Some people never get over it. Others get over it within a few weeks. It depends on the extent of the abuse and the amount of codependency that had been developed during the relationship.

I think it depends on how hard someone works to heal and take care of themselves. For instance, there are things like therapy, support groups, education, self exploration, etc... Someone who goes great lengths in self-help has a better chance of healing faster than someone who tries to go it alone.

I know two women who were in abusive relationships many years ago. Both are out of those relationships today. Neither is over her pain. Both are in therapy.

That really rather depends on you and what you want to do. You can, if you choose, drag it out for the rest of your life or, you can decide that you will do whatever it takes and you will put this behind you and learn from the experience. It depends on what you want to happen and whether you want to get over it or not.

I haven't seen my father in thirty years but the memories occasionally haunt me today.

i was in an abusive relationship, and i believe i've handled things very well. i realize that it's a situation where i did nothing wrong, and that person was the one with serious problems, not me. i have actively tried to put it behind me because it's not something i really enjoy to think about. i believe all women who have been abused carry around some degree of shame because you always wonder why you didn't fight back, say something, or leave.

I dont think you ever get over it.. you might choose not to dwell on it which is the best thing to do.. but you will never forget it

Depends on the person and the level of abuse they endured. I am not sure there is a pat answer for this question. Anyone who has been abused needs alot of professional counseling and guidance through the healing process. Time is what is needed.

A very very long time - if ever.

Fortunately I've never been in one..so from an outsider's point of view, I think the longer you stay, the longer it would take to get over it (if you could)..because part of the abuse would be what you do to yourself for having hung in so long..blaming yourself for your inability to get out of it, especially if there are children involved. The minute it gets abusive, get out..take the kids with you..don't believe what the abuser tells you..once an abuser, always an abuser (potential)..who wants to live like that? Who would subject their children to that? Again, as I said , I don't have first-hand experience..just my uninformed opinion.

I don't think you ever get over it, but you don't have to let it control your life. Learn from it, realize that there are people out there who think the only way to overcome their own misery is to inflict pain and misery upon others. And they choose the ones who are weaker because they themselves are cowards. Realize it then put it in the past where it belongs. That's what I did.

It takes a lot of time and in order for you to really understand abuse and why it happened, you should be in counseling, groups...anything that will educate you about this problem. It is a very complicated issue on both sides. Please at least seek out Groups of Domestic violence. It will help you heal quicker and help you prepare you for a life without abuse. I know...I been there. :)

I recently left an abusive 2.5 yr relationship. I had already left early Jan 08 but somehow he convinced me that things would be different the 2nd time around....WRONG! it only took about 3 days after I went back to be the same as before and I ended it again 3 weeks ago. it has been very difficult and I'm in pain beyond belief, I get very lonely, and I feel very betrayed, I lost all my friends bc of him, and only have 1 semi-friend left that I've mentioned this situation to, it's a very trying time for me right now, I know that it's best for me to be as far away from this jerk as possible, and I know it will take time, and I have to deal with this one day at a time......I am hopeful that it's true, time heals.

I recently escaped an abusive relationship after 2 years. All was very rosy for the first 18 months until the relationship started to take it's toll on my emotional well being resulting in the debilatinbg effects of eroding my self esteem and self confidence. I removed myself from the relationship immediately and engaged in lots of self help reading materials, self esteem building tasks and confidence building materials. It took me 4- 6 weeks to bounce back and somehow my ex creeped his way back into my life until recently when the same issues crept up again. This time I have ended for good and am committed to making sure that I look after myself. It's up to the individual to recognise what is happening and to make changes and to use all the support and help that is out there to revover.

I left an abusive man five months ago and moved out of state to start over. Prior to that, I left him about ten times before deciding I had to physically move, because he would charm me back with false hope and promises of change. I am still grieving and have good and bad days, but I am overall happy, but lonely and sad too. I have called him a dozen times, but hid the number and then hung up. I hear his voice and I freeze and am afraid he will curse me out. I miss him and the good times and somedays cry a lot. I take it one day at a time and try to take care of myself. I am going to get counseling and I go to a group, but I still hurt a lot.

apparently a long time, i was in an abussive relationship for 3 years, left him 2 years ago, still not over it.

Day by day I am working hard on my self esteem and my self confidence in order to ensure that next time I will be in a better position to recognise the signs and not accept an abusive man in my life ever again. No-one is immune from a manipulative and abusive person. Each day gets easier as I look forward to my future and plan to engage with people that are positive, considerate, happy, loving, considerate and respect others as equal individuals.

