ANSWERS: 29
  • dang you really need to cool off just tell her to go away or something don't tell her u dont want her she'll learn from that and say i dont want YOU no more and stuff once shes a teenager
  • I hope that you will look for some anger management classes. Your child deserves it. I wish I could help you realize just how much damage you do each time you say those things to her. If you can't correct your behavior, she will grow up with lousy self esteem which puts her at risk for nearly every destructive thing on the planet. And she will probably distance herself from you, but it will be too late for her. Please find help. Ask a church. They often have counseling like this available for little or no charge.
  • If all your questions are based on reality, you need to get help! You've got too much pressure with the relationship issues, school, pregnant, 2 year old... We can't give you enough on AB and for your child's sake and for you, you need to get help! Sounds like a pressure cooker in your home and I'm afraid for your child's physical safety.
  • Apparently you are lacking the skills to deal with your stress. Counseling or parenting classes are a must. You do not like what your doing and your going to not like it even more when she is doing it to others, to include your Grand Babies. Perhaps you are dealing with an anger issue that stems from wanting to control everything around you and you can't. These sort of things can be dealt with during a professional counseling. Do it before it begins to physical...and it will.
  • You've already taken the first step by admitting there's a problem. Small ones can be very trying. If you are spending 24/7 with her, try to get away occasionally to clear your head. You need to be able to vent to a counselor, minister, someone outside your immediate family. Support is available via community groups, books, classes and so much more.
  • I have a way with dealing with things like this that some people find strange. Try it for me, see if it works for you. Picture your daughter as an old woman. She's been through the ups and downs of life, and she is sitting in a quiet room, all alone, thinking about her life. She comes to the point where she starts to think about you. What do you want your all-grown-up daughter to remember you as? A down in her life, or an up? It's weird, I know, but I try to be nice to people, because I don't want them to be bitter old people all alone.
  • You need to start by thinking about the reason that you are getting mad, analyze that, and deal with whatever stress it causing it. Put your energy in to dealing with the problem, rather than screaming at your kid.
  • please don't ever say that, it will stay her for life and make her feel inferior and unwanted. her self esteem will suffer and they will become a victim in life. kids drive you insane, yes, but you are the adult here. go to a playgroup and speak with other moms and see what they do. you need support from people in your situation. join anything, to be amongst them, a kids swimming club, a church creche, anything to get you amongst other moms so you can get some talking done about this. i used to go to a meditation class, don't laugh, it helped me deal with rage and anger after a number of months because i learned to breathe properly and have more compassion for people which helped in a crisis, like when i was blowing my top. hope this help. you're just a human being. don't beat yourself up. we all love ya darling.... x x x
  • Too late for any useful help. That child is now scarred for life. My mother said something similar to me when i was young, she said it ONCE and i will never forget it. I guess anger management may help, seems like you aren't thinking about consequences, they could teach you how. You might be lucky, because she is 2 she may not remember forever, how sad tho. You are supposed to be the 1 person who wouldn't ever say that, if ones own mother is telling you that she doesn't want you then, who would??? unconditional love does not scream to a toddler that she doesn't want to be her mother.
  • what is being a bad mom? Time outs are not only for the kid but parents need them as well. I have read some of the other responses and I am not only concerned for you and your child but for those who may not have taken a moment to remember what 2 year olds can be like. You should go to some parenting classes. I am a single mother of 2 kids and it can be tough. I have found myself yelling at my kids and then tell them to stay in time out while i take a moment outside to breath and think about how i would like to really handle the situation. Although i have and would NEVER tell my kids i dont want them. I have turned it around though.... My 7 and 5 year old share a room so bed time is a war...lol I tell my kids I am going to call the mean mom if i hear anything out of the room... so i hear a noise and I go in with my mean mom face and dont say a word just remove one precious toy from the room (one of hers and one of his) the first time i almost removed everything from the room which had to be earned back one thing at a time. They know i love them and will always love them but they have learned that their actions have consequences (good or bad) You need to be very consistant with kids, especially 2 year olds. Here is a better example come to think of it. When my son was 2 he was in his high chair and wanted mac n cheese ..when i gave it to him he threw the entire bowl accross the kitchen..lol mac n cheese galore. So i sweept it up and told him to pick it up and put it in the trash while i made him something else.. he said no and ran off, I put him in the chair for time out until he calmed down and asked to get out, i got him out told him to pick it up and throw it in the trash ..this went on and on with throwing himself on the floor and running away and screaming.. but i kept my tone firm (with out yelling) and counted how many times he went in time out... total of 25 times but i won becuase he picked it up and trew it away... it was years before he challenged me like that again. I showed him that he wasnt getting anywhere with his behavior and the moment you yell ... your child has won becuase you lost control. Think about what you say because things like "i dont want you anymore" will come out of her mouth one day when she is mad at you... always remember your kids will treat you the way you show them is okay
  • Two year olds are so frustrating. It is really tough to be the parent of a two year old. You need to create some space where your child can't get into trouble. Some friends of mine have a room barricaded off with baby gates and full of toys that is a safe place for a their almost two year old twins to play without getting into trouble. You need to have some time that you don't have to be watching your child to keep it from "killing its little fool self." If you can get a break for a little while a few times a day, hopefully you'll be able to be a little more tolerant when you are on duty. That doesn't mean that you can put a child in a room and close the door and forget about it, it just means that you have a place to be where you can let your guard down a bit and not have to be so vigilant. Get your child outdoors for some running time every day, and let her wear herself out. Then you can get her down for a nap and have a little break. Mostly, be a little kind to yourself and to her. The terrible twos aren't easy for any parent. But they are necessary. One educational/child development theory says that if your child doesn't establish independence in small doses at 2,5,7 and 13, you end up with a 30 year old sleeping on your couch. And the terrible twos do end. Pretty soon you'll have a delightful sunny three-year-old to brighten your days. By the way, a lot of what makes the twos terrible is a toddler's inability to communicate effectively and their frustration with not being able to express themselves. Teaching them sign language both allows them to express themselves earlier and speeds language development. That might give you a bit of peace too.
