ANSWERS: 62
  • If you have hit bottom, there is only one direction for you to go...UP! Begin again. Rebuild. Renew. Reconnect. You get as many chances as you need. Take advantage of this and put one foot in front of the other until you see progress and feel better. Hang in there friend. It gets better. It really does. Been there.
  • I've felt that way sometimes too. If you're just in a bad mood or having a bad day you're probably overreacting and things arn't so bad. If they are, well they can't get much worse. Apoligize to everyone you've hurt and don't repeat your mistakes. If you've lost some people in your life, don't dwell on them, meet new people and start over.
  • get help and move on up out of that place. but you will need help. dont do it alone
  • Apologize to your friends and family first...they will understand if you explain you just weren't yourself. Then forgive yourself because no one is perfect.
  • You are not alone. The path leads up from where you are.
  • Only direction is forward. You can't be ruled by what happened in the past. If you truly want to get going in the correct direction again then it may be time to find areas where you can be a success and try to build upon these areas and go from there. Good friends are few and far to be found and the some are for a reason, some are for a season and some are for life. If you have a friend for life you will find that it will be much harder to get depressed since you have someone in your corner that will be for you all the time. Well I wish you the best of luck.
  • You get up and get out of that not nice place and you start fixing things and then be glad you did (((hugs)))
  • We still adore you here. We think you are witty and smart. I think you might be mistaken about letting down ALL of your friends and loved ones.
  • do you know what the odds were that your tadpole (spermpole lol) out of all the others! is the one that made it to the eggy. life is a gift one were all lucky to share.. dont let things get you down. theres always someone worse off! enjoy life
  • Up, Up, & away from your past & forward to your future. We've all tried & failed but you can't just give up, let your loved ones know you done your best & now your ready to try again at something else. Don't be so hard on yourself((hug))
  • Because I've seen so much of you on AB and am fond of you, I know a little of your values and standards. Your standards are high and I respect you for it. Start with your values. You have very sound ones, from what I've seen. That is your foundation. Then build twin pillars of passion and responsibility, as high as you can. You will find that you continue to build them all of your life. You will find that they develop chinks, cracks, and need paint on occasion. Sometimes a portion may need to come down to straighten or strengthen it. That is fine, as long as you have that foundation. Always go back to the foundation if you feel lost. From there you can judge the straightness of your pillars, and see that they remain the same height and girth. If your life feels out of whack, it's because those pillars aren't equal. Either too much passion and not enough responsibility, or too much responsibility and not enough passion. Remember that you cannot and should not live any life but your own. Sometimes it takes a while to reconnect yourself with your loved ones after a breach, so stay open, expect some repercussions and make sure those pillars are true.
  • Well this is the sort of thought that you should just notice and let go of. The main problem with it is that it's just too abstract and general -- there's no way to solve such a large and vague "problem", you can only work on the DETAILS in life, not the generalities. I could go through your statements and pick them apart, and if I knew enough details about your life I'm pretty sure I could show that these statements are fraught with holes and exceptions which essentially render them meaningless. But none of that would change your mood: once the mind latches on to such a belief, and gets it tangled up with "this is how I am", removing it is delicate surgery. So that's the surgery I would suggest you perform yourself: get clear about the difference between vast generalities and reality-as-it-is: reality is infinitely fine detail, it's not broad abstraction. Abstractions are convenient for the mind, but they're deceptive and allow the mind to easily get stuck in blind alleys, switchbacks, and halls of mirrors. The way to really solve this sort of "problem" is to keep paying attention to reality until you notice that the problem is manufactured by the way you've described things, rather than actually existing in the real world.
  • Up. I had an epiphany the other day that I am a complete failure in my relationships with men. I was depressed then I had another epiphany - sh*t happens.
  • you realize you have a problem and that means the problem is halfway solved - get up off your butt and help ppl who have worse problems than you. Volunteer!
