You can forgive him, but you would be unwise to let him into your life. It is important to forgive, but, in this world, he is still a danger to you and your children, so keep a distance.

This is a hard one, A singwell said.. keep your distance, and do not let him into your life. You can forgive him in your heart. Also you don't have to tell him you forgive him, you can forgive him within yourself. If you write, call or visit him to tell him you forgive him he might see this as an open invitation into your life, and I doubt you want that...

I wonder why it is beneficial for you to forgive him....how will that benefit your kids? Im interested to know where your thoughts lie with this

I worked at a prison for eight years as a unit officer, hon. It is like a poison to them, they keep coming back.

Forgiveness, as you suggest, is for you, not him. Forgiving someone doesn't mean letting them off the hook, it simply means you no longer allow anger and bitterness to seep into your being. Your husband did a terrible thing and it would be unnatural for you not to be furious and hurt. But as abhorrent as his actions were, understand that he is damaged and he, too, will carry with him what he did and how his life changed because of it. Forgiveness is not something bestowed on us or floated down from above...sometimes it's a hands in the dirt, back-straning process. But it's possible. Your ex-husband, while dangerous and ill, is more than his worst crime. Try to focus on that if you can. Working every day on forgiving him will strangthen you and in turn benefit your children. Good luck.

In this situation, forgiveness is not a necessity, nor is it beneficial to anyone involved. He doesn't deserve forgiveness...he deserves to be castrated.

I feel so bad for your children. I do know this will be something they will carry with them the rest of their lives. As far as forgiving him???? I could and would never forgive him. I just would not be able to do it. I don't think you should torture yourself trying to find a way to forgive him. He does not deserve your concern or caring. You have your children's lives that need all of your love and caring. Keep your attention on your children and helping them deal with the horrible things that happened to them. Forget that sorry ass!

Why do you need to forgive him. I think forgiveness is overrated. In order to forgive, I think the "forgivee" must first, repair the damage, apologize for their actions and NEVER make the same offense again. In this case, He cannot repair the damage done to your children, so why forgive? We cannot repair everything in our lives, sometimes we just have to live with things. We find a way to move on knowing that WE can only do the best we can. There's no "closure" for these events. We can manage the feelings that come with these events, we can put them in the proper perspective, but we cant erase them. The best you can do is try to protect your children from harm, show them all the love you have for them, and NEVER let this man into your and your childrens lives. He has torn up his "father" card forever.

If those were my kids forgiving him wouldn't benefit me. Watching videos of him being gang raped in the prison shower would definitely benefit me. My tip to you is that pedophiles can not be successfully treated so keep him away from your kids. Please do that.

i dont feel that you need to ever forgive him. In fact...DONT...

there is no way to forgive a motherfucker for doing something like that to your kid so hang that shit up a mother fucker who do that to a kid needs to go to hell he dont deserve to be on tis earth why im talking like this is because it happened to me and i know what its like and it haunteds me and never goes away

Forgiving him does not mean you condone what he has done. It means you forgive him so YOU can move on & have peace in YOUR life. Every time we wish or say harmful things about or to others it negates US.

this is extremely sensitive I truly feel you deserve conseling and your children if they did not get it if so maybe more is needed but you really need someone to talk to other than a friend professional the guilt and sadness associated with this kind of crime is strong forgiveness will come in time because as you know hate only consumes you but you cannot just forgive you live with thank God he did not kill your children you did what you could because he is in prison some women don't even press chargers they try to sweep it under the rug I truly hope you will learn to forgive yourself and become a gratful person spend happy times with you children that is changing moving on he no longer defines any of you

Forgiveness is one thing, but to let this happen again is uncalled for. He should sit in prison and suffer. Did the inmates hear about what he did to your kids? If not, he better hope it stays that way.

