Would you be cool with him going to a strip club and not getting a couch dance? If so, then no I'd say it's not cheating. Otherwise I'd say he cheated by going to the strip club in the first place.

No its a bit of fun with his mates, but if it worries you or makes you unhappy you should talk to him about it.

If not, it would be close enough to cheating to piss me off.

Ask him if he would care if you got a couch dance from some male stripper...if he cares, then it's cheating. (I'm thinking he'll care...)

Yes it is. She was rubbing her crotch against his. The only reason your asking is because you know the answer and it's hard to accept.

If you thnk so, then it is. I kind of go by the rule, if it's something he wouldn't do in front of his wife, then he knows he's feeling guilty and it's cheating.

i personally could not remain in a relationship with some one that i did not respect.and quite frankly i could never respect a partner that pulled of a stunt like that.

In my opinion it is.

it's close enough.

I would be less than impressed if my significant other had a naked woman grinding on top of him. His bags would be packed.

well technically hes not cheating...when you go to a strip club you cant touch ANY of the strippers what so ever...but they can touch you...Also its not like he went out and paid 20$ for a hooker to give him a blowjob...hes not cheating unless he did something to her or she did some sort of sexual act to him... I my self dont mind if my fiancee would go to a strip club hell ill pay for him to go if he wants...i trust him enough to know he wouldnt cheat on me...if you have that much doubt about your relationship you need to rethink your relationship

I would say to him you should have done it, because the concequences are the same to me.

I'm a woman and I don't think it is cheating. For men it is recreation. I asked my boyfriend to take me once so I could see for myself what it was like. You have nothing to worry about...trust me. As long as it is a rare event.....let him go....enjoy the couple hours of freedom....then make mad passionate love to him when he gets home. If he wanted to cheat,he wouldn't be looking at a strip club.

Do you think it is? If so then hubby's a dog. Obviuosly since you're asking here you think it is and are looking for validation. You need to sit him down and say enough is enough before he takes that next step into a VIP room with one. That's where the fun stuff happens by the way. I've been in realtionships where the guys enaged in this stuff and all it got me was calls from strippers looking for their best after hour's customer. I don't stand for this at all any more. If you want to be with me that means full fidelity. No porn, no strippers, no nothing, but me and him. And I have found it to make a much better and more satisfing realtionship for both.I don't have to worry what's going on behind my back or take second place to anyone or anything. And he has the pressure of having me getting suspecious or his actions causing a rift taken off. Plus his money stays right where it belongs with his family. Everybody wins.

Cheating is more a state of mind reather than a specific act. I believe that loveing someone else calls for honoring that person as you would honor yourself. So if a "lap dance" is honoring himself, then, that is the way he is. The question is not whether he is cheating, the question is whether you want to be with someone who feels he is honoring himself this way.

In my marriage it is so NOT cheating. We do not have a problem with each other getting dances from girls at strip clubs. I do know many of our friends think we are both nuts for thining that, though. It really al depends on what the tweo of you decide as a couple.

Nope.

He did not have sex with that woman. It depends upon what your definition of the word cheating is. He clearly did not have sexual relations with that woman so in no shape or form has he "cheated" i.e. had sexual relations with another woman. Case closed: I rule in favor of the Defendant.

NO. "Men use strip clubs like therapy" I am qouting Wanda Styke comic. Being a stripper in the past I can agree. Men go to stip clubs to unwind. And they talk to strippers to get things off their chest mostly its just hi how are you? But what I find would help you to connect even better go to the club w/ him have him show you the dancer. Check her out talk to her. Get a couch dance from a girl you like "not to say you are into girls but to learn how and then go home and give your man a dance that will keep him home from the clubs. Also remember no nagging at all on outing or during the dance. Destess together w/ o talking. Your first time you might be all giggles and dance to your kind of music be it metal ot Mozart you are more likley to enjoy it. And buy a few drinks at club it will help you loosen up. To me cheating Is penetration not misunderstanding.

