Why do some people get out of an abusive relationship and end up back in one again?
by 
Sexyrabbit
ANSWERS: 9
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Because they haven't yet understood (through self examination or counselling) why they have the need to be with a person who abuses them. What is the pay off for them from an abusive r/ship, that they seek? And why they associate a loving r/ship with suffering. And why they don't believe they can have a healthy, nurturing r/ship.
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It's probably because it is a habit that is hard for them to break. For example, why do I leave Answerbag, and then end up here again? Because it's addictive, it's familiar, and I'm used to it. I think that's the same reason why there are people who get in abusive relationships, leave, and end up in another one. Familiarity. Addiction. Fear of change. etc... Actually, I think I asked my dad why there is something holding them back from something they want to move on from, but I don't remember all of the exact words we exchanged. I remember that fear of change and familiarity are reasons he gave me when he answered my question, though. I don't really see how it's much different from even a more innocent situation when it comes to the reasons why a person won't let go.
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Many people tend to seek out as mates those most like the parent with whom they had the most issues in an attempt to continue trying to work out those issues. I strongly suspect this is one of the major reasons.
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they have a confused view of what real love is. We think if we leave them we dont really love em. We believe that because we love them its ourduty to helpthis person, and believe them when they say they will change. We believe if we stay and they will love us for that, when really they just say what ever they can think of that will pull on those emotional attachments. Almost like clutching at staws. Even if things get better it doesntusually last, becoming worse everytime. leave, and allow the abuser to change for themselves, because they know the have to,and admit they have a big problem. They have to do this without the'victim' to cut-off fellings of dependance on each other.
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we are familiar with and repeat history.
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The abused person has been so beat down they can no longer funtion in society.The belive they are worthless and have been isolated for so long they have no friends, no one to talk to and there scared of being alone. I have a sister who has been in the same abusive marriage for over 30 years. She has left several times but can not stay out. Today she is 54 and still trying to leave but feels like such a failure she don't think she can do it again.
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I think that sometimes people get so used to being in a relationship that they will jump right back into the first thing that comes along, even if they haven't really taken the time to get to know the person. I am guilty of doing this myself. Some people just can't stand to be alone. I am a straight male, and even I have found myself involved in abusive relationships. Some people just seem to attract the wrong type of mate. I don't know if somewhere in our subconscience we actually "get off" on being treated a certain way or if the abusive people can see us coming from a mile away. Always remember that everyone deserves to be treated with respect and to be loved, even when you don't feel like you deserve to be. I am a believer in fate. I might be in the minority in this world but I still feel that there is one person out there for everyone.
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Sometimes peoples fear of being alone is greater than that of being hurt.
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cause they dont take abuse seriously
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