I always think like this, "Forgive, but never forget." And your children will never forget since he changed their life, and their trust in people. I'm glad to hear he's been put away for years. But yes, anger towards someone, is much more difficult then just moving on. Just never let him near the children, which i'm sure you never will again. I feel so terrible for your children and for you. I'd just feel like barfing when i'd think about it, and the people who do this to innocent children, are so incredibly sick, and so very disturbed. The thing is, don't focus on him or what he did, though i know it is difficult. Forgive yourself for being angry at him all these years, and know that in yourself, you will let all the anger go and all the bad thoughts you have against him. But always remember what he did in the bad of your mind, which i'm sure you will, and just protect your children.

If you feel the need to forgive him, then do so. But DO NOT under ANY circumstances allow him to be alone with your kids. YOU cannot forget it and it didn't happen to you. How do you think they feel? Get some counselling, if you haven't already. I, personally, believe you can forgive, but there are too many things that can be done to people that they should NEVER forget.

He doesn't deserve your forgiveness, or forgiveness from your children. He made his own wrong decisions and he will suffer for them. People like this don't deserve pity.

When you are ready to forgive it won't be so difficult. Right now the most important thing is to help your children. I wish you well.

You don't have to forgive him. Just accept that he's a dickhead and leave it at that.

i dont think he should b forgiven nor should i think you should ever c him, if you do you will hurt your children they have been through too much and they need YOU to support THEM not your x that betrayed his whole family in 1 of the worst ways imaginable! forget him keep him out of your life and your childrens lives

The bible says to forgive..... so I think I would take my chances with God forgiving ME for NOT forgiving that animal!!!! No! I could not, nor would I want to forgive him! Any pedophile is disgusting but when they abuse their own children, that is the ultimate in disgusting!! You stand by your children, and make sure that they get the therapy they need and the love that they deserve!! Good luck!!

Forgiveness is not for the offender, it is for the offended. You need to forgive him so that you can move on. It benefits him in no way at all. You will have more peace about it after you forgive him.

IF you feel that he deserves your forgiveness, there is some other issue at hand....how is your self-confidence, have you been out with your friends in a while? Reward yourself for being a survivor first. I would think that the trauma caused by his ruining your life and the lives of your children has led you to pity him. Do you need closure? Is that it? He has made that decision for you when he violated his own babies. You are obviously a very sweet and sensitive person to consider his feelings- you have lots of life in you yet! If you still feel the need, get it all out on paper and be done with it- get that albatross off your neck. Chin up, face front, and march, my lady.

Your ex-husband is a sick man and should never be forgiven nor trusted. You can murder someone because you have crazy streak, but to sexually abuse a child is a sickness. There is no cure for that and your children should not EVER be around him again. Often times in these situations, sexual abusers were once abused as children. You need to get your children some psychological help in order to put a lid on the past.

If you can find it in your heart to forgive him, then you are a far better woman than I. I think sexual abuse is one of the worst things for anyone to live through. He doesn't deserve forgiveness so stop worrying about it. Take care of you and your kids - leave him in the dust where he belongs.

Don't forgive him, ever.

Forgiveness is more about your internal peace. Any time we harbor anger or bitter feelings within, this is like a cancer that eats away at our soul. Forgiveness is letting go and letting God. Forgiving someone is not telling them that what they did was ok because it was not. If you do not forgive a person, then that person still has control over you, and when that happens there is no peace. Forgive my friend and let God handle Him. I am praying for you. alandmays@yahoo.com

Relax, take it easy, don't force it. You are human too, so don't get upset if you can't be super-human. It will only give you more stress and nothing in return. I hope someone gives you a more helpful answer.

This is a very late answer but I found your question very moving. I understand how bad that feeling og hatred is. We hurt ourselves and block our joy. How I manage it in mtself - and it's not easy mind! - is, I hate the BEHAVIOUR, not the whole person. I know yhat what he did was his decision but he might say he couldn't help himself etc., excuses. But hating a behaviour and loathing its results are somehow easier than hating a pewrson, for we also hate ourselves if we do that. Try dissolving your feelings by thinking of his behaviour as abhorrent and feel pity for him But don't ever go near him again, he ahs damaged you and your family. Let his own guilt do the rest.

