My mother-in-law would like to take our 3 year old son to live with her for 10 months (she lives overseas).
She says it will make it easier on us and allow my wife to work.
Does anyone see anything wrong with this?
by 
Dodgy Dog in a Sable COAT
ANSWERS: 38
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I don't like the sound of that! 10 months is an awfully long time for a 3 year old child to be apart from his parents, and for the parents to be apart from their child. To me, that's just not right in any instance other than necessity. Making it easier for you, and allowing your wife to work, for 10 months - that doesnt appear on its own to be a matter of necessity. I assume you and your wife aren't happy with her strange (and worrying) proposal!
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Ten months is a very long time in a three year olds life. Is he going to understand why he is being sent away. I lost my son when he was five. I could not have stood the thought that I had sent him away for nearly a year of that time. You never know what is going to happen It is of course for you to decide if you could stand to be without your child for that length of time.
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Yes.
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I believe that a child that is three, especially ... NEEDS his/her PARENTS or at least One of them as these are very formative years .... I'd say thanks ; BUT NO THANKS for the offer ... +5
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I would think about whats really best for the child. 10 months is a long time to be away from your parents when you're 3yrs old. Also, he is very easily influenced at his age and you have to think about what he will learn/see/hear while he is gone and how that may change him, for better or worse. If it were me, I'd want my child with me unless it was in his best interest not to be. good luck! ;)
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well i don't know your wife,and i don't know your mother-in-law. i don't know if your wife is happy in her marriage to you. but i am a very worrying person and would be concerened as to how your wife could give up her child for 10 months,unless it's just a ploy to get the child out of the USA legally and join them later while ole Dad is setting state side wondering what the heck just happened. I could see many things that i would be concerned about here. where was your wife born,is she a mommys girl. has mommy conjured up a plan.Are you going to be left behind holding the bag? you will never know these answers unless you agree to the situation,and see what happens.
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It is definately something to really talk in-depth about it with your wife. Weigh the pros and cons with her and tell her your side of the issue here. I don't know your specific circumstances or your relationship with your mother-in-law so I wouldn't want to persuade you one way or another without the facts. I personally have had extended stays at family friends' or relatives houses. I didn't have issues with it but I did have a very close-knit extended family where close family friends are practically considered aunty/uncle/brother/sister. It's very common in my culture to have the grandparents or other relatives who can't work care for the children while parents work but that's just my culture. In the end, the decision will be yours and your wifes.
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NOBODY'S GONNA TAKE MY SON FOR 10 MONTHS UNLESS I'M ATTACHED TO HIM!!! check with a lawyer or the state department to make sure that you can demand him if she doesn't want to return him ... again, i'd never do it.
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That sounds very wrong to me. Not only is it a huge chunk of your son's life, it's also a worry that it's overseas where you might not easily be able to see him or get him back. That ten months might well end up being for ever.
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I would never allow that if it were my child. Once you surrender custody and the child goes overseas you might have a very difficult time retrieving your child depending on the country the child is in. Should your relationship with your wife or her family sour you would be in a very bad position. There would be many potential legal and financial hurdles to cross to get your child back. If your mother in law wants to be supportive of your wife working suggest she come and stay with you or nearby to help with babysitting duties. If your child goes you might never see him again. Are you ready for that possibility?
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I wouldn't let my child go. I'm sure she has great motives and all but, to your son, 10 months is a life time. He's only 3! Ask her to come to your house for 10 months instead. A boy needs his mom and dad at that age.
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Oh hell no... No one takes my kids away from me....!!!
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Depends on the Mother in Law. My ex mother in law was a pre enlightenment cretin. No way that would happen. My current girlfriends mother is a genius. If I would have had the opportunity back in the past, I would have sent my kids to hang out with her as often as possible. So if the mother in law actually has something to offer, why not. If she is a moron, no thanks.
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I see EVERYTHING wrong with that! There is NO WAY on this green earth that I would allow someone to take my 3 yr old son for that amount of time. Is there more to this story that we don't know about? My big worry is, will he be considered a citizen of this country after that amount of time? Can the Mother-In-Law legally keep him if she's had him for this long? There has just got to be more to this then she is telling you. NO WAY! Don't do it! Your son will be 4 yrs old when you get him back!! Will he remember you as "mom" and "dad" and how much you loved him? Will he adjust coming back to live with you? There are far too many down sides and this little guy is going to be right in the middle of a mess of emotions & possibly a custody battle. +5
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I think that's a wonderful opportunity for everyone! You and your wife get to return to a romantic mode for a while, and she gets to do something fulfilling with her life. Your son gets to live overseas for a while, which is a rare opportunity (though, as others have said, make sure he's comfortable with it and sees it as something fun he's getting to do). And your mother in law gets to be with her grandson which, living oveseas, she probably doesn't get enough of.
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in a way yes after a short time yor son will miss you like crazy and youll go mad with missing him .If he was 16 i,d say yes but 3 years old thats to young to be away from his mum and dad
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I would say no. He is only three and ten months is a long time. You would miss so much! I have a hard time letting anyone else babysit my child, I could never agree to that. Maybe when he is older he could go for a few weeks, or even a couple of months but I wouldn't allow it. I don't know what your wife thinks but I can't imagine any mother would agree to let there toddler spend such a long time away from them
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yeah there is definitely something wrong with that. your son is your child not your mother in laws. you seem to want to put work and money ahead of family. its ashamed you already have the child because it seems like the boy doesn't fit in too well with your lifestyle or what you want it to be.
