You are not destroyed you are just disappointed that your envisioned end of the story wasn't the rainbows and unicorns you wanted. There is no guarantee that the person you find actually wants to be found. You may be blood related but you are in reality total strangers. A piece of paper like a birth certificate or DNA test result may say related but no friendship, bonding, emotional attachment or chats or visits or adventures in living means relationship. I wish to the heavens it did mean that for you. This is one of those dips in the road that life takes us through. You will survive it and you will be a better person for it. The fact you searched for years says lots about your ability to focus and be cocsistent and reliable. You'll be a more understanding person in a relationship. You'll be a better parent. You dont need anyone else to make you a better person you have those qualities already. I might suggest that you try one time to have coffee or lunch in a neutral spot and ask about health issues or allergies to food or plants or animals anything he has personally or that is in his family that you should know about for now or the future for health issues or potential children. Those are neutral and fair to ask. It also is not asking for a relationship and becoming emotional. Its not being clingy its two people having a convo and coffee for a few minutes or an hour. Tell him you realize how overwhelming it must have been and you're sorry about that. Thank him for coming and for any information he is able to supply and tell him if he ever wants to talk you'll be willing to listen or just meet for coffee. Then with maturity you graciously leave. Make that meeting unemotional and polite. It plants a seed. Maybe it will give the plant an opportunity to grow. Best of luck.