ANSWERS: 100
  • Personally, I can forgive but can never forget so I would have to say drop them. I've done the forgive thing but can't forget what has happened so I find it easier just to move on because this person is obviously not trustworhty.
  • You should always forgive, cheating is not right nor do I condone it, don't forget but don't dwell. If he/she does it again then maybe he/she is still trying to cope, or get over it. But, if it happens a third time I would say hope is not in the picture of the person stopping so its time to part was because obviously he/she isn’t that compatible with you.
  • Forgiving the act is easy but forgetting about it is not. Makes for a tough relationship when you decide to forgive. If you are willing to forgive though I think you shouldnt bring it up again.
  • drop her.any-body that will do it probably will agian.
  • Drop them. I respect myself too much to stay with someone who doesn't respect me enough to stay faithful.
  • I would only IF you have a history together ir more than a year or 2. And, if you are both willing to take the time. You must figure out what was missing in the relationship that made the person cheat. Was it emotioanl connection? Was it sexual connections? Once you figure out what it is or what the few things are then you need to help each other learn to give that to one another. If you have needs or if your spouse has needs in the relationship it must be communicated and taken seriously and acted upon. Honesty and openess will get you to a better place. If you or your partner are not willing or serious or determined it will not work, if you are, I bet your relationship would be better than ever before! Don't let your ego get in the way, don't let peoples negativity get in the way. It is about the 2 of you, know one else knows your situation but you! Good luck!
  • I couldn't give a cheater a second chance. Once the trust is gone there is no getting it back for me.
  • depends - if shes always been nice even before i went with her then i would give her a second chance but most times i would not!
  • Drop them just as they are. Once you have crossed that line, you have lost the trust. And I will not give a second chance, as I would not want to feel that emotion again. Besides, there is no use. Once the trust is gone, the second attempt to building the relationship back up will be more difficult and will most probably crumble to the ground.
  • people who have never been there always know what to do. unless you have actually been cheated on you don't know what you will do, even if you always thought you would leave. I always thought i would leave a cheater, but when it happened i didn't. each relationship is different, you can't judge what you will do truely until it happens. i gave mine a second chance, even though it was truely hurtful and heartbreaking, but it was the best thing for me. it doesn't mean that i accepted what he did, i didn't, it was wrong of him and yes he was at fault. People make mistakes, and some do move on from them positively if given the chance.
  • Forgive him .. but it does MOT mean forgetting.
  • drop them as they are!
  • Drop em'. You don't now if they'll do it again.
  • Well i guess it depends on the circumstance, was he drunk? did he do it purposely? was he forced to do it? and what did he actually do?.. You need to figure out why they cheated, and if you both have the time, you can figure things out and slowly get things back on track. But if you feel that you cannot trust them or cant be with them for what they did drop them.
  • Well i guess it depends on the circumstance, were they drunk? did they do it purposely? were they forced to do it? and what did they actually do?.. You need to figure out why they cheated, and if you both have the time, you can figure things out and slowly get things back on track. But if you feel that you cannot trust them or cant be with them for what they did drop them.
  • there is such thing as a second chance but I mean its hurts to know that someone would go and do that to you knowing how they would feel if you went and cheated should make them see how they hurt you. I would say that if you have been with the person from more then 2 years then try and work it out its only worth a try I mean its been how long that you have shared all your time with the person and to just drop it out without talking would be foolish sure they hurt you but its going to take sometime to work it out and gain their trust back which is what they have to deal with its only fair that way otherwise they could do it again if they see how easy it was for you to forgive and forget its not like that it takes time thats all.
  • This is a personal opinion. My thoughts are simple, they cheated on you. They betrayed you...its a character flaw. Drop them just as they are, people don't change.
  • I hear all those ''drip him/her right now, this relationship is ruined'' and I'm kind of getting upset. My boyfriend cheated on me last year, and we broke up for about 3 or 4 months. And I decided to forgive him and take him back. I know this isn't easy at all, but if you love a person so much you'd give your life for, the situation is completely different. You just don't know what you'd do until it happens to you. Think before you act, before cheating on someone AND breaking up with someone you love who cheated on you. Cheating is easier than forgiving, but both are possible. (p.s. sorry for the probable mistakes, i'm French)
  • My mum always used to say, once is a mistake, twice is a habbit
  • i was cheated on after two years of being with my childhood sweetheart. she meant the world to me, and id have given anything for her. we spent every spare second together and we loved it. however her old best friend suddenly came back on the scene and convinced her to go out clubbing with her, but i wasnt told this, she said she was going out with work friends. that night i couldnt get in touch with her as she ignored all my messages and phone calls. the next day she told me that she didnt want to be with me anymore, and i was gutted. a week later i found out off a mutual friend that she had been with someone else and it broke my heart again. 2 years on and shes been back in touch with me. we have been for a drink together and all the chemistry is still there, we blatently still love each other, or we love what used to be, i cant really decide which it is. but now shes asked what the chances of us tryin again are, and i really want to, but im just not 100% sure. and im pretty sure my family would still hate her and this would cause constant friction. but i think i need to try again, just in case i regret it in the future. anyone who has any advice for me, please leave a comment, because i need all the help i can get.
