Yes

Absofreakinglutely. Edit: I read your comments. Leave the bum.

I would EXPECT my wife to leave me if I did all of that and deserve it.

when we have no money, he expects me to call daddy. now, my father has it, but he worked his ass off to get it. besides, isn't it the husbands responsibility to care for his wife and CHILD?

i would leave any guy like that.. he's dumb. You are worth so much more than him.

Why is this question under "drugs and medicine"? Anyhow, I concur with everyone else. Get rid of him.

I am not one for ultimatums but under these circumstances I would tell him to please start becoming a contributor in the relationship, or he will have to leave. Simply explain that you cannot do it alone. I have zero tolerance for liars and cheats. Lying and staying out all night and not contributing. Time for a serious reality check for him. That is all entirely up to you though.

Well of course dump him now.

If he is making no effort to amke the necessary changes or any attempts to amke the relationship work and its based on him only, what is the point of being married to him. The staying out all night I would ask him why he got married if he still wanted to be in his early twenties and out partying til all hours of the night. If hes married to you he belongs home with you, granted theres nothign wrong with a guy goign out without his wife once in a while, everyone needs their me time to do something fun. It keeps them sane. If this guy is out all night and doesnt want to work wheres the money coming from to go out,a nd to drive to go out? He wont be able to pay bills or attempt to help unless he has a job which he would have to have slight ambition to get out and work. I would kick his hump to the curb and find someone who is not taking advantage of you. You dont need a bum.

Um, talk about a no-brainer - of course. I deserve better. Fortunately, I have better.:):):)

I would be a fool, to keep living that way. First time, shame on you, second time, shame on me. If I caught my husband in a lie, AND he stayed out all night, it would be a no brainer. I would kick the CHEATER out! I also work very hard, so I would not have respect for someone who did nothing to help pay the bills.

Yes, no questions asked. If you didn't leave a guy like this, what kind of guy would leave? Do you not think this is another worst case scenario?

i would like to hear his side

Hell yes!! There is no way I would let any man (or woman for that matter)use me and abuse me like that. If he couldn't get off his arse and help and then went out all night and lied to boot, I would give him the boot. I am nobody's doormat and I hope that if you are asking because this is happening to you that you will decide you are not a doormat also and will get rid of the bum. I know it is sometimes easier said and done, but if he isn't looking out for you then you have to look out for yourself!

This is a bit Britney/Kev, isn't it?

Oh, hell yes, I would leave.

I would suggest some couples counseling, especially if there is a child invovled. If you still love each other, the marriage is worth trying to save.

Kinda sounds like I wrote that. A few other factors though. But yeah, as long as thats all thats going on. Able to work but doesn't. Able to help with housework but doesn't. Lied but no illness that causes it. Stays out all night without the respect of letting you know where he is or when he'll return....Where is he getting the $ to go out anyway?

I would be worried first, then angry later. The lack of a simple phone call would lead me to believe he didn't want me to know where he was. I have been married for 17 years. My husband has never been out all night. Other than work, I can't imagine why a husband or wife would be out all night unless is was prearranged, such as visiting an out of town friend, or something along those lines.

if my partner did this (which he does not do) i would change the locks and he would be left out in the cold the next day...

yes! very very mad. I would probably first be nervous for his safety. then if he was safe the whole time, and he had a phone available.. yea he would be dead.

I wouldn't leave, I would change the locks and make him find another place to live.

Yes, and I did.

I would be questioning my sanity if I had not already left. LEAVE!

Yes I would.

I would be furious. And then he'd get the Spanish Inquestion when he got home. And if it happened again that would be it.

I would cycle through feeling mad and then worried - but worry would override the madness. When he got home, if his explanation was reasonable, I would just be glad he was home and safe. If no reasonable explanation was given, I would probably be mad.

He'd be gone, gone, gone. That's ridiculous that he expects you to put up with that kind of behaviour. You need to dump the zero and go find a hero. That's what I did.

Definately. Go with your gut feeling. I ignored my husbands cheating for 13 years, because I did not want to face it. It wasted a lot of years of my life. It is better to face it now then wait and it will be harder to do. There are good men out here who don't cheat.

definitely we all deserve better than that what kind of marriage is that?

If you have to ask someone after all that, you do not plan or want to leave anyway so the answer for you is no.

A RESOUNDING YYYYYEEEEESSSSSS.............

GET AWAY FROM THAT BAD MAN! Dude, that person doesn't do ANYTHING...

I would tolerate it the first time. I would talk to him about it the 2nd time. I would leave him the 3rd time.

