ANSWERS: 13
  • Although you clearly love her very much. if her real mommy is still about then she does not need confusion by calling two of you Mum. Be patient, she will love you anyway.
  • Tell her father to be patient and let her decide what she wants to call you. How flattering is it if she calls you mom because her dad told her to...now if she chooses to do that on her own, that's a compliment! I don't buy the whole confusion stuff if two people are called mom...I mean we've had two grandma's and two grandpa's forever and we don't seem to have ever gotten them confused. I know kids that call more than one person mom and they are confused.
  • Because her bio mom is still around, that would not really be right, and it could mess her up when both of you are around and called "Mom". I understand what your husband is wanting, but you are her step-mother, not her mother - SHE should get the "correct" moniker - The one the 4yo uses for her. Does she call her bio mom "Mom" or "Mommy"? I guess you could always take the other one.
  • I call my step mom 'ma' or 'mama.' I did it b/c after she married daddy she was a mom in every sense of the word. She never asked us kids to call her mom and neither did daddy. I still remember the first day she was there after they married. She was/is kind, loving and the person I call when there are no words that can heal except the words of a mama. I said all that to tell you just be a mama to her and she will most likely call you mama in due time. To make a child call you that in my humble experience can backfire. But if you be everything a mama is suppose to be and more...she will be more than proud to call you mama just as I call mine. Good luck to you!
  • I would see if she started to do it naturally. My sister is 12 and just recently started calling my step father dad after 5 years even though our father is still around. Just wait it out :D
  • Let the child decide..but just as any man can be a father..but not a dad..any woman can be a mother and not a mom..mom or dad is the ones that are there for them, love them, take care of them..You are already Mom..if she wants to call you mom..let her :)(it takes a very special woman..or man..to love a child that isnt theirs..as if they were) :):)
  • Its all down to the child,im 16, i know if my dad said i have to start calling his wife mum id go off on one, the child will eventualy get into the habit of calling you mum if they truley want to but dont have you or the father saying "call me mum from now on" because that will either offend them or confuse them, it may also offend the biological mother.
  • Here's my opinion, for what it's worth. There are a lot of things to consider here, but perhaps the most important thing is teaching the child respect...and not just for her biological Mom, but for EVERYBODY. She has a biological Mom. And only ONE biological Mom. Regardless of the history behind your husband's breakup with her or any history between the biological Mom and the child, you can't change that. Even if she's evil incarnate (and I really reserve that title for my ex, thank you very much), you CAN'T change that fact. Nor, in my opinion, should you try. The title "Mom" has a HUGE amount of significance and meaning, even beyond the simple act of giving birth to a child as a qualifier. I remember several people who were like a second Mom to me when I was growing up, and my parents were happily married until they died in their 70's. There is NOTHING wrong with the child calling you "Mom", or some version (Mommy, Mother, Ma, whatever). But you should NOT force it upon her nor make it a requirement. However, any effort which you make which would discourage the child from calling her biological Mom as such would be WRONG. In fact, I would go so far as to say that you should take an active role in teaching her this. Not punishment, or anything even close to it. Just gentle reminders that her biological Mom IS her Mom and she should be addressed appropriately. There is a great deal to say about teaching a child respect like this. In effect, you are teaching her that no matter the circumstances, it is not right to show disrespect to another, nor cause pain and anguish to another through her own actions. And regardless of what the ex is like, it's NOT right to inflict pain on her, EXPECIALLY through or by her own child. And who knows...maybe whatever animosities exist between the ex and your husband (and yourself) will fade somewhat through this effort. I have three older brothers and one younger sister. We've had our share of divorces between us, and in some cases children were involved. NEVER did any of us tell the children involved that they HAD to call one of us "Mom" or "Dad", nor did we tell them they were NOT to call their other parent "Mom" or "Dad". All of the children eventually grew up having learned the importance of respect and proper behavior, even if one parent was particularly nasty and vindictive. As for the child calling you "Mom", this is OK...as long as it's HER choice. I would recommend, however, that maybe you come up with another term which is DIFFERENT than the one she grew up using for her biological Mom. Like "Ma", "MaMa", or some such. This establishes a distinct difference in her mind between two different individuals (you and her biological Mom) and would thus ALSO hold special meaning to YOU as well. She still has her Mom...but YOU'RE her MAMA. Regardless of what term the child uses for you, you are likely to encounter some bitterness and spiteful reactions from the biological Mom. You need to handle these with care and diplomacy, because you must teach the child right from wrong, REGARDLESS. When such situations arise, I would recommend you tell the child that you can understand why her Mom feels that way, and why it is important that she understand that she is STILL her Mom. But that it is OK with YOU that she calls you "Ma" (or whatever). If you don't understand this, then inagine what your husband would feel if his ex remarried and started having the child call another man "Dad". Or if you were in his ex's place. There is REAL pain here...but out of necessity for the child, you need to set that aside and work with teaching the child correctly in these circumstances. Be a good Mommy to the child...and give her your OWN equivalent title that you can ALL be proud of, is my opinion.
  • At 4, if she calls you mom - great! She will correct herself as she grows up and understands the difference between the two houses and the two females. If she spends more time with you than it will come naturally because all her friends have "moms" they live with. Having two moms is a blessing - It should not be made out to something bad. Mom 1 had her and Mom 2 takes care of her too. Therefore you do deserve recognition as a mom not just the other female.
  • 5-14-2017 Children do not understand relationships, only names and titles. If she already knows a woman named "mom", you only confuse her by claiming to be another "mom".
  • Kids have two Grandma's and Grandpa's they can have two moms. She can call you Mama whatever your first name is. I only gave birth to one son but a lot of people call me Mama Linda. On the other hand my grandson tried to call me Mom on several occasions probably because I practically raised him and I didn't let him do that because he did know his mother even though she wasn't around very much and because I wasn't his mom. But I think that had more to do with the fact that I didn't want to undermine his relationship with his mother and anyway. So it's just up to you whatever you think is the right thing to do
  • i dont see anything wrong with her having two moms
  • Yes wrong! Good enough, a thankless, loving, rewarding, fulfilling role of 2nd Mom.

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