  • I would suggest trying not to live up to any expectations except your own. And we humans can be very tough on ourselves sometimes. Perhaps you had your sights set a bit too high. Or maybe you feel like the best part of life is passing you by. Only you know what is truly in your heart, but I say never give up. There are so many people who have a tougher life than we might imagine. Try to be thankful every day for at least one aspect of your life and you may find after a few days that you actually have many things to be thankful for. Gratitude is kind of self-replicating...the more grateful you are, the more you seem to have to be grateful for. You might also try reading Sarah Ban Bernaith's <sp?> "Simple Abundance".
  • I repect that attitude - i don't think most people ever releaze there faults in life - it is never too late to change and family and friends should be willing to forgive - you have alot of work to do - keep on keeping on
  • Since you have reached this new looooow level, its time now to reach over and pull your pants up and get your life together. Being a failure can be cured, if YOU want it to be. the decision is yours and yours alone. Sit down, on a piece of paper, write your downfalls and what needs to be corrected. at least, you realize your problem. now, its time to do something about it. Apologies are the first order of the day. if you do not mean it, do not say it. and stick with what you say. Next, look in the mirror and examine what you see. do you like yourself? if not, its time to change your looks and be presentable to your family and downloaded friends. they will have a hard time believing you, so you are going to have to convince them that you are sincere. and stick with it. It can happen. you have got to be honest with yourself. everything else should fall into place.
  • Since you have reached this new looooow level, its time now to reach over and pull your pants up and get your life together. Being a failure can be cured, if YOU want it to be. the decision is yours and yours alone. Sit down, on a piece of paper, write your downfalls and what needs to be corrected. at least, you realize your problem. now, its time to do something about it. Apologies are the first order of the day. if you do not mean it, do not say it. and stick with what you say. Next, look in the mirror and examine what you see. do you like yourself? if not, its time to change your looks and be presentable to your family and downloaded friends. they will have a hard time believing you, so you are going to have to convince them that you are sincere. and stick with it. It can happen. you have got to be honest with yourself. everything else should fall into place.
  • RF, I don't know the specifics and I just know you a tiny bit here on AB, which isn't saying a lot, but I am a parent of a young adult and a teenager, so I'm just going to answer from that perspective. As parents, we are sometimes let down by our kids and sometimes the pain is excruciating. I am experiencing this right now... but we signed up for all of it. No matter what our kids do, somehow we still love. We may not understand it, but we still love. There may be no logic, but we still love. We also make mistakes and must find our way through our own pain, we fear what this must look like to our children, but there is no choice. We step back and let them stumble, struggle, fall and secretly pray that they trudge through and hopefully after the fog lifts and the sun rises, we can share a cup of coffee and appreciate the idea that we've simply survived the torture that we've put ourselves through. As far as friends go, people will come in and out of our lives for as long as we're alive. Some will stay longer than others. You have a lot of time to practice and realize that you're most likely much harder on yourself than you need to be. Also, in the best of friends, you will most likely find forgiveness, acceptance and resilience in the human condition. I hope this makes sense and helps you in some way. Always feel free to email me if you need to talk. Take care.
  • I would see a therapist,to find out why you would self sabatoge,Ive felt like that bef.
  • Deal with yourself, otherwise nothing is legitimate, which you have just very well seen. There's a reason for the reason, which is why you need to analyze, figure out what's going on with yourself. Livia
  • The first step is to admit and you have done that already. Think of it as a clean slate, and start over with a positive outook cooupled with confidence When you are so down, you have no other place to go, but up.
  • wow, took the words right out of my mouth...
  • Start with the things you can be grateful for. Like being able to ask this question. You've got nowhere to go but up. You're a smart cookie I can tell and you've got lots to contribute. Doing things for other people will always make you feel better, in my opinion.
  • start over,if they were really friends they'll forgive and forget,if not you are well rid of them!
  • I feel the same way sometimes. It sounds like depression. consider counsoling. I usually try prayer. sometimes it helps. maybe your friends werent really friends and you need to try some ways of looking for a true friend.
