ANSWERS: 75
  • The pain will never completely go away any more than the pain of losing a parent or anything else devastating that happens to you that you had/have no control over. However, if you get involved with a self-defense class, PROSECUTE the creep,if possible and GET COUNSELING, in fact, anything that endows you with a sense of regaining control over your life as much as possible, the pain can be relieved considerably. Most importantly--DON"T TRY TO DEAL WITH IT ALONE!!! Just asking the question shows you have the necessary courage to go forward and grow. KUDOS TO YOU!!! And remember, you did nothing wrong. This wasn't your fault, and don't forget, you survived the attack. Many do not.
  • Well, I'm male, and I've never been raped... but if you can make some allowances for that -- I would say that there are characteristics to traumatic events like this which are common across the board: Emotional pain from trauma IS completely resolvable, although often it does go unresolved or only partly resolved. The problem with these kinds of incidents is that -- long after the initial pain and upset has passed -- our INTERPRETATION of what happened gets entangled with our identity. What that means in English is that we come to believe certain things about ourselves as a result of what happened, and those beliefs constitute the "residue" of the trauma which lives on year after year. So, for example, there was a traumatic event in my teen years -- an incident which hurt myself and my family -- and for many years after I believed that it was MY fault: I could, in theory, have been wiser and prevented the whole thing. So this belief wound it's way deep into my identity, and my beliefs about myself were distorted by it: because I allowed this to happen, I must be an uncaring lout... someone who won't help others, etc. In later years, I began to study my own identity closely, and came to see how this belief had distorted my personality, and also saw that as a 15-year-old boy, I wasn't really equipped to do anything different than what I had done -- it wasn't my fault, really. Seeing clearly into this issue provided a huge emotional release, and allowed those beliefs to come untangled. The incident no longer has a grip on my mind and life, I'm free. So that's needs to happen with traumatic incidents like this -- just waiting around for the pain to go away doesn't work -- there are too many psychological defense mechanisms entangled with them. You have to go digging into the pain to find out how the mind has adapted with identity distortions, and that can be rather unpleasant work. But it is possible to be free, for those willing to dive into the pain and keep working until it's all clear.
  • You never forget. As time passes, yes, the memories become less painful. You won't always feel the raw emotions that you felt just afterward and the sense of shame that you may feel now. I'm not sure if time heals ALL wounds, but in general, yes. You grow stronger. You can't yet understand the effect of year after year settling down between you and a specific situation. You simply haven't lived long enough to be able to understand it fully. You will. The pain and fear went away for me. I volunteered at the Rape Crisis Center a few years ago. For me, the best way to banish pain and fear is to turn them into something else - those emotions have power. Channel them into something good. I'd like to address your comment on Stableboy's excellent and sensitive answer. You wrote: "I did not report the incident at the time it happened, so this also adds to my constant fear and a whole host of other issues." I might not have reported mine, either, had circumstances not almost forced me to. Without getting into detail, the guy kicked me out of his car, on some mountain road, in the middle of a cold night and sped off. (This was a stranger, BTW) What could I do, really, except start walking? Someone drove by, stopped, freaked, and drove me to a hospital. From what I remember (this was about 20 years ago) the police came straight away and took the report. They encouraged, not pressured, me to look through mug shot books, and I did. I ID'd the guy from his photo. They picked him up, I testified, and he received a 20 year prison sentence. The point I'm trying to make here is that if the police had not been involved from the get-go, I might have kept quiet, too. At times, the trial and its related events seemed like a much bigger trauma than the rape, which I characterized as "bad, boring, sex" - like the kind of sex where you check your watch every few seconds and think about what you need at the grocery store while Romeo does his thing. The primary - maybe the only - reason I pressed charges was to prevent this guy from raping another woman - one who might not have been able to see her assault as bad, boring sex. That's why I testified, and it came from the heart. That's what kept me going. No one had to tell me that was the important thing. I can imagine someone who didn't report an assault might feel a nagging sense of guilt for keeping quiet, but if you are - stop punishing yourself. Do NOT judge yourself for your reaction and what you did or didn't do. The truth is >> we do the best we can when we're in the middle of our nightmares.
    • officegirl
      When I was 20 I felt as you do and prosecuted. I did no one any good and only made a public spectacle of myself - made myself variously entertainment or porn for people with nothing better to think about. After that I preferred to handle it privately - not that I didn't talk about it or sometimes scream about it. But it was for me and for others I came in contact with who were willing to share and not for the "masses". But one thing I came to realize was that part of my strength as a person, as an individual, as a woman, is in my vulnerability And I'll be damned if any pathetic jerk is going to take that away from me.