I think that you are very brave for even considering forgiving your ex. Please give yourself time. Sometimes it is more difficult to forgive someone a transgression they have committed against someone we love than against ourselves, especially our children! I think that you need to allow yourself to feel this anger and acknowledge its place in this situation. You have a right to be angry but try not to let it define you. Counselling would probably help a lot to understand how you feel, why you feel it and how to get over it. I wish you the best!

Im all about forgiveness but when it comes to someone sexually abusing my son God would have to forgive me for killing the person who did it.

Don't feel this way at all, personally, I would never forgive my husband for doing that.

Personally this would be something I would never be able to forgive. I think I would always want him to suffer!

you don't forgivehim, he should have had his nuts cut off,with a dull blade.

Some things in life are forgivable...this is not one of them. If you can find it deep down in your heart and soul to forgive this man then you are a better woman than me. I would NEVER be able to forgive ANYONE for doing this to my children.

First of all, I don't know why you need to forgive him. This type of forgiveness (for extreme violations) is just some overrated and usually phony Oprah psycho-babble. Secondly, a person cannot forgive someone for a violation done to another. Only the victim, in this case your children, have the right to forgive.

forgiveness is for yourself, not him. you don't need to verbally tell him you forgive him. you can forgive him internally so that you no longer am bound to this tragedy but i think with something like this, only God can help you with this type of forgiveness.

Who says he has to be foregiven? So we can feel good about ourselves? To think we are doing the right thing? ........ Sever all ties.

Yea, you just don't forgive him. I don't believe he should nor does he deserve to be forgiven.

you should divorce him if you have no more love for him, what he did was ruthless. even if after he is released. he may do the same to you

You have to forgive him AND yourself to get past it. Doesn't mean you forget and you don't want him to suffer for it, but it will help YOU release the feelings of hate and guilt. How? Everyone has their own way... For some, just saying it does it. Doesn't even have to be to the person's face (God KNOWS you don't want to do THAT.) For others, they need help... A counsellor, a minister, a friend... I hope you and your children are getting good counselling from at least ONE of the above. If not, please do so. Good luck. ;-/

Forgiving someone is not forgetting what they have done. Forgiving is simply letting go and doing everything in your human power to move on to another day. Prayer helps me but then again I have faith and love Jesus Christ. I have been wronged many times and have wronged many people myself BUT - I have since grown up, moved on and forgave them so that I could go on without allowing them to control my thoughts. It's NOT easy to forgive but once you understand what forgiving actually is it is easier than before you didn't.

This may be a redundent answer but that kind of crime doesn't deserve forgiveness by humans. God is the only one that can forgive him.

I don't think you could ever "forgive" him for what he's put your children thru. They will have the sexual abuse stamped into their heads for the rest of their lives, do you think they'll forgive him? I wouldn't. I could never forgive an ex-husband if that happened to my child. I could never trust him, he would have to have court supervised visits with my children until they are 18 and then they can decide on their own if they want to be around their father.

I think it may be best to take some time with a therapist to work through your own feelings about what happened. I think it may be premature to forgive him when what you really may require is the ability to forgive yourself for your own role in the situation. It is vital that you talk this out and maybe find some support with a group of people who have been through similar circumstances.

First of all forgiveness is just not for the offender it is just as much for the victim. You are on the right track by having your heart open to forgive and all you can do is take it one day at a time and pray and ask God to help you. It will come one day. Because you do want to be a whole person and unforgiveness and bitterness only hurts you, not so much the offender. If you are in anyway a spiritual person, start praying about the condition of your heart and God knows you have a right to be angry and he will honor your willingness to forgive but it takes time so don't be too hard on yourself. Bless you

to be honest with you..why would you want him back? he deserves to be locked away from eveyone especially children..if you can forgive him for sexually abusing your own children..then that doesnt say much for you as a mom i sorry to say,..you will let him know that what he did was ok..what does your kids think about it? maybe you should ask them..