The way that I feel about this situation is a lot different than most women but I have found that having an open mind about this situation is rewarding. First of all this is a man that we are talking about. They are made very different from us gals. When a man goes to a strip club it is for enjoyment only. Men love to look at women whether it be in a strip club or walking through the mall. You cannot change this no matter how hard you try. A lot of times they think with the wrong head. When they are at a strip club, they are just watching beautiful naked women dance for them. THey crave this kind of attention. It is not cheating. Remember this and it might help you look at it from a differnt perspective: This is a job for these women. They get paid to dance in front of men. They are doing this to earn their next paycheck. This woman does not want your husband, she wants his wallet. What they do at the club means nothing to them. It is just a way to pay the bills, not break up a happy home. You have to learn to be confident enough in yourself to realize that men are going to fantasize, and just remember that he is coming home to you. That was just his entertainment for the night. Trust him until he gives you a reason not to. Don't keep him on a tight leash because the more you pull back the more he is going to want to run away. You might try to go with him sometime, you never know, you might enjoy it.

I know of some relationships where this is not too far out of line, but since you asked the question; I see there is a problem. I can't guess what was up with your guy, or his thinking, but you two have some serious decisions to make both individually and as a couple. If you can condone this thats your thing, but it sounds either like poor judgement, or an intentional step outside the bounds of your relationship. Theres a lot of factors but it comes down to you two at the end of the day. Youm ake your decision, and go from there.

My partner did visit a strip club before we got together, I do think it's cheating and I've told him I do not want him to do it while he is with me. I don't think he will.

It is in my world.

Not cheating and a Strip club is not anything too bad. I would not appreciate my husband having individual couch dancing but it is not the sex act. Just pretty tacky.

I know I may be the only person in here with this opinion but here it goes...When you marry someone you give your WHOLE self to them body and soul (in my opinion). The marital act (sex) is a physical symbol of this giving. When men do things like this with other women, it is not only recieving another women, but also giving part of themself which is against the promise of marriage. In other words, you should be the only woman who he sees naked and who gives him couch dances. I do not think this is a situation that would justify a divorce; however, I do believe it is something to be discussed and reconciled.

No, I don't think it is, but if it really bothers you, your husband should respect that and not do that.

i do not think thats cheating at all. theres no connection its merely a form of entertainment. loosen up. perhaps if it bothers you sit down and talk to him about how it makes you feel. but it is in no way cheating.

This question only you can answer. And you will get the answer by how you feel about it. If it makes you uncomfortable, then he has deffinately crossed some lines. On the contrary if you feel comfortable with it, then it is not cheating. Boundaries and cheating is something that you should always consider talking about at the beggining of a relationship. If the boundaies where already discussed with him prior to the event, and he did it anyway, then he is not respecting you or your wishes.

Galeanda, your answer is brilliant. However I feel compelled to point out in response to some other answers, that my boyfriend did go out on his own one night and paid for a lap dance. According to him he was allowed to fondle her breasts and backside (which he did). For me his actions were hurtful, not because I thought of them so much as cheating, but more of a betrayal that he had put his hands on another woman's body despite being in a loving and comitted relationship.

My husband and I have been fighting for about two week because I found out that he paid for a fully naked private lapdance. I know this is cheating? I thought that I needed to get on this site to see if was over reacting but after listening to each comment I realized that I already had the answer because my heart hurts. I deserve to be respected and at that moment he made a decision to put me aside and allow a women into my space. A space that was given to me by him when we joined in married 10 years ago. I would be upset if that women was fully clothed and he would be equally upset if I walked into a bar and had a fully naked male give me a dance in the bathroom. By the example that he has set, It sould be okay as long as I pay for it. Bull, if you pay a hooker to sleep with you it isn't any different than having a one-night stand with a stranger you met at a bar. It is still cheating. I am hurt and angry that he has made me look at myself as less of a women and a less than desireable wife. No one can argue that a lapdance is not sexual.

it really doesn't matter if we think it's cheating or not. it matters how it made you feel, and if you think it's cheating, then it's cheating.

