ANSWERS: 64
  • About as much as people who are robbed were 'asking for it.'
  • I have never heard of a rape victim who stated that "I asked for it". The question is in itself absurd. Recently here in Austin, a woman was walking to her car after work, and was approached by a man who shot her point blank in the chest, he stole her car and went on a crime spree, he kidnapped another victim and stole her car as well, luckily the kidnapped victim was not harmed. The lady who was shot is still in critical condition. Niether of these two women asked for it... the act of violence was wrought upon them whether they liked it or not.---cont. They have a suspect and are closing in on the cowardly bastard. --- It was probably rated because sometimes it's hard to discern the tone of the Q, most find the comment or the Q of, ignorant if not insulting. The person might as well used another subject matter for somthing else absurd, like, Are people who get mugged asking for it? Of course not, there is no such thing as a stupid Q, but their are some that are obviously ridiculous.
  • Where do I begin? NO. Girls who get raped are NOT asking to be raped. "She asked for it" is a variation on "blame the victim". Those are words a rapist uses to convince himself that his actions were justified. "If the girl had been wearing more clothes, or something different, then none of this would have happened. This is really her fault." Or "She provoked me. She teased me. She pushed me too far." and "Everything would be fine now if..." The lies go on. The only people who really believe it are other rapists and abusers. "She asked for it" is complete BS to the cops, the District Attorney, investigators, psychologists, doctors, name it. It's also nonsense to anyone with half a brain and a sense of decency. The heartbreaking irony of rape is this: many victims - in a vulnerable, traumatized state - accept the rapist's self-justifying "blame the victim" mentality. Although the logic is flawed, it provides insight about how such atrocities can occur. Once the victim rejects "I must have asked for it, so I deserved what happened", her healing process begins. Rape is rooted in anger and power. It's about violence, not sex. The physical damage can, of course, be devastating. The emotional damage can be equally destructive. Because it's hidden, sometimes it's worse. Doctors can't x-ray a fractured mind or spirit. Lab tests can't measure loss, and paramedics can't clean up what remains in a shattered life. Bruises and broken bones can be identified and treated. Emotional wounds don't heal when the victim feels so much shame that she can't, or won't, get help. She internalizes "It's my fault" and the pain continues. The rapist, IF he's caught and IF he's convicted, will serve time. His victims can be locked inside a different kind of prison. "She asked for it" is the ultimate in blaming someone else. The truth is, it's more and it's worse. But the answer to your question is "No." For more, please see: http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/183360 "Does the emotional and mental pain that comes from being raped ever get easier to deal with, or go away completely?" ~~~~~~ Psychade, On the contrary, I followed your lead, specifically. You asked an excellent question about one aspect of sexual assault, and it's one I wish more people stopped to think about it, quite honestly. This is still a huge misconception. "Are girls who get raped 'asking for it'?" And that's what I went by. Sexual assault/violence is a big subject. If you have other questions, post them, or feel free to email me (address on profile page). I'll try to answer it myself or find the info somewhere, no problem. ~~~~~~~ Psychade, Lady Fuschia makes the point in her answer, and I agree. To answer your comment, gender is immaterial, don't you think? Forced intercourse is forced intercourse. Rephrase the question - Are people who are forced into sexual intercourse asking for it? I would still answer, "No" The word "rape" in the question pretty much excludes answers other than "No".
  • Rape is a crime of violence. Are men who are beaten up in the process of being mugged "asking for it"? After all, their clothing may advertise their financial state, and their appearance may show their helplessness. If they happen to be where muggers claim the turf....