  • There are a lot of things that are making you feel this way. You are pregnant so your hormones are acting crazy, you go to school, and you have a two year old. I think you are more stressed out then you are a bad mother. I think it is obvious that you are NOT a bad mother, sounds like you are doing a lot. You need a break. I like the answer about the room with a baby gate and toys, it seems like it could really work.
  • First let me say that it is good that you have the awareness that saying these things is hurting your daughter. Imagine if someone you loved very much said they didn't want you. It would hurt. A lot. My suggestion is that you find someone you trust to take care of your daughter, and take a break from her. It sounds like this is from pure frustration. Frustrated parents often say things that they don't mean, but when said to a child that is very young, the child takes it directly to heart and it can affect them very deeply. Take some time for yourself and think about how you can ease your frustration. Tell your daughter you love her and give her affection and one on one time with you. All the best to you and your daughter.
  • IT IS NOT TOO LATE-- JUST THINK BEFORE YOU REACT-- AND WHEN YOU GET MAD-- IS IT OVER SOMETHING SHE DID???? YOU MAY NEED HELP-- soon!!! GET IN CHURCH
  • My son is turning 3 in a week. Its a tough road at times. Try checking out parenting, sign language(to help with communication) and books that target toddler behavior at the library. If your still yelling at your daughter after some self education, I would suggest you try couseling. Good luck. It does get better, I promise.
  • anger management classes, if you really think you need help controlling your anger.
  • Kids can be very stressful, and have a great capacity for pushing just the wrong buttons. Yelling at them can be something that we don't even realize we're doing. The things that you say to them can also come back to haunt you. When your daughter does something that she shouldn't stop take a few deep breaths and just think about why it was so wrong and what you really want to say to her. It may take several tries to convince yourself to actually do this. I keep trying to convince myself to "Pick my battles" wisely, too. It's not easy to decide not to do something about when they don't pick up toys or when they won't do what you want them to the first, second or even the 5th time you say it, but just ask yourself, why is it that important? Will it really affect the rest of their lives that much if they leave the toy lay on the floor for a while? Or else they won't go to bed immediately... A brief pause when your child drops the glass of milk on the floor will save a lot of hurt feelings and regret from happening. I have 2 boys myself. One is 3 and the other is 10. The 10 year old has ADHD and Asperger's Syndrome, which is almost more of a challenge than the 3 year old has even been. Talk about a serious test of self-control. I admit I've lost it a few times.. and then I see that sad little face and just grab him and hug him. He is still upset and wants nothing to do with me for a bit, but he always comes around with a hug. Telling me that I really need to calm down. The worst is when I see him behaving with his little brother the way I realize I've acted with him. That causes me to really pause. It may take a lot, but try to just stop and take a few seconds to really think about why you're seeing red, and what you really should say, before dealing with a situation. Your child loves you now, and you are her MOM. That means you are her world and her "salvation" let her know it's not so bad that she makes a mistake, and you still love her when things happen.
  • Parenting, and anger classes is a place to start.
  • think before you speak and try to see things from her point of view, at age 2 she doesnt understand much about your own fellings. Please try to keep in mind she is a small impresionable child who needs lots of love and support. They to calm yourself more with the love you fell for her and if you fell like you cant control yourself then take a few mins to get away before hurtful words are said. Good luck to you!
  • I have started doing relaxation techniques with my kids. I have and 11 year old girl, 3 year old boy, and a 2 year old boy. When things get hecktic around here and the yelling and trantrums start, I tell them to breathe, and we talk very calm. They are doing really good (they think it is a game) and the deep slow breathing helps calm me down too. Now when one of them begins to scream the others say to calm down and breathe, it is quite cute. Hope this helps.