Wow! Sound like you picked a winner there LOL!

Well, of fucking course. Sounds pretty bad no matter how good he may be!

I've been there & done that & I have so much more now than I ever had or would've had with him. You will be happier, it's just having the courage to leave or make him leave, Good Luck

I'm a guy, and I would leave that in a heartbeat. Hell, I'd dump a friend if they started acting like that.

I wouldn't leave...I would just never go home again...

my daughters dad just got the boot.he gives me no more money than what he owes me and he brags about making more money than i do. yes i pay all the bills and groceries. and he lays out ALL night. his response is that he falls asleep..who goes to peoples houses and falls asleep anyway? aparently only men with excuses .

H*ll yeah! That crap doesn't fly with me!

I'm going to have to say, YES, I would so totally leave a man who treated me this way. Everyone else has given great answers as to why you ought to leave. I'm in a relationship with a man who contributes ZERO to the relationship. I pay most of his bills so that he can have "spending money" (which he spends on useless crap) meanwhile I am sinking quickly into debt because of his irresponsibility. I totally understand how hard it is to leave also. I'm pretty much stuck in this mess until I can get back on my feet financially. We have kids together and I have absolutely nowhere to go if I left at this point, and I can't afford my own place until I get out of this debt. I feel like such an ass for staying with him, since he's pretty much oblivious to the fact that I'm planning to leave as soon as humanly possible - but I figure he kind of deserves it for being so crappy to me all these years. Make a change. Get your ducks in a row and get OUT of this relationship. You don't NEED a man, especially one who is only bringing you down. Best of luck to you in your new life!

I would have no problem packing his bags and showing him the door. A marraige should be built on trust...what would he do if the tables were turned?

100 percent YES

Well, Im a man and I would leave my wife if she did all those.

Been there done that... I was married for 18 years and my husband was unsupportive, an alcoholic and drug addict. He worked but spent more money than he made. He would be gone overnight with not explanation, he cheated on my several times and I kept sticking around. I finally came to my scenses and divorced him. I now have a wonderful man who treats me as good as I treat him.

yes.... I would divorce him right away.

Absolutely! Straight away, without a doubt! Why should you work hard and pay the bills while he's at home on his arse!!! Ditch him sister!

That is a no brainer...kick his sorry butt out!

I did just that!! It took me a while to find a place that I could afford on my own, but keep trying. Plan ahead, and when you find a place JUST DO IT. Men that stay out all night and don't pay bills, are spending money on SOMETHING! Good Luck!

yeah, i probably would have made sure to figure that one out before we got married though. But if it were my b/f then i'd leave him and find someone better suited for me.

Yes, I would and have left & divorced my husband (now ex) for just that. Life is too short to be unhappy over someone who is not willing to pull their own weight!

One word: ABSOLUTELY

Been there. Dump that chump! Why should you be stuck paying all the bills and working while he goes out and has a great time? If that's the case now, what the heck do you need HIM for???

kick him to the curb

If I had a partner, who done me that way, first i'd bring it to her attention and if she didnt do anything about it, then I would have to tell her shes got to move on.

I think I'd have to ask why I am with him in the first place.

Since you posted this in 2006, I hpoe you're out of this relationship now and doing well!

Hell NO! I'd take lovers! Lots of them! I couldn't respect or care about a man like that! Good grief, what a daft question!! I'd have been out at the first sign of trouble - in fact, there's no way I would have married him in the first place! You're going to say "But I love him" or " I know he loves me"... BAH! Get some self-respect and get shot! EDIT: OK, I've read through a lot of these threads and "the one" the question relates to. The last para doesn't count, but it often does...

That sounds like a teenage son, not a husband. I need a man that can be strong to deal with ME! :)

No brainer YES

I am a male and that sounds like the best Idea, get rid of them losers, they are holding you back in life

I would definitely WANT to! However, if I knew before hand that the person was like that then It would really be my own fault and I would have to live with it. Must stick to our decisions and commitments no?

Yes

YES!!!

No, because I'm the only one working and paying for the sh*t, I'm throwing him out and staying put.

Too Darn right I would leave. In fact I would have left a long time before it got to that point.

Yes, I did!

You bet your ass i would!!

OF COURSE NOT. WHY SHOULD I STAY? I CAN BE BROKE BY MYSELF. IF I AM SINGLE, AT LEAST THERE IS HOPE THAT I CAN MEET A MAN WHO CAN HELP ME BUT IF I STAY WITH THIS MAN, ITS A LOSE LOSE SITUATION WITH NO HOPE IN SIGHT. IF YOUR BEST FRIEND ASK YOU THAT QUESTION HOW WOULD YOU ANSWER IT?