  • "Rape" is defined as forcing someone to have sexual intercourse against their wishes. Therefore to "ask to be raped" is a contradiction in terms. EDIT: I just had some thoughts about this that I wanted to add- in that I find the whole culture of making a victim responsible for a crime committed against them hugely out of order in general. If a family's house is burgled, and we discover they had no burglar alarm. We can all probably say that not installing a burglar alarm was probably a bit of a silly thing to do, particularly if they lived in a high crime area. If they left their front door unlocked we could consider them also to be pretty stupid. (Funny how we reminise about the time when "You didn't have to lock your door at night" isn't it?) But at some point you have to consider- well, maybe people just shouldn't go around robbing houses. I think you can say the same about rape- a girl who flirts with a man, drinks more than she can handle and lets herself be left alone with him when she doesn't want to sleep with him is probably doing something ridiculously stupid. But being a bit stupid doesn't mean you want (i.e. "are asking") to be raped. At the end of the day, if men (I'm losing the term loosly here) didn't rape women, then women wouldn't have to constantly be considering whether chatting to him like this was leading him on, whether that skirt was just a little too short, whether that shortcut was safe to take after midnight. The blame for rape HAS to rest squarely on the shoulders of rapists, just as the blame for burglary sits with burglars. Its also interesting that the question doesn't differentiate between types of rape- there's a huge difference between, say, a man who gets a girl drunk and has sex with her in a hotel room, and a man who follows a random woman home and grabs her and attacks her in the street. I read a very disturbing study a few years ago (which I wish I could locate- I'll link if I find it) which interviewed a number of convicted rapists of the "oppurtunist" type regarding what led them to select a woman for an attack. The results were not what you might think- short skirts, revealing clothes etc did not feature at all. High heels did, but only insomuch as they inhibited the victim's ability to escape. The major things mentioned were: - resemblance to a woman who had previously hurt them (usually a mother, teacher or past girlfriend/ crush) - scarves and shawls (provide something to grab or use as a restraint) - long hair (something to grab) - struggling with lots of heavy shopping (likely to be distracted so not notice she was being followed) - a nervous or unconfident demeanour(probably less likely to fight back) None of which are the traditional "she was asking for it" features I think you'll agree.
  • do rape victims ever really "enjoy it in the end"? are you serious?
  • my goodness NO!!!!! it is always horrible that girls get raped in any situation! it's a crime against them, regardless of what they were doing at the time.
  • Any woman (or girl of legaly responsible age) who is truly "asking" for it is not a rape victim, but a willing participant. It is the guy's responsibility to make sure that her intention is clear. A long time ago, even when I was still young and foolish, I dated a woman who liked to play a game of saying no. Whenever she said no, I turned away, only to be quickly accused of giving up too easily. My response then, though young and foolish, was the same each and every time. I told her, "No means no, and I refuse to play that game with you. If you want me, say so, if not, say no, and I will leave you alone." It's the only safe way for a man to behave. Play that game, and you run the risk of one day being accused of rape. Never play that game, and you never have to question yourself, or the motivation of the woman you are with. I've been married for eleven years now, and guess what? I still don't play that game. No still means no, married or not. If a woman asks for it, it isn't rape, but for the man's sake who is involved, it had better be with her mouth, and with so many words, otherwise it's rape. Sex is something no assumptions can be made with. I don't care how she is dressed, or how much, or what she is under the influence of. Those things do not say she wants it. The only thing that can give a clear answer is words in clear understandable language that you yourself are fluent in. Did you know that in many places, if you have sex with a person under the influence of any substance, and they can later prove that they were under the influence, you can be charged with rape? Having sex with a drunk, or otherwise stoned person is like playing russian roulette. Simply not worth the risk. No. If a woman is truly raped, she did not ask for it.
  • Definately not...sure some girls may come off as 'premiscuous' but that doesn't mean they are. People shouldn't assume someone is willing to give it up...rape is forced...that is why they call it rape.
  • If a girl is "asking for it" then she she didn't get raped. :S Rape is UNWANTED sex. So of course not; that's where 'unwanted' came into the picture.
  • How can you seriously ask the question? What could conceivably place the thought in your mind to believe that anyone would want to become the victim of a crime of violence by an anonymous stranger, quite probably including transmission of STD's including AIDS and possible pregnancy? Do gay men "ask for it"? Even in prison, gay men have filed civil and criminal charges against sexual predators. You need to get your head on straight, or change your login from "psychade" to "psycho".
