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  • No, my wife and I enjoy our sex life when we take our time. The main thing is not to focus on getting off, but just enjoy being together. My wife and i get more enjoyment out of having oral sex over penetration. I hope this answers your question
    • officegirl
      Thank you for sharing your experience. Oral never seemed for me quite the way things should be.
    • officegirl
      I meant oral doesn't feel as good and with a man down there it doesn't seem as equal. Besides are not so good at it and do too hard and not steady enough.
    • DAVE
      office can you friend me
    • officegirl
      Unfortunately Dave we are not yet able to have "friends" on this site.
  • Are you asking too much ? No, not in my opinion. I'm not happy until she is satisfied.
    • officegirl
      Thank you. One of the things that's fascinating to me is the difference between men and women - esp in regard to that. We can be satisfied on a very deep level by just someone enjoying us even if we don't come at all. Because that is - a part of us is fulfilled just by that. On a shallower level we can enjoy whatever number of Os but is like the more we have the more we want. So is not the same as for most men - what men seem to think of as satisfied which is being done. So in between those two extremes I think we work out a happy medium with someone we are close to that works for both us. many men figure that out on their own and the others we work together with sort of naturally to get that.
    • Ice man
      I learned a long time ago that men and women don't think the same way, and I also learned that there is a big difference between having sex and making love. I think differently from the way most men do about the subject. With some guys it's wham-bam-thank you mam, roll off and say "that was great, was it good for you too ?" and she lays there rolling her eyes and thinking "what about me?". I feel sorry for that girl. Then the next guy figures 3 minutes of foreplay and a quick "O" for her and we're good. Wrong again, if that's what she wanted she could have used a vibrator and not have to put up with his bad breath. Great and satisfying love making for a woman is not just lengthy foreplay and having multiple orgasms, but a lot of other little things as well. For a guy to become a great lover he has to be able to realize that her mind and feelings are as wanton and sexual as her softer parts, & they need to be stimulated as well. He will need to explore everything that makes her tick and take his time. This is a challenge for a lot men because the average man can be satisfied in a couple of minutes, yet women are much more complex and as individual as their fingerprints.
    • officegirl
      What a good answer! Wish I could comment right now but no time as I have to make our dinner. I wouldn't don't expect THAT much from a man but is nice to get it when it is available. Hope I am not that complex. Oh and I have found out that men are complex too which I had no idea of when I was young. Not just talking about sex of course. Thank you. Will try to get back later or tomorrow.
    • ladyEmma
      @Ice man. Wow, Great answer. By the way, I can relate to your description of what many guys do in bed. I've experienced those type of sexual performances from a lot men.
    • Bootsiebaby
      @officegirl: if they reintroduce the "Asker's Pick" feature, don't forget to give Ice man an Asker's Pick for this answer. I would if it was my question. :)
    • officegirl
      I guess because it is really a comment I would not have been able to give it "Asker's Pick" under the old system. Is so noble and above reproach I should probably leave it alone but I can't resist making further comment to be better understood. I agree of course but I think sometimes men expressing I guess their maleness does not always have to be just about us - what we want or is good for us - but can be great sex for us even if we don't come dozens of times or even at all just because of their enjoyment of us. Maybe I think and say this because I have had mostly good experiences and men who were or became willing to take time with me which I have always needed. So I can feel more generous with something else as well. Ice man I have never owned a vibrator or even used one though they have sometimes been used on me. And I consider anything I do in bed besides sleeping to be "making love" because I am giving myself. Because my husband is my best friend as well as "roommate" it becomes about so much more which is both good and sometimes not so good because there is more at stake and I wish he would have learned to enjoy me on a less responsible and more joyful for him level.
  • I don't think we are asking too much, officegirl. My own view of this is very similar to yours. :)
    • officegirl
      Thank you - I hope not.
  • No you are not, but you shouldn't have to ever ask either. A good lover will know your wants and needs and what makes your toes curl. And will take the time to make sure it happens.
    • officegirl
      Thank you for your answer. Some men from their experience learn to be good lovers but others need to be encouraged and flattered and gently instructed on how to be.
  • Hubby and I are definitely not in a hurry. We want to enjoy it.
    • officegirl
      Thank you for your comment!
  • This is a big problem with most young boy or men, they do not know how to please a girl or woman. Most think if they jamb their cock in a female pounding her hard until the male ejaculates the female should be satisfied. WRONG! A woman likes to be wooed, fondled, and caressed because she takes longer to get aroused. If a boy or man does not take the time to get the girl of woman "off" a couple of times or more before he puts it in her she will not enjoy the sex as much. Guys need to learn how to manually and orally get a woman off. One of the better teachers is a mother or aunt although this is frowned upon greatly and embarrasses most mothers or aunts.
    • officegirl
      Thank you dickw. Actually I've always been quite amazed by just how many men - of all ages - are willing to do what makes it good for me. Whether from experience or desire to learn. Even men who don't know me or care about me at all. I don't know if it is from instinct, or ego, or they just like me, or they want to do a good job, or what. When I know they could get off in seconds. Or could be with someone who requires let's say less work. How can I not love men? Because I have been so blessed I really don't mind sometimes those times when they just want to go for themselves. Which can be pretty great on a very primal level of satisfaction even if I don't get off at all. Love FP but guess I don't need as much as some women because I get pretty ready. I do need a long time of fucking to start orgasming but once I get going they come closer together. Don't know - never been very comfortable with oral or other things because I want them up me. Though yes when they bring me off like that no question it makes it easier for me after we get going. But I have always been fascinated by the tension between what pleases us and what does it for men.