My husband and I have been fighting for about two week because I found out that he paid for a fully naked private lapdance. I know this is cheating? I thought that I needed to get on this site to see if was over reacting but after listening to each comment I realized that I already had the answer because my heart hurts. I deserve to be respected and at that moment he made a decision to put me aside and allow a women into my space. A space that was given to me by him when we joined in married 10 years ago. I would be upset if that women was fully clothed and he would be equally upset if I walked into a bar and had a fully naked male give me a dance in the bathroom. By the example that he has set, It sould be okay as long as I pay for it. Bull, if you pay a hooker to sleep with you it isn't any different than having a one-night stand with a stranger you met at a bar. It is still cheating. I am hurt and angry that he has made me look at myself as less of a women and a less than desireable wife. No one can argue that a lapdance is not sexual.

It's not about the couch dance. It's about doing something that he knows would hurt you emotionally if you knew about it. If he knew that you would be hurt by it and he did it anyway, then, yes, I would consider that cheating. If he knew that it wouldn't hurt you emotionally, then I wouldn't consider it cheating. Cheating involves any action, (from sex to collecting postage stamps) that would emotionally cause pain to the other person, and is done anyway regardless of the pain it would cause.

It is cheating, he allowed a nasty wh@*re to grind on him, this is great entertainment if you are a single male but a married man has no place in a strip club. I hate that there are so many women that lower themselves to justify this action. I demand more respect than that. you may argue that if I want to keep my man that I would be more open minded but listen I got married because I loved him and why would I want to allow another women to arouse my man wheather I am ther or not. IT IS CHEATING! IT IS SEXUAL! If he needs to get his forplay by another lady than bye, see ya and make sure you send me a check every month. THANKS FOR HALF OF EVERYTHING

I would only consider it cheating if he did it without your knowledge. If he said "Hey, honey, I'm going out with the guys for a bachelor party"..then I probably wouldn't care. But if he actually made an effort to sneak away and do it..that's where the cheating comes in. I would be more upset that he had been dishonest with me than I would about him getting rubbed up on by someone who mearly wants to get paid and who sends him home to me frustrated afterwards.

Well, I think I think that what is and what is not cheating is defined by the rules of the game... Meaning that it depends on the couple and what they have agreed to with each other. I would personally be pretty pissed off if my boyfriend did that. However, if your husband had no idea that you would object to that, then you might not really be in a position to be angry with him.

My boyfriend went to one a couple months ago, and I was so disappointed that I had to break up with him. It's an issue of respect, or rather, a lack thereof. No, I don't have a stick up my ass; No, I'm not insecure--I encourage him to look at other women, and in fact, I tend to be VERY sexually liberal. I think it's perfectly fine for men (and women--I've gone to a few myself when I was single) to enjoy such places. But I don't see why a man who is in a serious, monogamous relationship should get the perks of being in a relationship, and then act like a single guy on the side. I don't see why MY boyfriend/husband should get to PAY some other woman to flop her tits around for him. Frankly, I felt insulted, especially because I'm a modern woman who has ALWAYS paid my fair share throughout the relationship. I don't ever expect a man to pay for me, so how's he going to go pay for another woman? It's just the principle. I basically told my boyfriend, "If you want to act like a single guy so badly, then go and be single." Or, if he wants to have an "open" relationship, then that's at least fair. Let me go and flirt with or have sex with other guys, and then he could do his thing, too. But because it was HIS idea to be monogamous and get serious, and he refuses to have an open relationship, he shouldn't be doing things like that behind my back and PAYING for it, of all things. Some women are fine with their husbands doing such things, which I can respect--but I as I get older, personally, I just don't see how I could marry and have children with a man like that. We're not 21 anymore, life isn't just a party anymore.

I think it would matter if you two have ever discussed it and if you have made it clear how you feel about it. I personally don't feel it is necessary to go.