2 years ago, I left a verbally and physically abusive marriage of 30 years. Although it's been wonderful to be free of the constant stress and fear, the recovery process has been slow, difficult, lonely, and full of doubts about my ability to become financially independent, free of the past, happy, and capable of living a good life on my own. I consistently question why I stayed for so long, why I overrode all danger signals in the first place, why I didn't better defend my children and flee long ago, etc. I have a great support group of friends, I see a therapist regularly, I take medication to help with post traumatic stress and depression, I do a lot of research online to help me understand my spouse's behavior and how best to avoid another damaging relationship. I do the things I've always wanted to do, but couldn't and I am slowly making a good recovery. Some days go well, some days seem as if I'm never going to make it, but if I look back over the last 2 years, I can see I've made tremendous progress, and you can, too!

It takes as long as it takes. In some ways, it is like the grieving process and the average there is about two years. For a situation that lasted a long time it may take longer. But you never know. You may be one of those people who leaves and never looks back. Others wallow all their lives. Most people fall somewhere in between.

i think that that putting pressure on yourself to get over an abusive relationship in x amount of time will just stress you out. I don't think you ever do totally get over it. maybe that's a blessing in disguise. I've been in two abusive relationships and the one good thing I can say about that is this - now I know how to recognize controlling, manipulative behaviour in the beginning of my friendships/relationships and to stay far the hell away from crazy-ass jerks. I want to say it makes you stronger, but i'm not sure. at least it helps you survive. :)

I just recently broke up with a 10 year relationship and it's so hard to get over it, when you have given so much LOVE and not being appreciated for it.I have never been hit n I thank GOD for that, but the verbal,controlling and twisting things around to make it all my fault has drove me crazy and confused,, they are very good at that.. Our heart is very weak and when we love that person our blinded LOVE covers the multitude of his/her sins.. We Just have to recognize that we are worth more then they are.. I don't think you'll ever get over it ,but it will make you more aware and stronger.. I just try to look at it has a plain mistake n just learn from it and just go on and Love yourself... ngelface oregon

There is no correct answer for this question except for time, patiece and alot of prayer. I spent 25 years with a very verbally abusive man who was also an alcoholic. We were married when I was 18, he was 20. From day one he had me convinced that he was the only one who would love me...I was never good enough...the house wasn't clean enough...etc. I put myself through EMT Basic, EMT-I school along with being the devoted wife and mother while gettig absolutely no help from him. Finally, enough was enough and as much as it hurt I left the situation. It's been almost 2 years now. I'm with a wonderful man who treats me better than I have ever been treated. Here's the thing...in the back of my mind I still hear all my ex-husbands dirogatory comments...will they ever go away? Will I ever see myself worthy? Again....all I can say is time, patience and many, many prayers. :(

time begins when you realize that it is abusive and it is not gor you ... time goes by as healling begins soon you wil look back and thank god that partof your life is over and the cycle will never happen again .... time it can take as long as weeks months years and can be depending ..on time in the abusive relationship. talk to someone, others have been there and are survivors

I was in an abusive relationship and it really screwed me up. I have worked up my self-esteem and feel good about myself finally. But deep back in my mind I still hear him and see him. I don't think you'll ever forget about it.

I feel there is no set period of time it takes a person to recover from an abusive relationship. Of course, the longer you're in the relationship, the longer it usually takes to heal and start living again. Briefly, here is my story. I was/am married to a verbally and emotionally abusive guy. We were married 10 years at the point I left and the reason I left was because he threatened to bash my then 19 year old daughters head in. I have been away from him for a year and a half and I am at the point where it does not bother me or cause pain when I think about him. About six months after I left that abusive relationship, I met another guy who turned out to also be abusive. I left him August 17th of this year and felt like I was going to die without him. Little by little, the fog that clouds an abuse victim's thinking began to lift and I started to realize that things were never going to change. I changed my cell phone number about two weeks ago and Four days ago, I called him on a blocked number and gave him one last chance and he blew it. It was the same old behavior and that finished it for me. I have deleted him from my life and the only feeling I have now is relief that I got out when I did. To everyone who is going through this right now... Best of luck and wishes for strength to find a new life. It is hard learning to live again without them but it is worth it.

I think it is a fair but very general to figure it will take half the time you spent in the relationship, to get over it. I was in an abusive relationship. I believe he was a narcissist, or sometimes I think even a sociopath. This lasted 4 years and I was duped, robbed, and abused. I think about the Stockholm syndrome in my situation. It has been a year and a half of no contact and I still hurt. So maybe the more the relationship was abusive, the more time it will take to get over it.

a long time - unless you have learned a valuable lesson

I have just come away from an abusive relationship, last night I called my friend to call the police to have them make him leave me in peace. I have to say though it took several hours he eventually left and the police managed to get his key, the building key he has not given up.. its like a silly control thing, this is my house, he just stayed here sometimes. He lied to the police, he is a messed up man, who strongly believed he did nothing wrong and that I am this horrid person.. his words were very very hurtfully. I feel very drained today, but at last I can move on with my life, I changed the locks also! be strong, don't think someone will change, they will not ever!.. at the first signs, listen to your gut.. we all deserve more than an abuser