  • This is the exact text message that i sent my girlfriend that cheated on me after a few days of thinking - iv been thinking and i dont know if i can be without you and iv realized that i wont forgive for what you did but i will forget about it and forget about our past and i wanted to know if you would like to continue our relationship and if not i would like to stay close friends that was the exact message i sent her
  • Some people can manage to get over it. Two of my friends have been together since high school. They both cheated on eachother unknowingly around the same time, while they were distanced. But they've been able to work it out. Maybe you will too. Just tonight I found out my girlfriend slept with another a bunch of times while she was away travelling. For me, it is over. I cannot go back with her. I feel to disrespected and angry, because she knew full well how it would make me feel. She had told me all kinds of things, and had said she would never cheat or anything. I am pretty shocked and let down. We had been seeing eachother for over a year. I'm so disappointed in....life..right now. At least I know she's not the only guy she's chewed up and spit out, and it helps to know there are other people here that felt similar pain as me.
  • i consider myself as being very lucky in that i have never been cheated on,but if it did happen,i would consider that relationship permanently over.
  • Depends. Second chances are important, and I would want a second chance myself - so it's only fair to consider giving it to someone else.
  • I guess it depends on the relationship. When my ex husband cheated on me and had a baby with some one else I tried to get past it and couldn't.
  • My boyfriend and I have a long-distance relationship. We're 18. He cheated a couple times within the first 3 months. I found out months later (from his bestfriends) and he denied it. I broke up with him. After two weeks we got back together (him calling every day, balling his eyes out was pretty pathetic but I loved him). He says he did it because he was still in the habit of hooking up casually and didn't realize how good he had it. He says he's in love with me and would never do it again. I'm skeptic but I'm willing to see what happens ..
  • Under no circumstances should you tell yourself that this person will not betray your trust again. People don't need to be warned that cheating is hurtful — they know. So by forgiving them, you are giving them a "warning: this is not cool." They've violated something that was pure — the relationship is now tainted with jealousy, albeit deserved, and the waiting for it to happen again. And you had better believe that it will indeed happen again. I don't know of any situation where the person forgiven didn't repeat their first mistake. Think of it in terms of losing your virginity: you are so cautious and scared of giving it up but once it is gone, the idea of another partner is not such a dramatic experience — and likewise of the idea of cheating. And the truth is some people don't get it and the ones who don't are the ones who are not in love. And if it takes them cheating to figure out how much they "love" you, then what does that really mean? It means quite possibly that they didn't experience the same level of love and comfort with the new sexual partner as they did you — and eventually out of guilt and wanting to feel that deeper connection in sex, they tricked themselves into believing they were in love with you without being fully aware. But for those of us who have been in love — deeply, madly, passionately obsessively in love with someone — the idea of being with the anyone who is not "the person" in an intimate way is completely unreasonable; its actually a turn-off. The bottom line: The person did not love you like you deserved to be loved — and all you can do is recognize them for what they are, for what the relationship is, and spare yourself a second time being cheated on.
  • Dump them
  • I always thought that I would drop them. I always thought that someone cheating means there's something wrong in the relationship and it's time for both parties to move on. Then, I got cheated on. While, I did split from him for a few months... in the end I did decide to give him another chance. It came down to doing what felt right to me at the time. I know that if, at any time, it doesn't feel right anymore... I will have the strength and courage to walk away. You'll know if it's not right anymore. So, if you're going to give this person another chance, you have to be open and honest, address the issues this person had that led them to cheat the first time, get counselling and don't expect it to go away over night. We've been back together for a year, and I'm still hurting but it's getting better.
  • You could do like I did and punch the guy in the face (if you're a girl) and then drop him.
  • Not! A leopard cant change its spots and if she wants back than she just did the same thing to him
  • Drop them; You'll never completly get over it. I'm in that situation right now..it's been 3 and a half years and I'm still now over it & now I have to break up with him and I sound like an idiot because it happened so long ago and I'm not over it but it's the truth..and the longer you stay with them the harder it will be because you'll make more memories. * sigh * I'm so depressed.
  • "shame on you if you fooled me once, shame on me if you fooled me twice." screw this lyrics. Drop him! Drop him straight away before you confuse yourself with the situation and the explanations he'll say.
  • I would forgive, but never forget. So I would just drop them. Once the trust is lost, It would be hard to regain them. I don't live my life by giving others second chances. The chance they get is learning to not make the first mistake therefore asking for forgiveness and another chance, because the chance was given the first time is the test, and NO University would in hell give you a second chance of re-doing that test. There are exceptions for my girlfriend though :)
  • Before I became an honest woman I cheated on many a man. I was often times given a second, third and fourth chance. I would probably give my husband one more chance if he were to cheat on me.
  • Drop them as they are and hopefully keep an eye out for opportunities to stab and gouge them on their way down. When they are down don't foget to put the boot in too.
  • If you are just dating and they cheat, dump them and don't look back. If you are in a 20 year marriage with three kids, you may have more justification for a second chance with the right stipulations and corrections made, with maybe some counseling.
  • nope, no second chance
  • My boyfriend of 5 years recently ( kissed ) cheated on me with two girls in the space of two weeks . Our relationship had been going through a crap patch , but now it is even better than it has ever been. . It was not due to a lack of love , and was probably a kick in the ass that we needed to realise things had to change. A psycic once told us we would one day reach a crossroad in our relationship , one that would either split us up or make us stronger. If you truely feel it is worth saving , give it all you have got .