A couch dance meant that there were some inappropriate touching going on especially for someone who's in a committed relationship. I once went to a strip club for a bachelor party and was very respectful and hands off. However, my wife was still pissed for weeks. I wonder how many marriages have been ruined because of this tradition with bachelor parties?

Ask him if it is ok for you to pay a guy to dangle his "stuff" in your face??? Ask him how he would feel, and if he says he wouldnt care do it and see if he is being honest

I just posted a question about something almost identical! I found out about a month ago that my boyfriend lied to me about where he went on his 21st birthday. While he doesn't go often without me to strip clubs he did go on his birthday and he got a lap dance alright. I tried to tell myself that it didn't bother me but slowly it's eating me up inside!! The mere idea of some stripper grinding her junk on my boyfriend's crotch makes me sick to my stomach. My boyfriend promises me that he didn't and is not capable of getting a hard on from a lap dance.. he only did it for the moment and for fun with the guys. I'm not sure I trust this. He said when he considers strippers to be whores and he would never want to do anything sexual with them. It's a show. I know he's faithful, I have no doubt about it but him and I see completely differently on strip clubs and lap dances. I asked him if he could say that it's ok for a guy in a relationship to go to a strip club but not get a lap dance and he didn't agree with that idea. He even went so far as saying that if a guy with a girlfriend gets a hand job from a stripper technically wouldn't be cheating although he wouldn't do it. I asked how he'd feel about me going to a male strip joint and having some dude rub his slong all over my leg or paying some stripper to give me head. He said he'd be offended but he wouldn't break up with me over it. Men confuse the hell out of me! I wish for once I could meet a guy who saw eye to eye on this with me. I'm in a pickle myself sweetie so I know what you're going through. While you don't wanna come off as some uptight girlfriend you can't help what you feel.

Yes and it is also expensive too.

Thanks for your comment, R U Sirius. I did tell my boyfriend that I wouldn't have been AS mad if it was for a friend's bachelor party, beause then it would've been "for his friend." I still wouldn't have liked it--but I know I wouldn't have reacted as badly as I did. I also told him that my policy is "look but don't touch." It's one thing to go and be a spectator--but my boyfriend got a lap dance and slipped some money down the woman's thong--and to me, that's a different level of disrespect. It's a matter of principle--I don't want my boyfriend putting his hand three inches from some other woman's cooch. I asked him if he would mind if I put my hand three inches from another man's schlong, and he said, "don't you dare do something like that." My point, exactly. I know this is not "cheating," but to me, it's really disrespectful behavior--and I just don't like it. It doesn't sit well with me, even though I have friends who let their husbands go to places like that, and wonder why I'm bothered, since I'm very sexual liberal in most ways. I'm bothered by the money exchange, I'm bothered that he paid someone to do what he gets PLENTY OF at home, and I'm bothered that he tried to hide it from me. If it bothers me, I can't help it. I've asked my friends to please respect that. There are men who don't mind if their wives are flirts, and go out and dance erotically with other men--and there are men who do mind. And there are women who don't mind if their husbands go to strip clubs-- but, yup, I mind. We all just have different sets of values, and I think we need to find partners whose values are along the same lines.

Thanks for your comment, R U Sirius. I did tell my boyfriend that I wouldn't have been AS mad if it was for a friend's bachelor party, beause then it would've been "for his friend." I still wouldn't have liked it--but I know I wouldn't have reacted as badly as I did. I also told him that my policy is "look but don't touch." It's one thing to go and be a spectator--but my boyfriend got a lap dance and slipped some money down the woman's thong--and to me, that's a different level of disrespect. It's a matter of principle--I don't want my boyfriend putting his hand three inches from some other woman's cooch. I asked him if he would mind if I put my hand three inches from another man's schlong, and he said, "don't you dare do something like that." My point, exactly. I know this is not "cheating," but to me, it's really disrespectful behavior--and I just don't like it. It doesn't sit well with me, even though I have friends who let their husbands go to places like that, and wonder why I'm bothered, since I'm very sexual liberal in most ways. I'm bothered by the money exchange, I'm bothered that he paid someone to do what he gets PLENTY OF at home, and I'm bothered that he tried to hide it from me. If it bothers me, I can't help it. I've asked my friends to please respect that. There are men who don't mind if their wives are flirts, and go out and dance erotically with other men--and there are men who do mind. And there are women who don't mind if their husbands go to strip clubs-- but, yup, I mind. We all just have different sets of values, and I think we need to find partners whose values are along the same lines.