  • I've read that HYPNOTHERAPY can help put the traumatic memory (which causes the emotional pain) into a "closed box" in your mind; it's not "gone", it's just put away so it doesn't ruin your present life, it can help you move on after you've worked with the other suggestions via medical and legal channels. It's working with military troops dealing with post-traumatic stress disorders.
  • NO, it never completely goes away, but with the right therapist it just gets a little easier with time. There is no closure either, whether he is charged or not, it just can validate. When we are overpowered, and someone else takes away our choices away, it leaves us with a feeling of total helplessness, and hopelessness, along with more emotions than we ever thought we had. Emotions such as guilt, anger, fear, terror and sadness are only a few of what we have to work through. PTSD sort of comes and goes at will, and we never know when it can surface, so that can also be frightening. BUT there is hope at the end of the tunnel. Take your power back, take your control back, and always be vigilant and strong, and therapy is the only way back to heal. The one thing that got me through it, was to remember it was NOT my fault and I am NOT alone.
  • I think, over time, you gain prespective. Over time you recognize that it wasn't your fault and you begin to believe that. Over time you regain your sense of self and the beauty of yourself. Over time you learn that he took nothing from you. Over time you can acknowledge that there is good in the world, and there is evil, and you learn ways to surround yourself with good - with friends who love you, with things you are impassioned about. You won't erase the past of course and I know you are far too intelligent to try that. Facing it, placing the blame where it belongs, and recognizing that you are still you and that no one can take that, is the honorable path, I think. It's a long path and I don't think there are any shortcuts. Some people take on this challenge best with the help of a therapist, at least to get them started. Remember, when it gets tough, that you have many many friends willing to cry with you, reach out to you and support you - including me of course.
  • I lurked around this question for a little bit, staring at it. Even began typing twice... But I will go through with it this third and final time and provide an answer. Can the pain go away? No. No matter how hard you try it can't. Can it ease? Yes. I know what happened wasn't my fault. I was too young. I cannot write a novel here about it for my pain has not gone away. Do I deal with it? yes... Do I think of it sometimes on a daily basis? yes... But do I let it control me? No. Not anymore. I could not be more sickened by the fact others have to deal with this as well. But perhaps we can find peace in the fact that we are not alone and we CAN and WILL take charge of our lives.
  • They say time heals all wounds. I dont know if its true because wounds dig deep and scare tissue is hard to get rid of. But it does scab over and you can still move. You need to excersice and rehabilitate. But you can go on.
  • I have never experienced such a thing and greatly admire your strength...though you may not realize that you have strength. But I would not have had the courage to post the question. I can relate to having trauma change who you are...I've had B.P.D. for a long time and my identity has fled and is nothing more that raw emotions..guilt..rage indignation..fear..Don't let the pain consume you! It's hard to get yourself back once you let yourself die. I think you have a beautiful soul just for enduring. Remember that you are not alone in your suffering.
  • Yes...it can get easier to deal with. However, having worked as a rape counsellor, and as a psychotherapist working with men and women who had been raped or molested in years gone by, I feel that a good therapist can certainly expedite the recovery. Research "Eye Movement and Desensitization" or EMDR. I was trained in this approach for dealing with PTSD (which is more than likely what you are suffering from)and from everything I have seen and experienced and read it is one of the most effective approaches. It is less invasive than 'talk' therapy (in otherwords you don't have to keep 'picking the scab of the wound'), and it resolves the emotional pain associated with the memory quicker than you could ever imagine. You could google EMDR Associaition to find a trained and certified EMDR therapist near you. On average, less than half a dozen sessions (sometimes just one!) will help enormously. DO NOT go through your life carrying this baggage...it will distort your sense of safety, your self-esteem, your relationships and your outlook on life negatively. Depression is one very real reality as a long term effect of untreated PTSD....and there are many others. Run, don't walk, to a rape crisis centre....Even if this was years ago, this is what these people are trained and experienced in dealing with...daily. Good luck!
  • I think events of that magnitude are never forgotten. Eventually, they get incorporated into who you are & who you become as a person. After I had a violent incident my views on gun control completely changed, for instance.
