• There were three guys in a forest. Then they were being attacked by cannibals. The cannibals said that they wouldn't eat them if they bring back 10 of the same fruit. So the three guys go into the forest to get the fruit. The first guy comes back with 10 apples. Then the cannibals say, "Now the second thing you have to do is shove them up your a$$ without changing the expression on your face." So the guy shoves the first apple up his a$$ and then whinces. So the cannibals eat him. Then the second guy comes back with 10 berries. Then the cannibals say, "Now the second thing you have to do is shove them up your a$$ without changing the expression on your face." So the guy shoves 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8... then starts to laugh. So the cannibals eat him. Then in heaven, the first guy says to the second guy, "Why did you laugh?! You almost had it!" Then the second guy says, "I saw the other guy coming with pineapples
    • Boola Boo
  • I wish my lawn was emo....then it could just cut itself
    • Boola Boo
      OMG face palm hahahaha
  • I like the one about the sea captin and the brown pants
  • One night a man, his wife and a friend decided to have dinner together, so after eating they opened a couple of bottles of wine. Upon finishing the wine the friend realised it was late and he should go home, but the man insisted he stay the night, because he was drunk and in no condition to drive. The man finally agreed. One problem occurred though they had no guest bedroom and their couch was small and uncomfortable. So the man's wife said "Why doesn't he just sleep with us?" The two men agreed and promptly headed for bed.A few hours after they had gone to sleep the man's wife woke his friend and said hey, wanna have a good time? The man was like NO he'll wake up. She said no he won't watch, so the woman reached over and pulled out one of the hairs on her husbands ass and sure enough nothing happened. So the wife and the man's friend screwed. About an hour later the wife woke the mans friend again and said I want more. The man decided to test his friend to see if he was awake, so he pulled out another ass hair and he didn't wake up. This happened 2 more times and when the friend pulled out another one of the mans ass hairs the man turned over and said, "Look I don't care if you screw my wife but stop using my ass as a score board!!"
    • Boola Boo
      hahahahaha omg
  • Three bombers sitting in a tree. One says "Oh! i'll hit that other tree!" tree blows up and squirell comes flying out screaming. Second says "I'll throw mine at the car." Hits the car and person inside honks because of hitting wheel with his head. Third says "I'll throw mine at that old house." Hits the house. the man inside still alive crying after the house blows up. A kid comes and pats him on the back "Whats wrong old man?" The man says, "I farted and my house blew up!"
  • This captain and his crew were sailing along one day when they saw that 3 pirate ships had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He yelled to his First Mate, bring me my gun, bring me my sword and "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's gun, sword, and red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when his men asked the Captain, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. The next day, the lookout screamed that there were 12 pirate vessels sending boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, and the Captain, bellowed, bring me my sword, bring me my gun and "Bring me my brown pants!"
  • Guy goes to a restaurant with his dog & he's told they can't let him in with the dog. He says its his seeing eye dog. Manager says, "Sir, that's a chihuahua." Guy responds, "Damm it! They sold me a chihuahua!"

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