It is if you think so

No- did he keep his hands to himself? Were you there? Did you like here as much as your husband? all are thoughts that should not have to be discussed at the time because you should be able to TRUST your partner, and if you have an adventerious relationship he might bring her home!

It is if YOU're that insecure with YOUrself and YOUr relationship. If you trust him and YOUr relationship then its not. These outdated relationship practices is what increases the divorce rate.

To answer the original question, no its not cheating. I know some of these bitter women that have answered have self esteem and trust issues but not every couple has that. If you're secure in your relationship then trust what he says. Have you ever had a reason to doubt his word before? There are PLENTY of guys that go to the club with friends and they have fun...BECAUSE of their friends and not because of the girls. Every guy can't be pinned into these lables that they are walking hardons waiting to be released. Heck I probably got lap dances from 400 different strippers before one actually turned me on. Yes I go when I have a girlfriend. The excuse of "only seeing her naked" is lame and outdated. Times have changed and people need to change with them. If you really expect a guy to see only your naked body for the next 50+ years and no one elses you need a heavy dose of reality juice. The type of girls that actually like when their man goes out to a place like that and comes home to their love to have REAL fun are those rare gems that STAY married.

Heck no, You should be happy. Think of it this way, he goes there and gets turned on and comes home. Who get's the winning prize? Men like women, that's how he found you. Stop with all of the touchy feely garbage and have some fun.

who paid for it?

If you have to ask the question, the answer is probably "yes", since it's YOU who define what's "cheating" or what's acceptable behavior for your husband.

You're husband is a jerk. Go find one who'd rather have you lap dancing on the couch with him :)

Unless it is something you explicitly said you didn't have a problem with, and had a pre-existing agreement on, yes. To me, it is cheating, period. Of course, I'd never agree to this behavior being acceptable in a relationship or marriage. Of course, if he doesn't consider it cheating, you can always start selling couch dances to guys.

Why is Your Husband in a Strip Club? i hope he owns it or works there.......

Hello. I don't think that a lap dance should be considered cheating. They are pretty tame. The girls are really just there for the $ and guys are just there doing a little male bonding. I suggest you attend a strip club with your husband. You might change your view. If that is the worst thing that your husband did then you've got a pretty good man.

Nope. That is your husband going out, seeing what else is available, and making a choice to come home to you. Strip clubs are not about cheating. They are about going out to a guys hang out, getting away from your problems for a little bit. If you go with him to the place sometime, you will see that nothing goes on other than a little teasing and some flirting. In fact, if you went with him, you may find that his interest in you goes up! Hell, I went to a strip club with my wife, we both got a dance. It was cool, and she got so much attention from me over the next couple of weeks it was insane!

Well...my husband got a dance at a strip club and I don't think he cheated. But then again I was sitting right next to him.... I think it's more a matter of how you feel about it. Whether or not it's called "cheating" doesn't really matter, it's whether or not it's something that you will be able to get past. He went to a club (lots of men and married men do), he got a dance (meaning he watched a woman dance, no touching allowed usually), then he came home to you. Maybe you're not ok with it because you didn't know first? If he would have told you before hand, do you think you would be able to be ok with it? I guess what I'm saying is in my opinion, he did something all men do and since he was honest about it, it's ok. But if it's something that will bother you for the rest of your lives together, and you'll never get past it, then you need to do what's best for you in this situation.

Yes it is, remember it as one of the bad things he's done to you. When the day comes you want to forget about him, remember that day. You will be angry and might have some tears.Letting go of someone is hard because your thinking of the good times. Think of the bad things he's done. He's a cheat big time. He got aroused, and she touched him. And he didnt mind. That is cheating.