  • No! Absolutely not! Do the victims of child molesters 'ask for it'? Do 80-year-old rape victims 'ask for it'? Rape is a crime of violence, and really has nothing to do with sex, believe it or not. The rapist is power-hungry, not horny! He has to feel in control, and this is the way he does it -- by making a woman feel submissive and powerless. Even if a woman is dressed seductively, she doesn't deserve to be raped, as so many attackers believe. In a date-rape situation, if a man comes on to her and she says no, and he persists and ends up sexually assaulting her against her will, that's rape. Nobody ever asks to be attacked. That's a ridiculous statement.
  • ABSOLUTELY NOT! who the hell asks to be raped even in that term. rape is forced sex. not asked. if its asked its not rape.
  • Well, if you post an ad asking to be raped because you have some fantasy, I suppose so. Then again, to be "raped" it to be forced into some type of sexual activity against your will so even if you "wanted" to be raped, it would be consentual sex so it actually wouldn't be rape at all. As far as young girls and grandmothers who are victimized by brutal disturbed individuals who are just looking to dominate and abuse women, the answer is NO WAY, no one asks for that. If your mom, sister, aunt, female friend was raped, would you ever enterain this question?
  • NO ! there is no reason in heaven or earth to force anyone to have sex!! I have no idea why you got rated down for the question, its one that makes people speak out against sterio typing. I only hope you don't actually thing that way!! its a good question.its the idea angers us!
  • No girl or woman deserves to be raped, ever! To make this short NO MEANS NO..
  • Unbelievable. Never. No. They can be asking for attention but NEVER rape.
  • UPDATE DEC2 2008 It has been 2 years since I have written this, and now after coming back and going over what I have written, I find this to be quite ignorant. 2 years is enough time for me to grow up a little bit. I have always believed that outside of your room, people are essentially bad. Everyday you are willingly walking into a pool of sharks, and therefore, one should assume the risks and pay heavy attention to their actions. This was my original thought/reasoning. .. A victim will always be a victim, and there is no way to transfer the responsibility from "attacker" to the "sufferer". Perhaps with my age, my location, and those that I am surrounded by, there is a reason why I believe there is a small chance that the victim puts him/herself there in any situation where they "ask for it", be it assault, rape, or theft, whatever the crime be. I am deleting this answer out of slight embarrassment (my 20 yr old self looking back at his 17 yr old thinking). However, I still find a grain of truth in what I had first proposed. It is a shame I think this way, not because I want to believe in it, but the stories I know that have happened (friend of a friend of mine types), it seems always to me that a "victim" (male or female in regards to any crime and not just rape), there is a reason for why they became involved. - - - I might again be "skewed" in my reasoning, but perhaps I am not seeing the same severity of rape the rest of my commenters are thinking of. I am probably applying my reasoning to a more.. high-school / college situation, like a "drunk at a house party" type of "unwanted" scenario involving heavy narcotics and alcohol. Although, a bad and very serious crime, it isn't like the ones you would hear about on an A&E crime story. - - - Ultimately, I agree with all the comments, and that my original answer is ridiculous. Yet I can not help myself (my pride) but feel the need to defend myself... one peeve.. I have with a comment.. something about "would my answer change if I had a daughter".. no.1 - do not even use that as a thought experiment. leave imaginary future family members alone. I do not wish this onto others nor will i even try to put another's future "probable" family members into an imaginary scenario just to get a point across. no.2 - the answer will indeed change. If i believed the world was essentially a good place, I would not think like this, however, I think human beings are unstable and many, including myself, are disgusting, and If i was to raise any children, I will be as sure as shit to raise them with extreme care and reasoning so they can avoid any situation such as this. What father doesn't have that sort of wishful thinking? If any father had a choice, they would never let their kids out into the world.
  • no I was raped!!! and they r not asking for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was 6 and I have no idea why on earth they chose me????
  • Oh my god, NO, HELL NO. IF A GUY WERE RAPED, DO YOU THINK HE DESERVES IT? he may say he enjoyed it. but i doubt it. double standards are a bitch. why is it that a girl can be permiscuous and at the same time that same thing makes a man a stud? no one, male or female deserves such disrespect. and for those who do it because it makes them feel in control, i think they need their ding dong chopped off and thrown into moving traffic.
  • NO NO NO NO NO I dont care if signals are mixed if she says no it means NO.