Without a doubt. I would be so gone.

if he was like that prior to marriage, WHY DID YOU MARRY HIM? Is it that good? I don't think anything could be. I'm an independent individual and don't "require" anyone to help me; however, if you're sharing the same bed and you took vows, why is he out all night and what the hell is he doing? you can have a roommate that at least helps out with something.

For me the real question is why would you NOT make him leave?

Yes...why would you stay...that's not a marriage, not even a decent relationship

Jen, I would love to know what ever became of you and Gary.

Yes, but he would be the one out the door not me, I would go pack up all his things and tell him dont let the door hit in the butt on your way out.

Plainly put, YES! Where is the respect you are suppose to be getting. To think about it men are supposly the bread winners in the family, of course men and women both are now days. Just ask yourself all the questions a normal family man should do and see what you end up with. And, don't feel quilty, at least you know you've worked hard and tried. He did not. Good luck.

don't work or pay the bills..........like taking salt and rubbing it in the wound..............KICK EM OUT!!!

Yup EXACTLY same situation as you. And I did! 2 months now. I miss him though but he does not know that! I dont know how I can still love him despite everything. I must be sick. ;)

YES

Yes, definitely. Love is a strange thing, that can cloud such decisions. And then there's always hope that he might change and that you can help him change. But in this situation you can't and he doesn't want to. He's dishonest, not there for you, doesn't even support himself let alone you and he constantly lies. It doesn't matter how charming he is, how many promises he makes, or how much you love him. If you have any love or respect for yourself, you would not be treated like this. Get rid of him now for your own mental and emotional health!

i wouldnt leave - i would kick his ass to the curb!

Only someone who has no self esteem at all would stay with a man after the first lie. You need to ask your self why you are settling for such a loser.

I owned one of those once and it took me a long time to get the free loader out of the house...yes I would leave him!!!!

With that Husband who wants to be married? well i know many woman that allowed that and they are happy that way (looks like it) 'cause they want him with them even though they mess around but they say they love them 'cause they still with them 'cause they are good to them, (which i think they mean Buying them) but i would explode and kick him out or just walked away from his life and start my own single, Independent and available.

I would leave him in a heart-beat. You deserve so much more than what you have now! You are in my prayers.

Yes. Leave. Soon.

from the male perspective....he sounds like a real caring guy. What he cares about, I have no idea...Please dont put up with losers like this.

I have but one word for you. DUH

I did do that. I got tired of him wandering in at 4 am every single Friday night (or should I say early Saturday morning). He wouldn't return my calls or texts to make sure he was ok. It got really old really fast!

the last part for not helping paying the bills is not tolerable..... Husband is BREADWINER ... you are there to support. Find a better person.

yes, b/c it sounds like you are practically single anyway. but taking care of a leech. what positive things do they bring? Sounds like a weight would be lifted off your shoulder if you made him leave. why tolerate that when you can go find happiness somewhere else? even being alone would be better than that.

yeah i would.. it sounds like the guy is using you..

I think the answer is obvious.... and trust me there is a man out there that will do for you what this man never could.

Kick his butt to the curb what good is he?

Absolutely! Let him go, and let someone else deal with that mess!

Absolutely. there is no point in keeping him if he is not respecting me.

Wow that sounds like my husband .. or should I Say my soon to be ex-husband.. It is hard to say good-bye to someone you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.. when I said "I Do" I ment it... but after a few years into the marrige I realized I was not #1 in his life.. But I didn't leave.. I reasoned.. He didn't hit me ... I could deal with be #2 in his life..#1 was anything else but me not even our children where #1 with him... Because I was lonely in the marriage and because of his actions I had an affair.. I do not condone my actions but I won't ever regret them either.. I left my husband for the man I had my affair with.. now I know what love is really like and how I should of been treated in the first place... I don't hate my ex.. If fact, I think he is turning into a pretty good person now.. He works, takes care of him self and is doing better in Life.. I am proud and happy for him.. Don't wait until you do something that you might regret like have a affair (most don't end well) plus It can hurt you in to many ways.. Marriage is supose to bring out the best in each other.. if it is not doing that then bow out before it turns into hate.. Take time to work on who you are, then when you are ready.. Find that someone who makes you complete and happy.. As they say Life is to short to be unhappy...

Definitely...he would be a goner...

Sounds like a reasonable assumption - who needs the extra baggage when all it's doing is collecting dust and not contributing? LOL