  • Drop him. Cheating is a deal-breaker for me. No excuses. No forgiveness.
  • I think it would be pretty hard, but he'd have to make me believe that it would never happen again. It'd take time to trust him again but I believe that if you two care about each other enough it can work...it probably won't be easy though! Good luck!
  • I'd give her a second chance. I was with someone for 9 years and cheated twice 8 years apart once in the beginning and once in the 8th year though the second time I told her i needed space apart and that we should see other people "before I had sex with someone else". We got back together after I saw that there was no one else I really felt like spending my life with. A year has passed and she has now asked for the same "space apart" that I had asked for almost a year ago to the day. I am working to change my selfish ways and earn her back her trust. I am in limbo myself, but am hoping that she sees i am changing myself as a person. Whoever posted that "people don't change" is a fool. People do change "when they put the effort in to do so!" Best of Luck!
  • as the saying goes: Trade the devil you know for the devil you don't???? i think every situation is different. So you bring your baggage to another relationship?? if you are cheated on you won't forget even if you move on. So depending on the situation, i do believe that people can change....Trust that you know the Person and what lies within before you throw it all away.
  • ok...I have been seeing this girl for a month now and just tonight she told me that she cheated on me with three guys but a guy like I am, I gave her a second chance but the thing I was happy about is that she told me herself and that she was on a guilt trip. She couldn't stand holding and kissing me while in the back of her head that she cheated on me. I respect a girl that's honest and I had told her that she had picked the wrong guy dating because I'm never letting her go and maybe one day she'll realize that.
  • I think before you can forgive someone who has cheated on you, you need to find out what caused the cheating from the start.It will not help to just blame the cheater.Have a discussion with your partner to get to the cause so that even if you let her/him gio you can not repeat the same mistake in your next relationship
  • Drop them just as they are. They do not respect you. They do not love you. And they'll more then likely do it again. Especially if you take them back. Cheaters don't cheat because their needs aren't being meet. They do it because they are comfortable enough to think that you'll stay no matter what they do. They have a total lack of maturity and self-discipline. They're also very insecure and try to shore up that insecurity by cheating. They're like small children who always want that shiny new toy, but are too greedy and selfish to tell the old toy they don't want to play with them any more. They want both. You need to find someone who will cherish you and who loves and respects you so much that cheating would never even cross their minds.
  • For all those out there that think people cannot change they are wrong. I myself made the mistake of cheating on my girlfriend. It was an irrational decision that I made and the worst one of my life. I regret it everyday. I have defiantely have learned from it. I personally feel I have hurt myself more than I hurt my ex girlfriend. It made me see what I really want in my life and its her. I wish it did not take that but I want nothing more to have a real relationship. I have been career focused for about two years and set dating to the side. That is no excuse for what I did, I have never done anything like that before, and will never do it again. Some people learn from there mistakes. Just to let you all know she has decided to speak with me again. It will take time to regain her trust and I want to take the time to do that.
  • Drop em. Nobody ever cheats by accident, they do it because of a character flaw.
  • it really depends on tha person, i always told myself i wouldn give anyone a second chance, but honestly yu don't noe until yur in tha situation!! The person i am with now has cheated on me and we've been together for 2 years, and i have given him another chance, though i will NEVER forget what he did, but this may help our relationship to become stronger!!!
  • It depends on how long he has been cheating on me and if it was with someone i knew and how I found out.
  • I think that it depends on the people involved and whether or not the relationship is worth saving. I also think that everyone makes mistakes, I personally have never cheated but last week my boyfriend of five years, and father of my son, cheated on me with some married whore at his work. Right now we are taking it day by day because it hurts so bad and I'm so angry but we really want to stay a family. I honestly believe that the cheating was/is a symptom(s) of the strained and distant relationship we had. We have decided to take some alone time (a week) and determine what each of us needs in order to feel satisfied in this relationship. If this doesn't work we are breaking up.
  • To give a second chance to cheat on me again? No, let him go his way, I prefer to give a new chance for myself with another man.
  • i don't know, i tend to be very forgiving... it would just depend on the situation.
  • i don't know :( that's what i want to know.
