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  • People can keep these secret for a very, very long time. I, personally, know one man who was involved with the other woman for 17 years. Doesn't one of the women want an open and honest relationship? I assume this is what you're asking. Chances are good that they are both buying the lies that he tells every day. Anyone who is cheating is a liar.
  • Extramarital affairs are huge emotional rollercoasters. The secret part can be very hard on both parties involved as it can hurt to not be acknowledged. It's hard to keep secret, and indeed cannot be kept for long for some. Especially when both parties share the same group of friends. The looks towards each other can give things away. In short, to answer your question, the emotional part can be very draining. The relationship can be very rewarding. Honest and public relationships however, in some situations can in fact be harder and more stressful than a secret one.
  • It depends on your situation. I have been having an affair for over a decade. Shortly after our child was born, my husband found it difficult to...well you know. We simply cannot have sex now. I love my husband very much and have made a firm decision to stay with him and keep my family together. But over time, I wanted to have my 'needs' met. Although I love my husband dearly, I also love my lover very much. He is, next to my husband, my best friend and has been a great source of support over the years. The difference I guess to most affairs, is I've never kept my friendship with my lover a secret from my husband. He knows we are very close friends. If he calls me, I will openly speak with him on the phone in front of my husband. I never tell my lover information that is personal and private between my husband and I, but he knows pretty much everything else about me, including that I still love my husband. I have never discussed the "intimate" side of my relationship with my lover with my husband. I'm not 100% sure if my husband knows, but I suspect he turns a blind eye out of relief and is content that I will stick with him. My husband has no problem with my lover picking me up from home to take me out on a 'date', as long as I let my husband know where we are going. Occasionally he comes out for a drink with us too. Socially, friends and colleagues all know my lover and I have been very good friends for a long long time and I am sure they don't suspect a thing. Probably because when we "date", we are so open about it and say hi to people when we're out. Because our spouses know we're out, there is nothing to hide (except what we do behind closed doors and we are careful to keep such meetings discrete). Yes, my lover is married too. In the beginning, it was a source for an emotional roller coaster. I might wonder if he loves her more than me, or I would be anxious when I didn't hear from him for a few days, knowing he was spending time with his family instead of me. This was more relevant during the initial 'passionate' stage of love between my lover and I. None of that bothers me any more and I feel secure about our relationship. Over the years, I've seen how much my lover and his wife fight. I realise I fill an emotional void for him. Whilst there is an attachment he feels to his wife due to familiarity and the length of time they have been together, all that remains of their love is commitment to their child. I am not in competition with that. Also, I've accepted what our relationship is. We are two people very much in love, who meet each others needs and are great support to each other. Although we are 'committed' to each other, it is not in the conventional sense. We are not trying to have a public romantic relationship, nor are we aiming to live together or have a family. Meanwhile, this arrangements allows us both to be there for our children. I suspect crunch time might come when his child leaves home in the next couple of years. I know he'd rather stay with his wife, than be on his own. But he has indicated that might leave his wife then and wants to know if I'd be there for him. I have been up front in saying I have no intention of leaving my husband. Whether he can intice me, I am yet to find out.
  • If you need to have an extramarital affair, it means that there are serious problems in your marriage. It is not fair to the spouse, and it is an emotional roller coaster. I think more for the woman than the man. Because men have a way of being able to do this and detach/compartmentalize it. Women, though they may go into if for the fun or intimacy that they are missing at home,do let their emotions get involved. If you are really into the person that you are having an affair with, it is hard not to fall in love. I know, because I speak from experience. I had an affair with a married man- I was married too- off and on for a year. I say off and on, because he would disappear- not email or respond to my emails or...- off the face of the earth for 3-4 weeks at at time. Or send me one or two line emails about how he was too busy to write more or call. We always did things on his time, so he called the shots. Yet we had an intense mental, emotional, and physical connection. In retrospect, it caused me a lot more pleasure than pain, because I obsessed about him, and was upset that he could turn it on/turn it off. I would advise against having an affair, unless you can handle this kind of relationship. Meaning, never knowing when you are going to see the person, only seeing them during the day, always in private and never in public, and usually for sex. It can be demeaning to be with someone who is not emotionally available. I am now in the process of getting a divorce because I turned to having an affair as a way of filling an emotional void. So, it was like going from one pained relationship to another. Time and therapy finally told me that I deserved better.
  • I fell in love with a man that was engaged who went ahead and went through with the marriage just one month after we started seeing each other. We've been seeing each other 7 months, he's been married for 6. It rips my heart out every day knowing that he will never really be mine, but the thought of losing the man that feels like my soul mate is still more painful. There will come a time when I will choose to walk away, for my sake, but until I am ready to give him up there is nothing anyone can say that makes me love him any less. It has been a difficult road, absolutely, but it's a road I have chosen willingly.
  • My friend has been seeing a married man for 4 years who has been telling her he will leave his wife all of this time & that he rarely sleeps with his wife. In this time he has managed to have 2 children. He controls her life, she drops everything when he is free. He controls what she wears when she goes out, nothing to revealing. When he has had a bad day she gets his moods but when he is in a good mood it makes it all worth while for her!! He is never going to leave his wife and she is in constant turmoil. She is now thinking of having children with him at his request! He doesnt seem to care when she tells him she is leaving (prob because he knows it wont happen) but because he has his wife to fall back on. His wife knows but she hasnt mentioned it cause she doesnt want to loose him either. Its definately not worth the hassle. She is happy just telling her friends. Also, my friends mum was seeing a married man for 13 years before his wife found out who stayed with him. My old boss for 15 years that he had been married having an affair, his wife didnt leave him. So many untrusting men out there & they always come out better than the woman who lives in hope.
  • No comment.
  • You're looking at it from your perspective. Bob Hope was one of the greatest womanizers and he had one affair that lasted years and yet everybody thought he was a one woman man being married 69 years. Very wrong. Secrets can be kept hidden very well. Some are more adept than others.

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