  • Simpy put, I have been raped and I sure as hell did not ask for it!!!
  • hell no!
  • i cant believe this is even a question. NO NO NO NO are people who get mugged asking for it are people who get burgled asking for it, why should rape be different. if someone gets raped they are NOT asking for it and the evil ******* who did it should have his **** chopped off without any sort of pain relief
  • No, rape is non-consentual sex. There is no excuse for it.
  • There's just too much to say on this, and by the looks of all the answers here, what needs to be said is more than likely covered, so, NO! No rape victim is asking for it! Anyone who thinks they are, is sub-human!!
  • I don't think so but were the person who asked this question asking for "it"? why all the bad rating? (again)
  • Where do I begin to counter an inane assertion like that? No, never. That's the answer.
  • While some girls may provoke it no one asks "Will you rape me?"
  • no, of course not! rape is an act of violence! no one asks anyone to physically assault them like that! I know a few women who've been raped, and it was a horrifying experience. Of course they didn't "ask" for it to happen. Those who rape are mentally disturbed, and this question is insulting.
  • Well if I had a daughter to dressed really provocatively all I would say to her is, "please be aware of your surroundings because some guys can be real arseholes".
  • Rape is not defined as asking.
  • Only if it's like a consensual 'Role Play' thing. But even then, it's still consensual. If it's not like that, then no. Girls who get raped aren't essentially asking for it. No matter what the person doing the act thinks. Does that help?
  • No girls in this world will ask someone to rape them. Eventhough at some point of time in their life they would like to have a sexual relationship with the person they like , but they would not prefer to be forced into sexuality. Girls like to be free and enjoy good relationship. Let us respect girls!
  • Heck NO!!! A man broke into my apartment (this happened a long time ago) and held a knife to my throat. He raped me, and I did not ask for this in any way!!!!!!!
  • Rape is rape. If she or sometimes he says no it means no. Unfortunately, a lot of gray areas develop considering the consent issue. A lot of guys have gone down with a woman scorned.
  • nope.. never.. noone asks to be raped
  • Well I was home alone two years ago when I was 13 and this guy broke into my house. I tried to stay hidden but he found me and I begged him not to hurt me but he cut my shoulders with a knife, raped me brutally and I was very small and he was larger and it hurt me badly. Then he sodomized me and continued to make out with me and suck me down there and it was a pure night of hell and tourture. Afterwards it was months before I could get over with it and cope. And btw, NO I DIDNT ASK FOR IT!
  • You could ask...does anyone ask to be murdered?
  • OF COURSE NOT! SOME FEMALES THAT GET RAPED ARE LITTLE GIRLS!!! HOW CAN A LITTLE GIRL ASK TO GET RAPED?!
  • are guys who get raped asking for it? no one is asking for anything. it's like saying that they asked for an excruciating experience that would take years to recover from.. even those who dress provocatively.. they don't ask to be raped. they just want to be accepted into society, some of them are desperate for a relationship, and sometimes just stupid when it comes to clothing choices. but any human being would never want to experience such an occurrence in their lives.
  • no. no one ever deserves it or asks for it. it is a violent hateful and disgusting crime that hurts at the victim mentally and physically.
  • NO, DON'T EVER BLAME YOURSELF FOR A RAPE!! Men who rape do it so they can have the pleasure of feeling power and control over you. Believe me, I have put myself in situations where I could easily be raped with 2 men, but they didn't even think of trying because they cared for me on some level and weren't monsters. Only a truly sadistic, satanic bastard could force himself on a woman. Go read material on the subject by criminologists. 99.99999999999999999999999% of rapists do it because they need to feel power and control over women and they are evil! If you were raped, don't ever blame yourself or feel like a slut, OK? Really, I mean it.
  • No. Some guys are just SICK. And some girls simply underestimate a male's capacity to become easily aroused. They also fail to acknowledge the danger of a horny knucklehead. To wear "revealing" clothing or to act in a seductive manner is comparable to walking on the dividing line of a busy street. Sooner or later, someone is bound to cross the line.