  • i gave my bf a second try an im jus gne tell you its a good possiblity they will do it again cuz mine did
  • Well I looked up this question because I'm in this boat at the moment with my partner of 2 years, Sam. Everything was perfect until about 10 days ago when we started talking about having a break, just for fun - to hook up with other people. We were just talking and considering it. We weren't argueing. It was a lovely day that we'd spent doing the things we like to do together. Sam knew I wanted to hook up with Steve, a guy from work, and I knew he thought Kristy was pretty (a girl from his work). Sam went to work for the afternoon and joked "make sure you're here when i get home" as he walked out the door. So i went on the internet, had a look at his myspace page as i do when i'm bored and noticed a couple of flirty comments from Kristy. I could see from what was said that there was part of the conversation missing. Really suspicious, i went into his account and found the messages they had exchanged, with little x's and things like "hey cutie", including the message where he said that we were on a break. I was so shocked, i sent him a text message saying that i wouldn't be home that night and i went over to my friends house. Sam was emotionally cheating one me before we had even had our conversation. He may not have touched or kissed her but it was cheating. it was deceitful and he really betrayed my trust. Our relationship was weak for days. He continued to speak to her outside of work when I had pleaded for him to stop. I thought that just maybe I could deal with a break to let him get his lust for Kristy out of the way. We would discuss letting me see Steve for a night in exchange for his turn with Kristy. He made me believe that he wouldn't care if I hooked up with Steve. I thought it was odd but he insisted. I wanted to have the strength to do it but I just couldn't. I cried constantly for things to get better and told him I just wanted him. Our relationship had been so strange, both of us wanted things to go back to normal but we had planted the seed and we both had the lingering lust to see others. Sam said to me one night when I arrived home from work "I met up with Kristy at the beach tonight to tell her that this has to stop. It's just you and me now honey!" I was so shocked, not only that he had met up with her but that he had felt that whatever they had going on was so serious that it needed to be ended in person. I believe that he wanted it to stop, but it didn't... Sam and I went to my work christmas party a couple of nights later. It was a dress up party. We'd worked on our costume's together and had fun getting ready. We went to the party and as Sam is allergic to alcohol he wasn't drinking and left the party early. Steve was there. I had 4 champagne's and was stumbling a little. I had my eye on Steve, followed him out to the balcony and told him I wanted to kiss him. He said "Don't say that, you know I'll kiss you back". I was a little surprised by his reaction. I felt flattered so I wanted more. Later I followed him outside where he was getting ready to leave. I exchanged flirty chit chat with him, enjoying his attention. I lived really close by and was going to walk home. I'd had my fun so I started to walk but he followed me on his bike. I asked him to take me to the end of the street and continued to look at him seductively. He said to me "Will you tell Sam?" I said, "No" and he kissed me. I panicked. I could hardly breathe. I said "oh my god" repeatedly. What the heck had I done?!?! I said goodbye to Steve and called Sam straight away. He picked me up from the end of the street. I couldn't tell him. I didn't want to face it. I wanted to see if I could just swallow it forever. I couldn't lose Sam. I acted like nothing had happened until the morning when the possibiliy of it just being a dream had gone and the guilt was eating away at me. He held me for about 30 seconds and calmly said "I've got to get away". He went to the beach. I looked for him everywhere and eventually met him at home. He didn't want me to touch him but wanted to know every detail which I told him. He asked me to leave so I packed a small bag to stay at my friends house again. I was reluctant to leave. I cried the wettest tears on his neck, feeling so much shame but eventually I left. I told my girlfriend, Yasmin, the update and she and a few other girls spent the day with me. Sam sent me text messages throughout the day like "all those pictures of us on your myspace page just make me so mad that you would do this to us" and "you're single now, go out tonight with your friends". I replied to him that he could be as single as he wanted but I would wait for him for as long as it took. Sam worked that afternoon for a few hours so I didn't hear from him. It was about 7pm when I got a call from him. "Do you want to meet up?" "Yeah" "Ok I'll meet you out the front of Yasmin's in 5 minutes" He had pulled up out the front. He got out of his car and said "Hey gorgeous". I walked straight into his embrace, feeling the sand on his arm. I asked "what's this sand on your arm?" He replied, "I kissed Kristy." I was so shocked but at the same time so relieved that he was speaking to me again. He said he had just come back from meeting her at the beach where they sat and talked for a while, held hands and kissed. We sat on the road embracing. He said he felt nothing with her. He told me he wanted to marry me. "We'll start organising our wedding when we get home!" "I love you" We went home together and what he did hit me. I felt so much pain I wanted to die but I knew I would get over it and we could get on with our lives. We went to bed together and when I woke up the pain was still there and I was still always on the edge of tears. We decided to go to the beach and while I was there I bumped into my sister who I'd been talking to about the issues. She basically told me to "GET REAL" and to know what I want and just enjoy it. I took this advice and when Sam and I got home I was excited about life again. We made up... 3 times. It left a dark hickey on my neck. The rest of the day was AWESOME and we even bumped into Kristy who I hugged and made peace with, knowing she would be upset seeing Sam and I together. I felt so proud of us. We had always said we would get through anything and we were! The next day was ok. We bickered every now and again and I may have cried once or twice but I still kept hoping that time would heal all wounds. We talked that night and he said he still feeling confused and was having thoughts about being single. That broke my heart. I said I can't just wait around. That he needed to chose between me or single life. The next day a little better. He came home from work in the afternoon and I was so happy to see him. We lay on our bed talking mushy love talk and I asked him if he had had those thoughts about being single that day in the hope that he would say no... He said yes. I couldn't just ignore this anymore. As he was about to jump in the shower to get ready to start work at his second job I said to him "You need to chose me or not me and you need to tell me before you get home tonight so I can be gone" He said "You know I'll just pick you and then tomorrow i'll have those same thoughts about being single and we'll just go over this again." I said "So then if you know you'll still be unsure then I'll make it easier for you. I won't be home tonight!" While he showered I checked his phone where I found that he had messaged Kristy but had tried to delete it. Furious, I stormed into the bathroom. "Did you talk to Kristy today?!?!?! What the FUCK!!!" I was so mad. He followed me around while I packed a large bag. I told him I loved him and gave him a kiss goodbye. I didn't know how long I'd be... I thought about coming home and sat out the front of our house in my friends car, contemplating and crying, but decided to endure the night. I spent the whole night at Yasmin's house. It was so strange being in another bed without him. I missed him like crazy but felt like I could never trust another one of his grand proclamations of love and commitment again. The next morning I texted him all the rage I was feeling. I'd never said things so harsh to him. I swore lots in the message. We texted back and forth until I became overwhelmed with tears and needed to meet him, even just for a hug. We met at the beach and sat in my car. He could barely look at me. I was in tears. He said that my angry reactions were pushing him away and I ended up begging him not to leave me. He said that he can't believe what I did with Steve and that he wants to be with me but he finds it hard to remember the good times. Nevertheless, we decided to start over again. Throughout the day we discussed everything. I told him why it hurts that he deletes messages between him and Kristy and he said he does it because of the way I "blow up" when I read them. I asked him for a commitment to not delete them. He commited. That might have been yesterday. Yeah, I think it was. We bickered all day today but had an alright day together. He kept making remarks about what I did with Steve. I kept asking him to stop. It wasn't helping our situation. We sat down and talked again. It was a very emotional hour. Then he got ready for work, where he is now. His brow has been creased almost permanently for the last 10 days and my eyes are always puffy from the constant tears. We are both so in love with eachother and that has not changed since this has come up. We want to get married and have children and have had plans since the day we met. I will never lose hope and I dont think he will either. Any words of encouragement or advice would be greatly apprecciated. Thankyou so much for reading this.