No its not beneficial! He hurt your children physically, emotionally, and mentally. Make him suffer! You are right to think that, he does deserve to suffer!

forgive but never forget. he burned his bridges and deserves to be alone.

You know, forgiving the bastard is pointless. Let him burn. I'll pass you the match

No one says that you have to forgive him. I wouldn't.

HE IS NOT THE PERSON U FIRST THOUGHT HE WAS. HE WAS NOT THAT PERSON THEN, AND HE IS NOT THAT PERSON NOW. PLEASE LISTEN TO UR INTUITION AND FOLLOW IN UR CHILDRENS FOOTSTEPS. AN ACCIDENTAL CRIME MAY BE FORGIVABLE....BUT THIS WAS DONE OVER TIME AND WITH MALICE AND FORETHOUGHT. HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT U OR UR CHILDREN AND DOES NOT DESERVE ANYTHING FROM U, LET ALONE FORGIVNESS.

You can not forgive him in the traditional manner but forgiveness is surprisingly easy in such a sitution. What on earth would make a man sexually abuse his own kids? Most men are exteremly protective about their own kids. If you dare lay a finger on their kids, you are minced meat... and there are stay at home dads and so on. Your kids' friends' fathers are itching to beat up your husband. How do you forgive your husband? Simple, realize that he has pyschological problems, which makes him behave impusively like a little immature baby-man. He is a poor little baby that never grew up, and has his mental problems. Feel very sorry for him. In fact, get him the pyschiatrical care that he needs. Realize that only nutcases abuse their children, so you should feel sorry for him and get him mental help. However, you are not his mother, so only a therapist or his mother can help him. You can do nothing else unfortunately. Stay out of his life and have the therapist and his mommy take care of him. Keep your kids away from him too. If somebody is dangerous, you can't handle him. Just make him tiny with a small brain, small heart and so on. The smaller and more pitiful you make him, the better you feel, and that is the forgiveness process. I forgive you because you must be the most screwed up guy on the planet to do such a thing... but I don't want to live any where near serial killers, bunny boilers or the most screwed up guy on the planet.

I don't think forgiveness is the answer. Could you really live with yourself if you forgive the man who hurt your children? I think it's best for you and your children to leave this man alone

FORGIVE HIM AND WATCH ANS LOVE YOUR CHILDREN DAILY HUGG THEM AND KISS THEM JUST TO REMIND THEM THAT THIS MOTHER IS THE ONE WHO LOVES THEM AND JESUS LOVES YOU MOST. TOUCH HIM NOT FOR HE HAS BEEN SUT OFF FROM HIS OWN LIFE WHICH HE DESTROYED

First it is important to realize that you are not forgiving him for his benefit but for your own. Forgiving him also does not mean that you condone what he did. Also how much would he have to suffer to take away all the effects of what he did. There is no such thing. Nothing will erase what happened but you can make the future better. You can help your children over come what has happened. The best revenge sometimes is succeeding despite the circumstances. I think forgivness comes with time and growth. I don't think you can make yourself forgive. I hope you have been able to find someone for your kids and yourself to talk too. This is probably this best healer.

One of the toughest things you'll ever have to do in your lifetime is forgive someone for the harm they inflicted on your child. Especially, when you have to look at your children in the face and know what trauma has happened to them. You may even find yourself living with guilt for having him in their lives. However, the damage is done and it's noone's fault but HIS. Your heart will find a way to forgive, although you will never forget. When you recognize this issue was his crime and not yours, then you will be able to find more peace within yourself to forgive.