  • It's natural to get mad... It's what you do or say with that anger that matters to your kids. Think before you yell... That old saying, "Count to ten" comes in handy... USE it. It should help you control what you say. Try very hard NOT to yell... Yelling at a two-year-old is like yelling at a dog... All she will understand is that you are mad at her... She won't necessarily understand WHY you are mad, even if you say it. DO NOT say anything you really don't mean... While she might not understand it completely, now, she will, sooner or later. And when she DOES understand what you're yelling at her, she will believe almost every word of it. (There were times I'd say something like "That was stupid..." to my kids. I'm make SURE they knew I wasn't calling THEM stupid but what they did. If something you don't really mean DOES slip out, make sure you clarify what you meant, and not what you said.) ALWAYS make sure she knows you love her... That you can be mad at something she did but still love her. Kids see things and take the blame for a LOT of stuff that doesn't have ANYTHING to do with them. If you are yelling at her, she may not believe you love her. If you feel you are out of control, consider parenting or anger-management classes... Call your local hospital or crisis center for information.
  • I don't think your a bad mom unless of course your physically or verbally abusing your child, now telling her you don't want her anymore is borderline verbal abuse. I have had my day's where i have said things i shouldn't have and regret what i've said but we are all learning and teaching as well, I think it's important that you aplogize to your daughter even if she is only 2 she will notice your behavior and hopefully it set's good example for her as she grows i think it will also stregthen your relationship with her. I would suggest taking a mommy time out, We all have our breaking points and i've learned when i start to notice that my buttons are getting pushed i need to step back and think before i react because most of the time whatever it is they are doing really isn't that bad it's usually just a form of them trying to get our attention and were usually caught up trying to do something else so we get upset with them because they don't understand we were not giving them our undivided attention, i've noticed if i do my best to give them my attention and get down and play with them they are less likley to upset me because they have my attention. Try giving her more positive attention and when you start to notice yourself getting a little upset over something take a step back and be the adult think if it's something you really should even be mad about?! Unless they are hurting someone something or themselves there's really no reason for you to be yelling unless you have lost control of youself, yelling at a child is telling them that you have lost control and don't know what to do about it so your yelling! so before you get to that point think about it try communicating with her you might be surprised! Good luck.
  • and people wonder why I preach against emotion... I have seen my wife do things in anger which she belittles when she sees it in others yet if I try to point out the similarities she goes on the offencive refusing to admit that she might be out of line. she defends bad behavior saying "I'm an emotional person" or that I am not trying to understand. your emotions betray you. let your head be the boss
  • Take a deep breath, compose your self, you are under stress...Then speak quietly to her..It will work, also lay off the coffee.
  • I understand the stress 2 year old can have on a person. I used to work at a day care with a class of 8 age 1 1/2 to 2. Its a very demanding age! Things i found that helped me through the day was, Always having an activity for them. of course i realize that 2 year old ahve the attention span of 5 mins or less. but having lots of little simple activites helped a bunch. id often give them wet wash clothes and ask them to help me clean.and show them how we clean the table and chairs and floor and toys. Nothing hurt and a kid who is occupied. Alot of music and encouraged dancing. they dont care how you look when you dance.If outside i would give them each a cup with very little water and a paint brush and show them how to paint the sidewalk. it wasnt long before kids came up to me for refills. and just remeber at her age. you do have to be at their eye level to get any message across to them. and talking in a calm but firm voice is best I have found. Eye contact is key but you do have to get on their level. even if it means sitting on the floor.Telling them to do something from across the room I found was never sucsessful. Hope this was helpful. dont be afraid to go to counciling or other help! take care and have some fun!
  • I haven't read all the answers so excuse me if I'm repeating some things. The Two's can kick any adult's ass, in a serious way. First of all know that MOST mother (admittedly or not) feel a lot of the same feelings you do, the difference is your actions, and it's ok. Most people act this way because they have no other plan in place to deal with things, so my first suggestion is to sit down after your 2 year old goes to bed and do some planning. When you get mad, is it because your daughter is acting out? If so you need a new discipline book, try 1-2-3 magic, it's a quick read but there are LOTS of other books too. Come up with a solid plan and keep it somewhere you will see it everyday. If you are getting mad because of reasons that are NOT your daughter, you need to figure out your triggers and work at correcting the situations that cause you to act out. Take care of yourself! Take a long shower, get a massage, read a book in the park, whatever you need to do to feel good. Be sure your having regular "mommy time" In which you get to spend time, out of the house, away from your family. Take your daughter out of the house lots, Every night pack some snacks, toys and put her sippy cups or water bottles in the fridge so you can get out as soon as you start to feel upset, even a quick walk around the block will help cool you off and distract you/your daughter from the escallading situation (This is one I had to use when I was having troubles staying calm/collected with my 2 year old, and it's so very worth it). Join some parenting groups (online, even) so you have some people to talk with who have been/are in the same situation. Sometimes knowning the feelings themselves are normall and common can help so much. Best of luck!
  • when you get mad at her you should say honey please dont do that ordont tell her you dont want her because when she becomes in her teen she will hate you so much and she will most likley hang with the wrong people
  • Awwwww, you have a 2 year old? HOW CUUUUUTE!
  • You scare me...but probably not your 2-year old daughter! Don't wait until she gets to an age when she says "I don't want you anymore"...and fulfills her wants. Do get outside help....and not just from AB.

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