  • Wow powerful question I only wish I had more time to answer I seen everyone writing a book for there answer but here goes my short version of my answer: No the pain never goes away but its not only mental pain its physical as well. I mean I couldn’t even be in a relationship with a guy for many years after. I am 20 now and in my first real relationship and I was hesitant of the physical aspect of out relationship and he understood this and respected my wishes to wait until I felt comfortable. It was even hard trusting him and I never told him the truth still haven’t… Time does help but it doesn’t heal ALL wounds especially ones cut so deep. I must say I don’t think of it every day but when it does enter my mind its noting but sad and worst memories I feel I can trust little to no one cause (you have to know to understand) I was raped by my older brother someone I held close to my heart and trusted. Now that I have a different life and a very special and wonderful bf things in my life are I’d have to admit pretty great and life can go on and can be happy but you will never forget what happened to you and it might affect later trust issues and relationship issues that come up. In regular life it has made me more cautious of my surroundings and who I trust I never just give my trust away anymore I make people earn it over time lots of time. So to answer your question I would have to say no but that doesn’t mean that life is over forever and you will always be depressed time can help you move on but it is certain you will never forget. I hope this helped, it felt good to get things off of my chest so thank you for this very powerful and meaningful question.
  • As others have answered, so will I: My pain is four years fresh. I can't imagine it ever not being there at the back of my mind, no matter what relationship I'm in, whether it be with a man or a woman. I feel it, every time I'm with someone, even my best friends. It's not their fault. Hell, it's not my fault. I deal with it better every day I survive, that much I'm sure. There are nights I can go to sleep without thinking about it, and I have hope, but no delusions, that my pain will fade.
  • Wow...How do I explain this? I have been its recipient more than once. My sister was raped by her boss, who used the date rape drug on her. My best friend had it happen to her at a party with witnesses who cheered him on. My other good friend had it happen to her by a stranger. I know many women who have been through what we have been through. I’d like to start by saying, “I’m sorry the monster did what he did and I wish you never had to know what rape was like.” Having said that… YES the pain does lesson with time. In fact I can say that I can go weeks even months (occasionally) with out thinking about it… but then I see something or someone will say something and one of the pictures will flash up in my mind again. You see I was “blessed” with a photographic memory, which now as the years have past do finally appreciate as a blessing again (not on those memories of course but on all the others.) I don’t know if you had to deal with the lovely police force yet…in some states they are quite good, but in my state… I’ve been told by some women what they did to them was worst than the rape itself. I don’t know what state you are in and if you are dealing with the police I hope they treat you well. If you learn nothing else for the next year of your life LEARN THIS!!!!! The monster saw something IN YOU he was jealous of…something about you…and NO I don’t mean your boobs or your vagina it could have been as simple as You were a living breathing human that was happy with your life and he was NEITHER And he wanted to destroy you because he was jealous of it. So YOU NOW have the MOST IMPORTATNT CHOICE YOU WILL EVER MAKE in your life Will you let him get the destruction that he wants… will you let him destroy you Or will you choose to REFUSE TO GIVE THE MONSTER WHAT HE WANTS! Will you choose life…will you choose to go on…will you choose, eventually, to be happy again…to live again…to have what he can never have A REAL LIFE For that monster was just an excuse of life…A WASTE OF OXYGEN that was trying to remove the life from you like a parasite…. My sister let it completely destroy her life, her marriage, and her children For years she was a mess till she finally decided to fight back and find herself Now I know the term “fight back” brings RAW emotion right now And I fervently believe every person who has every asked a rape recipient (I don’t like the word victim) if they fought back should experience rape so they can answer their own question as to whether they fought back. Right now you need to be safe And you need to find you again AND YES YOU CAN DO IT!
  • Wow...How do I explain this? I have been its recipient more than once. My sister was raped by her boss, who used the date rape drug on her. My best friend had it happen to her at a party with witnesses who cheered him on. My other good friend had it happen to her by a stranger. I know many women who have been through what we have been through. I’d like to start by saying, “I’m sorry the monster did what he did and I wish you never had to know what rape was like.” Having said that… YES the pain does lesson with time. In fact I can say that I can go weeks even months (occasionally) with out thinking about it… but then I see something or someone will say something and one of the pictures will flash up in my mind again. You see I was “blessed” with a photographic memory, which now as the years have past do finally appreciate as a blessing again (not on those memories of course but on all the others.) I don’t know if you had to deal with the lovely police force yet…in some states they are quite good, but in my state… I’ve been told by some women what they did to them was worst than the rape itself. I don’t know what state you are in and if you are dealing with the police I hope they treat you well. If you learn nothing else for the next year of your life LEARN THIS!!!!! The monster saw something IN YOU he was jealous of…something about you…and NO I don’t mean your boobs or your vagina it could have been as simple as You were a living breathing human that was happy with your life and he was NEITHER And he wanted to destroy you because he was jealous of it. So YOU NOW have the MOST IMPORTATNT CHOICE YOU WILL EVER MAKE in your life Will you let him get the destruction that he wants… will you let him destroy you Or will you choose to REFUSE TO GIVE THE MONSTER WHAT HE WANTS! Will you choose life…will you choose to go on…will you choose, eventually, to be happy again…to live again…to have what he can never have A REAL LIFE For that monster was just an excuse of life…A WASTE OF OXYGEN that was trying to remove the life from you like a parasite…. My sister let it completely destroy her life, her marriage, and her children For years she was a mess till she finally decided to fight back and find herself Now I know the term “fight back” brings RAW emotion right now And I fervently believe every person who has every asked a rape recipient (I don’t like the word victim) if they fought back should experience rape so they can answer their own question as to whether they fought back. Right now you need to be safe And you need to find you again AND YES YOU CAN DO IT!