  • I think that it definitely depends on the situation. I just found out 4 days ago that my boyfriend of almost 2 years cheated on me with some skank that he works with. Of course I am angry and hurt and sad. But I love him more then anything and I had to stop and try to understand why he did what he did, as it is so not like him to do something like this. We (actually I) had become distant because of my own issues. He has been nothing but loving and attentive to me, even right up to the day that it happened. I treated him very badly and took him for granite. I acted like I wanted nothing to do with him sexually. When he would try to kiss me I would often turn my cheek. There were many different things that just built up over time. I in no way condone what he did and I am not blaming myself for him making the decision that he made. But I am trying to put myself in his shoes and imagine how I would feel if he acted that way towards me. I would not have done what he did, but let's face it...women handle things differently then men. Again, it doesn't make it right, but it's true. I'm getting past it very slowy, but surely. I know that it was a one night stand, he loves me and came home to me and wants to try to work out our problems, as do I. I have forgiven him, but I will never forget. I almost feel like this saved our relationship, if that makes sense. I feel closer to him now then I ever did before. Were talking so much and bringing that "spark" back. I feel like this is only going to bring us closer together and make us a stronger couple.
  • My now ex-girlfriend lied to my face as she said she was going to be going out to dinner with a few girls from work as well as this girl who supposedly use to work at her place of employment. this whole elaborate story I found out later was a load of bull. I checked her phone and caught her red-handed as she had been speaking with her ex-boyfriend our ENTIRE relationship behind my back. The way I see it is, YOU MUST DROP HER "ON THE SPOT"! I did give her a second chance, but of course the lack of trust was irreparable. If someone cheats, well, this simply means that you now know that they are CAPABLE of doing such a thing again. and truth be told, when you give a second chance to a cheater you're actually just trying to "give yourself" a second chance so as to not be alone again. But my friends, in solitude is where the strength is. Don't be afraid to lose a lying cheater. YOU ARE BETTER BY YOURSELF than to settle for someone who is careless with your heart. good luck to you all! DROP HER!
  • I think that's a decision entirely up to you. If it was honestly a relationship with true meaning [ie. love trust honesty commitment respect etc etc not just sex] then you have to question why they betrayed you, and according to their answer decide what's worth it. If you choose to give them a second chance, don't make it conditional, because forgiveness would imply a clean slate; only you can decide if they're worth that or not but if you think they are, then give them the full potential and trust them as much as they should trust you. If you decide to move on, don't become bitter for a person that wasn't worth your future and not worth regretting that part of your past. I hope either way whatever works out for you is for the best. Good luck
  • Drop. As another respondent has said earlier, it's a character flaw. I stupidly didn't divorce my then-wife when she cheated. It added five extra years of misery to my "marriage," which by then was a marriage in name only.
  • I also believe it depends,I've be married 20 years and took my husband back after he cheated on me. I always believed in the past that if he cheated on me I would drop him so fast but, when it happened to me. I gave him a second chance. I guess when it happens many people will change their views . I do have major trust issues now, but have told myself I would give it 2 yrs. and if I'm happy great if not I'll move on..
  • well i can say this... i have never cheated... my dad cheated on my mom all the time...so i saw the hurt and pain first hand....so that was something that became a core foundation of my being. that said.. i have been in of 16 long term relationships(over 6 months over of exclusivity)doesn't count dating.all of them cheated on me..some were co-Dependant, some were head strong, some door mats, some wild like a hurricane.all cheated. i have never even thought of giving a second chance to any of them not even the one i married. but now i'm with a girl that i have to be honest i truly love..i never knew i could love anyone this much..she cheated...alot..i just found out..she was staying at my apt with my roommate..she "moved" out to some other guys place. my roomie gave me heads up on what was going on. thats how i found out while im still out of town...now she is moving back in with my roomie till i get back on the 16th..i can't believe i'm giving her a chance(sooo still not sure about it)i'm taking things slow i told her when i get into town she needs to leave me be while i stay at my brothers...and if atfer 4-6 months we can work on the friendship we might be able to get back together. i never thought i would be a sucker like this...but hey i'm a masochist i guess.
