When pointing out parenting mistakes a bad parent makes, why is the first thing out of their mouth always "are YOU a parent?"
by 
machinerat
ANSWERS: 18
-
No one enjoys hearing their mistakes pointed out (especially if unasked), and least of all from someone who doesn't share the experience.
-
They do it to make their wrong seem right :9
-
Before I go into a L-O-N-G diatribe in answering you, may I FIRST ask, "Are you <a parent>?"
-
Because, whether they are right or wrong, unless you have actually experienced being a parent then its like you telling me how to be female, or English. You just don't have a clue.
-
Because there is a WORLD of difference between having children and never having had them. I wouldn't insult a military veteran by telling him to just get over the PTSD. I haven't the right. It is insulting to pass judgement on someone when you cannot possibly relate. +5
-
Because we think non-parents are like the spectators at a sports match. Every single one knows better what the guy on the field SHOULD be doing or SHOULD have done. It's different when you're playing the game to best of your ability and under pressure yourself.
-
Because like many things, it's impossible to know how to handle something until you have actually done it yourself. You think that you might know how to handle kids when you have them. But I can't tell you how many times I amaze myself with handling it a different way then I ever assumed I would. There is also the aspect that noone WANTS to be a bad parent. And if a non-parent is pointing out the obvious, then they have a leg to stand on by saying, what do you know. Right or wrong is irrelevant.
-
Because people without kids think they know what they're talking about -- even though they haven't a clue how frustrating a little prince or princess in the middle of their terrible twos can be. Unless there is something to report to the police -- it's probably best we mind our own business.
-
Because any time that anyone is challenged about anything, the first question that pops into their mind is the standing and/or credentials of the person making the criticism. . I generally don't take medical advice from my plumber, and I don't let my lawyer decorate my house. . That doesn't change the fact that people can know a lot about raising kids even if they don't have them, but it's not an unreasonable question. . But honestly, if you replied with, "No. Honestly, I don't. It's a fair point, but it just seems to me that...." . They may still tell you to get lost, but you'll improve your odds of getting through. . Alternately, if the issue is really serious, call a social worker. They get paid to answer, "Are you a parent?" and generally have to answer it seven or eight times a day, at least. . +5 for an interesting question.
-
Because there is no substitute for practical experience. My children are adults but there are certain aspects of their lives that I don't really agree with. That isn't because of any lack of parenting skills, but a reflection of the fact that they are individuals.
-
Because, apparently, they believe that forcing a baby out of your vagina, or ejaculating, somehow makes you a parenting guru. They think that just because they ARE parents, they must be good ones, and no non-parent could possibly know anything that they don't.
-
Watch this video, the part relevant to this question starts at 3.50. Although I would recommend you watch all of it because Ed Byrne is hilarious:
-
I've been a parent for 23 years -- 2 boys. It amazes me the number of people who don't have kids who think they know more about parenting than a real parent does.
-
Because they want to know if you have any real life experience to pull from; oftentimes, experience is the best teacher.
-
Years ago some author wrote a book on parenting. We found out he did not have any children. Many people who are childless seem to think they are "experts" at what parenting is all about and what parents are doing wrong. Until/unless you are a parent, you don't know what you're talking about and that's why we need to know who you are...do you speak from experience or are you simply clueless? I'm a parent...that's what I think. :)
-
Just being a parent doesn't make you an expert at parenting ... but unless someone has experienced what it's like being a parent first hand .. it's probably not a good idea to be critical of someone. Good parenting is an acquired skill and not an exact science - what works for one won't necessarily work for another.
-
Parenting is sort of like any other job, in that nobody wants advice from someone who has never been in their line of work before.
-
It's simple deflection. They know you are right but would rather attack you for pointing it out than tackle the issue at hand & resolve it.
Mrs. C RELATED QUESTIONS
Copyright 2023, Wired Ivy, LLC