If you want to forgive him, forgive him only for your own peace, Give it to god and let HIM plant that forgivness in your heart. You want to be at peace with yourself and your children. Move on.. you will never forget what he did, but you can move past it and concentrate on making a better brighter future for your kids. Your heart alone would not be capable of pure forgivness.. your going to need gods help with that,,

Oh my Goodness, I feel for you girl and will pray for you and your children, I hope you don't mind. As to forgiving... I can't tell you that it will be easy. I know if that happened to my babies I would want my pound of flesh... I also know it is important to forgive... but it is up to you when...it is up to you to decide when you can pick up the pieces and truly go on...not up to us...

its a very hard thing to forgive, it goes against a mothers natural instinct to protect their children. your best off just forgetting him and trying to keep him out of your life if you can.

I'm sorry but i really don't see why it's necessary to forgive him? I would never ever EVER forgive anyone for doing that to my babies!

your a mother...I know the anger is eating you up inside.....but it naturally would be very difficult for you to forgive, I don't think you have to. If your children ever come to asking for help with forgiveness, then you can help them. Until then, they need to know their mothers wrath! Its ok to be angry, just keep it healthy.

What he did was unforgivable. Stop beating yourself up over it. Your job as a mother is to protect your children, not to forgive the monster who did them harm.

if youre serious about wanting to forgive him, i think that talking to a church pastor about the situation and how you can forgive him would really help you a lot. you dont even have to be a member of the church, they are almost always very welcoming.

I guess it depends on what you mean by forgiveness. Is your anger an uncomfortable feeling that you are trying to smother under "forgiveness"? Honestly I think you should concentrate on your children at this time and see they get the proper therapy and positives experiences from you and others. But the way I would go about it, attitude wise, is that I would pretend he is dead. That way I could take steps to move my family forward and away from this horrible situation.

You are correct when you say it is Beneficial to Forgive !! It will greatly benefit both you and your Children.. It will show them that although what he did was truly Horrible and beyond all Reasons of Sanity or Morales.. that you as their Mother has a Heart that can Rise above and overcome terrible Hurtful and Unessecary happenings, which in turn will teach them that by Forgiving it frees your Heart and Soul and allows one to move ahead in their Life ! I only say this from past Experience.. as I am a Survivor also of Childhood Sexual Abuse.. As an Adult I made the Choice to Forgive.. It has done Wonders for me in my Life. I do not know if you have a faith/belief you follow.. for me I knew that I could Forgive through Christ.. I didnt have to go to My Perpetrator and face him to Forgive.. that is not Necessary. unless one feels the Need !! Forgiveness opens new doors for a Person and can then allow room for Growth in ones Life. I wish as a child of sexual Abuse I would have had an Adult that knew how to Forgive and help me along my way toward Healing..

Maybe you should put off forgiving until you feel like it rather than just feel that it would be a moral thing to do -- he /really/ doesn't deserve it, and there's no use pushing yourself. I think anger is more beneficial than people realize -- in victims of abuse or anyone involved in it, it's part of the psychological healing process. And as I've said... he doesn't deserve forgiveness.

Forgive and forget is nice, but in this case, remember and just smile about all the fun he's having in prison.....bending over

If I was in that situation I don't beleive I would be able to forgive him. You should try talking to a proffesional about the best way for you to deal with this and who cares about how he is dealing with it! He knows it was wrong and yet he still did it with no regard for how it might affect the children. He deserves to die a lonely old man.

If it was me, I'd be the one in jail for killing my ex! He doesn't deserve forgiveness...

If he spent years in prison for that, than he did suffer just as they did. There is a sort of code (from what I understand) that if you've messed with women or children and end up in prison you are an immediate reject and target for abuse for fellow inmates.

i can't recoment you forget him, or if i did, it would be foolish, for how could you forget such a man. But i can recomend that you forgive him, not for him, but for you AND your children. Your forgiving him for doing something awful to your children, your saying that yes, he abused your children but now he's out of the story he's never going to abuse them again. If you forgave him, you'd be accepting that you cannot change it, but you'd be moving on and would finally be able to deal with the pain of it. The longer you retain the hatred for this man the longer your children see it too and it effects them aswell. So if you can't forgive him for yourself, forgive him so that your children can still lead happy lives.