  • well, i dont think it can go away its a mental scar , so it will stay with the person who has been raped sadly , as some one once said " the pain will fade over time but to get peace of mind get the person who has done the crime even if you are fearfull and scared. still it will be worthwhile in the long run, thats a good starting ground to re - build your shattered self being of confidence and self esteem.
  • Never goes away and never gets easier. It's been over 50 years and it might just as well been yesterday.
  • It's always gonna be there. I'm sorry. But you can be happy again. Make SURE you take proper care of yourself and don't deny yourself any help you feel you need. My biggest regret is trying to "tough it out". best to you.
  • It's always going to be in the back of your mind, trust me I've been through it and it was over 13 years ago. But you can't let it takeover your life. I know that is easier said than done but you have to find some way to move forward whether it's with finding help to deal with it or trying to help other rape victims. A with anything else it just takes some time.
  • I believe it does. I was raped twice in 1975. It took some time but I did get past it.
  • yes, but it does take a very long time
  • that depends on you....after my 3 year rape i abstained for 10 years, thought of sex as a bad thing, thought of boys as disgusting. my abuse was at a young age so i never dated. currently i have a friend with benefits and since having sex with him i have not had thoughts of killing the guy who raped me, i hope it isnt a false sense of reality, i think i am not emotionally tied to him but its new. i am not going to let sex destroy me again and i have power over how i feel, so should you. either way you have to deal with it, it becomes easier because we are survivors. i feel emotionally okay, but mentally, i enjoy being depressed, it is the only way i know how to be, it is my comfort zone. but i am not giving up and neither will you, not without a fight!
  • You have to feel it before you can heal it.The trick is not to compound your pain and suffering by getting into a negative behavior to NUMB the pain.Drugs,Alcohol,sex,Gambling.the pain will still be there in the morning ony mutiplied. it is better to Isolate what hurts and work on it.it is not easy.Some people never stop running to face it. I am not guessing.I qualify to answer this question based on my own experience.
  • My heart goes out to you. I know it must be very difficult. It has been my experience when dealing with traumatic situations brought about by someone else's action that it takes a conscious decision as to whether you want them to win or you want to win. If you allow their actions to ruin and control your life, you allow them to win. I know that may be over simplifying it, but carry the idea with you for awhile. Every time you start to feel the pain, ask yourself who you want to win. Hopefully somewhere down the line this idea will help you dismiss the pain. May strength be your constant companion.
  • The pain will still be there, even as time goes by. Sometime you even still remember it, but for myself, I try to look at it on the bright side, which is a warning for me not to be too close to a guy. As for myself, I was 18, and I knew that a lot of guys are looking at me differently, they want to be with me wvwn though I had a boyfriend at that time, but I'm just being who I am, friendly to all of them. But one day, my teacher did "it" to me. and from that day on, I feel miserable, like I don't deserve to live cause I'm already tainted. My culture is really place virginity as number one, and without it, the girls will be seen as 'easy'. Worst of all, after my boyfriend found out about that, he started to abusing my condition and some kind of 'rape' me. That made me really down and I almost did a suicide, if there's no one at home. Fortunately, my maid, who found me acting really weird lately, paying attention closely to me as I took a med. I was thinking of overdosing myself, but with she around, I'm still here now, writing this answer and be able to deal with my problem. I didn't tell anyone about that, even my family, because it's really embarrasing me. I started to close myself, treating myself as an outcast so people won't know it. I don't wanna trust anyone else that time, and I always being suspicious if a guy is hitting on me. Later on, I got someone who helped me by accepting me for who I am, and don't really think about my virginity. The saying is, "Let past be the past, and treat it as a warning for you to be more cautious" and "Let's start a new life". Now I'm 22, and married my helper. Up until now, sometimes I still being paranoid, but he always help me to go through it, as we understand each other's feeling.