  • Your question suggests a little bit of a misunderstanding about what men want from sex. Yes, it is true that as a matter of biology that we men orgasm faster than a woman does. However, that is to confuse biology with psychology. My gf of ten years - and mother of my three beautiful children - is rather old fashioned and has told me on several occasions that she thinks that she should be available whenever I need sex. When I first heard that I thought it was like an open invitation to sex on demand. What I came to realize is that she was giving me the gift of herself, and that I did not want to take advantage of that. I want sex to show her that I love her and care about her. So I am careful to "read the signals" and - most of the time - to have sex with her when I think that she wants it too. Because what I want from sex is to feel that I am loved and wanted and that I am sharing something with her that is special and unique. Yup, there are moments when it is all about my animal instincts - and sometimes her's too, if we are to be honest. Even then, though, I am trying to give her something - a sense that I am in control and dominant and will take care of her in the way a male should, however old fashioned that may sound., That said, for the most part, I want to make love to her and not just have sex with her. I want it to last. I want to feel her next to me and to touch her and hold her. So far as "performance" is concerned, you bet I want her to think that I am the best thing she has ever slept with - but ONLY because I want to be reassured that she will want me and always want me. Protracted sex, then, to give it a rather unlovely name, is not an inconvenience for a male. Rather, it is a chance to feel loved and respected and wanted. You're not asking too much. You're only asking for what we guys want too.
    • officegirl
      Has always been so amazing to me just how many men there are willing to make it good for me. Sometimes even when they neither know me nor care that much about me except for that. I know men can be very competitive - they want to be thought of as the "best" so its part of how they want to see themselves. Thank God. And because of that richness I am able to have with them I am mostly glad, just like your girlfriend, to make myself available as well if they want to just "take advantage" because I believe I have been created for that and that can be very satisfying to me on an even more primal, I guess reproductive, level. Thank you for your answer.
    • dorat
      Thanks for your reply - and just for the record, I have found your answers to be both honest and extremely thoughtful and interesting. Really appreciate that you take these questions seriously. My gf and I discuss sex and relationships often and honestly and I love her more than words can say, but I wonder how common that is. You've given me some insights I might not have had - at least not in the same way. I found your answer here to be especially interesting. I always thought my gf was special. I'd never really run across many more women who so openly said, in effect, I want to be submissive to you. (Believe me, outside of the bedroom - and sometimes the living room or the backyard - she is a very intelligent, assertive and successful woman.) It is the most amazing combination of deep love and animal instinct - but I thought I was just lucky in finding someone who was very compatible with me. You've given me some insight.
    • officegirl
      Well to me that is not being "submissive" but rather giving myself. I never much talked about these things until I got on AB several years ago and there were women who were very honest and candid about their experiences which made me want to be like that as well on here. Too long we would not talk about ourselves because we were afraid of negatively being judged which is why I came to think it was important.
    • dorat
      Yes, I agree. As far as submissive, my gf has told me that she likes the feeling - not always but usually - that she is submitting to me sexually. It makes her feel that she is being protected and that I am in control. She said that it makes her feel, also in a strange way, liberated. That I am in charge and therefore she is not responsible. I am not sure that I get it fully myself - and we have been together ten years, However, she is very old fashioned in one sense. She believes that a man needs sex and that she should be open to it whenever I want. When we were first together - and I may have written this to you elsewhere - I took that to be sex on demand, and in a real way it is, However, I came to realize that she was making herself a gift to me and that was a real act of love and that I want to respect her so I watch and make sure when I want sex that she wants it too. I won't lie and say that I am always as sensitive as I could be, and that there are not times when I have had sex with her when I sensed that maybe she was not into it. However, that turns out to be less pleasant for me and because I love her I try to be careful. So, in a sense, my gf views it as you do but she has described it to me as being submissive and certainly insofar as I can have sex when I want, and it certainly feels that way when our sex is at its most primal and animalistic, so I accept that definition. However, it seems to come out in the same place where you are. Anyhow, thanks so much for your really helpful replies.
    • officegirl
      Thank you for clarifying. Yes being liberated I think for most of us means being in a responsible and close continuing relationship because then we can more just be ourselves. And even being sexually more "free" I always did best with a regular boyfriend and a strong home life even though that might sound antithetical. I wanted both but I felt, until recent years, I could have just one or the other. But if we are a slave to our appetites - our desires - then we are just the opposite of liberated. So there is that tension. We want to enjoy our desires but we want to feel safe and secure in doing so - and that means emotionally as well as physically. Oh I would never refuse my husband and the reason is because he is the center of my life. He is very polite and he always feels sort of selfish just going for himself. Should mention that most of my life I was always the one ready most of the time. But with my husband for instance when we have been camping for a few days I am exhausted and dirty and smelly when we get home but he is invigorated and very interested in me so I have told him to just go ahead. And the whole way he acts and moves is entirely different than when he is thinking more of me. And super arousing to feel all that desire coming from him. But then it is over and he is sleeping and I am so up there I creep into the bathroom and bring myself off a few times.
    • dorat
      Thanks. I think it is great that your husband means so much to you. I can tell you from the guy side that my gf is my whole universe, so I get it. I can't deny that sometimes I am driven by my sexual needs, but I never forget that there is sex - and then sex with the woman I love. I sense that you and the hubby are not always sexually compatible, but I think it is great that you make yourself available to him. Not just because you are the more sexually driven, but because you love him...and if that means bringing yourself off every now and then, I think we agree that it is worth it. Grant that I can have sex pretty much when I ask for it, but because I love my gf when I sense that she is not in the mood, whacking off will do the job. It is not as good, but I agree with you, to keep the people we love happy, it is good enough.

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