Why forgive him? I don't see how that would be beneficial for you. For him I suppose it would be. I would suggest to never forget, but to not think about it. I would never forgive something like that, though I would be in jail for killing the person that did it. I would have to be restrained and if they ever got out of prison they would have to do their best to change names and move because I would do everything to track them down.

You don't have to feel obliged to forgive this man wether he is the father of your children or not. This MAN was seen as an important figure to your children and he took away any love and trust those children had for him (you had for him) when he did what he did..I think it's bad enough any person being sexually abused by any person but when it's someone from your own family (especially your father) there is no words to describe. I was sexually abused for years by my step father my mother left him of course and I then went on to have an abusive relationship with someone for ten year..I beleive now it stemmed from that abuse and I felt that was all I deserved, I am still single now and I am away to start councelling. Do not forgive this man as there will be a lot of mental and phycological issues you will need to help your children deal with in the future and it will be because of him. I hope everything turns out well you you, good luck you can get through this.

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No need for you to forgive him. He doesn't deserve it. It's been almost 55 years for me and I have no intention of ever forgiving him and I want him to suffer just like you do.

There really is no need to 'forgive' him, but if you are actually able to get rid of the hatred that you feel, it will actually make YOU feel better and may benefit your children. I cannot imagine how you must feel, thinking about what he did to your children, and my heart goes out to you. Still, I'm assuming that you've tried to get your children past this by way of therapy and loving support. The same can work for you. As important as it is for your children to be able to put this behind them, while never being able to forget it, so it has to be with you. In order for them to be able to move on, they have to put it behind them and understand that what happened to them was not their fault, undeserved, and doesn't make them 'damaged' as people, you have to also put it behind you and not serve as a constant reminder to them, though words, actions, or attitude when it comes to the surface. I imagine that the emotional damage they suffered will likely be forever embedded in their memories, sadly. :(, but it need not ruin their lives. What a horrible thing they endured. :( Still, as their main support system, your ability to try to put it behind you may actually help them get past it. The longer you hold onto the hatred, the more it may remind them of their suffering, if you get my point. As crazy as it may sound, if you try to forgive or at least show less anger, while NEVER forgetting, of course, it may make it easier for them to actually put this behind them and move on with their lives.

You don't have to forgive him. You might accept he wasn't completely in control. It's a disease and compulsion, not a cold bloodedness. It's completely necessary to contain him permanently. If your CHILDREN forgive him that's fine, but if they don't there's no reason you should.

there are some things that you'll never forgive for, and hurting your kids like that physically and emotionally, i dare say that is one of them..

You can forgive him, you can move on with your life and help your children heal. For a person to heal they need to free those feelings of hate from their hearts. This doesn't mean that you have to speak to him and openly forgive him to his face. He doesn't deserve that peace. He should suffer and God will punish him but open your heart to a new life for you and your children. I am afraid that I would kill anyone that touched my child inproperly but I would have to find another outlet for my anger. Possibly working with an organization that counsels families going through the same thing. Help so that no other child goes through what your children went through.

You simply cannot forgive him, but you also cannot able to punish him more. (Unless in movies where you can hire somebody to 'punish' him like what he did). The best things to do is move far away from him and try to forget. It'll be very hard but you have assist your child to cope with it. Find another person if possible who are really kind to be your guidance.

You may never be ableto forgive him for what hes done to your babies. Find someone profecinal to talk to

how could you just forgive someone willy nilly for sexually abusing your CHILDREN? they are your babies. if it was me, I dont think I would be so.. naive as to go back with him.

it sometimes help to think of that kind of person as a sick man. imagine the guilt he has to live with. I'm sorry.

