't love you, never go back. Do go on with a new life and if you get counseling perhaps you will not choose an abusive a new husband with the exact same fault. Also, attend Al-Anon or other "Anonymous" group for women who experience the same kind of treatment. If you have children, it is far more important that you NEVER GO BACK. It was like sitting in a giant ice block in a shadowy room. I was freezing-cold and dark fear surrounded me and filled my body and soul. I can still hear my little brother crying and begging, “Daddy, please don’t shoot Mama. Please don’t.” His words spoke my thoughts and the tears in his eyes mirrored mine that Sunday afternoon. He squeezed my hand and both of us were trembling. The shotgun that our father pointed at our mother’s head was like a giant canon. We were prisoners of war that day, 52 years ago. Daddy, 34, was a good and loving man when he was sober. He was a weekend binge-drinking alcoholic who always stayed out until his favorite bar closed every Friday and Saturday night. He didn’t store his whiskey or beer in the house but we knew that he kept a bottle hidden somewhere in the garage, garden shed, or a similar hideaway. When we arrived home from attending church that day, he was drunk---not happy-drunk, but mean-drunk. Mother, 32, always prepared part of the Sunday dinner before we left for church. Consequently, it didn’t take very long to serve it. She asked me to help with the task, I believe, more because she didn’t want to be alone with Daddy than because she needed my help. My sister and brothers disappeared somewhere until called in for dinner. Everybody wanted to avoid being near the “drunk.” A study by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse found that “Children of substance-abusing parents are almost three times more likely to be abused and more than four times more likely to be neglected than children of parents who are not substance abusers.” Add to that the fact that children of alcoholics, especially the oldest child, often become adults who are substance abusers. And, they often replicate their parent’s domestic violence. The horrific scene of that Sunday afternoon is still etched in my memory and stamped on my heart. Four prisoners-of-war, ages 9 to 14, we were sitting on the couch in our living room watching our father and our mother, the fifth POW, sitting in chairs facing us while he held the barrel of a loaded shotgun aimed at her face. Every day, children are held hostage, terrified and abused in their homes. The abuse is physical, psychological, emotional, and verbal; just as it was in our home. When parents terrorize their children, the severe emotional child abuse is traumatic and invisible. A report by the Florida Center for Parent Involvement says, “Although emotional abuse can hurt as much as physical abuse, it can be harder to identify because the marks are left on the inside instead of the outside.” Can be read at www.selfgrowth.com by typing in Fear Imprisons the Hearts of Children (I wrote it and give permission for the above section of it to be used on this question and site.) The first year of marriage my husband hit me one afternoon and I demanded strongly that 'ever again' and I will leave you. I had learned that week that I was pregnant. The 13th year of our marriage, he hit and almost strangled me to death twice in one month just after arriving home from 'counseling' with our paster after we had had a dozen appointments together. Two of our children heard all from their room downstairs and also they talked about it. (I learned that after the divorce.) The emotional damage to them was hurtful and unforgetable. I left the next day with our 4 year old and the divorce and sale of our home (a true loss for older children) and moved to the next town. He had every other weekend visitation and every return of the children ended with an argument. Fear of his sudden anger or being killed as several area women and children had been killed, I moved two states away, " back home" then great job, moving to job, staying two years until the 1% tax initiative was voted on and I was the highest level that the City of Davis, California had to terminate so I returned to Idaho. The anger never happened again. In fact the second year back, I invited him in for Christmas dinner with all the family when oldest child was 15. Those two children were always affected by the fear and the divorce but the fear of pain never left them, even with a lot of counseling later. It happened two evening but had traumatized the them My youngest daughter, has often told me, "Mom, thanks for raising me as a single mom. I'm glad I wasn't mixed up like my brother and sister. Besides, you taught me to how to be the good mom I am today. And thank you because I now understand how much you love me then and now---because I love my precious daughter, 3 months old. (and that love and wonderful mothering has continued.) Read my article about this at writing.com under best4writing) Truly, it was in the best interest of my children that I divorce for their sake instead of staying with a sudden hot-temptered husband. Same will be true for your children
  • NO!!!! Think of yourself! Get your own life in order. NEVER let someone control you that way and make you think it is your fault. You are not blame for abuse like that in any way. If you go back--it will only get worse because he will feel he has complete control over you and that you take it no matter what because you--love him. Do you want to die?
  • I have read all the replies and they all say the same thing. What you have to consider if you love him is the fact that he is probaly ill. Have a look at information on male depression and you will then beging to understand that if he is mentally ill, the abuse (although very hard to accept when it is directed at you) is beyond his control at the moment. Obviously if he in your opinion is not ill then at least your decision will be easier. My oppinion is based on my own personal battle. I experienced male depression and inflicted alot of damage to my poor wife. It is a long and painful ride if you are going to stand by him. Cognitive therapy cured me. Anti depressants nearly killed me.I had two years of counciling and my wife was by my side each time. My marriage now stands some sort of chance to get better and stronger.If my wife decides to divorce me thereafter I cannot complain. I will alsways love her. Please read through as many articles on this.
  • Why forgive him!!! Thank him!!! He did you a big favor. Many abused women are afraid to leave their husbands, for fear of what they will do...He let you go!!! Stay GONE!!! I have been a crisis intervention counselor for many years, I have read most of the answers you have been given, some good, some bad. But no one would advocate your being together even if he is going to get counseling. He needs the counseling first, and he does not sound like he is even ready for that yet.... He is still playing the blame game. Telling you this is all your fault. Couples counseling isn't done with an abuive partner. He needs a program for batterers, but he needs to know he needs it first. You should think about some counseling for yourself too..Being abused isn't something you can easily just get over. Just stay gone for now....If he says he doesn't love you, why go back? Don't waste your love on someone not willing to return it!! You deserve better!!! I know that, everyone here on AB knows it...Now you have to know it!!!!!!!!