  • Please be realistic here! Now they just know how not to get caught in the same way! There is no fairy tale gonna happen in this relationship, sorry
  • Any time someone has cheated on me that was the end of the so called relationship. I won't give anyone another chance. That is just my feelings.
  • A spouse who cheats knows their other half will never suspect it. They are very careful but know where their spouse is. A definite advantage here to knowing who trusts them. No need to hide under a disguise, what they do is blatant disregard for their vows and so throw caution to the wind. Practicing actions they would not consider with their married partner. Hiding a lover and keeping their spouse in the dark becomes a game. It thrills them and makes them feel in control of their lives. Women or men who feel trapped are more likely to seek out an affair than counseling. Some are coerced into cheating by their friends when depressed and feeling like they are missing out on life. Hearing you deserve to be happy go find a better partner one who you want to be with. Throwing the value of marrage and the reputation of both their lives away. There are sharks out there that get a thrill by knowing the person they are dating is married to someone else, they feel powerful like a thief. In the end, yes their comes and end by getting caught, only the alternate lover of the cheating partner wins- they get a no responsability affair with someone elses husband or wife. When caught the cheating partner will find any excuse to validate their actions. She never wanted to have sex like when we were just starting to date or he was spending more time with his fishing pals than me. Silly excuses are never a good reason. Truth is these people can be trusted...to cheat again. There is no winner in the spouse who allows the cheater to return. They lose twice if they do. Once you accept your cheating partner back they have a one up on you. They know where they made the mistake and got caught. Next time will not be expected and will hurt twice as bad. Remember true love lasts and a broken promise hurts forever. How many of us have had promises given to us that were broken again and again,all of us. If a person has the ability to cheat they will not lose that. They will find a better way to hide it. They want to win your trust back enough to get the thrill factor back when they decieve you again. You have discovered by now how good of an acting job your cheating partner has done. Next to deciding whether or not to take them back, will be decifering between the acting(lies) and the truth(reality). Weight them and make your choice by value. Best to soften your feelings for the cheater and go on living. You can still share a life with them but it will never be the same. Find someone who shares your interests and enjoy life. Work hard as you need to support your dreams. Chose to live with a heartache if you want or dump the cheater and find someone else to share the real you. Do not compromise yourself and your standards by taking back a cheating spouse. Set a goal for life, set the rules, stick to it and you will succeed. We are born alone and will die alone. We make all our own choices by our own thoughts and actions. Do not feel obligated to keep something you are not happy with. As my mother told me, there are many fish in the sea.
  • I gave my boyfriend a second chance when he cheated on me, and it was the worst mistake of my life. He did the same thing again, and now he has two kids (each of which were conceived during the times I was dating him). I will never make that mistake again, and I can only hope that no other girl (or guy) will make the same mistake.
  • Cheat = immediate kick to the curb. (In my opinion, of course.)
  • i am guilty of cheating on my girlfriend...this happened in the first few months of our relationship..it was with my ex girlfriend...i broke my ex gf heart and she would always threaten to tell my current gf everything.. i just recently came clean with my current gf of 15 months and she has left me. i regret it everyday for what i did.. i feel like i didn't love her like i do now and have been treating her like a queen for the past few months...i was kidding myself and kept it from her for 10 months.. because i felt i really loved her now and never think about cheating on her again. i jus need a way for her to understand that that was the old me and the reason i kept it from her is truly because i changed and honestly cared for her.. but just found out my methods were incorrect.. she was the most amazing girlfriend, i just didnt realize that early on.
  • I suggest you move on. My first gf cheated on me, and since then I never got to trust her again. Just a day or two ago, I found out that a friend of mine was having her bf cheating on her with guess whom!? That very same first gf of mine... small world, uh!? It's dead end road. Move on.
  • I have done this before and seriously regretted it. So no.
  • I did give a second chance to my ex, and a third and a fourth and finally I realized she would never change and only thought forgiveness was letting her off the hook. Now I am older I do not give second chances in that dept. you cheat and it is over no excuses no second chances.
  • I did it once, but I think I wouldn't do it again
  • Yes... Been there, done that. Lasted another five years. Breakup wasn't because of THAT. Takes forgiving. Please note: Does NOT take forgetting, but the memory fades. AND, it should NEVER be brought up again in arguing. (Here's more - http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/2691789 ) Is it worth it? It can be. You both have to LET it be.
  • Yeah I got cheated on, our relationship was rocky for the 1st 5 years, and he cheated on me, (long story) it took me awhile to take him back, but now it's been 8 years since that's happened, and I know he'll never do it again, because were more connected now after that had happened. It's kinda hard to explain on how our relationship is, but were both happy and understand each other a lot better.
  • Its easy to say move on...but if the person is really sorry and wants to change then they should be given the second chance...
  • normally i would say no, never. because after somebody does that to you, you really dont know if they will do it again because they did it once already. but when that person says that they are going to change and that you mean more to them then anybody else it is hard not to give them one more chance. that's what i did. and so far i have not regretted it, but we will see. if he does it again its, "go away i am never talking to you again buddy."