It's great that the two of you can go and enjoy a Strip club together. No, it is not cheating.

No it's not cheating; he's just being a guy...

Yep.

That's something you have to agree on between the two of you. Relationships have different boundaries depending on the beliefs and ideals of the people in them. If it's something you're unhappy about him doing you have to make that clear to him, and perhaps now would be the ideal time. Just tell him it upset you and you'd rather he didn't do it again - it's quite possible he didn't realise you would have a problem with it, and once you explain that it hurt you he'll agree not to go there again. It's also possible he'll argue the toss about it - but either way, you have to make your feelings known, or he can't really be expected to respect them. If it's something you don't really mind him doing from time to time, then let it go - there are more important things in a relationships than other people's views about what is an isn't OK. Perhaps it's just something you're curious about. Initially my own issue with strip clubs and porn etc, was that I felt it was something that excluded me, I felt left out by it. I went along to a club a couple of times, I picked up tips from the girls for entertaining boyfriends at home, I started watching the videos myself - and found out I felt a lot less resentful when I felt part of it and when I knew what the deal was. I'm not saying this is something you have to do if it doesn't appeal to you - you have no obligation to be "OK" with strip clubs if you're just not - I'm just saying it's an option. The main thing is that what is and isn't cheating is something that you and your husband decide between you - not for anyone else to judge.

no there just paid entertainers. I doubt the stripper felt any emotional attachment to it. Is actors kissing on screen cheating if there with some one? No its part of the job. He may be attracted to the stripper but he paid her for beign attractive for entertainment, not to compromise a relationship and she feels no connection back its not cheating its paid pleasure.

I think it depends on your definition of cheating. If the guy I was with I would feel offended. I know that he is coming back to me but there is always that feeling of inadequacy and it makes me wonder why he wants to and is going to places like that. Is because he feels extremely important there or something. It seems to me if you are asking this question, you too, are feel offended by such behavior. May you should talk to him about. Explain to him that it makes you feel uncomfortable.

My thoughts are it is not cheating. He did not take this person to their place or a hotel to engage in sexual activities. He went home to you I would assume. As long as the person does nothing with the stripper other than receive a lap dance or couch dance than nothing wrong has occured. If it bothers you talk to him about it and if he refuses to stop going to the clubs than there may be a problem.

My idea of cheating and your idea of cheating could be completely different. Opinions on matters like this can vary greatly from one person to the next. Do think feel like he cheated? Do you feel like he violated your trust? If so, then he did. Only you can answer this question.

yes, if someone's vagina was on my husband that would be cheating.

Did he try and hide it from you?

Nope.

My hubby went to a strip club too...credit card had almost $2000.00 spent... this was almost 4 years ago...our sex life is dead... what could have happened at that club to change him... ???

Yes!! I suggest you do the same with your girlfriends, go to a male dancer club, if he doesn't like the idea of you going there.. then you should tell him.. that's how i feel/felt about you going to stripclubs, break even!!! and hopefully, there won't be more problems in this subject =)

Only if she awakens the sleeping giant,and she wants to see the bean stalk.

i would say no. but if you view it as cheating then you should tell your husband that you aren't comfortable with it. **kisses**

Not at all! Look at it as he is coming home already hot and you are the lucky recipient of his love for you. When you go to a club a guy can't touch at all. Just because a guy pays for a dance doesn't give him free access to her body. Frequent checks by the bouncers will help deter any touching as the lady also doesn't want to be punished by the club. The punishment for the man might be thrown out of the club. No one likes the embarrasing moment of being thrown out of a club. At least your husband isn't trying to find hookers.

no its not unless he left with the girl then yea thats cheating. but its just a dance in a building with lots of people. if u went to a guy strip club what would u say if your husband thought u were cheating. its just a dance now if you have sex with the person or leave with them thats cheating its ok i dont think he's cheating

In an open society, like the one in present day America, there are no laws on these things, and very few rules except for the ones established between two lovers or spouses. So if YOU feel like it's cheating, it is. Obviously he thought you would think differently or he wouldn't have told you (if he did). The confusion indicates that you two need to discuss this and set the NEW rule, since none was established previously.