  • I am sure some people leave themselves stupidly vulnerable to it but that does not make it in any way acceptable and the offender needs to be sentanced to lose Jr and the twins.
  • no!!!!!!!
  • Nobody asks to be raped and its no defence for the rapist or his lawyer in court to say that it is because a woman dressed provocatively as a reason for her being raped.
  • If they were actually 'asking for it' it would be called sex...not rape...
  • Not necessarily, no. It doesn't matter what the girl looks like, it all depends on the mindset of the man whom she is raped by. It is by all means a terrible thing, but no, I don't think that any girl who gets raped is asking for it.
  • I don't think anyone asks to be raped... but I do however believe that when some girls dress certain ways... they draw attention to themselves... their bodies... and sometimes that is bad. Girls need to start realizing that the way the dress often determines the way they are treated. If you don't want everyone to see it... don't show it. But really no one asks to be raped...
  • wellby definition if they ask 4 it lol its not rape lmao
  • I am a man,I was 10 years old when I was raped.I was not asking for it. My advice is to pay someone to rape you to get the true answer, you are an moron
  • are you stupid it won't be rape if they were askin for it thats stupid fuckin question
  • Are rapists who get murdered in the line of fire?
  • Rape is more contraversial than the word it self it's the after effect that take holds of the person being raped that is so indispensible you will never forget and when you have sex you will be constantly reminded of the pain you once felt there is help but more than 50% don't get it and won't due to the fear or extra pain they might enflict upon themselves or their family. it's a common wishedflly uncommon perdicament many women also men have to go through yearly.
  • no i was raped and i said no nd i tried to get up he kept me down and to have that been said my ex friend went around calling me a slut. i didnt want it nd i wish i had my virginity bck. i was raped nd lost my virginity.
  • No girl EVER asks to be raped. It destroys you mentally.
  • Simple answer -no.
  • I have to agree with Jodie. Rape is something that very few people ask for. The part that truly scares me is that many younger girls are internalizing that it is actually there fault. I work as an EMT on a college campus, and I can tell you that we deal with a significant number of rape cases. It is absolutely shocking how many young girls consider themselves to be at least partially at fault. The most shocking part to me though is how few women seek to charge their rapist with anything. The next day most girls would much rather push it under the rug, and pretend like it didn't happen. Girls today are pressured by society to look amazing, wear very little clothing, and be sexy. They then get raped because of it, and assume its their fault. Date Rape and drugged rape is even more prevalent today. The number of rape victims on our campus that are affected by roofies or other date rape drugs is about 85% of all our rape cases. To me this is disgusting. I have had to respond to calls for people that have been roofied and let me tell you it is like dealing with a living meat puppet. It disables the part of your brain that creates memories...so you will have no recollection of actually being raped, and it decreases all motor function sometimes to the point of unconciousness. There is absolutely no situation where rape is the fault of the victim. Them being drunk doesn't make it their fault. their clothing doesn't make it their fault. Anyone who rapes another person is the lowest form of human imaginable. end of story
  • No, But I promise that any person who attempts to rape me is asking for a bullet and I promise I will put one in him. I have a CCW and WILL shoot if I'm attacked.
  • Fact from fiction, truth from diction. The way I see it, and others surely would not agree, is that no woman ask to be raped but many set up the condition or at best, fail to prevent a situation where by they can fall prey to rape easier. A girl wearing a haulter, no bra, a mini and heels at the mall has little chance of getting raped. That same gall dressed the same way at an unsupervised kegger party with half the basketball team....well, the odds go up. Usually for a rape to happen you have to have certain elements, least of which what the girl is wearing. What she is wearing might cause guys around to focus on sex, but that is a small part. You have to have seclusion, nothing like having onlookers spoil the moment or call the cops. You have to have a victim you can control. That is probably key. You can get control either brut force, weapon, or inebreation. When you can get a person so wated they can't aid in their own defence less fanthom they are in peril you have them. As long as you don't get seperated from friends or the public and or be drunk or stoned your chances of avoiding a rape situation less abduction with threat of weapon goes way down.
  • No woman asks for it, but if she conducts herself like a whore or teases a man, making him think she wants it, then she is obviously asking for trouble.

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