  • I have.
  • No. There's a lack of respect. If your s/o respected you or loved you he/she wouldn't have betrayed you. There are too many repercussions for stepping outside a relationship for both you and your partner for that to be forgiven. It also sets a precedent. What's to say that he/she wouldn't do it again, or expect you do forgive them for something just as bad.
  • I would never be able to take him back. I guess I go with the old saying "once a cheater always a cheater" I know there are exceptions to the rules, but really if they can do it once they obviously don't care about you enough or they wouldn't do it in the first place. I have been cheated on multiple times, which is why I divorced my first husband. All the men I dated before are still doing it currently. When me and my hubby now first got together I had a hard time because he was married before(long story)I could never imagine being with someone that had a lack of udder disregard for my feelings. How could you ever trust them again if they looked you in your face before and lied? I don't believe in the whole "i was drunk" it was "peer pressure". First off, if you are drunk and in the situation where you can "accidently" fall onto someones lap(literally) than you shouldn't have been there in the first place. Second, you have a mind of your own and noone else can make you do anything you don't want to do. I have no sympathy for liers or cheaters. So no, I would do what I did again in a heart beat his A^& would be out that door.
  • I have actually been the person in a relationship who has cheated on my boyfriend. It was with a guy that I used to date and the only reason I did it was because I wasn't getting the attention I needed from my boyfriend at the time. It wasn't just sex. The other guy was upset that I had someone new and he tried to become my best friend and get into my head saying things like he could treat me so much better than my guy was. The reason I wasn't seeing my guy was because he was pledging into a frat and one of the rules was that he wasn't allowed to see me or talk to me on the phone for about 6 weeks. In the end, I told him about a week later and he forgave me or so he thought. He really wanted us to stay together. For a while afterwards he treated me badly because deep down he was still angry and hurt and he had never taken the time to deal with it. I allowed him to do so because I felt so much guilt still from what I had done. I began to feel anger towards him and resntment towards the relationship because I felt like it was his decision for us to stay together and then he was just treating me terribly. He later realized this and he felt like he was wrong for staying with me because he was forcing himself to feel better about it when he really wasn't. After a few weeks apart we both had time to think about things and we decided to get back together. The whole journey was a long process (this was about 2 years) but we were able to work it out and now our relationship is stronger than ever. To sum it all up, your relationship is only as strong as the love you have for each other and how hard you're willing to work to rebuild the relationship. Cheating does not simply ruin a relationship. It may cause strain but a reltionship falls apart because of the lack of love on both sides and the lack of worth of the relationsip to each person.
  • all of my past boyfriends have cheated on me...i end it right after i find out...it always happened maybe 3 or so months in, so it wasn't AS hard as if there was a longer history between us...
  • Every woman that cheats on me gets a Battery Acid facial....(4 to date) so all the current ones know the score. Stay faithful or spend you life alone and in pain. Easy choice. I am a mrriage guidance councellor
  • I guess it would depend on the circumstances. There are various "degrees" of cheating. Kissing, fondling, flirting, love-making....all different degrees of cheating. My gut response would be to never look back--no second chances. Once the trust is gone, it's very difficult to regain. Loving the person isn't the only factor--one needs to be able to trust that person implicitly.
  • I would give them a second chance only if the relationship lasted for longer than 4 months...If it lasted any less time, hell no!
  • DROP THEM. I say this after years & years of cheating...he ALWAYS took me back. He never should have, I kept doing it... some people will always be walked on. Don't be that person.
  • I think the main issue is can you ever trust that person again and you have to live with the fact they cheated on you. That is very damaging to a relationship. That person didn't care enough about you and they should have. It shows very little respect and dignity on their part. And you have to think they did it once, they could do it again and do you want to be waiting around for them to cheat the 2nd time. If they cheat and they know you take them back when they do they will keep on cheating because they can get away with it.
  • If they cheated and told you straight away there could be a chance but my girlfriend cheated on me and told me all different kinds of stories one on top of another until 10 months later i finally got the truth. I found pictures of her with her ex girlfriend on the internet over that period as well. So in her attempt to cover up everything she messed with my head to the point where I don't know what reality is. And I truly loved her.