Yup! In my book (and my b/f knows this) going to a shady place with the specific intention of having another woman who is NOT one's g/f turn him on is the DEFINITION of cheating. He wants to have fun, etc, GO TO A BAR or a pool hall or a movie, or a friend's house to play video games or whatever guys do, to a sports game, to a horse race, go for a drive, do some friggin fishing. Strip clubs are OFF limits to my b/f.

Depends on what you call or consider cheating… Me personally I don’t consider that cheating. maybe disrespectful, or in some ways disloyal; but not cheating. Actually want to find out if its cheating, tell him you got a private dance from a male stripper and he was rubbing is ding all up on you… if he puts up a fit, then it was cheating d; )

No... It's NOT cheating. He was not allowed to touch her, and depending on what state or locale you're in, she MAY even have been REQUIRED to have a g-string and pasties on (think Vegas or the beach or pool). Did she try to get him hot and bothered? Yes. That's her JOB. Believe it or not (and I know there are plenty who DON'T believe it) there are both sleazy clubs and those who cater to ... a more "genteel" clientel ... and every type in between. Sex is NOT allowed, since it will shut down the club. To those who think all strippers are whores, GET A GRIP. MANY of them are married, have children, some are secretaries during the day, and some are students at the local college. They make good money because they have decent bodies. However, now-a-days, those bodies are pretty damn fake. THEY are not allowed to touch guys' private AREA (fully clothed) with face or hands. Lap-dances are little more than her dancing while the guy is seated. Yes... She will sit on his lap and try to tease him "up", so to speak, but it doesn't always work. Think of it as Sport Illustrated Swimsuit edition (the scantily clad, but clad, non-the less) with REAL women who don't look NEAR as good as those in the mag. Some guys do this to their friends so they can make fun of the fact that it may take him a bit before he can stand up comfortably. There's no sex, no kissing, no touching, and no orgasm. Therefore, there's NO cheating. All that said, if you have a problem with it, you shouldn't have let him go. If he did, and you hadn't told him he shouldn't/couldn't, then he did nothing wrong, especially if he came home and TOLD you (or more ;-) ). If it bothers you, tell him so, and tell him the consequences. Remember, though, if YOU ever consider doing the same... YOU have set the rule. Bachelorette parties of friends with a male stripper are out, too. Any way WE look at it, and despite what ANY of us tell you, YOU are the one to decide if it's going to kill your marriage. Personally, I wouldn't do it without my wife's ok, and SHE knows I wouldn't cheat on her. Good luck. ;-)

Ok that's just plain out wrong. He's married, why would he go out and do something so nasty as to go to a strip club and receive a lap dance?? It's ok if you're a swinger, but if it's really bothering you that much then yeah he cheated. Cheating can come in a variety of things. Whether it's kissing, holding hands, and yes, having someone's ass rubbing against your husband's crotch, is cheating.

I took my fiance out to a strip club a while ago to see what its about, to see what it is my fiance truly wants. I went and I saw and it pained me. I am still in pain to know what my fiances true desire is and its not me....its women as a whole. I won't be settled for and I won't settle for security because there is not any. I think it's time for women to realise that life is not about a relationship and not to settle with someone because they are too scared to explore the unfamiliar. It is so important to be aware of what life has to offer and it is lmitless. I can't let my life go by feeling so much pain about something that has been going on for centuries, such a waste of our precious lives. Women need to start representing themselves for their true worth, it is not right for women to be used and abused (in fact, this applies to all). Its been happening far too long. Galeanda.....you have to realise he likes women....if you want a man who desires others and isnt fully satisfied by you and only then so be it, if not, then you need to re-evaluate where you are and make what you want in your life into reality. Be true to yourself.