  • handle the depression, don't let it handle you. Here are some great links to help you find your way: http://www.thefriendcircle.com/depression/index.php
  • nowhere but up, huh?
  • We all feel that way sometimes. Don't listen to the negative thoughts too much, we can't let 'em win :)
  • Right next to me.
  • Maybe you have done everything that you have mentioned but I doubt it. You sound like you have low self-esteem and maybe feel depressed. When you ask "where´s left to go from here?" are you feeling suicidal? Please talk to someone, go to your doctor or hospital (A&E Psychiatry)- If you think that you have pushed your loved ones away, it doesn´t mean that they will push you away - try to make an effort to get help.
  • The only thing you can do in life, when you know you've done something wrong, is try to make it up to those you've hurt. Sometimes this takes awhile, people arn't always so willing to trust, I'm sorry. you must show them, that takes patience. Get help to do better, if you need it. Turn to God for strength. Pick yourself up and start over again. Then forgive yourself, God does and you have to also. There is really good news in your story. Obviously you see what you've done wrong, some people grow old and die never having gotten it. Good luck
  • It sounds as if you feel you have truly hit rock bottom. It that is the case and you feel as if you have let your self and those you care about down. You sit down and take a hard look at your choices, those you've made,those you need to make and start over. One day at a time slowly with only the promise to try to make things better today not tomorrow and not for yesterday. Don't expect miracles and don't expect complete faith and trust both from your friends and loved ones and yourself. IT takes time and work and want above all else. My guess is though you are not the complete let down you feel you've become.
  • Well, then there's nowhere else to go but up. What are your dreams? Go out and get them! It's never too late. I feel that way sometimes working full time as a teacher and going to grad. school to become a psychologist, especially now that I have the flu and have had to miss work and school. I also have a fiance that live 116 miles away so I spend weekends with him. I get overwhelmed and sometimes think, "Why am I here, am I going nowhere?" Then something happens that shows me I'm here for a reason. Do not give up. If you feel depressed, please mention it to your primary care physician. Do not be ashamed.
  • if you still hate the idea of starting something new and "letting go", then you haven't come to term with your position or you haven't reached rock bottom yet. I've been there myself. The greatest thing about it was it opened up every door imaginable. There was nothing left to hold me back. I packed up, moved across the country and started fresh. Now i'm happily married with 2 kids and tied down again. ..but that's a whole other discussion. :)
  • Your words are quite harsh on yourself. We all fail at a given time or moment, it is normal to fail our loved ones because they are the ones who expect the most of us. After all we are only imperfect humans, who will always mess up one way or another. What's left to go from here? Not simple but you can do it if you are up to it. Once you hit rock bottom you can do two things 1] Let yourself die out of shame or self pity. 2]Pull yourself together and start walking forward, think there is a future for you, think you need to make it up to those who care for you but most important you owe it to yourself.
  • ...the good news is that your conclusion is a story and all stories are fictitious.... to the degree that you see it as real is equivalently the degree of the difficult challenge you've set up for yourself... ...before running out like a walking confessional, release yourself from this nightmarish conclusion, send everyone you seem to know, most especially you, your complete acceptance.... breathe while you're doing this...you're fine...you really are...it takes great courage to face one's fiction and let it go....
  • where to from here, why up of course !!, it may be a big climb back up, but the work will be well worth it, your family will be grateful for the effort and care you put into trying to re build their relationships, you'll get a whole heap out of it as well, best place to start, would be confronting them, and simply starting with an apology for past deeds, it will unravel from there !!
  • Up, of course... If you recognize your problems, and realize WHAT you did wrong, you can start over, correct yourself, and do it RIGHT, this time. Plenty of people find themselves in this situation every day. They "pull themselves up by the bootstraps" to become successful - in the corporate world, the non-profit world, and/or as a person. YOU can too. (When you do, you can write a book of how you did it called something like, "Nowhere To Go But UP!" - If you do, I get SOMETHING for naming it, right?!!? ;-) )
  • UP! Sounds as if you've hit your emotional bottom. Do volunteer work and get some sunshine- left alone with your thoughts too much breeds anxiety and depression. Sit outside in the sunshine for 5 min. a day and work up to 15 min. per day. Sign up to volunteer somewhere once a month then work up to once a week. That's it - small goals for now...then, see how you feel about yourself. Still see yourself as a failure? No way!
