Last week my mother-in-law (we dont get along or speak at all) told my kids, without our permission about when i was in jail 13 years ago. im very angery and mad that she told them and i feel she was out of line doing so. what should i do to handle this?
by 
midori
ANSWERS: 23
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Above all else, make sure your children understand what happened and why it happened, and why you seemed upset when you learned they had been told. THEN Get your husband to talk to your MIL about what happened and make sure she knows that you are upset and why. If that doesn't work, talk to her yourself being careful not to sound too aggressive.
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I've always thought that secrets shouldn't be kept from kids, because somebody -- usually the wrong person -- will spill the beans, and often, at an inopportune time. All you can do is try to explain to your kids why you were keeping this secret, and that it was wrong for you to do so... as for your mother-in-law -- tell her how you feel, and try to get your husbands support -- and never share a secret with her again.
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Well what you want to do is probably illegal so don't do that. I would tell her in no uncertain terms that what she did was unacceptable and hurtful to you and your children. She may balk at that but there is no excuse for doing something like that.
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Oh my..I agree that she was very much out of line. I would first explain it to the kids then have my spouse talk to her about what is and is NOT acceptable. If she then could not abide by your wishes, I would make sure that she was not with the kids unsupervised. Until she learned that it is you and your spouse who decides such things...not her.
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Let her know that she can no longer see the children without you being there. If she wants to see them she should have to come to your house and not be left alone with them. If she wants to know why,tell her. If she would stop trying to cause trouble it would not have to be this way but since she dont know how to keep her big mouth shut..This is how it will be...
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Come clean with your kids. Tell them in as little details as possible but be accurate. THell them that at the appropriate age youwould have told them. And tell them that no but you had the right to tell them. Ask your MIL what she wanted and what she got from devulging this secret and to BUTT OUT!
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You need to talk to your children about what you MIL said in terms that are simple for their ages. The information has already been given to them, so now you need to let them know what happened. It can be very simplified like "a long time ago, I made a really bad mistake and because of that I had to go to jail. I will never do anything like that again." You must be honest with your children, but do not overwhelm them. From there, they can ask questions or not. As for your MIL, she will not change, and she should not be allowed to have the children unless supervised by you or your wife. Period. If she asks why, tell her clearly and without anger that she has shown poor judgement in the past and you want the children supervised by a parent. Good luck.
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Come clean with your kids, tell them what happened. Limit your kids time with that grandmother and also tell them about her time as a "dance hall hooker" during the Civil war.
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The truth will set you free!
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look sit down and have a chat to your kids and explain what happened ... if you do it right (the truth) they will understand ..kids are amazing so don't under estimate them ....then front this cow of a mil and set her straight about keeping her big mouth shut ...give this meddling woman a good serve and don't hold back because she was up to something as it sounds like bad blood between the two of you so I'll bet it was planned to make you look bad in your kids eyes
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holy crap. That is way out of line! Well we all know she had NO right to say that to your own children. I'd talk to your husband and have him talk to her, she may not care what you think but she will care what her son thinks.
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I agree that that was very wrong. She certainly wasn't thinking of their best interest. I think I would start there. I think I would even start there with the children, maybe letting them know that you didn't want them to have to even think about something that is ancient history and that you had their best interest in mind, unlike their nasty rotten selfish, backstabbing grandmother :)
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Two things need to happen in this situation. First of all you need to explain to your kids what happened. You dont need to go into details or even tell them all of what happened. But dont lie. You can even say something as simple as "i made a mistake". Explain to them that nothing like that will never happen again and it doesn't make you a bad person. Second, you need to speak to your MIL and let her know that she was out of line. You dont need to pick a fight or ruin a relationship, but just let her know that you dont appreciate what she did and that she should try to avoid doing things like that in the future! good luck!
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This is easy tell the kids u didnt do anything and you were framed(wether you did it or not,you can tell them the truth when they get older and it will all be a good laugh)Also tell the kids when MIL was cuaght streaking thru back yards
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That was really unkind of her. It was your place to tell them and she should not have interfered. Perhaps you can turn it now into something positive. It is probably best that they know about it -- the longer you leave it, the less understanding they could have. Maybe sit them down and gently tell them your story and say we all have to pay for mistakes we make, and I have paid mine, and I am a better person for it, and I don't want you to make the mistakes that I did. As for your MOL, she has to learn boundaries. Speak to her too, firmly but with respect, and tell her that if she is going to interfere in your life, you are going to have to exclude her more and more. Not easy.
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The damage has been done. Best now to level with your children and tell them the truth of what happened and whay you served time. Your children will respect you more if YOU level with them and straighten out the truth, compared to what your mother in law stated, to the truth. Its too late to take any of this back. If you are still married, you have an opportunity to sign a restraining order on your mother in law. the only problem is the effect it will have on your marriage and especially on your wife. To be honest with you, you would not be in this situation with your mother in law or your children, if you had not commited a crime 13 years ago.
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Assassination is always an option... But seriously... If my Muther-in-Law had done THAT to me, she would be forbidden (by me) from EVER seeing her grandkids, again. In fact, the EXACT words I would say to her, would be these: "The next time your grandkids see you, will be while you are 'laying in state' at the funeral parlor." I would also make sure that the kids didn't see her, unless it was done of their own volition, ON or after their 18th birthdays. I'd also teach the kids to name their bowel movements after her. +5
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If I were in your situation I wouldn't let her around your kids unless someone else is there. Make it a lesson for your kids about consequences. I remember when I was a kid my uncle told me, my dad and grandfather were going to hell for smoking cigarettes. My dad didn't let him around us unless he was there after that. She has no right to do that, it's up to you when you think the time is right to tell them, if you wanted to even tell them at all. If anything just let them know people change and everyone makes mistakes, you live and you learn.
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Rat-a-tat-tat-tat. That's what I'd do.
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Tell your husband to get his nosy mother COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR LIFE FOR GOOD!
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No updates in over 2 years. I hope they didn't go back to jail.
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what is your wife doing about this? first, you need to come clean with your kids, let them knwo you made a horrible mistake and its long since over second, since MIL has proven that she is willing to harm the kids just to spite you, you need to limit her to only supervised visitation. If your wife isnt willing to protect her husband and kids from destruction, youve got much bigger problems. and again, what is your wife doing about this? It is her responsibilty to prevent her mother from further abuse against her husband and children.
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What a B@$! that wasn't right
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