In my book, yes. The couch dance is sexual in nature (they weren't playing cards). If he feels the need to get aroused by another women, whether or not he carries the act out, it's still cheating. How would he like it if you gave another guy a lap dance?

No it's not cheating. Strip clubs have strict rules and they are enforced. If you are nervous or uncomfortable about it, tell him.

No its not, Men are as a rule pretty stupid creatures and it would not have entered his head that his actions could be seen as cheating.Insensitive and infantile maybe but not cheating

Cheating. give me a break, maybe not the best thing to do if you're married but cheating no way. Mostly women just get very insecure about theeir man going to strip clubs because he is idolizing something that she isnt. Or maybe he is trying to for fill somthing that his wife lacks in a way thats not cheating. Or maybe because they're a fun enviorment.

no but if you dont like it tell him it makes you uncomfortable and not to do it again

I really don't think it should hold any grounds for infidelity. Men are very visual creatures, thus they view porn or even strippers. Besides, if it bothers you so much why not go to the club once or twice with him. Order yourself a lap dance, you just may find yourself having a great time.

Interpreting the word literally, no, he wasn't cheating. If you look up cheating it talks about not being truthful and adultery. If you look up adultery, you'll find that your husband didn't commit adultery. Thus, he didn't cheat.

I don't think so. Do you? If you feel it was inappropriate then let him know.

no...of course not, its like general life...im sure you check out a cute guy at the beach or whatever as he would check out a cute chick!...theres no touching remember (depending what type of strip club it is hehe) go to a strip joint yourself if you are concerned...

If my man got a couch dance from some hoochie mama I would straight up smack him in the face with a brick stuffed inside a sock! To quote Homie the Clown from In Living Color "I don't play that!"

It depends on how open your marriage is. Have you ever discussed this with him? my wife an I have had threesomes with eachother and dispite that if i went and got a lap dance on my own she would freak, because it would not be an experience we shared as a honest and open couple.

If my guy had some woman's crotch on him I very much would think so. How did you find out about this? Did he confront you and tell you or did you find out on your own? If he told you I would at least have some respect for him but if he's going behind your back this is a very serious problem. It is NOT just entertainment... it's lying and being deceitful to your partner. How good can that make you feel? God, I just get sick at the thought of my guy getting a dance like that, coming home and finishing the job on me still thinking about her.

even tho they wasnt having sex...yes he was cheating. if he has to go to a strip club then apparently he doesnt want to watch you anymore...so let him go.

i'm soo glad i dont have this problem...i love my husband..every girl needs one like him (not him tho he's mine finders keepers)

i dont think it's cheating. the stripper doesn't want him, just the money. the guy doesn't want the stripper, just the dance. it's just a transaction lol

Last night my bf also went to an upscale strip club for a bachelor party. He knows I was sick to my stomach about it but I did not try to convince him not to go...after all he is an adult, the party was for his best friend and I had hoped to trust him. I am not his mom. The only thing I asked was please do not get a lap dance, the thought of another woman on him was really aching me. When he returned home drunk at 3am he rambled on and told me one of his friends bought him a lap dance and all he thought about was me! BS! The jerk tried cuddling with me after this! RIGHT! Now after sobering up he tried lying to me this morning and told me he did not get a lap dance!!! I straitened that lie out right away and here I sit at work disgusted and sick to think of what he was saying to her and what he was thinking and what was rising on him and imagining the sexual look he had on his face at another woman rubbing her cooch all over him! All as I layed in bed 6 months pregnant until he got home hoping that he was behaving. I did not call him once respecting him and showing him trust all night. Now I sit wondering how I am going to get over this. The thought of him touching me disgusts me at this point and I really want to get over this. I have to get over this. I will not even speak to him at this point. How do I let this go!?!?!?!?!?

That's not cheating!!!!!

YOU should give him couch dances! He'd probably like that better.

I would consider it cheating. He chose to be sexually "entertained" by a woman other than his wife.