  • It is possible that you are simply becoming more mature in your thinking. When we are younger, say, in our twenties, we are still quite idealistic in our thinking (I'm going to get my masters! I will never be attracted to a married person!). Only as we become more mature and grounded can we truly set realistic expectations and goals. You may simply need to reassess your goals if you are still trying to live up to the ideals of youth.
  • well, if you're right in your appraisal, then it sounds like there is only one place left to go from here - upwards. look at where you've let people down. take responsibility for those failings. think about how you can construct your life so that you can build things back up and re-store faith of others, which took me, in some cases, many years. one of the things that moves me is "goals". if i've got a clear picture of the exact things i want out of life and i have some vague idea of how to go about achieving them, and then, every day i do something, even just a little, to work toward at least one of those goals, then great! i need somebody to cheer me on! a friend or family member, a former teacher, a counselor, a priest, a dog ...
  • You should be able to lift yourself out of the problem and remember that everything in your life in the end will be all right.
  • I have had major depression for twenty years, the majority of it has been livable. However, there are frequent times when all one thinks about is ending it all here. For me, as serious as my feelings to commit suicide are, I have sworn a pact with myself that if I ever find myself actually doing it - that I will call the doctor. SO far - I have not submitted. It is complicated for me by guilt of thinking such a thing in the first place. It is not as simple as "thinking of someone else" and doing something charitable - especially if life has been cruel to you, and no cahritable offerings have been invested in you. However, I also think that by enduring the sickness, that one has a unique perspective on life that many do not see or are even aware of and that time, is as the cliche goes, a great healer. Since time is distance, it seems logical to me that as we travel further away from the source of the pain, the less sensitive we are to those raw feelings of loss. If you came to where you are in your depressive phase by looking inwardly for an answer, it may be a helpful tool to imagine a spiral and questioning oneself causes travel inwards to the centre of the spiral. At which point it represents a decision to make - even if you have not found your personal answer yet. (What is the point of life for example) This represents introspection. If you search for an answer "extrovertly" reversing the search in an ever expanding spiral, there are more opportunities for discovery and a "continuam" that need not necessarily bring you to the same conclusion. Often creative activity is theraputic, or enough of a distraction to get one through another day. I would be willing to discuss further if required, otherwise, presumably you got through that last phase and are not already dead. Well done, Keep hanging in there - No pun intended.
  • Its called an impasse darling... They come and go during the duration of your life. No biggie. Life is too long to worry about them. "You've got to get yourself together you got stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it." If it wasn't common, they wouldn't write songs about it.
  • How can you be so hard on yourself? You can't really be all that bad. What you should do is stop putting yourself down. Start fixing your life. Re-connect with family and friends. Erase your past failures which caused you to not live up to your standards and start fresh. Be strong! Disappointments,mistakes and failures along with any other tough situations in your life can be used to make you stronger. Don't wallow in misery. Wipe your slate clean. Learn from your past failings but let them go. Be the new you!
  • Start over, go forward. Don't give up. Show everyone what you can do. If you let down people, you can try again, give it all you got. Its in there you know. I've done the same thing you know, my whole family has been let down and everything. Sure it does hurt to know that you've done that...but you know what, we can start over! :) Make new freinds, try new things...move forward. There is always another chance. Good luck! :)
  • I've been there too controlled by a girl since i was 16 she was 20 for 4 years then i had a kid with her by the age of 19 she cheated multiple times then i got into drugs, then i was beaten with a bat and put into a coma then i had another kid at the age of 23 with someone else who also ended up cheating on me when i became 25 and i tried to commit suicide and got put on 3 meds due to my brain injury for extreme depression, add, and severe anxiety now all is good with 50 percent custody of my 6 year old daughter and i am currently the only caretaker of my 21 month old son so hang in there i was raised in a great family but was easily manipulated and vulnerable, but not anymore.