  • no...it doesn't go away...but it does lessen over time...get therapy so that someone qualified can guide you to ask and answer the right questions and help you through pain that you might not even be aware of. and I am a guy
  • u can never make the fact that u be a victim of rape go away but the feeling u can make away the way to do it 1st u cant go throw this alone u need to talk to someone so u can move on and live other wise when a man touches or if u have sex with a man it will just remind u of that horrible rape so right its about and being a survivor and a strong women have a friend ,sister ,mother or father by ur sided and dont give up on urself and God will never leave u alone remember that
  • not at first no me it took a few years b4 i could put all behind me..dont get me wrong i still think about it once and while. but i was very young when it happened and continued till i was a teen. the pain will only get better sweetie. hang in there.
  • It is a life changing experience. The effects will be with you forever, but...they do not have to all be negative. You can make it something that refines you, not defines you and become a stronger person. You can use the experience to help others that have gone through it. Do find someone you can talk to about it. Do prosecute, if it's possible to do so. Do what you neeed to do to get past this, but get past it. You are more than this one incident. It has been over 20 years for me, now. I have a good life, a good husband, and children. It was a hard road. I won't lie to you, but I made it and so can you.
  • The emotional and mental pain do not ever completely go away. Over time things will get easier but they will still be there. It has been 16 years since I was first molested at age 5 and 6 years from my rape. There is not a single day that goes by that I don't get reminded of it in some way. However, the more time that goes on, the more it becomes a part of who I am. I know that what happened wasn't my fault. I had a lot of therapy and a lot of support but the pain never has gone away. It has just gotten a little easier. Because of my experience, I am able to help others. Please don't let it control you or your life. Please get the help you need. Even if you need to talk, I am here to listen just like all of these other amazing people who have answered your question. You are all truely amazing.
  • it goes away with time keeping your mind on other things will help if it continues to interupt your life seek a womans support group or talk to someone that you can trust emotionally good luck to you in the future
  • Well from my experience if you have loving people around you who appreciate you and you appreciate them and trust them that makes the process 100% easier!! Just remember no matter what it wasnt your fault!! The guy who did this is the one with the problem and needs serious help!!! Dont ever look down on your self keep looking forward! and smile!!!
  • wel someone told me once that it does get easier to deal with but it will never go away it will be in your mind for the rest of your life but it will slowly get easier to deal with
  • I agree that the pain never goes away, and that with the proper counseling and a wonderful therapist, memories may 'soften' a bit. However, my assault took place 32 years ago when I was just 20 years old. I may as well have been a child, because now I see from a mother's perspective, what I went through at that young age and how I kept it to myself all of these years. Why didn't I speak up? Because I was admonished (to me a threat) not to tell. However, PTSD has brought me to the point of telling being a necessity. I am healing, but am not yet healed. My heart aches for and is with all who have experience this horror.
  • yes, it just fades till you don't notice it any more, but to an exstent it is still there. i use to get nightmares once in a blue moon. one was 4 years ago and the other was 3 years after that, it use to be very other day. I was on a date had been raped (sodomized)ruthlessly 22 years ago and was told i deserved it and it was comming to me. never gave any indications of flirting, and always dressed nice as in oxford shirt and dress jeans(coservative). i didn't report it since it was he said/she said, and he was a smooth operator/ lied through his teeth to everyone and the beleive what he would say. i have a constant reminder if that aweful night..., hemorrhoids, some times they hurt and spasm, burning, swelling, now it isnt as bad, but i do get flare ups. today i am 44 years old and am blessed to be married to a wonderful husband for 20 years who is understanding and supportive and a beautiful 19 year old daughter, whom i am proud of. I am content with my life and am happy.
  • I think most people that have ever gotten raped that i know, it haunts them from day to day. It sticks with them just like glue, it never goes away. I know in the back of my mind after being molested, i think about it all the time. I mean my situation is not that bad, but it could have been. I see this person everyday at school, and yes it does get pretty hard facing this person..
