ANSWERS: 6
  • Sorry dear, but at this point I'd say you have probably lost her....considering the situation. I'd have a good cry...because it sounds like it is a double edged sword for you.. It IS SAD...you had this relationship, that meant a lot to you (and evidently still does) and it's over..or as over as it can be with the paper work in hand! But...after 13 years...you also know darned well... neither of you is or was "perfect." Such creatures do not exist in the Real World. There were probably times when you thought...what am I doing with this annoying bitch...and why is she being LIKE THIS!!! (and she probably thought the same of you) NOW...you are that much closer to taking all of the life experience you have gained over the past 13 years...and deciding what exactly you do want in your life. NOW...you have the opportunity to think about YOU and who you really want to be, what you want to do, to create in your life...and who...what sort of woman you might want to consider building your life with. Work on YOU first...gain some distance from being someone's "husband" become more BOB...and then you will be in a more emotionally secure place to dream, see and make intelligent decisions with more than just your heart or a feeling of neediness! I hope you regain your balance soon and can feel like dancing for joy..that's a really great place to be! Remember, the more honest and positive you can become...the more you will attract someone with the same sorts of goals and outlooks on life!
  • I have some bad news for you. You have already lost her. Now for the good news: you can have a good cry while you sign the papers, followed by a happy dance for all the good times you had. Now go out and move on with your life.
  • I am not going to say you have lost her. No one here can know that at all. I have seen people actually go through with the divorce and get back together. I would just take some time to spend with friends to get away from the turmoil in your mind. Keep busy and do things you enjoy doing. Be productive and work on getting back to being happy. If she offers ways to communicate with each other.. take her up on it but do not seek her out. Unfortunately.. this walk can NOT be predicted by anyone here. Divorce is hard.. even when you see it coming. There is no handbook to tell you how to deal with it. Just keep yourself together and if a part of you is relieved.. do more for yourself right now and take it one day at a time.
  • Not my personal experience but that of others I know. They all say that they should have bowed out gracefully. The more they fought it and tried to make it work it just landed them in a worse situation than before. They all said just try to confront them about it once and if they are extrememly distant about it then just sign the papers and let it go. Also they said let the lawyers work out the crap. They all said when they tried to meet about who gets what it just made things worse.
  • Your conflicting possible reactions show that this is certainly not unexpected for you. And I would guess you know you had 13 years in which not to lose her. Sounds more like you are just suffering some feelings of guilt about your marriage which you will probably have to some extent forever. Is also clear you want to be free of the burden of conflict which you are more likely to be if you make it as easy for her as possible to end this.
  • 1-13-2017 Be serious. You lost her a long time ago. Your question tells us that you have not been paying attention at all.

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