  • Sometimes ones so locked up in self consciousness or ones own inner feelings that contacts or friends can sometimes dwindle. It's ok, make new friends, try listening to somemusic that you dont usually listen to to bring about a breeze of mild change to your environment, a way to do something small that will have a knock on effect, Just try not to be to hard on yourself for teh failings of others to keep in contact with you Each and every one of us a a miracle of creation and when the light is dim it is hard to feel sometimes that there is any end to it. But since my last break of a month to the hospital, and all teh shanigans of dealing with presciption costs or whether to eat the last few days, I still feel ok. So the moral of the story is give yourself time to step back and take a look at your whole big picture, focus on teh positive , trouble all this sounds so bland and meaningless when in the depressive cycle, However, Always seek help from a professional if you have deeper concerns. P.S. please forgive my typo's
  • I have been in your shoes and what I did was phone several of these friends and apologized to them about how I neglected them and explained that I was depressed and how that depression made me tired and selfish. I didn't defend myself, because people don't really want to hear excuses. Then I wrote down on my calendar reminders to phone these people, never forgot their birthdays, etc. Also my religious convictions also made me realize that I am forgiven for all those things and made right and forgiven because of Christ. That gave me alot of peace...that it all didn't depend on me and I didn't have to measure up for people.
  • I hate to quote acliche but when you've hit the bottom the only way to go IS up. As a realist I like to think one should hit bottom and fail miserably in life, there's lessons to be learned there, there's wisdom to be gained, and how can anyone ever truly feel totally wonderful and accomplished if they have never felt really bad and failed miserably?
  • Seems like there is nowhere left to go but up! If you think about it this gives you the chance to start anew.
  • The only way to go is up. If your friends are true, they will understand why you alienated them. If they don't get it when you explain, get out and find new ones. Trust me, I know that is hard, I've gone through it, but its possible. Tell your loved ones your problems, most of the time, someone will step up and help you. After all, there's a reason you call them "loved ones", right?
  • I know exactly how you feel. Am in the same boat right now. Just watched my wife leave our house to go live with her son for a while. I know I feel like it would be a relief to just go to bed and not wake up (NOT suggesting suicide here). everything either hurts in a deep soulful way or you feel nothing. somehow we gotta get out of this funk before it eats us alive. I've heard all kinds of well meaning advisors here, but the truth is you and I have to find the courage, desire and ability to start putting things back together. Figure out where we started going wrong and get back on to that track, but gonna have to slow the train down abit.
  • only one place left UP, sounds like you have hit the bottom. Be positive do things that up lift you, become more positive. Take one day at a time. work on feeling better and then work on regaining friendships. how good of a friend could you be to anyone if you are not friends with yourself first
  • Well, it sounds like you can't get any lower, so .... the only way is up !!! We all let ourselves down. We all let others down. We all do it. Don't set your sights and goals too high. Take small steps. Open a door for someone, smile at someone ... do little things to improve your own self-esteem and when you care abput yourself, then you can start worrying about other people. Peace.
  • up and away from troubles catch hot air balloon to a new location better future without wrong people surroundong you and keeping you down
  • i look to my dog for unconditional love. i know i screw up. i figure i make wrong decisions dozens of times every day. babe ruth held the highest batting average for decades but few people know that he also held the highest strike out average too! see, babe ruth swung his bat to win - he did more than anybody but he also fell on his face more than the others, too. so, if you want unconditional love, get a dog. ted kennedy had a horrible amount of stuff to deal with after chappaquidick (spelling?) but, he just showed up to work every day and did his best every day. having 4 presidents show up at your funeral ain't bad!
  • Anywhere you want to go, darling. It's up to you to rebuild those bonds or make new ones, but one way or another you'll do it and you'll go where you want to be. You're never hopeless. :)
  • Join the club. I'm a useless piece of shit too. +5

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