  • It will always be there, you wont be able to forget it nomatter how hard you try - Its happened to alot of people closest to me - my family and my friends. It almost happened to me, except someone heard me scream. I was so scared, I think its the worst thing as I was so drunk I barely remember the event. Youve had to deal with this hell in your life, but you can make it better now. you can live life to the full, deal with it how it suits. There is no point dwelling on this tradgedy. Its happened youre still here - dont ruin the rest of your life by lurking in shadows, avoiding going out. It can nly get better
  • i don't think the pain ever goes away
  • Hope,comes in many forms when this is happening or has already become reality.Keep faith and hope you will be one this does not destroy..It is totally possible for this to become a distant memory,recalled, I state to myself when this happens You did not win my spirit and my soul is not yours to own anymore,I win, backoff..Somehow the memory doesn't last long.Mine started the week or my 13th Bday by 2 neighbors my age that were the capt. of all our sports teams at school.There were 2-4 daily all day in summer and after school the rest of the year.I got female cancer that needed surg.every 6-12 mo.until I was 23yo from the hair gels, conditioners hand lotions they would use.Every time I thought I was healing spiritually another surg!It felt like I would never be allowed to not remember.When I was almost 16 my boyfriend whom I'd never given sex to died..It was the breaking point,when they woke me as they always did by breaking in the house I told them to get out chased them out with a knife. I never have been for violence. I was lucky they didn't use it against me and left never to return.The point of me doing this overview,many details are left out,is that through all this I have turned 38yo, I sleep now, I can eat now, I don't think about it all the time anymore.I work at an excellent job where no one has a clue about the past.I have an excellent marriage of 18 years and an awesome daughter 0f 13yrs.Sleeping and eating is hard at times,it now hits me with my fears for my daughter.Counseling at times or someone I could trust to talk to got me through, and I pray.I'm not a God freak but in those early years I almost killed myself trying to drink it away,It just postponed the healing,hated God at first.But my faith,waivering at times,kept my hope somewhere down deep where I thought I had lost it ALL.My hopes turned to dreams,then reality.Who has won now~Never give up hope for your dreams..Tomorrow may be a new day and you never know when it will begin..
  • It gets better, eventually. You never fully recover - good or bad our experiences shape us, and everyone is affected differently. But the constant fear and anger diminish, the nightmares dissappear, the violation affects you less and less. But only if you can talk it out, be it with a friend, a stranger on the bus, a proffessional or a support group - sharring your feelings, your pain, your fear, your experience - allows you to set it aside. It will always be a part of you, but that traumatic event can be turned in to a possitive force in your life. It's hard - more so for some than for others - but life goes on, and as much as that fact can hurt at first, in time I for one became greatfull that the world didn't end. What I have is the knowledge that my experience shaped me, and I like who I am. Which is not to say I'm glad it happened - I don't think anyone ever gets there - but I see some good things that have come from being raped: I appreciate the truely good people that much more, and I recognize the truely bad that much faster/easier.
  • Its been over a decade since it happened to me and you never get over it completely. I find that i get random glimpses that haunt me from time to time. Over time you will be able to get over it to some degree but it will be a part of your life that will always be there and make you a stronger person. my advice is to talk to someone you trust about how its affecting you.
  • the only thing that makes me feel better is vengeance, but im a fairly simple soul.
  • NO I am a male, I was raped when I was 17 by 4 guys, at a summer church camp, I believe I was raped because at 17 I still had not reached puberty, one nite at camp I was awaked by having 1 person holding down my legs and another guy holding down my arms, I was made to suck on the guys penis who was on top of me while another pulled and jerked on my penis, this went on until I had sucked each guys penis, no the pain never goes any the dreams are still there, and then you think you found the right mate and she turns out to be a cheat and makes fun of your penis size and how you are in bed, lifes a bitch and we keep on living
  • no i don't belive you can forget it will always be there but also more worse for a child to get over it
  • No wont go away but will become less painful
  • it sucks...you learn to live with it, because there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. when you think about it or talk about it with someone, thats when it hurts the most. you replay the scene over and over in your head at times. wondering if it was your fault. wondering if you brought it on to yourself. but as time progresses..it doesnt stay on ur mind as much, but when it pops up- it hurts like the moment it happened.
  • Don't let it get you down, girlie-poo! It's just your body, right? Don't let him corrupt your mind! Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why it is called a present!
  • I don't think it does. I think if the rape victim killed or at least dismembered the rapist during or right after the rape I it could go a long way in diminishing that pain.
  • I still get upset and teary eyes to think back. Its been 2 years and 1 month since I was brutally raped and sodomized by a guy who broke into my house. I was only 13 then and am now 15. I still have it hard but I just dont look back. I think ahead to the future and not worry about it.