Forgiveness isn't the same thing as freedom from consequences. Forgiveness just means you don't carry the anger around in your heart and let it eat at you. It doesn't mean you have to let him back into your life or their lives. It just means you trust that God will take care of it and you don't have to. Carrying anger around is like shooting yourself and expecting the bullet to hit the one you are mad at.

It may be hard to forgive something as horrible as that but I would like to share something with you, Im not a bible thumper but for some peace of mind. If some one wrongs you and you treat them with kindness, you are heaping the coals on their fire, or the wrath of God. Take it or leave it.

By all means, you should forgive him. But only AFTER he has been executed. If he is out of prison, he WILL do it again, if not to your children, then to someone else's children. Forgiveness is far overrated. Whoever said forgiveness is beneficial was not the victim of a crime.

Forgiving does not mean you continue on with the relationship. It means you acknowledge what has happened, made peace with it, forgive him and MOVE ON. Remember every time you negate him, you negate yourself.

It suddenly occurs to me to wonder just what this "sexual abuse" really was. I've been assuming, as most of us obviously have been, that it was child rape. *** The modern term "sexual abuse" is a weasel phrase that gathers very little moss. It could mean almost anything, from slapping the hand of a kid of the opposite sex, to FGM, to disembowelment through the vaginal canal. Depending on what it means in this case, I might have to re-think some of my earlier statements. "Always ask the Right Questions"

forgiveness is not permitting him back in your life, it is not bearing ill will towards him. if you believe he will do it again, wishing him dead is not wishing him ill, it is wishing well for society... wanting him to suffer however is. move on. stop focussing on what has been done and focus on what needs to be done now. his existance need only be aknowledged to let you defend your family from him n the future.

To be honest with you , I was sexually molested as a child. I had a hard time working through this. I had to ask God for his help and it really worked he gave me a forgiving heart only because I was open . Once you let go and forgive chains and stress are released in your life. You want to be free from torment.

DONT TAKE BACK HIM! FOOL.

never think of forgiving him.Let him Suffer more.What ever he did with the children is definitely not pardonable.God bless you and your kids.

I don't think..... Wait. I Know the children would never forgive or forget. Don't torture yourself trying to find a way around to do it yourself. Chastise the pervert from your memory and forget him but not what he has done. He deserves no forgiveness. I will agree. They do need to start castrating child sex abusers

Talk to a therapist, ask for advise from your clergy and I personally hope that you can find a point in your life to forgive him, but I want him to burn in hell.

i dont think forgiveness is even an option, well it wouldnt be for mee. your kids suffered and now its time for him to suffer and forgiving him is letting him know that you forgive what he did to your children, which can never be forgived or forgotten.

what are you on about, you shouldn't forgive him!

In my opinion, there are just some things in life that are unforgivable. This is definitely one of them. If you need some type of closure, which it appears you do, the best thing you can do is simply be there for you children, let them know, beyond a reasonable doubt, that what occurred was not their fault and that not all men are like their father. Explain to them, if they're old enough, that he is sick and that there is no “cure” for him. I would assume, since he has spent a significant amount of time in prison, that they have received psychotherapy. A professional more familiar with abuse cases should be able to help them deal with the confusion and anger they must be feeling. If they haven't confronted their pain regarding what I believe is the ultimate betrayal of a parent, then it will be impossible for them to move on and will affect all intimate relationships in their adulthood. You need to attend counseling as well to help overcome what I would imagine is the guilt of not being there to stop it. It too, is not your fault. They HAVE to know that you have moved on, even though I don't believe forgiveness is possible, but that the incident have not held you back, nor should it do so to them. I wish you and your children well as you travel down the painful road towards recovery.

Who is it benefitting? Stay pissed at him. A little anger is a good thing now and then.

It is NOT beneficial for you to forgive him, it is dangerous. You would be endangering the welfare of your children if you forgive him. Sexually molesting children should NEVER be forgiven, EVER. I don't give a shit WHAT religion you are.