• Stealing office supplies.
  • A cranked up boom box ... +5
  • Pissing on your boss.
  • Not doing your own work and letting your co-workers pick up your slack.
  • Pouring 5 hour energy in your boss' fish bowl
  • Having phone sex in earshot of others. Some might not think it rude though! :)
  • a co-worker popping their gum
  • lying about co workers to make them look bad because you are a "go getter" and they an easy target to push down on your way to the top.
  • Picking your nose and wiping the booger off on the water cooler.
  • Putting liquid laxatives in the coffee kettle.
  • From what I could observe, never having an office job but still working around them, there is a different greeting for each day of the week. - Ready for another Monday? - It's Tuesday... again. (sigh) - Hump day! - One more day and we're free at last... (sigh) - T.G.I.F.!!! So it would be polite to learn the language of the natives. And just remember, no matter how simple the task (like sending a FAX) always make claims that you're busting your hump. That seems to make someone believe that they'll "get ahead" faster and are just steps away from "the corner office." Oh, and NO MATTER WHAT.... NEVER EVER even hint that those who work in the warehouse, shipping, the mailroom, etc. come close to working as hard as you when you're putting that piece of paper in the FAX machine. It seems best to ignore their very existence at all costs, for it may cost you that corner office. ;-)
  • Stealing my water and sandwitches....+5
  • if its rude outside of work, then its prolly rude in the office
  • interrupting.
  • Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are. However it doesn't work if your boss copies you already.) Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi." Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. For example "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom." "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive." Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle. Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document. Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes. Insist that your e-mail address be "" Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that. Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing. Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN." Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many." Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children. For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in the fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and see how many you can catch in your mouth. Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc... in the lunchroom, when people complain that there was none... Just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that." Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. Name all your pens and insist that meetings can't begin until they're all present. Come to work in your pajamas. Compose all your e-mail in the form of a Haiku. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver. Include a piece of your children's artwork as a cover page for all reports that you write. (If you don't have children, draw stick figures yourself.) Schedule meetings for 4:14 pm. Agree to organize the company Christmas party. Hold it at McDonald's Playland. Charge everyone $15 each. Plant a hedge around your cubicle. When in conversation, no matter where you are in the office, mutter, "I think my phone is ringing," and leave. Organize a carpool. Then go to pick everyone up in a taxi. Bring in dishes that you tried to cook but didn't turn out quite right as special treats for your co-workers. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive". Send out flyers to your entire department/division announcing a required staff development program. When everyone arrives, show them slides from your vacation. Tell everyone that you are quitting. At your going away party, announce that you were just joking. Make sure to take their presents. Send out a notice saying that you have a brain tumor. After everyone in your office sends flowers and presents, send out another note telling everyone that it was not a brain tumor but just a bad headache. When answering your phone, talk in a fake British accent. Take a picture of your boss and have it framed. Display it in a prominent location on your desk. Whenever a fellow staff member sneezes, quickly yell "SHUT UP!" If they sneeze a second time, follow up with "I SAID SHUT UP!". A third time, leave the room crying while saying "NO ONE EVER LISTENS TO ME!". In the summertime, get an inflatable swimming pool. Blow it up and fill it with water. Place it in the center of your office. During lunch time, put on your bathing suit and lounge in the pool. Anytime someone walks by, yell "HEY NO RUNNING AROUND THE POOL!" Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think." Practice making fax and modem noises. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. Staple papers in the middle of the page. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.. type only in lowercase. dont use any punctuation either While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles." While sitting in your cube, yodel. Hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song. Pretend your computers mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it. Source:
  • See for answer 1 1. Remove the jug from the water cooler and drink from it periodically, bragging that you 'got the last one.' 2. Photocopy things around the office, such as lamps, potted plants, staplers, etc. If someone asks about it, just say 'You never can be too careful.' 3. Turn your radio up full blast and sing along loudly with the song. Invite others to join you. 4. Pretend to be hypnotized by someone's screen saver. 5. Go into someone's office, grab a book from their shelves, and begin reading it aloud to them. If they interrupt, give them an evil look. 6. Give a secretary a copy of Hamlet and ask them to proofread it. 7. Use a hole punch to punch holes in all your outgoing mail. Explain that the holes 'make it more aerodynamic'. 8. Bring a lawnmower into the office and pretend to mow the carpet. 9. Bring a TV remote control to the office and try to 'change the channel' on people's computers. When it doesn't work, mumble something about 'cheap Japanese crap.' 10. Pull a chair up to your window and pretend to be working at a drive-through. 11. Stand at the washroom door carrying a baseball bat, ask everyone in a low voice if they washed their hands. 12. Gnaw on your mouse, make cat noises, and lick your hands from time to time. 13. Walk into people's offices, taking a careful look around. Talk into your shirt, saying 'No sign of him yet, Chief.' 14. When the phone rings, answer by saying 'KBBL, you're on the air.' 15. Proudly show everyone your calculator and hand out cigars. Tell them your computer just had a baby. 16. Paint your face blue and start searching around in people's desk drawers. Ask them if they've seen your pills. 17. Create a document that is entirely black and print hundreds of copies. Use the printouts as wallpaper for your office. 18. Build a fire pit out of cinder blocks in the staff room.Place a stack of firewood in the corner, along with matches, lighter fluid, hot dogs, and marshmallows. 19. Place a row of liquor bottles on your desk, and a sign on your door which reads 'NO COVER!' Announce loudly that it's happy hour. 20. Get in the elevator and pretend to hold the door open for invisible people. 21.Secretly switch the coffee to decaf. Wait for 4 weeks and then, switch to espresso. 22.Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it 23.Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol. 24.Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy." 25.Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles." 26.Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice 27.Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom." 28.Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that. 29.Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "oh you've got to be faster than that". 30.Put your trash can on your desk.Label it "IN." 31.Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this. 32.When someone says "have a nice day", tell them you have other plans. ~~~~ Also.... Picture 1: End the problem of your co-worker never being able to find the escape key Picture 2: Recycle all that extra newspaper Picture 3: Make the office a bit more green Picture 4: Find a spot for all those extra post-it notes Picture 5: Increase desk space for others by installing handy “keyboard slots”
  • Sexually enjoying yourself on Company time or Company furniture.
  • posting up little 300 dollar star trek, megumi, transformers... then pictures of kids, like just somebody's family had to all smile for pictures.
  • Walking through the office talking on your cellphone.
  • Exposing co-workers to aromatic cosmetics.
  • Whimpering to your co-workers to manipulate them into buying the crap your kid is selling.
  • Farting. RePEATedly.

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