  • I was raped two years ago when i went to Italy for school. I was raped twice, once when I was in Florence that provoked me to leave Italy entirely. Then when I was on my flight home, my flight was delayed and I had to stay in Germany for a night. The hotel manager and I talked for a couple of hours, and I felt like I could share things with him. I was really fucked up and lonely, so i told him how i was raped. He said he felt sorry for me, and I started drinking heavily which was a really bad choice. Then, the next thing I knew, he was on top of me and I was being raped all over again. In less than two weeks time I was raped not once but twice. I feel like an idiot because I should have been more cautious seeing how it had just happened and I had just spent a week in the emergency room because of the first time. I guess I was just really lonely and wanted someone to talk to me, after all of the crap I went through in the hospital and all of the impersonal doctors who I couldn't understand anyways because of the language barrier. I still feel like it's my fault and I still feel horrible about it nearly everyday because its like they took away everything from me. I was so starry-eyed and naive when I first went to europe, and now I just feel bitter, angry and alone. I just wish I could go back in time and fix everything and re-do it all completely different.
  • NO!!! I have many female friends; many were raped and to this very day they all still remember it. However, from what I have seen it helps to talk about; while it never gets easier the person, they learn how to function day to day after accepting the fact that it happen (it was in the past, it wont happen again).
  • The pain of this will unfortunatley live on with you forever. It will get less painful as times goes by. Dont think of yourself as any less of a person for this. It was not your fault and never let anyone tell you that. You did not ask for this to happen. It will get easier to deal with. Dont let it lurk around in your mind or ever blame yourself.
  • the more you talk about your pain the less power he has over you. does the pain ever fully go away? no. But you can reach out to others and let them know they arent alone. It is a sad and terrible thing that this happens to so many people, and i think you are very brave for posting such a question that allows women to voice their hurts nad the terrible things that have happened. i know it doesnt help when others have it happen to because it makes you wonder when will it ever stop? The thing is though, that there are so many who are ashamed and who feel it is our fault when it wasnt. So, thank you.
  • The pain does go away if you stop dwelling on the experience and tell yourself, "who gives a shit, it could be worse, and im stronger now." It will probably come back to haunt you again from time to time, but deal with it and move on.
  • I am now 23 years old. It has been almost 20 years since i was raped.I still live with the pain. It still hurts and there are times where i dream about it.My fiancee says i have violent dreams where I am lashing out at the person who done this to me. It is scary!! I guess i cant seem to let go of what happened.
  • ...you need to stop and think. Youll never forget, but rememeber lifes short. We need to put our past behind us. learn from our troubles...put our "emotions" into good use, and move on. Dont sit and let your head manifest with the memories. It does no good, dont torture yourself. Tommorow is a new day, the past is behind us...and the present is a gift, instead of remember how bad it was...think how good today is, and remember to make the best of it. It will only go away when you allow it go away. acceptance, forgiveness (your your own well bein), patience...and prayer. I remember...it was along time ago. Ive never forgotten, but it doesnt get in the way of my decisions...actions, situations...or choices. I am free...and have been for along time. I knew when it happened...i must deal with it, cuz I would only bring myself down...which means, the enemy won. LIVE YOUR LIFE...its a part of life...many women experience...we must start dealing with it positivly, and effectivly...not lounge on the thoughts and spiral downwards. FREEDOM!
  • You never forget....but the pain fades a bit. But whenever you see him again it all comes flooding back no matter how much time has passed.
  • it never goes away completely, after a few years it ends up in your mind like a movie being played over and over. or what can i have done to change the situation from happing. the best thing is to get counsling.but you never forget,your life changes to do things more carefully, especialy in a relationship.
  • emotiomally it may always hurt, in time it will not be os hard to deal with, some poeple are more sensitive than others, so it will take longer for them, the best way to help heal this is to find things, poeple and/ or aniamls that help you find comfort, security, peace and strenthen your selfconfidence. Unfortunately thire are anamils on two feet walking around looking to try to feel a inner void at the exspence of other. they will get a just reward. hopefully soon. just remeber you are someone special and you can have the biggest effect on recovery. think positive.
  • it may become eisier to deal with it as time passes but the memories never go away
  • you can deal with anything life throws at you if you really want it stay strong.
  • PP my thoughts and prayers goes out to you. I now way to many woman that have raped. I been married to 1 victim now for 15 years and there is still times that she has memories of her attack which happened 21 years ago. It will take time but the pain will get easier as you replace those memories with more happier times. I went out with my wife for over a year before she could tell me that she was raped; mostly because she thought that in someway that she was partially to blame. I'll tell you as I told her that you have done nothing wrong or nothing to be ashamed of. With the support of your family (if they know my wife's still don't know) and your friends you will get through this. Don;t be afraid to lean on your friends to help you through this. Remember your are still the same beautiful person now as your were before this. Take care and God bless you
  • it does get easier to deal with, especially once youve found someone hu makes you feel safe, but it will never completely go away
  • i have to say i hope i never find out. but i hope those that did find peace.
  • They say time heals all wounds. I have known many women who have been raped. Most have come to terms and learned to deal with the aftermath.