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Please retract your question. I'm sure you were just thinking out loud and would not ever send your baby away for 10 months. These are the most formative days of your baby's life, he will remember every event, you and your wife will not be in that memory. Only consider this if there is a very serious and dangerous situation should your child remain with you. Pray on this option.
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If you guys are really busy and your wife has to work, you should team up with another family and switch off babysitting duty. It's for free and your kid can make friends. Seems like your mother-in-law is lonely. Maybe she needs a dog or cat. (I am not trying to be mean. I am serious.)
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I couldn't stand my 3 year-old to go anywhere, maybe at 14. Nothing wrong, but I don't think you'll recognize your child when he comes back in looks, personality or the person he is. +5
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I think Three is to young for more than a weekend.
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I'm not a mother, and I couldn't do it. Unless something severe happened to me, or I was dying. My 4 yr old niece lives only 40 minutes away and I miss her all the time. I think if your MIL lived in your city it would be totally different. Quite often I see the sacrifices my friends and colleagues make for their kids and it's heartwrenching whenever I see them struggle over tough decisions they wish they didn't have to make. I can tell you don't want to do this, and I pray another solution becomes available to you soon.
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It would be very confusing for a three year old to be away from their parents for so long. Also, as a mother, I wouldn't want to be away from either one of my kids for that long while they are young, even if they were in good hands. I'd wait until the child was older, and maybe let them visit for a couple weeks or a month.
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My brothers and I did this when we were young. One or two of us out of the three would stay in Sweden with our grandparents while our parents were in Canada. We are still close with our mom and dad, and have no regrets. It helped with learning the language and culture, and even as older children and teens we used to have to beg to do go over for months even years at a time. The thing is with young children, even if the can not talk much speak to them on the phone so they remember your voice. We all have hilarious storied from being with our grandparents, and who doesnt want to say they lived somewhere else when they were young. If you turn down the offer now, rethink it when he is older. TIP- Its easier for elementary school kids and younger to jump in an out of school but not so much in high school. If the grandparents live in a different country, make sure he learns the language, and going there frequently is a great way to do so!!
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That is COMPLETELY messed up. Does your wife want to be a childless career woman, or a mom? Is there really any question? This seems to me like an underhanded bid to take your child from you because she wants to raise him herself. Aside from that, seperating a 3 year old from his parents for 10 months is extremely detrimental to his mental health. This is a totally insane idea and you should not even entertain it for a second if you want to be a parent to this child.
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I see numerous things wrong with that but the biggest would be the kid being away from a mom and dad that are okay with that situation.
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That is a very formative time in your child's life and 10 months is a long time. What does your wife say? You apparently like the way that your wife turned out so the grandmother must be OK with child raising. But, also, you have to think of the child. What is he going to think being sent away? When I was young I stayed with my grandparents and loved it. But, I was old enough to understand that it was just because of our family situation and that I would be going back home soon. I will say that that six months gave me some of the most favorite memories of my childhood.
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There is no way I would do it. Where overseas?
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what about just getting a babysitter? or preschool?
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I would never have been able to have my child gone for that long. I do agree it's great for kids to have an extended family and spend time with them. However, you and your wife decided to bring this child into the world. Your lives now include your wonderful son and I guess I don't understand why you would want anyone to keep him for so long -- no matter how much "easier" it would make your life.
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well... there are definitely pro's and cons. you heard enough cons. so think about this. -it will be one of his life experiences he wont forget (which is not easy at 3-4) -he will be exposed to a new culture and surroundings. -and a BIG one; HE MIGHT EVEN LEARN A NEW LANGUAGE! im sure there is more. (not to mention build strong family values, by living out side the mom-dad family surroundings)
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yes you baby will get home sick and he will miss you guys like heck! and 10 months is wayyyy to long because he will get extremely home sick you should try maybe 5 month but that still is allot your mother in-law should come to you guys :)
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well i think that you should wait. if you let him go now then it wont mean very much. wait till he is a bit older and gets the meaning and then when he comes back he may play strange cause he hasn't seen you in a long time. maybe only for like 2 moths personally i think that 10 months is way to long! hope this helps.
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I would consider the option very carefully. Not what is best for you or grandma but what is best for your child. As a mother, there is no way in hell I would have parted with him and missed his growing up during that time. We struggled hard on one wage when our son was born because we believed that the best care taker of our child was us. We didn't have a lot and lived form pay cheque to pay cheque, but we were together. I know as a sensitive child myself, I couldn't even bare to have been parted from my mother for preschool never mind 10 months, but only you know your child. Before 5 is when your child will do its learning and becoming who they will be in life, its where they will be taking on your values and ethics. It is also a time when they can chnage from day to day and you woudl be missing out on that.
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Why would you let anyone take your child away like that? Middle east? You may never see him again. Is your wife nuts too?
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Yes. I would do my best to raise my child my way no matter how caring another relative is. I may not agree with their methods if they even have any good methods at all. If I had no choice, then sure, I would rather a close relative take care of them, but if not, then I would seriously consider other ways especially since the child would be gone for almost a year overseas.
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uhmm yea, it's a lame reason to do so many families have 2 ppl working with 3 yr olds
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