  • I got two F words for you Forget him and F*ck him. Find someone who will appreciate you.
  • First you need to forgive yourself! For what? For putting your life in this persons abusive hands! You have a mind, use it! Move FORWARD......away from him and men like him! Be good to yourself, use common sense, you deserve to be happy, to be treated as a human being, with TLC. Have you always been abused? Were an abused child? Stop the abuse!
  • no stay away he's not worth it you deserve better get out and stay out now while your still alive trust me (I PROMISE) its for the best
  • You probably already know the answer to this. But my advice is hell no. Move on.
  • I mean what he did is just plain out disrespectful but he only showed you how much he really cared and how much of a coward he is. I mean yes i think you should forgive him and move on. You dnt neccessarily have to walk up to him and say,: Oh I forgive you or whateva.All you have to do is forgive him in your heart and everything will be okay so dont worry about him.
  • Get away from him, and sue him for domestic abuse. You can also file complaint at you local police office. And if you want to get him real bad, file complaint at a feminist or women`s rights protection organization. They`ll take care of him for you.
  • Hell,no.Don't go back to him either.
  • I was there and "forgave." Things only escalated. If I were you, I would not forgive and I'd run away FAST - and never look back. NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT.
  • You need to take a good look at this picture and think about what is wrong with it. First he is abusive to you and then blames you because he didnt love you? You really could use somme counseling and I mean this in a constructive way. You need to find out why you want to put up with this. This isn't love. Do not forgive him unless he goes to counseling to figure out why he likes to be emotionally and physically abusive to womean, and is willing to change.Until then don't share the same living quarters with him. Take Care.
  • No do not forgive him. Divororce his ass. Move on hunny and i bet you are beautiful and you'll get anyone you want. Just wait ok? But yeah leave him NOW!!!
  • Do NOT play a victim. Do NOT play into the drama. Forgivness is a step in the personal healing process. Look at the breakup as a fresh start. It is difficult to do, but just take each moment at a time and keep moving forward.
  • Ya well ghe kicked me to.Hes center parway-get it not A get that outta of your head I am A
  • DO NOT RETURN. Physical abuse, when it escalates, can ONLY go to one place, and you can NEVER return from that. Abusers are NEVER at fault for their abuse. It's ALWAYS the abusee's fault. Be glad he kicked you out. Find somewhere else to stay, and divorce the bastard. (If you have kids, I hope you documented, with pictures, the abuse, and can get THEM out of the house, too.) If you need help getting YOUR stuff, call the cops. If you need a place, call a local woman's shelter. Here are some answers to similar questions and a poem (from my profile): Are women who continually date men who are abusive, or put up with abuse, or make excuses for the guy, naive? Can they really not see the signs or just don't know what to do? Or do they think it's "love"? - http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/3047295 Signs of abuse, even early on - http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/2872392 and http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/3766947 (controllers) Signs of abuse, and what to do - http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/3384385 Would you stay with a guy that dont treat you right just becouse you love him? - (Mostly assuming abuse:) http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/5438372 See poem, and below, also. (Search for "abusive relationship".) Just to make you think about abuse: A poem © 1992 by Paulette Kelly I Got Flowers Today I got flowers today. It wasn’t my birthday or any special day. We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn’t mean the things he said because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day. Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare. I couldn’t believe it was real. I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today, and it wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I’m afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night, he finally killed me. If only I had gathered enough courage and strength to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today. Abusive Relationships - Recognizing you're in one and what to do - http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/2748410 (Even though the question was flagged as nonsense because it was not really a question, my answer stands.)
  • He blames u so he does not habe to admit he was wrong. Do u really want to go back and have the cycle repeated? It does not matter how he feels about you, he has no right to treat u like this. If you do not have anywhere else to go, u should consider going to a shelter. Talk to a preacher where u live, and see what advice he or she will give u. Good luck, Janet
  • I get the impression he knows you will come back. You are dependent on him and he knows that. Call his bluff and don't go back. Then get on with your life and never look back. He's not worth your energy and emotion. And he DOESN'T love you. If you are waiting to hear that you are waiting for the wrong thing.
  • I do not even understand how you can ask this question. Bring up your self esteem and you are a person of your own and raise your expectation level. And there is no reason in the whole world that you should be getting abused.
  • I don't undrstand how a woman can ask a question like this. The man beats you, kicks you out, and blames you for all of it... and you WANT to go back? Why would you want to go back to that? GET HELP? Call the police, get a restraining order. You don't deserve to be treated like that! Just because your a woman doesn't mean your helpless.
  • It's over.
  • You should have open talk with your husband and tell him that let's face it ,you cannot go on for life .
  • get away from that looser now......dont you deserve better.......
  • Take him back? You should have filed charges. I don't believe you said that. Sure take the jackass back so he can beat you up some more.
  • Okay, listen closely. Forgive him. BUT DO NOT RETURN TO HIM. If he doesn't love you, there is nothing for you to return to. Consider yourself lucky that you are out of there, and move on. You don't need the aggravation.
  • Yes forgive him and then get as far away from him as possible and never have anything more to do with him. He is poison and you don't need that.

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