  • From personal experience, no. It'll never go away and becomes a part of your everyday life. I'm not saying that it doesn't get better, because it does with time, but nothing will ever replace the part of you that you lost. The part that someone stole from you.
  • no I dont think it does you try to ignore it but it still there it's been 13 years for myself and it still controls a part me til this day - the only thing i can say is you either use it to better who you are or destroy who you are but thats up to the person at hand
  • No,it doesn't. But, in time and with the right emotional support, you learn to just live with it. But, your pain has to find a way to express itself. Be sure you control the way it is expressed. Otherwise, you will find yourself in a downward spiral that is bigger than you. Get help, professional, or otherwise. And learn to accept the past and the present. Or, you won't have a future. Do not just stuff it down. It will expel it's self. Grab ahold to it and face it dead on. And take control.
  • I can only tell you what others have told me and they say it does get easier, others I know have regained trust in men.I was a counsellor for years, in my trainning a social worker said that it is harder for some to live a normal life, if they have been totally neglected than if they were rapped. IM not saying this true. but was she saying there are people worse off in the long run I dont know but to talk it through with some you trust is a good Idea, please dont try to hold it all in.
  • I am sorry to say No. However REVENGE is SWEET. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise....... I'am very sorry to read you question on here, I'am not a religous person but God bless you, and BE STRONG, Being a victim of Rape or Any other Unwanted sexual contact, is not acceptable, and fills you with Anger, Hatred, and funnily enough distgust For your own body. Thats how I felt when my brother raped me....I'am waiting for him to come out of prison .... Then I will get my revenge.... Bide your time and don't get caught. x Sorry for any spelling mistakes
  • well...you never forget, and its hard to live life in that perspective of worrying if it'll happen again, but you learn to not worry or let it controll your life anymore. yeah its hard to get intimate with my boyfreind because of the memories, but im getting better and better at supressing them so i can get closer to my loving boyfreind. so the pain will go away, but youl always remember, wether or not you let it controll your life depends on you.
  • Well its far better to relive the attack then to suppress it. Go above it and see it happening not to you but to someone else. Change the happening around as you would if you were a play writer. Additionally, See the attacker being butt raped by a big black man with a large penis and listen to his cries for help.. Be naked as much as possible because you don't want to hide your sexual feelings. Look at some porn and relieve yourself with a viberater. Cum as often as you can..
    • officegirl
      Well I like the part about changing the happening around - because we need to feel there was something we could have done even if there was nothing. I would not wish vengeance on any of them because they are so pathetic anyway taking advantage of our vulnerabilities. I think "acknowledge" is a better word than "relive" 'cause we're going to relive it forever whether we want to or not and sometimes at the strangest times and circumstances. Are you a man? Don't know about you but I feel just as sexual dressed as naked! No would not care to watch porn and never owned a vibrator - always much preferred the real thing. And I agree great sex can be the best thing for our self-esteem.
  • I am 16 years old, and in the past three years, I have been raped 6 times, and the other day I finaly broke down. I never told anyone about anything, until the other day when i broke down at school and finally told a teacher who brought me down to the office and I talked to the principle, and I finally told my mom. I was scared and terrified I stil nightmares and wake up crying and screamng for them to get off. When I finally told my boyfriend of 2 months, he understood and comforted me. Now though I am uncomfortabel around guys except very few, like really close friends, and my boyfriend of course. It has scared me for life, but one thing is for sure by telling someone it made me feel like I am not alone, after the second time I thought I deserved it. But my mom and principle told me no matter what I didnèt. I am still scared and but reading the comments proving I am not alone. helped knowning to move on,and not hide it anymore. I am sorry to those who lives have been turned by disgusting people. But you guys are rihgt we have to stick together and move on.
  • I've been raped twice, and for me, the pain hasn't gotten any easier, but we all have different ways of dealing with it. Mine hasn't gotten any easier but thats cuz i c da guy neally everday, i'm sorry for anyone and everyone who has been raped. Just remember if you want the pain and suffering to go away, then you have to make it go away.
  • I think if we are healthy we figure out a way of dealing with it that does not hurt us but let's us continue to be hopeful and positive about our life. May be a different way for each of us. But it happened and the feelings will to some extent always be there and be part of us no matter what. Even after years. Sometimes I will be at work or making love or just dong nothing in particular and parts will come back to me and flood me with feelings and I'll freak until I can get hold of myself. That is just the way it is. I was victimized but I think it is not good to think of ourselves as just victims because we need to have a more positive and hopeful attitude. Otherwise we end up feeling we have no control in our lives.

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