  • FORGIVING IS HARD , LETTING GO OF SOMEONE YOU LOVE IS EVEN HARDEER. THE ANSWER IS WHAT CAN YOU LIVE WITH, MY BOYFRIEND CHEATED ON ME. EVEN THOUGH ,I TRIED TO MAKE IT WORK, I SAW NO CHANGES IN HIM, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS ONLY TWO WEEKS OF MAKING THINGS WORK., HE WAS STILL OUT LATE, NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS, AT CERTAIN TIME. I FELT HE HAD NO REMORSE FOR WHAT HE DID, HE WAS SORRY BECAUSE HE GO CAUGHT, A VERY HARD DECISION TO MAKE, BUT I HAD TO LET HIM GO, I COULD NOT BARE THAT PAIN IN MY HEART AGAIN, IF HE EVER CHEATED AGAIN. TRUST IS SOMETHING THAT SHOULD NEVER BE BROKEN, I STILL LOVE BF , BUT I CAN FORCE A PERSON TO CHANGE OR RESPECT ME, I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF ME AND REMIND MYSELF I DESREVE BETTER, I GAVE THIS MAN MY HEART AND TRUSTED HIM THAT HE WILL TAKE CARE OF IT , AND HE DIDN;T AND ALL THEY COULD SAY IS SORRY, SORRY WON;T HEAL MY BROKEN HEART, OR TAKE MY TEARS AWAY, OR TAKE AWAY THE PAIN OF BETRALY; FORGIVE IF YOUR MARRIED , BUT KNOW WAS A CHEATED ALWAYS A CHEATED . I FORGAVE MY EXHUSBAND, TO MANY TIMES AND WASTED 12 YEARS AND HE NEVER CHANGED. LIFE IS TO PRECIOUS AND LOVE A GIFT FROM GOD THAT SHOULD NEVER BE TOYED WITH, AS A WOMAN WE DESREVE LOVE AND RESPECT, NOT TO SETTLE FOR LESS. YES LOVE HURTS , BUT INTIME THE WOUND WILL CLOSE. AND WE WILL HEAL. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF DO THINGS YOU ENJOY MUSIC GOING FOR A WALK. LET;S NOURISH OUR SOUL AND PROTECT OUR HEART, FORGIVE AND MOVE ON,
  • I have just been cheated on, I am finding it extremely hard to forgive or forget. I dont know whether I will ever trust him again the only thing that has gone through my mind recently is how to get my revenge, It has seemed to dominate my life for the past couple of weeks , I too am in turmoil and cannot fall either side of the the fence, maybe with time a person can forgive, I have been with my partner for more than 10 years,I think that my self confidence is a major barrier now , am i too ugly am i not attractive anymore, have i done something wrong, with that sort of barrier, I think "for me" maybe its time to move on anon
  • drop them as they are. i would never cheat on anybody and i would expect my s/o to carry that same attitude.
  • If your willing to work out the kinks in your relationship and focus more on communicating then yes it could work...
  • my boyfriend of two years cheated on me.. i over heard a converstaion he was having on his other phone.. it was the most painful nd shocking experience of my life.. you love someone so much and give up so much for them yet they go behind your back and cheat on you.. i trusted him with my life and i loved him with all my heart.. why would he do such a creul act and hurt me so bad.. the worst part is that i think i still love him even though i know i shouldn't.. i'm sacred that i will take him back.. nobody likes being lonley and two years of going out is pretty damn hard to forget.. so much has happened and we have been through alot together.. but i can honestly say hand on my heart that i never once did him wrong.. so what excuse has he got for doing this.. he says she ment nothing but how can you say 'i love you' to someone who means nothing.. when we argued and fell out he would never take blame and make the first move to make things better, it was always me.. i guess i just put up with all his lies and ways just because i'm afraid of being alone.. two years is a long time especially when it's your first relationship.. the heartache and pain i feel from his unfaithfullness is unbearable.. i dont know what to do or say to him.. how can i possibly take him back..??
  • hi,well i have a complicated issue here,hubby cheated while proposing, b4 and after the court wedding, before and after the whitee wedding,well i am d type of gurl that knows wyhen i have been cheated on,i was a virgin when he married me, so why cheat, pls advice me,just had a handsome baby boy :-(
  • I say "I'm glad your cheating, because so was I."
  • Maybe. Maybe not. How has he approached the subject after he was caught? How has he dealt with your feelings? Is he willing to let you have your time to ruminate, or is he just trying to get you to let it go? That should tell you something about what I call his "Jerk Index". If he can't (or doesn't) understand the hurt this caused you, then you shouldn't give him another chance. This isn't a video. Sometimes there are no reset buttons, extra lives, or check points. Sometimes one mistake is all you get. Your call. You don't deserve what he did to you. You're worth more than this, and there are people out there who won't do this to you.
  • I made an account to answer this question. My girlfriend that i have been with for 10 months cheated on me two days before our ten month anniversary. Right after it happenend i told myself " Im gonna get her back " Stuff like that. But now, the day after i found it all out, im - like an idiot - searching the internet for what to do. My heart is torn in two, and i dont know if she truely regrets it or not. She is coming over today so we can talk about all this, but i already know that i am going to forgive her. I would want a second chance if the oppertunity presented itself, so i think that she too should have one. Even if she doesnt deserve it, she still needs it. And to be completly honest, so do i. So to answer your question love, forgive, but dont forget. Love is strong, and if its meant to be then things will work themselves out. Even if it hurts more than anything you have experianced in your entire life...
  • drop:: fast and forever.
  • I have been dealing with my husband cheating for a year now and I gave him a chance the first time he cameback home and he never stopped seeing her, later I found out and I told him to leave the house, two months after I gave him another chance, he is in the house and we are trying, but the one with the problem is me, since this gril was part of his family and I know her really good it is harder. I can't forget and forgive yet. If a year went by and I still think about this and make comments to him is it really worhted to keep on going? I still love him, but I am learning to love myself more and it is so hard specially since they still work togheter and talk, she is his employee and it sucks to be in my situation. thanks
  • i think i would have a hard time trying to forgive and forget. but if i did give someone a 2nd chance thats the last chance, no 3rd chances! whats the point of staying with someone who doesn't love you or doesn't respect you?

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